A tense silence fell over them as Iruka picked up some dishes he left in the sink earlier that evening, and started cleaning them a little, removing the left over food. Why did he had to ask how he was doing, why did he have to come in the first place and him feel the way he did right now. The memories of his parents passing 19 years ago had already left his mind and he was left only worrying about the weird sensation he felt in his body whenever he was around him. Though he didn’t feel anxious or scared around the other male and actually felt rather secure in his presence, there was something that made him feel nervous, like something was up and he just couldn’t quite place it. His hands felt shaky and his face hot when Kakashi pressed his heated lips against his forehead just moments ago, and their hands folding together send chills down his spine. Looking at the other would send bolts of lightening through his body, whenever they met, and actually speaking to the other at work or whenever he ran into him made his palms feel clammy. Iruka was afraid of falling in love, falling under someone’s spell and ending up hurt again like he was last time, with Mizuki.. The way his body responded to the others presence turned on the bright red warning signs in Iruka’s mind. He was already falling for him, and it was scary.
He felt Kakashi’s eyes sting in his back. He put down the dishes again and remained quiet once again, a little shorter than he did before. Kakashi was already starting to get under his skin and Iruka felt a sense of danger. He liked the other, that much he could admit to himself and he liked being around him but he only expected this evening to be something much more simple. A date out in a public place, surrounded by other people that could distract him from his thoughts, his worries, and actually make him feel a little more comfortable with the idea of being on a date, alone with just this one individual. Being all by himself with Kakashi in his empty apartment, talking about personal matters, made the younger male feel like he overstepped his own bounds, he got way out of his comfort zone and he had to make sure to get back to safety as soon as possible. He couldn’t afford getting hurt like he had all those years ago.
He finally broke the silence as he turned around, still not looking him into the eyes but his body now facing his. “I’m alright” he said his voice calm but softer than before. Having this drunk man on his couch didn’t promise anything good and as much as Iruka loved taking care of people, this wasn’t something he needed right now. He needed to breath. “maybe we should call it a night” he suggested, bluntly, looking up at the man before him. Dark eyes meeting blue ones. He didn’t mean to make Kakashi feel like he wasn’t interested in him or give him the impression he wasn’t welcome in his home anymore and this was a mistake. Iruka liked being around Kakashi, just not like this. “I mean you’re drunk.. This is not going anywhere and..” A small sigh escaped his lips as he collected the small amount of courage he had left at that moment. He stepped closer to the man until he stood behind the couch, and right behind Kakashi and looked down at him.
“.. I think it may be better if you left..” He easily faked a smile but it didn’t make up for how harsh his words sounded, even though this was never really his intention “..I mean, what you need right now is maybe a good shower and a warm bed, to sober up, feel better” a tanned hand reached forward to touch the white strands of hair, but he stopped right before he could feel the hair slide between his fingers. He wanted to touch him, soothingly, as a way to convince him he wasn’t rejecting kakashi or he was upset with him on any way. He just didn’t see this being a fun evening anymore. Two grown up men together on a crappy couch, talking about their even crappier lives.
“We can always do this another time..”
The disappointment in his voice was as clear as water yet he tried to keep it as kind as possible. He would have much rather spend the evening getting to know the other better, wanted to know different kinds of things. What was his favorite book? He loved reading that much he knew but did he like movies? The same movies as he did, perhaps. What is his shoe size? Shizune always told Iruka to ask his dates their shoe size “vital information!” She always told him, “One day you’ll understand what I mean with that, you’re still such a baby” she would always tease him. Up until this day Iruka still wasn’t sure why to ask his guy dates their shoe size, but these questions would have been much lighter and much easier on their second date than ‘How did your parents die?’ was. He lowered his hand, which was still hovering somewhere in mid-air, and walked over to the side of the couch again. Kakashi was looking at him, Iruka knew it, he could feel the eyes on his body as they followed him change positions. “..when you’re not drunk.. and sad” he said finally, a slight smile creeping on his face again. As long as Kakashi wasn’t offended by his words and decided he didn’t want to see Iruka anymore, this was the best decision.