I recently watched Brene Brown’s Netflix Talk on “The Call to Courage”.
WOW
She talks a lot about the relationship between courage and vulnerability. How many of you think there isn’t a single thing in common between courage and vulnerability? None? You would be dead wrong. In this segment, Brown states “ Vulnerability = uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure. There’s no courage without vulnerability. “ God, if I could sum up life in one sentence over and over and over again...it would be that quote right there.
Since childhood, we have been taught over and over that feelings are weakness. If you cry, you’re a sissy, weak, unappealing. We are taught that we need to color inside the lines, play it safe. If you’re too far out there, you’re a weirdo. If you don’t conform to societies little labeled boxes, you don’t belong. POPPYCOCK! Courage IS vulnerability. Vulnerability is Creativity.
Often times you see heroes as this big strong man, unafraid, tall stance, broad shoulders, he isn’t scared of a single thing. And then you see the mighty dragon he is to face off. Even this is a fraud. Can you not have courage without wanting to piss your pants the whole entire time? Can you not have courage without fear? Can you be so completely vulnerable, baring your feelings to someone you love and not call that courage? So I’ll leave you with a single thought that Brown left me with, “Here’s the thing. I’m not gonna bullshit you. Vulnerability is hard, and it’s scary, and it feels dangerous, but it’s not as hard, scary, or dangerous as getting to the end of our lives and having to ask ourselves what if I would have shown up, what if I would have said I love you?”
Align yourself with people that you can learn from, people who want more out of life, people who are stretching and searching and seeking some higher ground in life.
We’re made better by loving unconditionally: embracing the perfections in our imperfect mate, accepting that they’ll never change, growing into our own perfections by loving them.
Some people have amazing, incredible families that they are so close, nothing could ever be negative about it. But if you’re like me, family has been anything but.
I don’t know about you all, but family has always been a hard topic for me. Whether is was writing papers in high school, or even just until recently talking about family, it was always a struggle to define “family” in positive terms. I grew up with two sets of grandparents, a mom and dad, and a little brother. Of course there were aunts and uncles and cousins, the “typical” family, as I like to call it. It was hard for me to define them as family though.
My grandparents were polar opposite. My mom’s side had tons of money, always bought us the high end shit like laptops and iPads and iPhones. And that sounds cool until you grow up and realize that out of all that stuff, you never had a single good memory with either one. Maybe one fishing trip, but other than that all you can think of is how you were never good enough and you could never compare to the Golden One (the first grandchild). You start realizing that all that nice shit and money thrown at you was just a way to manipulate and control you, and as soon as you stepped out of line and wanted to be your own person, it was all ripped away. It wasn’t out of the goodness of their hearts or because they cared about you at all. It was about control, manipulation, and classic Narcissism.
My dad’s side, however, were the nicest people you’d ever meet. They weren’t made of money, but any time we visited, my brother and I would either learn something or make beautiful memories. We didn’t get fancy gifts for birthdays or Christmas, but we understood what family was supposed to be about: The classic kids running around everywhere, moms all cooking in the kitchen and talking before dinner, dads outside tinkering in the tool shed. I didn’t get much in the money department from them, but they made me realize that life isn’t about money...it’s all about making memories with those we love. They had unconditional love, never turning someone away. If they could help them....they would find a way to do it.
Out of two examples, I favorited the one. But still, the idea of family had such a sour taste in my mouth for so many years. Family didn’t represent happiness but more bitterness, hatred, and resentment. Over the years I have learned what my definition of family is. It’s not the classic grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings and parents. To me, and maybe so many of you, family are the ones who, regardless of blood relation or not, are there for you in the most important days of your life. They are the people who unconditionally love and support you in your choices and realize that your choices are your own but they will still love and support you even if they don’t agree. They are the people that you have the fondest memories with, sharing experiences and love and laughter and smiles. Blood is not always thicker than water. Sometimes water is more blood than blood will ever be.
I know you don’t know me. Not yet anyway. I just want to tell you a few things. You know how you’re always trying to be someone else? Well....it’s OK to be yourself. You can be anyone you want to be. You don’t have to live up to certain expectations. You are enough, just by yourself. And you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for people to like you. Trust me, the right people will like you for the right reasons. And your friends? They aren’t worth it. You deserve more than what they give you. I wish you could see the you you are now. You are strong and vibrant. And your life isn’t anything like what you think you have planned out. And that’s ok. Sometimes life doesn’t need a plan, it just is. You don’t have to have everything figured out to have an amazing life. And it’s ok to feel like not everything is perfect. Dry those eyes, there’s no use crying over people who wouldn’t do jack shit for you. I know you feel like the world is going to end if you don’t have friends, but it won’t. You don’t need people to define you or make you feel whole. You just need yourself. Sometimes its better without people anyway, because being happy sometimes means sacrificing friends that make you unhappy to begin with. Toxic people aren’t ok, and it’s ok to walk away from people when they can’t help themselves. It’s not your fault. It never was. And I know family has always been this weird concept for you. Family was always hard to define for me too. But it’s ok that blood family isn’t in your life and that your family is comprised of people that just support you and love you no matter what. Be kind to your mom, ok? I know shes awful right now and she doesn’t know anything, but she is the answer to so many of your questions. She is doing the best she can. Your brother might have been born on mars, but he’s the only sibling you have and he is worth so much more than any friends. Spend more time with him. Your dad, well, you might not have much in common, but he’s the only stable male relationship you can count on. And he knows how to literally fix anything. But most important....just be apologetically you. You don’t have to pretend to be anything but who you are. That is enough. And I know you’re scared of what your family might say or what people might think, but it’s ok to be gay. Your parents will always love you, and even though your brother might not understand, he will still support you and love you and want to go fishing and camping with you. I’ll agree he is a little shithead, but he’s your brother. Treat yourself well. Don’t let anyone push you around or punch you or make you feel like you aren’t good enough. If they do that, then you don’t need them. It’s better to have few friends that would actually be there for you than to have tons of friends that wouldn’t do jack shit for you. Love yourself. And above all else, don’t let the world turn you to stone. You are better than that. I love you.
annaxmalina
titsay