my favourite veep jokes oat bc no one asked
"What are you laughing at jolly green jizz face?"
"Okay maybe this will jog your memory we have some extracts (from the Jonad Files). J-rock, Jizzygolespi, Jack and the Giant Jack Off, Gaylien, Tinkerballs, Wadzilla, One Erection, The Pointless Giant, The Sixty Foot Virgin, Jimpanzee, Jonah-Oh-No, Hagrid's Nutsack, Scrotum Pole, Transgender Formers, 12 Years A Slave To Jerking Off, Benedict Cum-In-His-Own-Hand, Guyscraper, The Cloud Botherer, Supercalifragilisticexpialidickcheese, Teengae Mutant Ninja Assholes, Pubacka"
"And then, I'm going to get the IRS to crawl so far up your husbands colon, he's gonna wish the only thing they find is more cancer"
"There's a bunch of obese children outside dressed as satan"
"It is a testicle container?"
"You guys are we serious gonna let the guy with the police sketch face of a rapist tell us what to do?" "Oh! This rapist face gets eights. Consenually I might throw in."
"How am I? I'm eating so much pussy im shitting clits son" "JONAH!!! WE ARE IN A PRIMARY SCHOOL CLASSROOM WHAT YOUR MOUTH!!!"
Jeff's laughing it makes me giggle everytime
"She's mediocre. Really. Of all the ocres she the mediest"
"I don't have time to ignore you Jonah. Gary, could you please ignore Jonah for me?"
"Look who it is everybody! It's your favourite Jonah!" "You're not even your mom's favourite Jonah, Jonah"
"Mamery Myer!" "That's alright, I guess" "Frizzly Madam, She-ra, Myer the Liar, The Batcave, Pissface, Wicked Witch Of The West-wing, Veepthroat, Voldermyer, Dickless Van Dyke, Selina Meh, Vaselina, Betty Poop"
"That's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo! No, let me be more clear! It doesn't do the job, and it makes a fucking mess!!!"
"Skyscaper of shit have arrived"
"I know how to give a motherfucking speech! Don't you patronize me with your no jaw! You...Congressman No Jaw!!"
"It's be like trying to explain supertramp to a kommodo dragon" "I don't know what those words mean Mike, are you in the middle of some kind of aneurysm?"
"Do you think I wanna be in this Minecraft piece of shit?"
"Not really. Like your mother, it's been used and paid for by a couple of guys"
"But I need to talk to that autistic lumberjack son of a bitch"
"I'd rather eat out George Washington's old, wooden ass twice a day"
"Yeah? Well go shit yourself long tall Sally"
"Stop trying to polish my dick you fucking four eyed failure"
"Don't give me that quaker in a titty bar look"
"Right, so, I'd rather set fire to my vulva, so that's a no"
"You're not even a man you're like, an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton, but they didn't have time to add details, like pigment or self respect. You're Frankenstein's monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks"
"Gary, the secret service is calling, you girly Shirley Temple"
"I don't know if I can fit in here" "Well it's bigger than your mothers womb and you were in there until you were fifteen"
"Jonah, settle something for me. You like to have sex, and you like to travel?" "Yes, ma'am" "Then, you can (mouths) fuck off"
"You let that unstable piece of human scaffolding into your house?"
"Jonah, get off the line, and then the planet"
