hey, we're all just trying here, right?

[lovestory]

me watching my life fall apart

[silpeh]

Me this semester.

[silpeh]

The Unescapable Back Pain

One thing I notice about college is that it gives me constant back pain. Not even joking. I was just thinking about how I used to be so much more resilient and productive when I was in high school. But these days I get back pain immediately after I’m set up to do my college tasks and studies. I once told that it might be because just the college student lifestyle doesn’t suit me. It becomes more of a burden for me than a challenge, therefore I’m experiencing strain in my back and shoulder. The price I had to pay to ‘carry’ that burden. I got this from the yoga/ holistic health community. It’s kinda pseudoscience but I guess it makes sense. I mean, your psychological health could also affect your physical health! I can see how the two can be connected to each other. My own self-judgement thinks it’s probably because I don’t have a proper desk. So I legit prop my laptop on my bed and hunch. Which of course, bad posture leads to bad backbone health. I’ve also heard that it might affect your other organs too. So I bought a mini foldable table from Informa to tend with that problem. It was better for a while, but the back pain comes back and it comes back strong.

I think I need a proper desk. Desk and a chair. Preferably the one that spins. Especially the one that costs $399 *#epicgamerchair*. But no, really. I think the struggles of high school and college are something I already choose and had to face. No use backing away now because I’m on the verge of my 6th semester (REEEEEE--). But I can’t afford that now, and of course, I’m not gonna buy an actual desk and chair if I could anyway. I’m leaving (hopefully So0n!!11!) and my dorm (how do you say ‘kamar kost’ in English?!) doesn’t have space too. So I have to live with this back pain, push through it, and hope to God that it doesn’t affect my other organs health. For now, I tend to my back pain by getting massage appointments when I could (timely and financially), also doing some light yoga stretches really helps to prolong the effects of the massage.

[silpeh]

The video-blogging debacle: how to tether live view on Nikon D3100?

I’ve been having trouble on monitoring focus when I film videos for youtube, mainly because I couldn’t see the screen when I’m filming myself. I did an extensive search on this topic, and while I’m not exactly the most technologcally-literate person I’ll try to share what I’ve learned so far. I’ll try to update this post if I learn anything new instead of creating a new one. ============================================================

So, CAN YOU TETHER LIVE VIEW ON NIKON D3100? If you want to tether it on a laptop, I say the answer is no. No known software available that’s compatible with Nikon D3100 and I read it’s because the camera doesn’t have the firmware for that feature anyway. I can’t connect it using USB cable or HDMI either. If I connect using USB, the laptop just refuses to read, the same thing with HDMI. For the HDMI problem, I read that it’s because of the HDMI port on our laptops are an output port. So, nothing goes in. I have not tried using VGA but I’m guessing the result will be just the same.

The only successful attempt I tried was connecting it to an external monitor, like a tv, and to a projector. I used a MiniHDMI to HDMI cable to connect it and it works just fine. You can still capture photos or videos with your camera. I’m thinking about trying it out on a portable monitor using MiniHDMI to HDMI cable which I already have. I found one that I can afford but I had to ship it from overseas and that would be a bummer if it doesn’t work. Just because I can afford it doesn’t mean it’s cheap, and I have no other use for the thing anyway :(

[silpeh]

I am Camera Shy

A few days ago, I did some survey on my Instagram to learn what would my audience prefer if I were to create a more serious “look I’m trying” content on my social media platforms. The survey resulting in people preferring videos over a written post, and IG Story over a blog post. I’ve had my Youtube channel since I was 7 grade so the youtube community scene wouldn’t be much of a strange place for me. But boy, I’ve never been the most articulate student in school or college. And creating a Youtube video where I have to speak and capture people’s attention... That’s daunting.

I’ve made a few youtube videos in the past so I’m not without experience, but I’m planning to come up with some more content that I’ll create over the holiday and I want my community to be able to make use of them as best they can. That’s why I feel like providing them in a platform they most comfortable with is crucial.

For myself, honestly, I’m not sure. I’ve had some blogging experience from my middle school days (Hey I was an almost-well-known fashion blogger back in the days. One reader came up to me once and asked for a photo when we met at an amusement park lol). I used to write on blogger. I had few different blog pages because I kept making one then taking them down lol. So, writing isn’t something I’m scared of as much. And if I ever make some mistakes, I can always edit them. But videos, all my grammar errors will be very much apparent.

That’s the thing too. I asked my audience whether they’d prefer my contents in English or in my native language, Bahasa. Of course English gets the most vote because I also tell them that I personally prefer to do it in English to challenge myself and diversify my audience. I’ve been doing it on Instagram and blog for so long. Thought Youtube wouldn’t be much of a challenge. But boy, was I wrong.

In the meantime, I’m gonna try to provide content in different methods and see what’s best for me and the analytics. I also just filmed a “what’s in my bag” video in English. Right of the bat, I noticed a lot of grammar errors and how inattentive I’m gonna make people because of the lack of my space presence. Planning to mask all that out with royalty-free music during editing. Be there when it’s up.

[silpeh]

The first two photos are mostly ceilings but happy Eid from my family to yours. I say we're pretty cool. (at Ponorogo) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByU_7OGgMYI/?igshid=1ie29uwqxdjte

[silpeh]

Haven't painted anything in a long while and this was my best shot lol

[silpeh]

Being sick during the end of Ramadan kinda sucks, but then I remember this sickness helps shed away my sins. Now, I really don’t mind the inconvenience.

Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." 

- Bukhari, Volume 7, no 545

[silpeh]

beautiful clam

One thing I know for sure about me is that I get bored easily. I tend to beat that with learning new things. That is good. But the bad side of that is I never actually master anything. I just learn to do a bunch of things that are not very useful for my current life situation. It makes me happy. But then I get sad because I still don’t know what I am.

I update a lot on Instagram. I consider it as my main art vessel. Every little thing that I’m currently working on I document it and I put it on Instagram. Sometimes people come up to me and say “You seems so productive! You always have something that you’re working on even during the holiday.” Truth is, I only look so busy because what I post on Insta is all I do. It’s just a shell of me. The inside is empty.

I guess I do that to give myself acknowledgement. To reassure myself that I’m not a piece of shit. “Look, I did something today. I’m not lazy.” But in hindsight, it only looks like I’m fishing for compliments, approval, which someone with a right mind will deny. But I kinda have to agree with that accusation. I have no alibi. Or self-esteem.

I hope that one day, I’ll unveil something that I worked on today and thank god I didn’t give up on it even though I’m not sure if it gonna leads anywhere.

[build-me-a-home]

[silpeh]

Room goals

[silpeh]

Oh my God, I'm so pissed beyond belief. I'm sure this is gonna be over eventually and get sorted out. But it's so late, I need to sleep in peace and let go of this anger :(

I high-key want to just stay awake and create and sort things out but I need the energy tomorrow. I'm tired of being a night owl. I want to switch my routine. I need to be an early birdie again. I missed waking up at 4.30 in the morning and I want to do that again.

Tomorrow I'll wake up with a list of things to do and I'll carry it out with full energy. Take some time off to myself playing mobile games, then lights off at 10. I will. In shaa Allah.

[silpeh]

Hello

I was considering to delete all my previous posts and reblogs.. but then, it would be a real shame to delete years worth of my Tumblr history since I was in 7th grade. Well.. as long as no one is trying to use it against me, haha.  Tumblr was my place to grow, get inspired, learn new things, and just my creativity hob in general. Until Tumblr got blocked in my country a couple of years ago. That's why I was missing for a while.. not that anyone missed me lol.

And now I’m back. I don’t know if I’m gonna legit blog like a proper blogger but I guess if I needed a place for a lengthy text something to let go off of my head and share on the internet, this will be the place? Blogs might not be as hip as it used to be back in 2015. Everyone does Youtube now. Or even podcasts. Or even both. I do have one too actually haha but I’m much more familiar with the written form of sharing.  See you around, In syaa Allah.

Also, I added new pages to my blog that will redirect you to my photography portfolio page and food blog page-this one is still empty, though-. Check them out if you fancy.

[owlcityholic]

[silpeh]

let this be a reminder that owl city memes were the best.

[nvvjibv]

What a year…

[kfgkjsgdfkjdsgfkjds-deactivated]

And what a way to begin a new one

[danger]

[islamic-art-and-quotes]

“Ibrahim (as) was thrown into fire. God willing none of us will ever face such a trial in this life. But there is not a person who won’t get thrown into some sort of emotional, psychological or social fires in their life. And don’t think for a moment that God cannot make those fires cool for us.”

— Yasmin Mogahed

[silpeh]

OMG IT'S BACK

It's back. it's back. No more vpn connection. Now i can create my photography portfolio on this platform with ease. Omg. I'm so happy beyond believe

[isamayaffrench]

Telegraph Magazine