Gracefully Broken

broken but covered by grace // coffee!! // mental health matters// Esther 4:14

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I’m convinced that my mental health issues affect my relationship with God. I don’t feel like I have the type of faith others do, and more often than not I don’t feel God’s presence. I guess I’m trying to figure out how to have a good relationship with God when I can barely handle relationships with other people, and can barely discern reality from fantasy. I guess it’s a good thing my relationship with Him doesn’t rely on me, right? I guess? 

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I had a huge meltdown last night. We just moved, and I hate change. Change messes with me majorly. I don’t know how to cope, so apparently my coping mechanism is throwing things around the room and crying a lot. Also drinking every night. Things are going great. 

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107/365 Reasons to Pray

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Esther

God has put the story of Esther on my heart. Lately, it’s been showing up seemingly everywhere I look. The phrase “for such a time as this” has been ringing in my ears. I believe that God does have me here for this time, and I want to know for what and why and where and all the answers to all the questions. 

As I’ve been re-reading the story of Esther I saw something I’d never seen before. The story of Esther spans 10 years, and from the time she was declared queen to the infamous scene before the king, 5 years had passed. 

That hit me. She was married to a king after being taken from her uncle. She didn’t know why she was there. I wonder if she felt trapped, scared, or wary of her future. She couldn’t see ahead to the scene we all know and love. She was in the waiting with no apparent end in sight.

I feel that. Going through the daily routines of life, with no apparent purpose in sight. I want my “Esther moment”. I want it now. But maybe right now my time is meant for waiting. For being faithful when there are no mountain top experiences happening. For letting God use this time to shape me. 

All of that sounds really cliche, and honestly, I’m not currently embracing the waiting. I’m looking ahead waiting for something big to happen, to have a chance to do something huge for the kingdom. But my prayer is that God would help me to do what’s right in THIS moment. That I would love my family well. That I would be where God has placed me without complaint. That I would serve where I am, even if it’s not glamorous or even what I want.  That I would look at Esther’s story and see more than her big finish, but celebrate her faithfulness in all the time before that. 

God, help me to wait for You to move me, to be faithful in the waiting. Spirit, lead me. 

[simplytrsting]

Hi!

Hi, just wanted to introduce myself! I’m Becca. I am 25 and one year married. I love coffee as much as life. I have Bipolar 2, ADHD, and the general anxiety and depression that come with those things. I love Jesus and I’m learning how to walk out my faith; Especially while facing the challenges of balancing faith while dealing with mental health issues. I’ve been wanting to start a blog, but I felt like I had to wait until I had some success story to share. I realized that a success story might be a far-off-in-the-future story, so I’m here to share my now story. I’d like to share what it’s like to deal with mental health issues on the daily, and also the ways God is moving in my life in spite of that. I’m new at this so it probably won’t be pretty, but here I go!