state of affairs of the mind
It’s time for a mental check-in
Let my ailments flow out of my brain, then through my fingers, and onto this keyboard. Here’s hoping they might stay there. At the very least, the words here in front of me will be the hard proof I need to overcome these demons, as a system of reference and accountability.
Sometimes it feels like a mish-mash of things; I’m depressed, I’m lethargic, I’m so anxious I can’t sit still, I feel hopeless, I’m self-defeating.
There are days where I look up at the sky and I laugh that I have ever felt any of those things when I get to be on this wonderful planet. Today is not one of those days. Today it felt like an uphill hike just to water my plants, to put on some socks, to wash my face. How pathetic.
How do I see myself being a mother, a kind and contributing member of society, a supportive lover, and a dear friend as I want to be when all that is far more complex than filling a glass with water to pour on my leafy companions?
There are days when I look down at my feet and the only hope I feel is fantasizing about the end. How I’d do it, how I’d manage to make sure my mom wasn’t too hurt when it happened. If I left her enough money to get started, maybe the rest wouldn’t be so bad. Today is one of those days and it’s just as disjointed, unsettling, and crappy as this entry
