his eyes rolled, a tick he never quite lost, to the annoyance of his professors. ‘ yep, s’wot i do. ’ his grin sobered a bit, nodding with his words, trying not to think of a frightened sirius in a warzone. a protective instinct made him the least bit angry with him for putting his life in danger, a fossil of their relationship – remus suppressed it, a hundred other feelings easily taking its place just to look at him again.‘ i can’t even imagine…’ he swallowed, unsure how to console his brave boy, nor whether such a thing was warranted, much less desired. joining up was never a possibility for someone ill as remus; he was taken by complete and utter surprise when lily mentioned sirius was back. it fell on him like a sack of rocks, realising that while he wrote dissertations in his little flat, sirius was spending his days faced-to-face with death. ‘ bloody fucking relieved you weren’t blown up, ’ remus blurted, laughing over his desperate sincerity. if he knew sooner, what would he have done differently? would he get the right address from lily and pour out his heart in a letter, make sure he knew remus still loved him in case it was his last chance? ‘ still, it’s really admirable, honestly… i’m just, ’ he sucked a deep breath, ‘ awfully glad you got back safe. ’
he beamed from the praise, glad he didn’t appear as ancient to sirius as he felt, and that sitting hid the more obvious tells of his poor condition. ‘ thank you… you too. i rather like the bowl, ’ remus chuckled, a stiff finger pointing to the hair sirius kept touching, ‘ don’t think i ever saw it so short. ’ remus would never understand how someone could be so breathtaking. he was more beautiful if anything, real and lovely and no longer his. he didn’t dare hope, not for something so far out of reach as his affections, even when it felt so natural to be at his side again, at last. ‘ of course you did. i’d bet she has you to thank for much of her pre-marital stress, ’ he accused fondly, head nodding aside as an elbow on the bar held him up, ‘ do i even WANT to know what sort of stag you threw her husband? ’
he couldn’t keep his eyes away from sirius’ as he spoke of their friends, mesmerised in his words as though they were meant for him, not so different from when he used to follow the marauders’ shows and daydream himself into the lyrics. when sirius broke their locked gaze, remus recovered with another gulp of his drink, looking into his whiskey glass as he smiled faintly. ‘ the world, huh? ’ his voice held an affable doubt, never one to put much stock in belief. as he and sirius spoke, though, it got him thinking : once, the universe seemed determined to keep the two apart, but all these years later, here they were. what sirius said next made his thoughts switch gears. he gasped, nearly choking on his drink, ‘ no. you’re joking! ’ the outburst made remus conscious of his volume, and leaned in to hiss, ‘ why didn’t she tell me!? ’
he was fond of the eye roll, fond of the grin and the always messy hair. fond of everything because he was in love with a boy made of the moon and of the words rearranging themselves inside sirius’ head everytime he saw him. they called him brave for fighting in a war he didn’t believe in, but accepting that he still loved the man he’d thrown away was the only courage he could show that meant anything of substance. he laughed a little breathlessly, forever amused by his choice of words, how blunt remus could be at times and how it always managed to surprise him. it was never boring between them. ‘ yup. all in once piece, luckily. ’ he smiled at the ground, still wearing a shaken gaze. he hated to be the boy with the shadows in his eyes, but they haunted him everywhere he went. innocent men, women, even children. they were a part of him now.
‘ i heard it’s fashionable. ’ sirius bit his lip, once again tousling the unkempt cut in a way he knew would boil lily’s blood. it was just that standing here next to remus, so beautiful and watching him with smiling eyes left him wondering why the hell he’d cut off the hair which had been toyed with countless times by the shaking fingers he so desperately loved. ‘ army made me. not sure i like it, sort of miss the my luscious locks. you look no different y’know? still as lovely as the day we met. remember? i made a beeline for you when i saw you. ’ he laughed, hands falling to rest in his pockets, fabric guardians of his tremors, how every reminder of the past two years left him jumpy and jittery and somewhat useless. he wished he was still the boy he spoke about, but he was dead and buried. ‘ ugh god, i still feel nauseous thinking about that night. it was just us two but you know what we’re like. absolute twats. ’
he smiled slightly, gaze swapping from remus, to james and lily and back again. ‘ the universe has a plan for the lot of us. ’ he thought of second chances and do-overs, his mind travelling back to the night when he was so, so young, so full of optimism and energy. that night, on that stage, when the lights had shone briefly on remus lupin and that had been it for him. how every song became about him, every thought was him, him, him. how big their problems had felt back then, all because they were afraid of admitting the truth. there was a fogginess in his eyes now, reminding sirius of how often he thought of the past, and just how bittersweet it all felt to be stood here with him now, so much older and so far apart. he blinked quickly, eyes darting away once again. ‘ yeah... yeah she hasn’t really told anyone. james told me. s’gonna be a boy, gonna call him harry, listen d’you want to dance with me? ’
