Here we are
I’m thirty. I opened this blog when I was seventeen and broken. I began writing here when I was nineteen and thought I had it all figured out.
I read those posts often. She sounds so confident and ambitious. She’d hate who I am today. I can’t blame her, but the world has changed.
I’m a thirty year old woman with substance crutches and my primary source of income is from waiting tables. Doesn’t that sound pathetic? Well, it isn’t.
I graduated six years ago with a degree in pre-law from a university that you don’t have to google. I worked countless unpaid hours alongside reputable attorneys and officers trying to discover my own meaning of “justice” and I never quite found it. The more I learned about criminal justice, the more I realized that the system is so busted. In order for the system to repair itself, the human race itself would have to cease and start over.
I gave up on that dream. I pursued others. I worked as an ophthalmic tech and as an OR assistant. I hated both. I learned a lot, but I lost a lot in time. Eventually, I gave up both to pursue my social life and I’ll never regret it.
Since then, I’m back to playing fetch for boujee tourists and I’m happier than ever. My income tripled. My hours cut in half. My diet improved. My only qualm is that I have to explain myself - which is, frankly, bullshit.
I just assumed that by this point in my life I’d have a concept of who I am and what I want. I’m grasping that I’ll never know.
