HOT DAGA SENTENCE STARTERS
it's actually criminal that nobody has done this before. feel free to change as needed!
β If you don't like it, you can kiss my buns. β
β Oh, he looks all pissed off 'cause his hat's still gone. β
β Good, I'm glad he's pissed. β
β I hope he crashes into that wall. β
β Oh shit, he crashed! β
β Wow! They look like a happy couple. β
β She's not happy with his driving, I'll tell you that. β
β Oh, he's on fire, he looks like he's hurting. β
β What a horrible occurrence that just happened! β
β He's gonna come back like Michael Myers. β
β I can't really tell what it is, but it went by real quick. β
β Why did you run from me? β
β I...I didn't know how to tell you, but...we have a son now. β
β Wait -- I'm so confused... β
β Hello, [name]. I'm your father, [name]. β
β Why did you try to shoot me and leave me for dead? β
β It's me, [name], your evil twin sister. β
β I won't have you two together. You know I love [name]. β
β Now it's time to die. Mount your crab. β
β [Name], step aside! β
β Do you remember where we were? β
β Nice to meet you. I love you. β
β Promise you'll never shoot me, [name]. β
β Let's cover ourselves in mustard and get craaazy! β
β I hope you never get eaten on the Fourth of July like my parents. β
β Your words are making me happy, so I am smiling. β
β Always love each other, no matter where your paths take you. β
β We are siblings, but also best friends. β
β Why would we ever fight? β
β I have seen it in my special dreams. β
β Let's go eat the rest of Amelia Earheart for dinner. β
β My funding...my precious funding... β
β It's all over now. I suppose I'll let myself rot. β
β I'm in urgent need of your services. β
β What a shame...I was so close. β
β That's a good hashtag. β
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β Like my dear old dad used to say, there's no free condiments in life. β
β Most condiments are free, actually. β
β Please, respect my father. May he rest in peace. β
β This talk of your father seems very shoehorned into this conversation. β
β I'm your son! From the future! β
β Why did you do it, [name]? Why'd you do any of this? β
β Because, [name], I'm straight-up evil. β
β That's bad for the fabric of reality and space-time, I think. β
β Okay, it's technically not murder or anything. β
β This is what you get. This is the law of the wild. β
β I can't bear to watch this inevitable carnage. β
β I just want a picture of this moment. β
β I need your help to avenge my death. β
β We're a family again! A real family! β
β That's a terrible name. β
β I'm pretty sure this is a trap... β
β A crow ate one of my eyes at the bank last Labor Day, by the way. That's why I have an eyepatch now. β
β Did it ever occur to you, [name], that I loved you and your mustache? Well, I don't anymore, and I see you've shaved your mustache, you idiot. β
β The day we broke up was the best day of my life. β
β I saw him do a magic trick once where he sat on his own lap. β
β I'm suddenly afraid my wife will leave me for him, but he's a nice guy, so that's okay. β
β Wait a minute, you weren't invited! β
β It's me, [name], and I'd like to welcome you to Hell. Time to die! β
β I am displeased! But that does sound narratively rich. β
β Will you press pause on your shit for five minutes? β
β I now have to imagine a thing I don't want to imagine, under any circumstance? β
β Are you proud of yourself? β
β But I cannot attempt to process that at the moment, for the fear of the emotional toll it would take on me. β
β How'd we survive? β
β Ooh, what a plot! β
β We could go back in time to stop it all. β
β No need to explain that, we'll remember it always. β
β Thank you for your service. β
β Enough talky-time, more spacey-time, idiots. β
β We threw them into a volcano. They're gone. β
β I don't negotiate with assholes. β
β I can't believe it -- I'm alive! β
β Oh, no, no, hey, c'mon. Nothin' to worry about here. β
β That doesn't make any sense. β
β My parents were very juicy and I am, too. β
β You...don't seem trustworthy. β
β Oh, I'm plenty trustworthy. β
β So what's your deal again? β
β Hm. Makes sense if you actually track the story, probably. β
β I wonder if Earth's tasty. β
β I'm not one for decision-making. β
β I'm both the mayor and the sheriff. β
β Don't worry, you will soon go to jail. β
β I want to get perfectly sane, haha. β
β You're getting more and more sane by the day! β
β Everyone's dying and the world is basically over. β
β Sometimes your life don't go exactly as you planned. β
β The fact that I doubted myself for even a split second is some military-grade bullshit. β
β It's me, [name], and I'm pissed. β
β I can't die, I'm beloved! β
β Question: what the hell's going on? β
β If you do anything dumb, I will kill you with my hat. β
β You didn't need to do that, by the way. That's cruel. You understand that? β
β I didn't ask to exist. In fact, I was very content not being. β
β Look, I'm sorry about doing you dirty. β
β We've got some things to discuss, you and me. β
β Ohhh, okay. We're both dead, then. This is for sure a place where we're both dead. β
β My last memory was me putting a goldfish in my mouth to make my children laugh. Then I choked to death. β
β Play shitty games, win shitty prizes, [name]. β
β I was so consumed with hate and anger that I lost sight of who I was. β
β Are you just, like, checked out of this conversation now? β
β I'm just a guy in a void. β
β I got murked and it chilled me out. β
β That's my catchphrase, now that I'm fun. β
β Tell you what, I hate this planet. β
β There's a small part of my funky, no-good heart that's like, "hell yeah." β
β Hey, you want some money? It's got my face on it. β
β The one thing I've always said is, "you can definitely trust someone who repeatedly insists that you can trust them," you idiot. β
β I'm the queen of deception and straight-up dirty tricks. β
β Game recognize game, however inferior. β
β I've just had a tremendously confusing dream. β
β I'm not in the habit of taking drinks from strangers. β
β But I'm beloved... β
β I. Don't. Caaare. β
β It's almost Friday, the day for kissing! β
β If you value your life, you might consider staying out of mine. β
β Is there any way we can put this all behind us? β
β Are you fucking kidding me? You shouldn't have asked that question. β
β Oh, thank God. I was about to flip my shit. β
β Full disclosure, no offense: you seem nuts. β
β My mind is so clever, some describe me as a God. β
β My name is [name], and I'm here to say: you'll soon straight-up die today. β
β I'm perfectly sane, so now it's time to play my funny little game. β
β Where'd you go to college? Detective school? β
β I'm gonna save your life for my own benefit. β
β I have no beef with you. You're clearly dealing with some stuff. β
β Don't worry, I will murder you. β
β I feel like you're not being receptive to literally any of my shit. β
β I was hypnotized for many, many years and frankly, I'm not too happy about it. β
β Well, you can't blame me for that. I'm dead. β
β I think you could maybe choose not to be complicit in the destruction of the universe. β
β Jesus Christ, take a breath. β
β If you don't stop this instant, I'm gonna hug you. β
β I feel like a happy sunshine person who always wins. β
β I feel as critically-acclaimed as I always do! β
β You should know by now, nothing exciting ever happens around here. β
β Hey, you ever think about what happens after we die? β
β Sorry for my dad being a dick all the time...and for following his orders without question. β
β I hate you and I'm glad you look all fucked-up! β
β Namaste or whatever. β
β I just wanna chill 'til I'm dead. β
β Whoa, okay. I think I'm gonna die. β
β Those were the bad guys! Why were you, like, chilling with them? β
β Man, you really pooped the bed on this one. β
β Okay, your tone is appropriate and I apologize. β
β I will miss you, [name], the biggest baller of them all. β
β I'd actually be double-dead, which is the worst kind of dead. β
β What can one do in the face of such monumental loss but breathe a weary sigh, for the world is a little quieter now. β
β Sometimes your death don't go exactly how you planned. β
β I tried the best I can, but I ain't got the stuff. β
β Frankly, life's been pretty dope. β
β I know life's been crazy, but believe me, you'll be fine without me here. β
β There's really no need to cry. β
β I know things seem kind of shitty and that the odds aren't looking pretty, but what's the point of quitting now? β
β I won't be here to see it, but you bet your ass that I believe that you'll still save the day somehow. β
β If I had a fuckin' bucket, then I got a hunch I'd kick it. β
β Sorry for the cursing, but I'm feeling worse and worse. β
β I don't wanna die, but I'm probably gonna die. β
β I'm dying now, just so we're clear. β
β Holy shit, this is it, I'm gonna die. β
β I'll see you later, pals, I'm outta here. β