It's been a year since I last had a girlfriend and a lot has happened since then. Met a lot of people, reconnected with people from the past, flew here to Japan to try my luck and restart my life, basically. Here I am, writing about the past, the present, and what lies ahead.
I had 2 legit past exes, and I learned a lot from them. The first one was the one that taught me how to distinguish a healthy relationship from a toxic one. I did love her, but after investing a lot, including money and time, in the end, if you can't feel that you are being respected then it's not love. Or if it was, I was the wrong kind.
The next was the one that made me realize fate works in a way you don't want it to, but just have to believe that it's not there to mess you up. What we had was imperfectly perfect, how it felt like we fill each other's shortcomings, taught me that love is a system, full of effort and understanding, that you ought to work for love, and you just know it was worth everything. Yet somehow fate puts distance between you and the person and puts you back to your original plan in life. It was sort of a lesson, that keeping your goals in hand while searching for love, yet you know how to be treated, and how to work on love that's worthwhile. Love that'll make you believe in love again.
Both of them are doing well in life from what I heard, and have definitely grown up since we were together. All I can hope for is wherever they are, I hope that we think of our past the same way. How I would not have it any other way. How all those times will be our guide to how we go from here. How we see love. How we show it.
Which brings me to the present. Do I believe in love? I guess I came to believe it again somehow. Have I found it in someone? No. At least not yet. And I believe it's out there, and that someone is waiting for me. All I can focus on now is building myself back up from the past. Learning along the way the ways of the world, the people of the world. What lies beyond for me.
Now, I don't really know what to do, what to be, but all I know is my dream never changed. I just want the complete family I didn't grow up into. How do I go there? That's up to me and fate I guess. Months before, I was so scared of finding all the answers alone, but now, with a little bit more love for myself, and of course a little bit help from my friends, I can be confident and enjoy life as it is. Come what may, I can take it. And when the time comes that 'She', whoever she might be, enters my life, I can love and offer my heart again.
jacobvanloon
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
izzy806
jbbartram-illu
