After writing my last post, that day, colt and I talked about what I was feeling and were it was coming from.
He wondered why I was looking back.
I told him that I wasn’t looking back to see what the problem was but I was wondering what was causing such physical reactions when I KNOW, deep down, that everything is going to be okay.
And like I said in my previous post; I was having a traumatic response and I didn’t understand why it felt so strong, so real, when I knew it wasn’t coming from a good place. It boiled down to that what was/is happening has happened before and I don’t want the outcome to be the same.
Through us talking, that peace came back and has stayed with me. Everything will be okay, even if it turns out differently than what I want.
Colt directed me to a talk called “Easily Entreated” by Sandra Rogers - it was a BYUI Devotional back in sept of 2012.
I finally read it today and has helped shift my thinking.
{side note: it’s interesting how I feel like I am doing the best i can. That I strive to turn towards the Lord. That I pray, study my scriptures, talk things out in my head. In these kinds of situations I try to fix our problem or try to understand our problem. And then I read a talk like this and it reminds me of everything that I truly believe. The same message, just in different words, that I have drawn strength from constantly throughout the years. And it helps instill that I am EXACTLY where I need to be and I am doing EXACTLY what I need to do.}
She quotes Alma the younger:
“And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.”
Yes!! These are the things i strive to do.
She quotes Nephi:
“Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.”
YES!! Isn’t this what I do?!
But why can I be swayed by thoughts and fears…
She quotes King Benjamin:
King Benjamin summarized the miracle of justification and sanctification in one verse. “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticing of the Holy Spirit [or we could say unless he is easily entreated], and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”
Sandra Rogers continues on to say:
“It is through our responses to the Holy Ghost—our willingness to be entreated by him, whose work it is to speak the words of Christ, that we are able to increase our faith, to have a mighty change wrought in our hearts, to be born of God, and have His image in our countenances. I have also learned that the inspiration of the Holy Ghost gives to those who receive it vision and Christian courage.
…Without the witness of the Holy Ghost that the path we are pursuing is correct and in accordance with God’s will, we would not have the courage to sacrifice the present gains for a much more important and eternal future. Without the witness of the Holy Ghost we would not be able to discern truth in the cacophony of noise hurled at us by the world partying away in the great and spacious building. Without the witness of the Holy Ghost about what is true, and what is important, we would not be able to hold the course, or return to the course, through storms of trial and difficulty, with faith, optimism and confidence.”
We, colt and I, as a family, have had “the COURAGE to sacrifice the present gain for a much more important and eternal future” and we have done it through the “noise hurled at us by the world”.
I was letting the world start to whisper in my ear…and it’s not just the world. It's my inner noise. And It’s noise coming from family members, who want to point out that if we just did this (fill in the blank), that we would be in a better place. And I was beginning to think with my head and not with my heart and spirit … I was pretty much letting the Lord know that I can take it from here. That i will get us out of this “mess”.
Now being reminded of ALL the things that have got us to this point, I recognize that it’s not a mess. We are exactly where we need to be. Where we have CHOSEN to be.
I know our life from the outside doesn’t look like much. But it has been an incredible journey. We have been blessed time and time again.
We have turned our lives over to the Lord and we have been literal instruments in His hands.
I wish I didn’t have those moments of fear and of pride.
I know at times I’m learning the same lesson over and over again. But I’m grateful that with each time, I’m getting better at recognizing what I need to do. And that I’m getting more and more comfortable at sacrificing what I want most now for things of eternal value. That I have the courage to stand for what I believe.
And I’m SO glad that I don’t stand alone.
That I have an amazing, faithful, priesthood worthy husband that is always by my side and who is always turning to the Lord.
(Love you babes!!)
I want to be someone that is easily entreated by the Lord. That I will be humble enough to allow Him to guide me in all things. That amongst the noise that is always hurled at us by the world, that I will continue to listen to the still small voice.
