What’s it feel like when two people see each other for the first time?
For the first time.. I’m pretty sure if I met someone for the first time I’d get butterflies so bad I’d get nauseous. I never been in a situation where I would meet someone online and then meet them in person. I’ve met a lot of ppl online randomly, whether a game or message board. Nothing ever escalated from that. There’s always that thought though. Could it happen? Would it work? Cat-fishing is a thing nowadays so you have to be careful.
If I had an amazing, too good to be true connection with another genuine human being... I would go for it. Just to know what his personality is like. To finally feel his emotions. To actually stare into his eyes. To touch him.
Let’s say we meet at a park. It’s a beautiful park where you can see grass for miles. The autumn foliage had just begun, where the leaves are still hanging from the trees. The wind is blowing gently. Nice and cool with the sun still keeping everything warm. I take my hair out of my eyes and look down at my phone. My hands are shaking from nervousness and my heart is pounding. I stare at your name and the last text you sent was “I’ll see you in just a few minutes!”
It feels like I just swallowed a cactus. I try to keep it together but I can’t take a deep breath and I just might faint. “What am I going to say to him first?” I think to myself. “I can’t just say, hi.” I finally catch my breath and I start to pace back and forth. I put my phone in my pocket at a standstill and look up at the clouds. “Could this be it? Will I be falling in love? Is this what everyone has been talking about? What everyone has been yearning for.”
I hear footsteps behind me. The shuffling gets louder and closer. My body is as stiff as a statue and I don’t take a breath. I pretend I didn’t hear anything and as soon as I place my hand on my heart---
“Hey.” he says to me softly. My eyes are filled with tears. I don’t realize it but my back is still facing him. I feel like I been facing this way for hours.
“Turn around!” I say in my mind. Then I look down. I can’t do it. I’m afraid. It’s only a few seconds later where he walks around to face me. I open my eyes, still looking down. He takes his hand under my chin to lift my head up.
Instant eye contact.
He tilts his head slightly and notices the tears. He focuses on my eyes and wipes away a falling tear. He smirks and leans in for a kiss.
It’s feels like fireworks. The heart inside me is cheering for happiness! I slowly wrap my arms around him for an immediate connection. I giggle just a bit and I feel him form a smile. We stop kissing and press my face against his and I laugh a little bit more.
“Hi.” Is what I say to him, my first word to this amazing human being. We gaze into each other’s eyes once more.
“I can’t believe I finally found you.” He whispers to me.
We hug for awhile and silently enjoy one anothers company.
Write about a ship or other vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.
I board a ship. It’s a huge white ship as far as the eye can see. Elegant, beautiful sitting alongside the coast of a Florida city. I cautiously ascend the stairs to see what’s ahead of me. Lugging my suitcase I look up to see a bourbon colored deck. As I finally set foot on the ship I gaze off in the distance and notice an open bar/restaurant. My eyes shift to the left of me and there is a stage. It’s setup for a band to perform. A man then guides me to my room. I open the door to see a small, but comfy looking bedroom for me to place my luggage. It has a window for me to peek out and see the horizon. As I exit the room, I begin to hear music. I pace faster as the music gets louder. I finally make it back to the surface and I notice a crowd, wearing black t-shirts I become excited to see one of my favorite metal bands performing. I then take a seat at the bar, order myself a cocktail as blue as the ocean waves. I take a sip and I get a hint of coconut rum. I close my eyes and feel the breeze through my hair and I feel like I’m in full relaxation. The warmth of the sun, the sound of the music, and the taste of my drink. Oh, yes. Complete zen.
The band finishes their set and I now have time to explore. I wander passed a swimming pool and I notice everyone has a smile on their face and a drink in their hand. The hugging, the high-fives. Everyone is so friendly. The sun begins to set and I head over to the farthest corner of the ship so I don’t miss a second of it. All the clouds in the sky give the sunset all kinds of colors. Blue, purple, pink, orange, red and yellow. Completely beautiful. I look down into the water and notice dolphins chasing after the ship. Leaping into the sky looking to kiss the sun. I crack and smile and then realize it’s getting darker. Looking straight up into the sky, just a blanket of stars appear one by one. Off in the distance is a full moon, ready to greet the night. The ship is now illuminated with all kinds of neon lights, and the party is still going. Everyone still laughing, dancing and drinking. Never ending fun. No negative thoughts whatsoever.
How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?
How does it make me feel? It makes me feel like I’ve stubbed my toe a thousand times on a chair. It feels like a game I can’t ever win. It feels like my heart got ripped out and stomped on. It feels like when I had my security blanket taken away when I was a small child. It feels like the day I found out my father died.
Basically, the pain feels like when you want something so bad, and life says, “nope!”
I’m not going to mention names, I’m sure a lot of people know exactly who I am talking about. It wasn’t only him I felt that way about though. I’ve had that feeling quite a few times, but I don’t think the love was true compared to my ex fiance. The worst part is, when it’s right there in front of you.. you just want to hug him, kiss him, touch him; and you can’t.. because his heart now belongs to someone else. You lay there, having an anxiety attack because it just hurts so much, and all he wants you to do is leave. He stands there over you, just telling you to stop acting ‘crazy’. It feels like one big nightmare... and just for a moment, suicide was the only way out. I’m so happy I got through that. It was too much pain. I believe it when it’s possible to die from a broken heart. True emotional heartache hurts so damn bad. I’ve been the one left behind before. I’ve had guys choose other girls over me. When it’s your best friend for ten years though, yeah that’s true pain. I honestly hope and pray I never have that feeling again.
Hello all! After a brief mental recovery, I have returned to my Tumblr page with a new plan. I wasn’t happy with my depressing blog entries. Although, looking back at them makes me realize how much I needed to express how I felt at the time. So, here’s a fresh start!
I have a list (365 to be exact) of writing prompt ideas. I plan to write once a day about a certain subject. A personal goal of mine. Please, sit back and enjoy my writing!
Outside the window? I look outside my living room window right now, and it’s dark; 3am. The weather is amazing. A nice 67 degree, mildly humid, partly cloudy weather. Honestly, it’s just perfect weather to sit outside, smoke a bowl, and enjoy the sounds of nature. Where I currently live is a suburb area. Very quiet. North of the city. After the sun has risen, we are to celebrate the summer solstice. Today will be the longest day of the year. So soak up all the sun you can! Unfortunately for me, I will be stuck at work. Thankfully, it is my Friday. I get to enjoy the next three days off. Ohio has been good to us, despite all of the rain we’ve been having. If I were to enjoy this day. I’d definitely would love to take a road trip to a park somewhere and take photos. Something I haven’t been able to do for a few months. Either, landscape or portrait. Portraits of me. I haven’t been feeling beautiful as of late. When I take photos of myself I always get a burst of confidence. I know I’m pretty, I guess maybe I just forget I am. Not too many people tell me that. Another thing I’d like to do while enjoying the weather is watching the sunset. Possibly have a picnic, or some type of alcoholic beverage.
Then, after nightfall, my favorite thing to do during the summer nights is to have all of the windows open, the lights off, and play a video game. That to me is incredibly nostalgic. I always get flashbacks of the summer my family bought a Playstation. I have a clear memory of my dad and brothers playing the first Twisted Metal game. Also Final Fantasy VII, Crash Bandicoot and Jet Moto. On that note, I’d be playing an older video game. It’s amazing what weather can make a person feel and do.
Makes me feel like a robot. Everything around me gets numb.. emotions.. movements... daily tasks. You just kind of live life on autopilot. Food all tastes the same.. no appetite. Every day is gloomy. Or rainy. Or cold.
You always hear people say, “just give it time. Time heals all.” So on, and so forth. After a while it’s like, when is time going to get here?
The hardest part about getting over your 10-year lover, soulmate, best friend, partner in crime, high-school sweetheart; is them being in love with someone else. Maybe it is my fault I waited too long. Or maybe because I told him to go for it. I was dumb enough to see if he’d change is mind if he went for her. Guess I was wrong. Or maybe I brought two true soulmates together? Maybe I just prepared him for something better? Either way, I still feel the same. Pain. Sadness. He tells me I should be angry at myself. I ruined everything. All because I needed some space.
Then, he proved he needed a replacement. Slept with some girl for a few months then got caught up on drama. Fought with her verbally and then got jumped and went to the hospital because they were arguing at 3am, while I sat at a restaurant alone because I got stood up by him. Yet, he kept telling me she didn’t mean much. Went to her house and stayed the night the day after I spent time with him on his birthday. Paid for his dinner. Bought him a few presents. Kept him company. Yet on my birthday he spent the whole week with a new girl, got a matching tattoo with her and completely fell head over heels for her.
After from jumping from one girl to the next.
After talking to her for three months. ON SNAPCHAT
While sleeping with me in-between.
He’s lied and controlled me for the last time. All I wanted was one of our family pets. I’m boarder line suffering from PTSD. I was really hoping keeping the cat or the dog. The dog wouldn’t be happy where I live. There’s no yard for him to run through. So I asked for the cat. He said no because he doesn’t want to separate the animals and I haven’t been taking care of them. Which is entirely untrue, because he struggled with buying food and litter and I have helped him. Multiple times.
Well, you know what? Maybe it’s fate. Maybe we weren’t meant to be. All I can really do is type out my feelings on this Tumblr blog nobody reads.
I’m getting tired of missing him. People are getting tired of me talking about him. It’s time for him to go. So tonight may have been it.
Hello! I have to apologize, it’s been a few days since my last post. I was extremely down last friday and saturday. I’m so happy my friend/roommate dragged me out of my funk and took me to a concert to put me in a better mood. I went and seen Prong, Sepultura and Testament. It was a very good show. I ended up catching a drumstick from Prong. The crowd was just awesome.. such a great time.
The last few days have been pretty ‘meh’. I got into it with a friend from work through text, so I was pretty upset about that; and another friend decided it’d be fun to lie to me. It wasn’t a very big lie, it’s just the simple fact that the lie was not necessary. I appreciate honesty with all of the kindness of my heart. I didn’t speak nor sit with them on break on Sunday or yesterday. Yesterday one apologized to me for lying, and the other friend apologized today for the way he acted. I feel extremely relieved that they did so. Now it’s a little bit more weight lifted off my chest.
One thing that has been bothering me for quite some time though, is the subject of matching tattoos. Today I was on my Instagram and noticed my sister’s ex boyfriend got a matching tattoo with his current girlfriend, whom he’s been dating maybe for a year? It just baffles me how little they’ve been together and already decided to get that done. Not only that, my ex fiance got a tattoo a few months back with some girl he’s only been talking to for 4 months....that lives in Switzerland. Now, mind you, when I told him he was an idiot for doing so, and after me crying, I asked him why we never got one. Of course, he blamed it on me. Saying we discussed it but I never seemed interested. Now, wait a second. The ten years we’ve spent together... I got 11 tattoos. He had the same two tattoos from before we even got together. So, really, who’s the one who didn’t want the matching tattoo? I mean, I made it pretty obvious that I didn’t have an issue with getting a tattoo with the man I was literally crazy about. Every time I told him to get a tattoo, matching or not, he’s the one who never seemed interested. Of course he is now, since the girl he’s seeing is a tattoo artist. That shit literally broke me. A literal slap on the face and then a point and laugh. Honestly, we could’ve gotten all the tattoos in the world together if only HE stepped forward. He just can’t admit he is wrong.
So, in the end.. do people really know what matching tattoos mean? The significance behind it... how much said person means to you? Do people realize that you’re living with this history of matching tattoos forever unless it’s covered up? Let me be honest here. A lot of people can agree with me, getting a tattoo with a spouse’s name or matching tattoos are straight up bad luck. Not many couples remain together forever after doing so. Many, many people can vouch for that, and I have plenty of friends who’ve had to get their “couple tatts” covered up. I can’t speak for everyone, some couples do wind up together forever. In which, I envy them so...
Hey.. I’m getting pretty good at this. I usually don’t stick to journals or anything like that, so 5 in a row is damn good coming from me haha XD
So today just felt kind of off. For one, I didn’t get a full nights rest because maintenance was here installing new windows. Sooo loud! I just felt weird all day. Rob, a good friend and my roommate, started acting distant, I got into it with a coworker of mine, Sindelar, through text. And John, the guy I was seeing for a bit was acting weird. I didn’t hear from Philip all day. My sister was super moody. I don’t know... I guess this is just how my life is now. Dealing with piss poor attitudes from everyone. This needs to change, and quick. My body just feels tired from all this bad energy from people. I like happy, positive attitudes, and none of that fake shit! I need to be around truly happy individuals. So I can be happy too.
Good morning, to whoever is reading. So, today was an average work day. I’m still learning the receiving office. It’s pretty simple. Although, I’m not appreciating some of the words that are going around. My friend had returned after a tragedy in the family, so I was hoping to get some support from her since I really haven’t been from many people.
She’s been working for the company longer than I have, roughly a year. She has learned a top priority position which she was told she’d learn the receiving office soon. Well, she suffers from a bad case of anxiety, so she misses work quite often. That’s the main reason why my supervisor won’t train her. It’s based on attendance. Plus, I don’t complain about whatever task I’m put on any day I work. I keep to myself, work hard and go home. Which is why Lisa, won’t ever get trained on anything high priority. This woman is a very difficult person to get along with. Very drama ridden, loves to be the center of attention. Another close coworker of mine has been feeling salty about my new training as well. He just wants to feel like he can be lazy, which yeah, you’re sitting down.. but you still have to work. His attendance is bad too.
Maybe I just expect a lot from people nowadays. I just need to focus on what I’m doing to improve and not worry about anyone’s negativity. At the same time, friends are around to be supportive.. not drag you down. Sometimes I wonder if I’m picking the right people to stay in my life.
Aquarius🌷
you have a big heart and love to go on cute dates to cozy places. you give the best hugs and pet names. but you can be distant at times and are bad at texting back.
I read this today on Tumblr. It just astounds me how true this stuff can be. I do have a big heart. I have a big heart because I always put other people before me. You can use and abuse me, and I will still walk on glass for you. I love, love, LOVE going on cute dates. The last date I went on was this guy I started seeing at work. Big giant sweetheart, I tell ya. He took me to this area called German Village, which has a German restaurant that I’ve always wanted to eat at. Before that, I took some amazing photos at a park nearby.
We walked through the neighborhood to the restaurant, ate there, and then checked out this mini chocolate shop (because I have a passion for sweets). After that, we took another trip to a famous bookstore called the Book Loft; it has 23 rooms of books! It was truly a cute and ‘cozy’ type date. Best hugs? Damn straight! I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but all my hugs are meaningful and I do it for a cause. It’s a great way to show how to relate to a thought, a situation, or keeping someone up when they’re feeling down. Pet names are a huge thing of mine. I’ve called every boyfriend I’ve had a pet name. I called my fiance ‘baby’ for a verrry long time. It was extremely difficult to kill that habit. Distant? Wow... yeah, that’s so me. Distance is my true enemy. I always try to run from people who want to be close. For some reason it terrifies me. When there a problem... I‘d rather just be distant. I always become quiet when I know there’s a problem and I am the cause. I think it’s a way to express embarrassment..? Shame? Sense of regret? It’s not necessarily a negative thing.. I’m just aware of what I did wrong and sometimes I think silence is a better way to deal than just saying sorry all the time. Honestly, people often misunderstand me when I’m distant. Texting back? That can be a true habit of mine. Truthfully it happens when I’m out having a good time and it just kind of slips my mind when responding, but I’m usually on top of it. The only time I lack replies is when a person starts making me feel uncomfortable. Rather than saying that, I just don’t respond.
Today was a good day. I learned something new at my job. Honestly, I haven’t had a day like this in a very long time. It felt like it went slowly, but I learned all day which gave me no time to think. Which was amazing, by the way. I’ve been thinking all day about my ex fiance(you will know about him soon enough) throughout the many, many months. So this is definitely a much needed break from this wandering mind.
My first entry. I’ve started this because of my thoughts. Thoughts that have made me happy, sad, angry, confused, hateful, scared... the list can go on. I need somewhere to collect my thoughts, and not just in my head. This has been a rough road for me, and here I am on a crazy journey. Alone. So please listen to me as I go through this path called life. Peace and love
baratheonpilled
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
dededos
vaporwave
