My mum has six brothers. They all live in Pakistan- as does the rest of her family. I went there recently after ten years and saw them all. For the first time in my life, I believe I’ve seen true and undeniable love. All of my uncles are deeply in love with their wives, masha’Allah.
But one of my uncles in particular stood out to me. He is quiet and has a simple life; he lives in a modest home and has six children- four of whom are under the age of seven. They have goats and chickens in their courtyard, and there is constant hubbub. It took me time to realise his commitment to his wife because he is quiet and modest in that too. Slowly I realised that he never ever eats a meal without his wife. He will wait and wait and allow his food to become cold as she runs around and fusses over their children. His eldest daughter, Safiya, will often ask him to eat anyway but he refuses until his wife can eat with him because a meal is not enjoyable without her. He smiles and says ‘I’ve not eaten a roti without her for sixteen years and I don’t intend to start today’. Safiya rolls her eyes and brings her mum over then takes over whatever task her mum was doing.. but it’s evident that she has no problem doing this. The relationship her parents have is something she is very proud of and I know this because of how often she fondly spoke of it.
One night, she made me some chai over a small fire and we chatted until the early morning. She told me about her parents and how much her father values her mother. She was glowing with admiration and pride, and I couldn’t help but feel the same. Every morning before taking the children to school, he tells her mother she is as beautiful as a sparrow and every day she blushes and ushers him away- ‘jao!’ She says as she giggles. Their life is not easy though and Safiya explained to me that her mother can become silent and slow for days, unable to muster much joy. People talk about her in the village she says, but her father focuses only on his wife. In those times, he will ask his eldest children to look after the younger ones while he spends time alone with her. The two of them leave on his motorcycle, her arms wrapped tightly around him and her head resting gently on his shoulder. And then they come back and she slowly recovers.
Safiya told me many things; that she’d never ever heard her father raise his voice to her mother. That every Eid her father takes her shopping to pick a gift for her mother. That he agonises over it like it’s the first gift he’s ever gotten her. That her mother will call her husband at work every day at his lunch time, just to ensure he’d eaten. The list went on. She had a look of still contentment on her face the whole time she spoke of them. My heart surged and in my head I begged Allah to preserve and protect their love.
You know, I once read that the best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother. But it was so significant to see the impact first hand. My cousins will know what kind of love they deserve after seeing it in their parents. It does not have to be loud and showy. It doesn’t need to be littered with big gestures.. it can be as tender and as simple as wanting to eat every possible meal together.
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