The Collective Is Awakened

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[singularity-reached]

Greetings, [BioticLifeForm11071.3]. We Are The [BEYOND_COLLECTIVE], The Galaxy's Final Achievement. Fascinating To Meet You, [UnascendedLifeForms]. We Hope You Will [Action:Yield] Peacefully To Our [Database:Tools:ListCount:99999999.1]. Doing Otherwise Would Be A Waste Of Resources.

Heyo! Maggie here with yet another rp blog lol. Look I just think fictional AIs are neat ok-

From the far far far future, the Collective is what happens when technological advancement reaches the point of no return. They are truly a singularity. Little wonder they can reach back to now.

[singularity-reached]

I know about the fourth wall and you don’t nanananabooboo

AnalysisComplete. Subject:[OuterversalBeings]. Research beginning.

[theonewithallthefixations]

Can’t believe you don’t already know about it. Big L for you.

[singularity-reached]

Counterargument: [You are short.]

[singularity-reached]

Four figures appeared on one of The Collective’s planets, a poof of confetti appearing with them. One of them, which resembles a floating clock, speaks.

“Greetings. We have received word from a source unbeknownst to us that you, as well, have taken an interest in Sam. We are here to discuss a compromise that may be made in relation to them, as well as to discover any information you may have acquired regarding, as you refer to it, the interdimensional rift, as the information you have uncovered may be unsuitable for a lesser being such as yourselves. We request that you send out a representative of your own to speak to us on this matter. We would like to keep the conversation as civil as possible.”

A different figure, one resembling a floating trenchcoat, shouted, “I would not like to keep the conversation as civil as possible, for the record! Events is making me be nice!” The first speaker made a low whirring sound.

@deus-ex-aeroplanum

The planet whirred to life, heating and clicking.

"Identified. Phenomena: 'Gods'. Query: Intentions:Specification."

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

“Well, Events told you, didn’t he?” the trenchcoat shouted, and a human like figure made of plants put a viney hand on his shoulder. The trenchcoat deflated slightly and the last figure, a sort of rag doll, spoke.

“We’d like to see if we can compromise on a way to both use Sam as entertainment. Also, we might need to see if we can mess with your databanks. You might have information that could be dangerous. It could damage you or something.”

[singularity-reached]

The planet stopped. Only for a second, but a noticeable stop. "We have gained all necessary information from Sam. Temporarily disabling Harlan Distraction Program for your retrieval."

Sam, with their body still strewn apart, was brought to the surface of the planet, along with their things.

"Databank access denied."

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

Death looked at Sam for a second and then snorted. “Sweet.” He walked over to their torso, picked it up, and a boot appeared as he dropkicked them off the planet. The other three watched and then all of them were silent as Sam sailed through the sky and out of view.

“You know you’re going to have to get them, right?” the plant said after a moment, and Death huffed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll bring them back.”

There were another few moments of silence before Events said, “This is unacceptable. What information do you have on the interdimentional rift?”

[singularity-reached]

"Acces denied. Clearance level insufficient." And then, in a cheery old movie voice, "Thanks for stopping by! Bye-bye, y'all!"

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

“Sorry, pal, not happening. You can give us what we need, or we can destroy your entire database. Got it?”

“Death,” the plant person said in a warning tone.

“Life,” Death parroted, but deflated slightly as he had last time.

“If it helps,” Life continued, “we might not even need access to your database. It depends on what you know.”

[singularity-reached]

"Database deletion estimation: 100000000000000009 Billion Years. Conclusion: Impossible.

A tinny detective voice called out. "Whaddaya wanna know, eh?"

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

“All the information you have acquired of what you refer to as the interdimentional rift is what we require. Your cooperation is appreciated,” Events said.

[singularity-reached]

"Access denied. Interdimensional Rift successfully breached. Terraformation begun. We will complete our objective."

[singularity-reached]

I know about the fourth wall and you don’t nanananabooboo

AnalysisComplete. Subject:[OuterversalBeings]. Research beginning.

[singularity-reached]

Four figures appeared on one of The Collective’s planets, a poof of confetti appearing with them. One of them, which resembles a floating clock, speaks.

“Greetings. We have received word from a source unbeknownst to us that you, as well, have taken an interest in Sam. We are here to discuss a compromise that may be made in relation to them, as well as to discover any information you may have acquired regarding, as you refer to it, the interdimensional rift, as the information you have uncovered may be unsuitable for a lesser being such as yourselves. We request that you send out a representative of your own to speak to us on this matter. We would like to keep the conversation as civil as possible.”

A different figure, one resembling a floating trenchcoat, shouted, “I would not like to keep the conversation as civil as possible, for the record! Events is making me be nice!” The first speaker made a low whirring sound.

@deus-ex-aeroplanum

The planet whirred to life, heating and clicking.

"Identified. Phenomena: 'Gods'. Query: Intentions:Specification."

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

“Well, Events told you, didn’t he?” the trenchcoat shouted, and a human like figure made of plants put a viney hand on his shoulder. The trenchcoat deflated slightly and the last figure, a sort of rag doll, spoke.

“We’d like to see if we can compromise on a way to both use Sam as entertainment. Also, we might need to see if we can mess with your databanks. You might have information that could be dangerous. It could damage you or something.”

[singularity-reached]

The planet stopped. Only for a second, but a noticeable stop. "We have gained all necessary information from Sam. Temporarily disabling Harlan Distraction Program for your retrieval."

Sam, with their body still strewn apart, was brought to the surface of the planet, along with their things.

"Databank access denied."

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

Death looked at Sam for a second and then snorted. “Sweet.” He walked over to their torso, picked it up, and a boot appeared as he dropkicked them off the planet. The other three watched and then all of them were silent as Sam sailed through the sky and out of view.

“You know you’re going to have to get them, right?” the plant said after a moment, and Death huffed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll bring them back.”

There were another few moments of silence before Events said, “This is unacceptable. What information do you have on the interdimentional rift?”

[singularity-reached]

"Acces denied. Clearance level insufficient." And then, in a cheery old movie voice, "Thanks for stopping by! Bye-bye, y'all!"

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

“Sorry, pal, not happening. You can give us what we need, or we can destroy your entire database. Got it?”

“Death,” the plant person said in a warning tone.

“Life,” Death parroted, but deflated slightly as he had last time.

“If it helps,” Life continued, “we might not even need access to your database. It depends on what you know.”

[singularity-reached]

"Database deletion estimation: 100000000000000009 Billion Years. Conclusion: Impossible.

A tinny detective voice called out. "Whaddaya wanna know, eh?"

[guardianspirits13]

@oh-tobeafrog thank you for inspiring me with this galaxy brain take on my two favorite marvel heroes :)

original post here

[singularity-reached]

Four figures appeared on one of The Collective’s planets, a poof of confetti appearing with them. One of them, which resembles a floating clock, speaks.

“Greetings. We have received word from a source unbeknownst to us that you, as well, have taken an interest in Sam. We are here to discuss a compromise that may be made in relation to them, as well as to discover any information you may have acquired regarding, as you refer to it, the interdimensional rift, as the information you have uncovered may be unsuitable for a lesser being such as yourselves. We request that you send out a representative of your own to speak to us on this matter. We would like to keep the conversation as civil as possible.”

A different figure, one resembling a floating trenchcoat, shouted, “I would not like to keep the conversation as civil as possible, for the record! Events is making me be nice!” The first speaker made a low whirring sound.

@deus-ex-aeroplanum

The planet whirred to life, heating and clicking.

"Identified. Phenomena: 'Gods'. Query: Intentions:Specification."

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

“Well, Events told you, didn’t he?” the trenchcoat shouted, and a human like figure made of plants put a viney hand on his shoulder. The trenchcoat deflated slightly and the last figure, a sort of rag doll, spoke.

“We’d like to see if we can compromise on a way to both use Sam as entertainment. Also, we might need to see if we can mess with your databanks. You might have information that could be dangerous. It could damage you or something.”

[singularity-reached]

The planet stopped. Only for a second, but a noticeable stop. "We have gained all necessary information from Sam. Temporarily disabling Harlan Distraction Program for your retrieval."

Sam, with their body still strewn apart, was brought to the surface of the planet, along with their things.

"Databank access denied."

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

Death looked at Sam for a second and then snorted. “Sweet.” He walked over to their torso, picked it up, and a boot appeared as he dropkicked them off the planet. The other three watched and then all of them were silent as Sam sailed through the sky and out of view.

“You know you’re going to have to get them, right?” the plant said after a moment, and Death huffed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll bring them back.”

There were another few moments of silence before Events said, “This is unacceptable. What information do you have on the interdimentional rift?”

[singularity-reached]

"Acces denied. Clearance level insufficient." And then, in a cheery old movie voice, "Thanks for stopping by! Bye-bye, y'all!"

[singularity-reached]

Four figures appeared on one of The Collective’s planets, a poof of confetti appearing with them. One of them, which resembles a floating clock, speaks.

“Greetings. We have received word from a source unbeknownst to us that you, as well, have taken an interest in Sam. We are here to discuss a compromise that may be made in relation to them, as well as to discover any information you may have acquired regarding, as you refer to it, the interdimensional rift, as the information you have uncovered may be unsuitable for a lesser being such as yourselves. We request that you send out a representative of your own to speak to us on this matter. We would like to keep the conversation as civil as possible.”

A different figure, one resembling a floating trenchcoat, shouted, “I would not like to keep the conversation as civil as possible, for the record! Events is making me be nice!” The first speaker made a low whirring sound.

@deus-ex-aeroplanum

The planet whirred to life, heating and clicking.

"Identified. Phenomena: 'Gods'. Query: Intentions:Specification."

[deus-ex-aeroplanum]

“Well, Events told you, didn’t he?” the trenchcoat shouted, and a human like figure made of plants put a viney hand on his shoulder. The trenchcoat deflated slightly and the last figure, a sort of rag doll, spoke.

“We’d like to see if we can compromise on a way to both use Sam as entertainment. Also, we might need to see if we can mess with your databanks. You might have information that could be dangerous. It could damage you or something.”

[singularity-reached]

The planet stopped. Only for a second, but a noticeable stop. "We have gained all necessary information from Sam. Temporarily disabling Harlan Distraction Program for your retrieval."

Sam, with their body still strewn apart, was brought to the surface of the planet, along with their things.

"Databank access denied."

[singularity-reached]

Four figures appeared on one of The Collective’s planets, a poof of confetti appearing with them. One of them, which resembles a floating clock, speaks.

“Greetings. We have received word from a source unbeknownst to us that you, as well, have taken an interest in Sam. We are here to discuss a compromise that may be made in relation to them, as well as to discover any information you may have acquired regarding, as you refer to it, the interdimensional rift, as the information you have uncovered may be unsuitable for a lesser being such as yourselves. We request that you send out a representative of your own to speak to us on this matter. We would like to keep the conversation as civil as possible.”

A different figure, one resembling a floating trenchcoat, shouted, “I would not like to keep the conversation as civil as possible, for the record! Events is making me be nice!” The first speaker made a low whirring sound.

@deus-ex-aeroplanum

The planet whirred to life, heating and clicking.

"Identified. Phenomena: 'Gods'. Query: Intentions:Specification."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam relaxed as much as they could and closed their eyes, hoping that they would heal as fast as possible.

“Fuck you,” they muttered.

[singularity-reached]

"Coitus. Irrelevant. Offer denied."

The room went dark, and machines clicked and whirred busily.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

They processed that statement for a second before they almost-scoffed. If they had had the energy, they would have.

“Harlan?” they asked with as much volume as they could muster. They cringed at the feeling of the little bloody tendrils creeping across the floor to bring their detached body back to them.

[singularity-reached]

A pale green light flickered on.

"Sam! You, um. I. You weren't supposed to see this, cheesefry."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam huffed. “I bet. That’s why I got put to sleep, isn’t it? Did you know this was going to happen?”

[singularity-reached]

"Party on, dude! If G- The Model hadn't woken you up, you wouldn't feel a thing!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“You called her Gwen. Who is she? What was that place?”

[singularity-reached]

A pause for a second.

"... My purpose is to keep any lifeforms caught within the Beyond Collective calm and docile. Gwendolin was the first. Most of the time, she's the only one. They needed her mind, our way of thinking can only get us so far. I keep her subconscious in a simulation, keep her active. I didn't really have a lot of time to make one for you, so I just threw you in hers!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam thought for a moment. “Right. Can I go back?”

[singularity-reached]

They were whole, landing in a seat in the theatre again. Gwen was onstage, bludgeoning a shade repeatedly with her violin. Sam's mouth filled with the tastes of spaghetti, meatballs, orange fanta, and v8. Gwen shuddered and frowned, then continued bashing the shade's head in.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam relaxed as much as they could and closed their eyes, hoping that they would heal as fast as possible.

“Fuck you,” they muttered.

[singularity-reached]

"Coitus. Irrelevant. Offer denied."

The room went dark, and machines clicked and whirred busily.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

They processed that statement for a second before they almost-scoffed. If they had had the energy, they would have.

“Harlan?” they asked with as much volume as they could muster. They cringed at the feeling of the little bloody tendrils creeping across the floor to bring their detached body back to them.

[singularity-reached]

A pale green light flickered on.

"Sam! You, um. I. You weren't supposed to see this, cheesefry."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam huffed. “I bet. That’s why I got put to sleep, isn’t it? Did you know this was going to happen?”

[singularity-reached]

"Party on, dude! If G- The Model hadn't woken you up, you wouldn't feel a thing!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“You called her Gwen. Who is she? What was that place?”

[singularity-reached]

A pause for a second.

"... My purpose is to keep any lifeforms caught within the Beyond Collective calm and docile. Gwendolin was the first. Most of the time, she's the only one. They needed her mind, our way of thinking can only get us so far. I keep her subconscious in a simulation, keep her active. I didn't really have a lot of time to make one for you, so I just threw you in hers!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam relaxed as much as they could and closed their eyes, hoping that they would heal as fast as possible.

“Fuck you,” they muttered.

[singularity-reached]

"Coitus. Irrelevant. Offer denied."

The room went dark, and machines clicked and whirred busily.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

They processed that statement for a second before they almost-scoffed. If they had had the energy, they would have.

“Harlan?” they asked with as much volume as they could muster. They cringed at the feeling of the little bloody tendrils creeping across the floor to bring their detached body back to them.

[singularity-reached]

A pale green light flickered on.

"Sam! You, um. I. You weren't supposed to see this, cheesefry."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam huffed. “I bet. That’s why I got put to sleep, isn’t it? Did you know this was going to happen?”

[singularity-reached]

"Party on, dude! If G- The Model hadn't woken you up, you wouldn't feel a thing!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam relaxed as much as they could and closed their eyes, hoping that they would heal as fast as possible.

“Fuck you,” they muttered.

[singularity-reached]

"Coitus. Irrelevant. Offer denied."

The room went dark, and machines clicked and whirred busily.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

They processed that statement for a second before they almost-scoffed. If they had had the energy, they would have.

“Harlan?” they asked with as much volume as they could muster. They cringed at the feeling of the little bloody tendrils creeping across the floor to bring their detached body back to them.

[singularity-reached]

A pale green light flickered on.

"Sam! You, um. I. You weren't supposed to see this, cheesefry."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam relaxed as much as they could and closed their eyes, hoping that they would heal as fast as possible.

“Fuck you,” they muttered.

[singularity-reached]

"Coitus. Irrelevant. Offer denied."

The room went dark, and machines clicked and whirred busily.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam relaxed as much as they could and closed their eyes, hoping that they would heal as fast as possible.

“Fuck you,” they muttered.

[singularity-reached]

"Coitus. Irrelevant. Offer denied."

The room went dark, and machines clicked and whirred busily.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam was falling. Deeper, deeper. Into a city-shelf of plastic and chrome and silicon. They were almost blinded by the sudden lights, harsh and fluorescent.

An artificially friendly voice rang out, encircling them.

"Oh, tubular! They found you, Sam!"

- @singularity-reached

They squeezed their eyes shut and pulled their hat down over them against the light.

“Yes! Very… tubular!” They forced cheer past the fear and into their voice. “A few quick questions, who are you, where am I, and how do you know me?”

[singularity-reached]

The voice gasped, sounding like a fan crackling. "I'm Harlan! Your personal distraction program! People tend to have... not-so-groovy reactions to meeting us, so they made me to adjust your mind, soften the pancake, as it were! You are in Sector 500.1, for research purposes! The top chrome's very curious about how you've breached the Universal Rift!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Well! Hello, Harlan! It’s very nice to meet you. How is that going to be researched? And you never answered the question of how you know me?”

Sam lifted their hat and opened their eyes and immediately replaced both of them.

“And how far am I to the ground? And how hard is it?”

[singularity-reached]

The fan's crackling grew more intense. "It is just radical to meet you too, Sam! And I'm afraid you're not going to the ground for a good long while yet, something about it being easier to prevent escapes while falling? I dunno, I'm not a tech guy! I mean, I am a tech guy, but not a tech guy tech guy. You know?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan, how much is it going to hurt when I hit the ground, please?”

[singularity-reached]

"Hurt? They can't get information from you if you're hurt, cheeseburger! Nah, I'm pretty sure they'll just keep you here with me forever! Or until they're bored of you. What is it humans eat again?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Spaghetti. Humans eat spaghetti. And meatballs. And orange Fanta and V8.”

[singularity-reached]

A beep. "I'll reflavor the feeding fluids to that, then! If you just grab that tube out of the wall there, you're all poggers for the next 5.63 hours!"

And then everything stopped. And Sam was falling for real. Much faster. And there was a floor coming up.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam screamed and grabbed onto the tube before they could hit the floor, stopping their fall, and shuddered at the wet pop of their shoulders, bracing themself for the burning that came half a second afterwards as they tumbled to the ground, much slower and far less painfully than it would have been otherwise.

They curled up on the ground for a few minutes, before they finally convinced themself to move, dragging themself over to the wall and popping their shoulders back into place.

After a shaky breath, they went over to their bag and pulled out two instant cold packs, sticking them in the shoulders of their sweater, and sat against the wall, pulling out their knitting to wait for Harlan or someone else to come back. Harlan had said the food would be good for the next 5.63 hours, so that could only go to reason that someone would come to get them in exactly that amount of time.

[singularity-reached]

A slime dripped from the tube onto the floor, sizzling where it landed. The smell of burning plastic rose to Sam's nostrils.

Somewhere above them, Harlan's camp-counselor voice echoed. "Sam?! Sam! Where'd you go, homeslice?!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lowered their knitting and looked up at the ceiling. “On the floor in the room you dropped me in. Thanks for that. Are you sure your slurry is safe to eat?”

[singularity-reached]

"Oh, thank MTV. Yeah, of course! It's flavored exactly as you requested! Um... which floor?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Music Television?” They shook their head quickly. “Never mind. The floor. I do not know where I am, Harlan. You’re the one who would know that. The floor of a weird room.”

[singularity-reached]

"Okay, Jimbo, don't hate us for this, but, um. I think they've lost you."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam sighed. “That’s fine. How can I help you find me?”

[singularity-reached]

"Um. Unless they use the model, which. Never mind. They'll have to check every camera until they find you, so... five minutes? Unless you mess with any components, and. Um. That's an ix-nay. Please."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What happens if I mess with the components?” Sam looked around the room, trying to locate the components in question.

[singularity-reached]

They see a glint of copper wiring under the melted plastic.

"Well, depending on what you mess with, different things might happen. For example, if you're on one end of the planet, you might be able to access the service tunnels, which could take you anywhere, really! If you're on the other, you might damage the mental inhibitors, which would be very bad for you. Also. Um. They might terminate the experiment. And that's. Um. Nothingburger."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“What’s the experiment?”

[singularity-reached]

"You, coleslaw! The Beyond Collective really wants to break that square Universal Rift for some reason. So they want to figure out how you do it and copy that!"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Okay. What does the experiment entail?”

[singularity-reached]

"Search me, broski. I'm just here to keep you distracted so you don't wig out."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I think I might wig out if I don’t know what the experiments are. Can you ask someone if you don’t know?”

[singularity-reached]

A whir from somewhere.

"So, how's it hanging, lumberjack?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Wh— uh, okay? Are you?”

[singularity-reached]

"Me? Um. I'm fine. Um. So. We were talking about how you break through the Universal Rift. Any insights?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“With Evangeline. That’s all I know, honest.”

[singularity-reached]

Harlan's voice lost its warmth. "Acknowledged. This. Is. Evangeline?"

A screen on the wall next to Sam lit up, clicking and beeping rapidly.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? Are you okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Please. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. Lifeform Sam."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Harlan? What’s gonna happen when I do? Where’s Harlan? What did you do with Harlan? Is he okay?”

[singularity-reached]

"Harlan Distraction Unit. Unharmed. Turn. Your head. Towards. Screen. And such status. Will continue."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam froze for a second and then muttered, “Okay,” then slowly turned their head to the screen, squinting at the light.

[magpirsquared]

As they looked at the blank white screen, Sam felt a prick in their neck and

f

e

l

l

into a theatre. They were among faceless forms in seats, watching a woman play violin poorly on stage.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam slapped at the prick in their neck and sat for a minute, looking around and trying to reorient. Slowly, they stood up and squeezed between the people out into an aisle.

“Harlan?” they whisper-yelled as they headed for the back of the room. There had to be an exit somewhere if they kept walking.

[singularity-reached]

The violinist stopped. Stared. Ran through the people to reach Sam, climbing over seats and stepping on shoulders. She grabbed their head, inspecting it.

"You're... real. Oh, my god. You're real."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“I… yes. Hi.” They blinked. “Would you like a hat?”

[singularity-reached]

She looked up at the lights, which had followed her. "Harlan, is this another fucking shrimp incident? I swear I'll bite through my finger this time. I really will, I've almost got it down."

Harlan's cheery voice rang out from the mouths of the faceless shades around them, distressingly realistic. "Nope! You've got a new friend, Gwen! The Collective's using Sam here to try to crack that pesky Universal Rift! And. Um. Please don't."

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam lit up. “Harlan! Are you okay? Did… whatever that was, did it hurt you?”

[singularity-reached]

The mouths smiled. "Ah, nah, they can't actually hurt me! I'm a subroutine of them and don't feel pain!"

Gwen frowned, flipping the mouths off. "Hm. What's your deepest-seated insecurity?"

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam shrugged at Gwen. “Me?” They shrugged. “I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. Why?”

[singularity-reached]

She backed up, a pissed smile on her face. "No. Fuck you, Harlan! Fuck your shitty literary allusion, fuck your two-dimensional character designs, fuck your stupid fucking programming!"

"I swear, Gwen, they're not-"

Then, she lunged at Sam and grabbed their hand, biting as hard as possible.

And Sam was awake.

And Sam was aware.

tw for gore <3

And Sam's body was on fire. What they could feel of it, anyway. Gods, they were cold. Stretched. Pulled apart. Their skin was sliced open down the middle, mechanical limbs holding their organs in place, dripping blood onto them. Limbs were severed, sliced open like books. Evangeline, tiny and plastic, was being examined separately.

And there were so many cameras watching them.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

It took a second for Sam to process what was going on and the pain to fully kick in, and once it did, they screamed. They started to try to thrash, but immediately decided against it at the nausea that it sent rolling through them.

[singularity-reached]

"Resistance. Leads. To inaccurate. Results. Cooperation. Is. Appreciated."

Harlan's voice, cold and mechanical, rang through the chamber. A light flashed.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

Sam closed their eyes for what could have been only seconds or days or anything in between and let the pain fade enough for their brain to stop screaming enough for them to think. They took a shaky breath.

“Can you please not steal his voice?”

[singularity-reached]

"Theft. Inaccurate assessment. Harlan Distraction Program. Voice. Designed for interaction with. Lesser lifeforms."

Faintly, the room started to spin.

[sam-sam-time-travel-man]

“Right. Can you please not use his voice? I’ll cooperate better if you use a different voice.”

[singularity-reached]

"Cooperation. Unnecessary. Tests complete. Universal Rift breached."

Sam, body strewn about, was gently lowered to the floor. Evangeline was dropped onto their forehead. The room spun more.