i can’t regulate my emotions to be a normal stable person for a week. i always end up having some kind of breakdown and self isolating for days. i hate it so fucking much. it’s the reason why i struggle to keep friends, they reach out to me, but i never reach back, i feel like im just a burden to everyone in my life.
he is literally the first person that i’ve let see me during my breakdowns. he’s the first person that’s stayed through it. a dark part of my mind tells me he’s just using me, but i know it’s not true, because he genuinely cares and has never taken advantage of me when im like that.
i dont knoww, i guess im scared of myself, that one day ill have a bad breakdown, he’ll reach out, and i’ll push him away and i’ll loose him. i can’t imagine a world without him in it. my mind can go to some pretty dark places but he’s been a refuge that lets me escape from myself, if only just for a bit.