One of my absolute dreams is to be kidnapped by the most sadistic, abusive, psychologically manipulative mother fucker.
He spends weeks on end breaking me down, torturing me.
He’s volatile as fuck, being mean to me one second and then coddling me the next.
I want him to beat me, degrade me, rape me, starve me, and ultimately drain any ounce of hope I had in me that I’d be okay. Just to then put all that hope back into me after suddenly being nice and gentle to me. Feeding me, caressing me, telling me that he won’t hurt me. Having me walking on thin ice at first, cautious to accept this new peace, fearing that it’ll be taken away. Letting it go on for long enough to where I believe all is well and I’ve let my guard down.
Then suddenly, that switch flips and he is back to making my life a living hell. Except, this time it’s a deeper layer in hell. I got a taste of his kindness. I see that he can be kind, he’s just choosing not to. He’s intentionally and consciously hurting me.
I hate him, but as time passes my hatred turns into something different.
I’m going insane in between his visits coming down to see me. Clawing at my skin, wondering what I did wrong to make him change his feelings for me. I thought he liked me? Beating myself up because I’m a failure. I failed him. I fucked up and now he hates me, wants nothing to do with me.
Crying to him, begging and pleading, letting him know that I’m sorry and I’ll do anything to fix my mistake. He doesn’t care. He’s cold and treats me as if I’m nothing, as though I’m just something for him to use and abuse.
Fuck, that’s it. That’s all I am. I am nothing. I only exist for his pleasure and nothing else. I’m just a toy and I’ll be exactly that for him. Anything to please Master. When did I start calling him Master? I don’t know but it feels right.
This torture cycle goes on for a while. I don’t know how long, could’ve been weeks, months, even a year maybe.
I suffer and am pushed to the edge, but every time, he comes back like a hero to save me from falling. He is a hero. He’s my hero. Master is my hero.
I will go through a hundred lifetimes of torture if it means I can have even just a moment of Master’s affection. I love him. I’m his, all his. His perfect little toy.
Thank you for choosing me Master. Thank you for everything. And I mean it.
