Hi friends, it's me, Amanda Sitko!

I'm a writer/performer based in Los Angeles and a regular performer at UCB. Here are my shits & giggles. AmandaSitko.com var sc_project=4522915; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_partition=55; var sc_click_stat=1; var sc_security="66ef20c5";

[sitko]

Amanda Peet Revisits Studio 60, Bent, Good Wife and Togetherness, Teases Brockmire's 'Very Feminist' Episode

Amanda Peet’s latest project, the under-the-radar Brockmire, is about to give birth to its most politically incorrect episode yet. On the IFC comedy, the Studio 60 and Togetherness standout p…

My episode of Brockmire airs tonight on IFC at 10pm! So stoked to share it with ya'll! I’m super proud to say that I got to write an episode about abortion that was both smart and funny. Enjoy!

[sitko]

Just me hangin’ with my best friend.

[champagnemoon]

[thighetician]

(1983)

[thetallblacknerd]

2016

[homosexual-supervillain]

RPDR Winners the moment they win

[sitko]

I really wish they’d stop doing the “live” finale. I loved when the winner was announced on the runway.

[sitko]

I had a blast writing on this adorable webseries!

Check out Mother Mary by UCB Comedy!

[ucbcomedy]

Mary’s a mess, a stoner, and pregnant with the next Messiah. Holy f***.

A new series premiering this Tuesday on youtube.com/ucbcomedy!

[sitko]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypBqvzzuhQw)

[sitko]

10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Pregnant Wife… Ever.

Written by: Amanda Sitko

Your boobs hurt? Here, let me feel. – Get those damn hands away from my tits. Yes, they’re bigger. Yes, I’m constantly rubbing lotion all over them and no, you can’t help.  I’m not coquettishly teasing you by massaging them all the time. They genuinely hurt and itch and one has weirdly turned a different color.

Well… You’re pregnant. –Trust me, I know I’m pregnant. I’m just expressing that I’m uncomfortable and all I want is some sweet words to boost my mood. Maybe a foot rub? This is the worst response to me lamenting about feeling fat, hungry, having back pain, etc.  “Well… you’re pregnant” is equivalent to saying “tough shit.” Speaking of tough shit, pooping has been really hard for me since I’m perpetually constipated!

My mom told me that she used to… - You know what? Go ahead and just stop talking. I don’t need your mom passive aggressively managing my parenting style through you. If your mother has opinions on how we’re going to raise the baby, she can tell me to my face so I can experience the joy of telling her, “No thanks.”

You think this is hard, just wait ‘til the baby is born. – No, YOU wait ‘til the baby is born. This anklebiter factory is about to expand and you get to be it’s newest employee. In fact, I’m gonna make you the manager. Get ready for some long hours my friend.

I’m fat. I need to hit the gym. – How cute, you get to worry about aesthetics. I gained ten pounds in about five minutes when I got pregnant and it has not stopped. As crazy as it sounds, you complaining about your weight only makes me question mine. The only question I want to be asking myself right now is “should I take a nap before or after my sandwich?”

How much TV did you watch today? – Today, I reached the end of Netflix. Tomorrow, I shall conquer Amazon Prime.  And yes, I’ve watched both seasons of Catastrophe more than once.

You’re snoring really loud. – Am I? I’m so glad you woke me up to tell me. I never realized I’d gain weight in my neck and it’d cause my chubby throat to snuffle. I toss and turn so much, looking for a comfy position that by the time I finally fall asleep I guess I’m just not thinking about disrupting your precious slumber. My sincerest apologies.  Oh, by the way, I’ve been having crazy sex dreams about other men. It’s very common in the second trimester. Last night, I dreamt Coolio went down on me in a Dollar Store. Do you want me to wake you up and tell you when those happen?

Whoa, your nipples look weird.  – All nipples are weird! What a dumb thing to say to me. Why do you even have nipples anyway? At least mine serve a purpose. And why is one a different color than the other now???

Babe, you just destroyed the bathroom. Light a match next time. – Okay, I’ll admit some real funky stuff is going on with my G.I. tract. Yankee doesn’t make a candle strong enough for me.  I do my best to poop while you’re at work, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

What did you do all day? – Oh, just worked on growing a human life inside my body like the God damned woman warrior I am… That and I watched Catastrophe again.

[sitko]

Reserve Tickets Here!

[sitko]

My Yelp Review for Bon Vivant in Atwater Village

My friend & I met for coffee yesterday and she brought her baby. We sat at the bar, her baby in a high chair. As we talked, her baby was happily babbling and vocalizing. She occasionally let out a few happy squeals. Suddenly, a waitress came up and told us that someone had complained that the baby was being too loud. I could see the waitress was uncomfortable having to tell us and asked if there was anything they could do to make the baby quiet. Shocked, my friend and I chose to leave... We will not be going back to a restaurant that would not stand up for a loyal costumer who has a child. Atwater is a very family-friendly place and babies are everywhere. Bon Vivant, I wish you had told whoever complained that you have an open space and if they needed more peace & quiet, perhaps a CROWDED cafe is not the place for them.

TO WHOEVER COMPLAINED -  My only hope is you one day have children of you own and they make every experience for you an ear-piercing nightmare. May all your flights be filled with screaming babies and all the restaurants you visit have surprise live music. May all the buildings around where you live be under constant construction and orchestras of wild dogs lull you to slumber. May your neighbors alternate between screaming matches and weird loud sex. May the fire alarm get stuck on wherever you work. May you always be haunted by ringing in your ears. You should be ashamed of yourself, you entitled idiot.

[sitko]

Coastline Couple!

[sitko]

Just a report I wrote on Stephen King in 5th grade... NBD.

[sitko]

Happy Holidays from Desert Storm!

[sitko]

🎶Ridin' Dirty🎶

[sitko]

While You Were Sleeping - A real throw back thursday!

[sitko]

Cold & Miserable.

[sockittomeinc]