participating

[love-personal]

[extrasad]

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays. It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via extrasad)

[s-un-rise]

1. your middle school best friend, the one you share all your laughs with and can’t imagine not being friends with, will only be a familiar face that you’ll share a smile with across the room during high school graduation 2. popularity doesn’t matter. at all. be nice to everyone, don’t be stuck up in who you talk to, stay down to earth. high school isn’t just about climbing to the top and building contacts. one day you’re going to look back and wonder who your true friends were and what motives others had in gaining your friendship. take the time to get to know those who you normally wouldn’t, and you’ll be very surprised 3. the loneliness you feel right now is not permanent. there will be a moment, maybe months or years from now, where you will feel this overwhelming warmness, and you will look around at the people surrounding you and think, hey maybe all that sadness and loneliness was worth getting to this point. and you will smile and everything will be ok 4. don’t get sucked into the “I’m too cool to study” phase. stop glorifying netflix, going to sleep late, and barely getting your work done. find your motivation and don’t let anyone hold you back. there will be kids at school who will love to brag “I didn’t study for this test” and “oh dude I stayed up till 1am last night.” I promise that doesn’t make them cool or bad ass. in fact, most people who claim they haven’t cracked a book open, have actually studied more than you think. hold your own, be productive. you don’t want to look back on a test, a quarter, a semester, a year and think “damn, I wish I had done more.” give it your all and you will reap the benefits 5. don’t lose your spontaneity - don’t get sucked into the same rigid routine. regularity is great but you can’t lose your spark. it will crush you, years down the line, when you realize you’ve forgotten what it’s like to do something without overly planning it, without worrying about homework, without a million other items on your to-do list creeping into the back of your mind 6. when you’re having a shitty night, just go to sleep. seriously turn your phone off, close the computer, and get into bed. I promise that is the only solution. 7. when someone invites you to plans, always say yes. even if you’re exhausted, curled up watching a movie in pajamas. even if you feel like you want some alone time, or if you don’t feel 100 percent comfortable in the social situation (not in a dangerous way but a meeting new people way) - say yes. you won’t regret the experiences. 8. make yourself painfully aware of the compartmentalized characteristics and cookie-cutter personas you put on and that others put on. be conscious of the characters the media has ingrained in our society, and remind yourself that being the “cool girl” doesn’t mean drinking beer and eating burgers and letting guys step all over you so you can seem chill. reading and writing doesn’t make you “nerdy” just like playing sports doesn’t make you cool. these are associations we have been taught by movie scripts and novels. you don’t have to be one thing or the other - you can wake up early one morning, make yourself a smoothie, and be that “yoga” girl. then the next day you can stay out all night and live recklessly. you don’t have to feel like you need to fit into a persona 9. not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. stop trying to please everyone - it’s impossible. radiate confidence - even if it’s fake confidence, eventually it will become real. once you can do this, you will be untouchable 10. it’s not weird to go places alone - you don’t always need to find a friend to enjoy yourself. go for a walk, a bike ride. read at a coffee shop, take yourself out to lunch, drive somewhere interesting. don’t spend your whole day in a big ole box - you are alive, you are full of life and energy and so much potential. use it, move around, feel restless and don’t settle for staying idle

advice for high schoolers (s-un-rise)

i love this so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(via universul)

wow

(via l-o-s-t–p-r-i-n-c-e-s-s)

[white-devil-splash-blog]

Awesome quotes!

[gosh]

[lock-screens]

//That’s The Spirit//

[love-personal]

[coral]

[animalsnaps]

[therelatableimages]

feeling down? look at this blog!

[animalsnaps]

[therelatableimages]

sad posts and gifs here

[becomer]

- mine -

[craved-deactivated20230908]

One day we got tired, tired of chasing, of caring, of worrying… Not because we didn’t want more, but because the person didn’t value our efforts.

Daniel C. L.  (via convertions)

[br-e-a-t-h-e]

[writingsforwinter]

The Morning After I Killed Myself

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.

The morning after I killed myself, I tried to unkill myself, but couldn’t finish what I started.

[my-teen-quote]

[therelatableimages]

inspirational quote blog

[metalhearted]

[theclassyfitness]

[lustdiamonds]

follow my ig @vanessafabxo