Life And...Other Stuff

Connor Muphy||22|| Herbology and black nail polish enthusiast

[sincrlyconnor]

svnshinesqvad:

Zoe was barely concious, a mixture of pain medicine and blood loss having them on the edge of passing out completely. Between the pain medicine and adrenaline pumping through their veins they hardly felt anymore pain as their face was sewn back together, now looking a bit less a mutilated mess as it was stitched back togher. All they cared about was seeing Connor, having their older sister there with them, they were still terrified, scared the Director would come back fo them and finish them off. When they finally saw Connor though, all of the fear was driven away and a sense of ease found its way over them, even though they were still hurt badly and in the hospital, they felt like things were going to turn around now, they felt safer already. 

“Not your fault.” Zoe said shaking their head in return, wincing as it pained them to speak. The doctors finally finished stitching them up and getting them situated before exiting the room, leaving just the siblings in there together. “I’m glad you came.” they said softly, tears filling their eyes. “I’m just glad thy didn’t hurt you again. I’d rather them hurt me than attack you again.” they said. “Please stay. I know I annoy you and stuff but please—-just for tonight and then you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

Zoe finally felt completely broken, their mental state had been terrible the past few months and now their physical state had caught up. They’d been butchered and now felt as ugly on the outside as they pictured themselves on the inside. They desparately needed Connor, needed her to accept them and love them, more than anything else. Their older sibling had always been the person they’d looked up to the most, whether their parents liked it or not, they’d always thought she was the coolest person around and it absolutely destroyed them when they’d finally started picking up on the animosity she received from the other, feeling more like an annoyance than a family member and feeling as if Connor didn’t really love them all that much.

The doctors gave Connor a dirty look as they passed by her to give them some privacy, she could just feel the judgement from all of the white coats that just made her conscious much more guilty. Not your fault. How could Zoe say something like that? Of course it was, all of it was. They had never done any wrong ever in their life, always being the bright smile in the room and constantly forgiving while Connor bulldozed over everything recklessly without a second thought. The only reason the Director decided to even touch her sibling was because of her fuck up, and now she was going to have to deal with that haunting sin for the rest of her life every time she had to look at the mutilated mouth on Zoe. Tears were still  streaking down her face as she listened to them go on about how they’d rather be hurt again than let Connor get what she deserved, and in a rare moment of anxious release she stormed over to their bed and actually hugged Zoe. It was an unfamiliar sentiment. The last time the older brunette had remembered holding onto them to show any kind of sisterly affection was when they were kids after Zoe had scrapped their knee, before Connor had gone off the deep end of mental deterioration and drugs. “Shut up Zo, don’t say shit like that. I don’t ever want to see you hurt again. God I’m going to fucking skin that psychopath alive for what they did to you.”

Her sadness took a sharp turn into anger, and Connor had to let go of Zoe before she crushed them from the pure seething hate she was feeling towards the Director. She leaned onto the side of the bed, and gripped it with an intense frown. That fucker was going to pay for what they did. Hurt her? Fine. But killing Luna and then not even moments after go after her little sibling? That wasn’t going to slide with her. “I’m not leaving you, I’ll be here all night and day. Hell even the entire week if I have to okay? You don’t have to worry about being alone.” She knew that look in Zoe’s eyes, because plenty of times she had looked at herself in the mirror and seen the same exact expression look back at her. It was the desperate need for validation, for anything so that they could try and have something to glue broken pieces back together. Fucking hell how long had they been like this? Why hadn’t she noticed something was wrong sooner? Why the fuck did it take for Zoe to be mauled by the Director for her to actually be the big sister that they should have had since the beginning?

[katspierce]

4/∞ favourite nick miller moments

[grrrlmusic]

If I Get High | Nothing but Thieves

Will I see you again? I feel my lungs every night Not long to wait And if I do this thing right I dream of our escape And we run

[sincrlyconnor]

killerquccns:

Jared had been beating himself up since the livestream of Luna being butchered hit the web, but the attack on innocent Zoe only drove the stick of guilt down deeper in him. He felt the need to perform whenever he left the house, painting a smile on his face and covering up the heart on his sleeve. No one wanted to be around a sad kid, and he had known this for years. Instead, the switch flicked off as he walked through the door– his previously friendly demeanor quickly turning into a dead blank stare at their living room once his feet hit their ‘welcome’ mat. Prepared to head straight into his room (as he had been doing every day that week), he stopped in his tracks when he hear a series of bangs and distant curses. Startled, Jared’s eyes darted around to find the source before noticing the steam rising from their bathroom. “Fucking–” he cursed at himself as his hand reached for the knob. His mind immediately went to the worst place when the handle wouldn’t turn more than a centimeter. Knowing how easily it was to force a way in (considering how many times he’s had to break it down because he had to pee and Connor was taking too long showering), Jared rushed the door with his shoulder before finally gaining access to the hell like conditions of their lavatory. Hurriedly drawing back the curtain, Jared turned the shower head off before snatching a towel for Connor to cover herself with. “What the fuck, Connor?? I thought I was going to walk in here with your wrists fucking slit!” he yelled, grabbing hold of her jaw to look into her mouth, “Look at me! Are you okay?? Did you take anything???”

If only she hadn’t pushed Luna out of that tree, if only she could be a better sister. If if if’s was all that ran through her head as her hands became desensitized to the sensation of her fists repeatedly hitting the shower wall and the crying blurring her vision. She wished that the paramedics had gotten to the park just a little bit later than they did, if they would have just left her enjoy the full darkness of the pills she had taken in the park, let death wrap it’s cold dead hands around her throat rather than live this hell she continued to create for those around her. Images of Luna’s severed limbs, the sickening sound of the saw cutting through them, and having to see what she did to her younger sibling made Connor want to open the scars the Directors had left for her on her arms and leg all over again so they could bleed out for those she had hurt. She didn’t even notice Jared bursting through the door and yelling at her until he held onto her face. The towel limply wrapped around her as her eyes roamed in a panic until finally settling on his, on eyes she never wanted to see dim out because he was the only thing keeping her from slipping completely off the edge. Tears still streamed down her face as she looked at him, she wasn’t even sure if she had taken any drugs today. Everything was just an empty shell of a moment to her so she answered accordingly. “I-I don’t know. I don’t know Jared. I don’t.”

[do-you-even-hansen-blog]

Connor: hearing Zoe fangirl over Harry Potter makes me want to avada-ka-kill-myself

[sincrlyconnor]

Connor didn’t even know what the word sleep meant anymore, she had been wearing the same clothes for too long now, and she had to practically be kicked out of the hospital for being a danger to the sanitation in the building. The door to the apartment she shared with Jared slammed shut as she stepped foot in their place for the first time in almost an entire week, and she snuck off to the shower before he could notice she was actually home. Once she got the water running and stepped in, Connor did nothing but turn the heat all the way up and let the burning sensation of the hot water numb her senses as she stared at the tile in front of her. Suddenly after a long moment of silence she started to sob. Tears mixed with the shower droplets as she continued to cry, which then quickly took a turn for the worse once her dark thoughts started to creep in again. Her hand clenched into a fist and she punched the wall in front of her with gritted teeth and angry cries. “Fuck! It’s all my fault! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” @killerquccns

[musinghq]

musesgonnamuse:

hurt MY sibling and i WILL kill you

[sincrlyconnor]

“Hello? This is the hospital calling. We wanted to inform you about a relative of yours going by the name of Zoe Murphy. You’re written down as their only emergency contact, and we would like to inform you that they are currently in emergency care for extremely extensiv-” All Connor heard after that was muffled white noise. Her worst fear had finally become a reality, and it felt like a fucking punch in the gut. She didn’t even bother to put on shoes as she rushed out the door, everything passing in a blur until she got into Jared’s car and stepped on the gas until she practically broke through the floorboard. No speed limit, red light or traffic would get between her and Zoe’s life right now. Nothing else mattered but making sure her sibling was alive. Once she arrived at the busy hospital, the crazed looking brunette rushed over to the front desk and slammed her hands on the counter.  

“Where the fuck is my sibling?! Zoe Murphy, I need to see her right now where are they?!” The desk lady seemed overwhelmed with Connor’s demands, and tried to tell her to calm down and take seat until they could sort it all out. None of what she said eased Connor at all though, and she just stormed past the desk to find them for herself. It took a few, but she noticed a room with the most activity going on and her pace turned into a sprint. Tears brimmed her eyes, and as she neared the rooms entrance some nurses tried to block her way as she saw glimpses of a doctor stitching something on Zoe. “Let me the fuck in! That kid’s my little sibling! They’re my only family who fucking cares about me let me the fuck in you assholes!” She finally managed to shove through them just as the doctor finished whatever he was doing, and the tears forming finally spilled once she saw what the Director had done to them. “Oh my god this is all my fault. This is all my fucking fault I...I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry Zoe this is all my fucking fault.” @svnshinesqvad

[laserdeadpool]

[sincrlyconnor]

Text II Loml (connor) 🍁🖤

Jared: :') ok rupi kaur

Jared: what if i bring mcnuggets and we pin them to each other's outfits??

Connor: 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻

Connor: you really know how to win a girl over, offering her edible nugget pins and such. I'll probably eat it before we even get to the dance so that's a solid yes.

Connor: now stop texting me and come to my room with a box of cereal bcs I'm craving fruit loops really bad rn.

[sincrlyconnor]

Text II Loml (connor) 🍁🖤

Jared: hey i wrote u a poem

Jared: i see london. i see france. wanna ball with me at the vday dance?

Jared: ill pay for your ticket and everything cause i know u h8 spending money. we can go get high before and after then we can grab some good good pancakies at Dennys

Connor: Wow. You fucking nerd, Never write poems again. Leave it to the emotionally distressed pros.

Connor: if you're buying everything I'll happily be your date. Get me like a flower or whatever though and I'll cut you.

[sincrlyconnor]

svnshinesqvad:

While it may have seemed easy to Connor, things weren’t all that easy in reality. Sure their parents gave them tons of attention but they definitely didn’t want it, not only were their accomplishments at the forefront but so were their failures, while things could be gleamed over with Connor there was no way they could get away with anything. They felt so much pressure to succeed that sometimes they felt like she was being smothered, their anxiety cranking up a hundred notches anytime her parents mentioned their dreams for them, ones that happened to counteract what they themself wanted. Their parents assumed they were here studying business while in reality they didn’t want that at all, they wanted to teach Music. They were terrified of them finding out they hadn’t been truthful when setting up their classes and felt like they were drowning in a sea of expectations they could never live up to and it had taken its toll on them. They’d fallen into a severe depression over the past few months with paranoia and anxiety setting in with it, they’d hoped being here with their sister would help, would make things easier but Connor had barely wanted anything to do with them ( per the usual ) they knew they were foolish to think things would be different now though, Connor had hated them for years and probably would forever. 

They tugged on the hem of their jeans, staring down at the purple stars drawn there. “O-okay yeah, I can do that.” they replied, pulling the mobile app for the pizza place up on their phone and putting in the toppings and everything for the pizzas. Even this wracked their nerves, scared they’d order something Connor didn’t like and it would ruin their night together though they always seemed to find some way of ruining the quality time so it was more of a matter of time than anything. After finishing order the pizza they flashed their sister a smile. “All ready! It should be here in like 40 minutes.” They nodded at Connor’s words, quickly hoping to their feet to appease the other. “I can do that, yeah. Um-I wasn’t sure what kind you wanted so I bought like 6 different kinds. No Butter, Normal, X-tra Butter, Extreme Butter, Movie Theater Butter and Amish Hand Churned butter. Do you have a preference or anything?” 

The movies scrolled by on the television screen, and eventually Connor just settled on Skull Island. She had already watched it millions of times, but it was always a favorite of hers especially when high. This time around she wasn’t going to be paying much attention though, because her thoughts started to wander off to places she avoided when sober. She began to absentmindedly pick at the stitching in her thigh and stare at Zoe as their stammering and talking passed into her ears like static, the events from the night with the Directors cutting in and out of her head like channels flipping by too fast. Connor had gotten used to it by now, hell even reveled in it sometimes, however suddenly she wasn’t liking it so much. Her brain had conjured up Zoe in her place instead, with a knife stuck straight through their heart and blood spilling from the side of their head. What disturbed her the most though wasn’t all the blood, but the cold, dead, lifeless eyes that seemed to blame her for everything that happened to them. She was so caught up in her little nightmare that she didn’t notice the anxious feeling from it had caused her to pull out some of the almost finished stitching in her thigh and was bleeding onto her couch. 

Suddenly, Connor was pulled from her mind of terror as Zoe’s very much alive voice finally caught up with her high mind. She had to remind herself that this was her real sibling. Still breathing, still alive, and still a potential target because of the disaster she had made. “Uh...extra butter is fine.” The blood from her wound still went unnoticed as Connor tried to focus on the tv screen instead of Zoe, yet the image of those eyes haunted her until she finally had to do something about it. “Zo, I need you to do a very important thing for me, it’s gonna be beneficial for both of us.” She paused for a moment, acting as nonchalant as possible before asking her huge request. “You can’t go around talking about how we’re siblings, or do you’re whole daisy and roses act where you say you love me kinda shit. No...no hugging or even being fifty feet around me in public alright? This probably won’t even be that hard, but I’m being deadass serious right now. You can have as much sister time with me as you want privately, but as soon as we step out of these doors we pretend like the other doesn’t exist. Got it kid?”

[sincrlyconnor]

svnshinesqvad:

They sat down next to Connor happily, they never got to spend as much time with the other as they’d like and now that they were here with them it was nice, even if Connor wasn’t as receptive as they’d wished she would be. Zoe knew they didn’t like them and it hurt, they’d cried a fair bit over it but they tried to never let it show, just doing their best to be there for Connor anyway they could and hoping they’d come around eventually. “Yeah of course!” they said nodding their head excitedly. “I got like a holy shit ton of snacks! Pretty much everything you like. I can make you some popcorn—or order you some pizza, anything you want really.” 

A permanent glare stuck to Connor as Zoe flaunted their happy go lucky attitude all over the place. It always seemed to come easy to them, to just take on everything with sparkles and smiles. They practically radiated positivity, while Connor was stuck in a gutter of depression and self loathing. She hated it, but held back the urge to gag and be decent with her younger sibling for a while. She grabbed her lighter to light the joint in her mouth, and for once blew the smoke away from Zoe so she wouldn’t annoy them too much. “Pizza is fine. Get whatever fucking toppings you want, I’ll eat whatever you get. You should probably make popcorn too though, since pizza orders take a while.” She didn’t even look at them as she talked, instead she pretended to be more interested in scrolling through the movie choices than whatever the hell they got.

[sincrlyconnor]

svnshinesqvad:

Zoe had been at the others house all day, cleaning up and getting everything ready for their sister to come home. They’d gone out and got their groceries, made sure everything was set up so they wouldn’t get hurt any further with their injuries and bought a few of their favorite movies so she’d have something to do. “Oh I was just um-sorry.” they said softly, rushing to grab the other the remote and handing it to them. “I um-bought a few of the movies I know you like on Prime for you.” they grinned. “I figured we could watch them together maybe?” 

After focusing for a while and hardly paying any attention to what Zoe was saying, Connor finally managed to make her joint and let out a satisfied sigh. If she had been a good big sister she would have noticed that her sibling actually was being more than useful, but it wasn’t as if Connor would ever give them praise. Back home Zoe got plenty of that from their parents, it wasn’t like they needed to hear it from her mouth. She snatched the remote away and clicked the power button on, and pretended to think over their offer before rolling her eyes. “Fine whatever. It’s not like I have anything better to do anyways. Do we have any popcorn to snack on while we watch?”

[sincrlyconnor]

It took a while, but Connor’s stitches were healing to the point where she could finally move to the apartment couch without hurting too much. She was also oh so lucky to have the company of her sibling today, the one she tried to pretend didn’t exist for selfish reasons, and to also hide the fact that they were her only weakness. “Zo, if you’re going to be lurking around here can you make yourself fucking useful and grab me the remote? I can’t reach it from here.” With that Connor went back to trying to roll a joint, and for some reason was having a difficult time putting it together. God, why couldn’t the director just cut off a toe or some other useless part instead of stabbing her all over like she was a piece of meat? @svnshinesqvad

[sincrlyconnor]

hypnctism:

miles took a seat at the edge of her bed, resting one of his hands on her lower leg as he looked back and forth between her and meatball. “okay, first of all…bitch, don’t you dare say anything bad about my boy meatball. that’s our son, if you say shit like that about him people will call peta on you and i think dealing with a dog is more tolerable than that.” he started off his rant, already protective over the dog peeing all over. “have your roommate clean it, blame your injury.” he shrugged. this was why he loved connor so much, why they were so close, she was the only person he could be his natural asshole self with. “take care of meatball or i’m gonna join the director and fuckin yeet your ass into hell.”

Connor rolled her eyes and grabbed one of her pillows nearby before throwing it at Miles. “ I’ll say whatever I want about that blob of pure fat if he’s going to make a mess of my apartment. At this point a mob of angry basic white bitches from peta screaming outside my windows would be the least of my worries. Whatever.” She didn’t have time for this ugly rat dog, but she knew Miles was going to force him as a responsibility anyways, because he was a dickhead. “I can’t- oh my fucking god- I can’t have Jared take care of the gremlin, we’re not exactly...in a good situation right now. When I thought I was dying I slipped up and told him I loved him because I thought they were going to be my last words. I wanted to be remembered as like a good person or whatever but apparently I’m just really hard to kill. It’s awkward.” She laughed bitterly and kicked him lightly in the side. “Do it and please make sure I die when you yeet me. God I just need this all to end.”

[mariasgf]