Feelings change, Memories don't. @simplyyamaazing - Tumblr Blog

I don’t know how to say this

But I need help. And just getting to the point that I can admit that out loud has been a long, painful journey.

Here’s the situation: my husband has never been a flexible person, hating to have his routines tampered with and throwing fits when they are. He reduced our oldest daughter to a sobbing wreck on Monday with his fury over her accidentally washing a shirt of his in with the load of our stuff. Up until then, most of his rage was directed at me and I could handle it. But I realized, suddenly, what I was allowing to happen, and that my children were suffering.

I told him I wanted him to move out. He refused and locked himself in his bedroom for two days. He has not spoken to me since Monday. I have no idea what he’s planning or doing, because every attempt I’ve made at contact has been rebuffed with icy silence.

I am disabled, with degenerative disk disease, narrowing of the spinal canal, and scoliosis, as well as severe arthritis and a severed ligament in my left knee. I physically cannot keep a job, since I can’t stay on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time.

My books are beginning to sell, which is wonderful, but they’re nowhere near enough to support myself and four children yet. I have filed for disability, which I should have done years ago, I know, but I didn’t need it, right? My husband supported us all, no reason to mess with the system he had in place.

I was raised to never ask for handouts. And I’m crying as I type this because I hate that I have to now. But I’m desperate. Emotionally, our marriage has been over for years, but things are just getting worse. I can’t live with this man and since he won’t leave, then clearly I have to.

I’m asking for help. I hope I never have to again, I wish it wasn’t necessary at all, but I have to break this cycle of abuse, and I can’t do it alone. The shelter in the county is full and we’re low priority anyway because the abuse isn’t physical, which means that the housing authority is our only real hope at the moment, since their rent is based on income and should be something affordable. Assuming they have an opening.

If you’re still reading, my Paypal is [email protected]. Any amount will be a help, but if you can donate even just $5, I’ll send you a digital copy of Coffee Cake or Beignets in tears and gratitude. If you can’t donate a penny but will reblog this so others can see it, you also have my gratitude and I will mentally hug you.

Thank you for listening and I’m going to go cry some more now.

orchestraofvvolves-deactivated2

everyone needs a person like this in their life man

ambrawr

I love that the caption says person And not significant other

mic-righteous-deactivated202003

Please

fuckyesforsex-deactivated201510

I’d love to find a guy who does this

dylanryan7

Wow

abyssalvoid

Everyday I think to myself “this time it’ll be different” when they walk past me as if the wind is carrying her to a direction that will never be in my favor. So what’s to love if there’s nothing tom So what is love? Love is the universe’s word with a billion different definitions. Love is the feeling you receive when the image of that special person appears in your head and all you can think about is how their cheeks form into a perfect smile that you wonder about every second Love is when you’re in the middle of a conversation and you begin choking on nervous laughter because you think about the last conversation, perfect or staggered, with the person that makes every other conversation less important Love is when you’ll do anything to speak with that person for even 30 seconds because you know it will make your day and you may not get the chance again Love is the when you know their voice before spotting them, the way the walk, the grimace on their face when they’re in pain emotionally, mentally, and physically Love is knowing that to them you may be making a fool out of yourself but believing that it’s ok if it’s to make them happy Love is regretting the way you executed your last conversation with them because you should have said something differently or not at all Love is disregarding the rumors and opinions people hold of the person you love, whether you know they’re true or not Love is contemplating what it’s like to feel the loving, soft touch of the person you love, knowing that the feeling will never belong to you Love is the hope that someday, they’ll come to you when your feet are struggling to hold on to the ground because you’re wondering if the wind might be in your favor for once Love is when the moon seems to glow a little less and the stars begin to seem a little dim because they have stolen the beauty away Love is the denial that they could be any less than perfect, but the belief that their flaws, every scar or regret, makes them more beautiful and you begin to realize that perfection is the person in your mind at 4 am because they have shaped the definition of the word Love is when you receive nothing in return for all your trials because you just long for the smile that may or may not belong to someone else Love is unrequited, requited, and sometimes both It is the decision to love someone more than you may love yourself It is the decision to accept the pain you know it could bring and the happiness you feel lingering even when love has not granted what you wanted Love is when you’re watching the person’s back as they walk away and every muscle in your body wants to react and pull them into your arms. Love is knowing how dumb and pathetic you are because you continue to hurt yourself by approaching them Love is when that wish is only and manifestation within your mind and you wonder “will they look back?” “Will they remember to say goodbye to me?” “Can I make their cheeks touch their eyes the way their smile touches my heart?” Love is feeling the immense pain of the void they unknowingly leave and still being able to ask if she’s smiling Love is something I don’t quite understand when I walk into a room and all I see is them, but they don’t seem to notice me at all, Love is worth all the frustration and wounds you carry in your heart and mind; because even then all that seems to matter is them.

S.D. (via abyssalvoid)