Steph

retired roller grrrl, anglophile, media maestro, anne lister code breaker skgallaway.com

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Wed. 10

6 50/60

1 20/60

Had Miss Nayler before breakfast to try on the waist she made which did not fit me at all and had Miss Gill afterwards to make me a waist to wear under my pelisse. She will do better for me than the former I think –

About 11 set off with Mr. D– [Duffin] to Mr. Prices (Clementhorpe) – Sauntered with him about their garden (Mr. and Mrs. P– [Price] very civil) and got home at 12 1/4 –  Recommended Mrs. P– [Price] to read Horsley’s sermons, particularly, if as she said she might not read them all, that on Hades – She understood our saviour’s descent into hell as explained by bishop Pearson on the creed i.e. as the place of departed spirits – Yet she maintained that the souls of the visitors immediately after death went absolutely to heaven, taking the thief on the cross as a proof of this –

When I observed that our saviour did not ascend to heaven of 40 days, she maintained that he did not ascend in the body of 40 days but that has spirit was always in heaven, and he had been with the thief in the spirit – On my observing that we should not perhaps be absolutely in heaven till after the day of judgement, she replied, we and had not be there in the body till after that day, but we should be there in the spirit immediately after death – Mrs. P– [Price] talked like a reader of what are called “good books” and like a worthy good woman but all this is not incompatible, with flimsy logic –

Mrs. Wynyard called to offer Miss D[uffin] their pony. She did not ask for me – At 12 1/2 we all went over the bridge to look at some furniture on sale in Blake street. We left our cards for Miss Lawson, and parted with Mr. D– [Duffin] at the Simson’s door out of Bootham – Walked back with Miss D– [Duffin] home then having to call on C[harlotte] N[orcliffe] –

Miss D– [Duffin] returned with me to Petergate – Met Mr. D– [Duffin] he to call for us at the Belcombes’ – We sauntered about towards Clifton – just saw C[harlotte] N[orcliffe] and the Milnes at the auction room in Blake street and got home at 3 1/4 –

I came upstairs and added a letter to my letter Miss Maclean began 27 August – At 5 20/60 Mrs. Gilbert Crompton came to walk with us to Acomb – At 6 1/2, she, Mr. and Miss D– [Duffin], Miss M– [Marsh], and I set off to drink tea at the Percivals’ – Mrs. and 3 Miss Hales, Mr. and Mrs. Grieve and Miss Anne Marsh there besides ourselves – We all played commerce and spent a pleasant evening, walked back, and got home at 10 1/2 and immediately went up to bed –

I sat between Miss Duffin and Charlotte Percival. Talked and agreeableized to the former a good deal. Went into her room as soon as I had got on my dressing gown. She entirely unloosed after standing a little. We sat down on the bed and soon lolled together. I looking at her rather exposed bosom and playing the agreeable. She certainly shewing no objection. Staid with her till forty minutes past twelve and just before leaving her gave two or three warmish kisses, which she well knew how to give and take –

Very fine day –

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Tues. 9

6 50/60

12 20/60

At breakfast walked at 9 1/4 with Mr. D– [Duffin] 1 1/2 miles beyond Dringhouses and back – At 12 1/2 went over the bridge with Miss M– [Marsh] to the Belcombes’ – After luncheon  waited 1/4 hour with Mrs. Milne while C[harlotte] N[orcliffe] and Miss M– [Marsh] went to a shop or 2. Did this to be tete-a-tete with Miss Milne. She certainly likes my company. We began flirting a little as usual but not much. They soon came back and don't think we either of us wanted them. 

In returning called with Miss M– [Marsh] for a moment on her poor sick protegés Garry up an entry at the bottom of Micklegate – Then called and sat 1/4 hour with Mrs. Willey to take leave of her before her going to Whitby tomorrow –

Got home to dinner at 3 55/60 – Mr. D– [Duffin] dined at Acomb (Mr. Lloyd’s) and in the evening, Miss M– [Milne] and I walked to a small card party at mrs. Stainforth’s – 2 whist tables (1 long and 1 shorts) – I had a little headache, an excuse for not playing at all – Lady Johnson, Mrs. Sinclair, and Mrs. Atkinson the surgeon’s wife – Mr. Gleadhow, Dr. Wake, and Mr. Brigland and his son the party – I sat looking over Miss M– [Marsh] or 1 or other – A party is seldom or never – Stupid to me – I can listen or talk to others, or amuse myself with my own thoughts anywhere and always –

Walked back and got home 2 or 3 minutes after 10 – Mr. D– [Duffin] returned – Told him we had accidentally been talking to Miss D– [Duffin] about the education of her nephew and niece and the folly of her sister James’ plan of going to Bath on that account – Said Heath school (near H–x [Halifax]) would be much better for the boy, and only cost about £50 per annum and that I would look after him. Mr. D[uffin] will not interfere or trouble himself because they were not sent to him. If he is not made first in everything, it does not do. He is a surly fellow but very good to me this time. All things considered I believe he likes me –

Very fine day – Went into Miss D[uffin]’s room to ask if her headache was better and stood talking half hour. Poor soul, I pity her. She seems low and unhappy. Fancies I charged her with want of confidence in her uncle, cannot bear this. I said it was not a charge but a question. She had mistaken me. I merely meant t[o] ask the question whether she had confidence or not –

Miss M– [Marsh] and I called on Mrs. Best this morning – Not at home – Mary Ellen had called on me when I was out with Mr. D– [Duffin] to wish me goodbye before she returned school tomorrow –

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Mon. 8

7 5/60 12 10/60

From 8 to 9, wrote all but the 1st 3 lines of yesterday – Poor Sam! My heart is heavy – But this is weakness – It shall be shaken off – I shall like to see Mr. Slyfield – My mind shall rebrace itself –

Did not get downstairs to breakfast till 9 20/60 – Mr. D– [Duffin] went out shooting – At 10 1/2 Miss D– [Duffin] and I set out walking along the fields to Middlethorpe – Sauntered back along the road and got home at 12 – She is out of spirits. Cannot flirt at all and a dullish tete-a-tete to me. Poor soul, I pity her. She owned she felt under restraint here, away from her friends and home, and lived a great deal upon her own thoughts. I durst not try the sentimentals. § Miss M[ilne] has cautioned me not to be too intimate with her –

Beat about the bush about her engagement to Mr. Johnson and her not telling her uncle about it. Questioned whether it was from want of confidence in him. Thought it a bad plan. She said he was of a reserved disposition, his manner gave her no encouragement to tell him. He did not seem interested. Besides, there was no occasion to tell him. It was a thing that might never be and she would tell him when it was necessary, when she could say she had made up her mind to do it. For it was foolish to ask advice when you were resolved not to take it. She said her being her uncles favourite was mere accident and he cared not for her when she was away. But he was so good hearted he could not help being kind to anyone who was with him, absence weakened all ties.

She had been prejudiced against Miss Marsh but she had won her to her by kindness. If she did not like a person she could not seem to do so, let what would be the consequence. She was angry at the engagement. Being told she could trace it very well. Mr. Lawton had been written to and desired not to name it. I exculpated her for telling me and the Belcombes before she knew it was such a secret. I once or twice rather hinted towards a prudential line of conduct on Miss D[uffin]’s part to Mr. D[uffin] and Miss M[arsh], but found this would be unsafe. She is too unworldly, too good for anything of this kind.

She said she believed her uncle would marry again as soon as he had an opportunity. I said there would be no children and would have insinuated make friends of the mammon of unrighteousness, but it was unsafe. Poor soul. I pity her and Mac is too surly a fellow in his manners not to repulse so gentle, affectionate hearted, yet high spirited girl as Miss D[uffin]. I admire her feelings, tho there is a something in her own manners rather abrupt seeming to me at times. She is not calculated to watch and profit by the wiles of the world –

Mrs. Anne and Miss Gage called – At 12 1/2 Miss D– [Duffin] left me at Jameson’s to call for Miss M– [Marsh] there, and Miss M– [Marsh] and I went to the Belcombes' – I walked about with Mrs. Milne and Charlotte N– [Norcliffe] shopping – Met Miss M– [Marsh] at Mrs. Stainforth’s, and got home at 3 35/60 –

In the evening at 7, we all, except Mrs. D– [Duffin], went to drink tea with Mrs. Anne and Miss Gage – They, Miss M– [Marsh] and Mr. D– [Duffin] and I played whist – I played 6 rubbers (shilling points) and came away winning 2 /. [shillings] got home at 10 50/60 and came up stairs immediately –

Very fine day – Short letter from I[sabella] N[orcliffe] (Langton) merely to say she got well home on Saturday –

[sideways in margin] § vide line 3 from the top of page 123

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Sun. 7

7 50/60

11 25/60

Miss M– [Marsh] and Miss D– [Duffin] went to the minster to hear the dean preach Mr. D– [Duffin] and I went to St. Martins when Mr. Richardson, the young man, preached tamely 25 minutes from Hebrews 1.3. I could not well leave Mr. D[uffin] –

After church called and sat a little while with Mrs. Anne and Miss Gage and then Mr. D– [Duffin] and [I] took a walk in the fields along the river – Mr. John Graham preached at Trinity in the afternoon 35 minutes from Luke xiv. 33. – I was asleep all the time –

Miss M– [Marsh] had called on Mrs. Willey – Letters from her daughter very satisfactory altogether – Captain Little appears to be of very respectable parentage – A nap after dinner – No reading in the evening –

Speaking of Mr. Slyfield a gentlemanly young recruiting officer, I believe, in the town, Mr. D– [Duffin] suddenly said, he asked him, Mr. D– [Duffin], if I had not a brother in the 84th – He was in the water with him when he was lost – Got into a whirlpool – Durst not go near him, or they would both have been drowned – He was very much liked in the regiment – Scarcely a dry eye at his funeral –

I know not how it was, but this overcame me so thoroughly, I could scarce sit at the table till breakfast was over – However I do not think it was much perceived – Went into the garden – Then came upstairs till church time – 

Composed myself as well as I could – But could not throw the thing off all the day – My head was hot and heavy – I know not when I have felt more low – I seemed powerless to divert my mind from those distressful images that crowded on it in spite of me – 

Came upstairs to bed early – As soon as Miss M– [Marsh] went away – At 10 1/4 –

E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] A very slight appearance of my cousin so put on a napkin and used merely cold water. Very fine day – Miss Nayler sent my new levantine this morning early –

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Sat. 6

6 3/4 12 50/60

Kept the candle burning, looked at at Isabel both before and after getting into bed and I, from the excitement of all this, had a tolerable kiss, tho I dont think she had. She is much larger than when I saw her last. In fact, she is unwieldy and had so little spring in her I thought I could not have gotten to her –

Put on my great coat, and came and got writing in the front dressing room from 7 1/2 to 8 1/4 – Then calle]d I[sabella] N[orcliffe] – Having written the last 6 lines of page 117 the whole of page 118 and so far of this –

Mr. and Miss D– [Duffin] I[sabella] N[orcliffe] and myself, colonel and Mrs. Milne and C[harlotte] Norcliffe] all breakfaste]d at Miss Marsh’s at 10 1/2 – I[sabella] N[orcliffe] spoke very freely of Mrs. Wynyard – Even Miss M– [Marsh] could only say she did not believe it – None attempted to vindicate –

Letter from M– [Mariana] (Scarbro’) in answer to my few lines of Thursday – Still unable to tell me anything decisive, but hopes to see me the day Dr. and Mrs. B– [Belcombe] leave Scarbro’, whenever that may be, and I shall hear in Petergate when they are expected – Rather between account of M– [Mariana] herself, and very good of Dr. and Mrs. B– [Belcombe]. Note from Mrs. Stainforth to ask me to a small card-party next Tuesday –

From Miss M– [Marsh]’s (about 11 1/2) we all went to the minster to see the preparations for the festival – Remarkably well done – Very nearly complete – The benches of the guin-ticket gallery at the west end, as well as those of the nave (15 /. [shilling] tickets) covered with crimson cloth; those of the side aisles (7 /. [shilling] tickets) covered with green cloth – Very well planned retiring places for the ladies under the gallery – Then new keys for the organ (fixed in front of the orchestra) will require the pressure of a pound-weight on each key – The screen between the nave and choir, for fear of injury, was cased up before anything else was done – None admitted into the minster but on on business, or taken by some of the committee or other privileged person –

The reverend Mr. George Kelly, of Aldborough near Boroughbridge, son of the residentiary, went with and escorted us – I should prefer the back seat (the highest and farthest) of the gallery; and on trial the other day by Dr. Camidge and Mr. Rapier and about  20 singers, this was found the best place except about the middle bench between the 2nd and 3rd pillars from the orchestra, where the N– [Norcliffe]’s mean to be – C[harlotte] N[orcliffe] and I sang a verse of God save the King and of the 100th psalm – Little or no vibration of the sound – Capital place to sing in –

Mr. Alderson of Everingham accosted me, wishing to shake hands. Inquired after my father and Marian. I answered in short and got quit of him as soon as I could. It seems he had asked Miss Marsh if the lady in the habit (he should have said pelisse) was not Miss Lister –

From the minster all went about shopping – Mrs. Cook, the straw hat maker, arrived with all her fashions from Paris this morning, but went to bed, and could not shew anything to anyone – Went with the party to the Belcombes’ – I[sabella] N[orcliffe] set off home again after luncheon – Saw her off about 2 3/4 –

Mrs. Milne and I left our cards for Mrs. Gilbert Crompton in Saint Saviourgate and there met colonel M– [Milne] and C[harlotte] N[orcliffe] at Varley’s birdcage shoppe in Fossgate – The poor woman's only child (son) was just married, and she would have us eat cake and drink wine – Both very good of their kind – Left the party at Mrs. Best’s door, and called to inquire after on her return from Saltmarshe – Not at home –

Got into Micklegate at 3 55/60 – Mr. D– [Duffin] went into the evening to Mr. Gleadhow’s and Miss M– [Marsh], Miss D– [Duffin], and I drank tea (went about 7 1/2) in Petergate with colonel and Mrs. Milne, (Mr. George Kelly had dined with them) and staid so long we did not get home till 11 50/60 – They were playing cards – Mr. D– [Duffin] called for and walked back with us –

Very fine day – E [one dot, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying little discharge] but only a little drop or two – Came upstairs at 11 50/60 –

In the evening just before going to the Belcombes’ wrote 3 pages rather hurried to my aunt (Shibden) which Henry took to the post – Said I would write again as soon as I got to Scarbro’ –

[skgway]

1823 Sept., Fri. 5

7 35/60

11 50/60

Miss Naylor came to measure me for a half high gown waist therefore – Not down to breakfast till 9 25/60 – Mr. D– [Duffin] was gone out and taken his gun, and I should have gone with him but rain prevented us – Read aloud from page 357 60 or 70 pages Dr. John Davy’s account of Caylon –

Interrupted about 12 by the unexpected appearance of I[sabella] N[orcliffe] – who had driven C[harlotte] N[orcliffe] over from Langton to see fashions etc. and spend a week with Mrs. Milne – Miss M– [Marsh] and I went out with I[sabella] N[orcliffe] to the B– [Belcombe]’s, and shopping etc. etc. and parted with them at 3 – Both of them looking very well –

In passing I called on Mrs. Willey, and sat with her about 3/4 hour got home to dinner at 3 55/60, or by the upstairs clock it had just struck 4 – Poor Mrs. W– [Willey] seemed very glad to see me, and told me the whole story of her daughter’s stolen Scotch match with Captain Little of the 11th native/2 Bombay/1 infantry – Mrs. w– [Willey] has written to offer forgiveness, but has waited some time in vain for any answer at all –

Had a little nap after dinner which with I[sabella] N[orcliffe]’s coming in the morning prevented my writing to my aunt; for I promised to go for I[sabella] N[orcliffe] in the evening Mr. D– [Duffin] asked her to stay all night here, instead of returning to Langton – At the B– [Belcombe]’s at 6 1/4 p.m. (all at Scarbro’ but Colonel and Mrs. Milne), I[sabella] N[orcliffe]– walked back with me, and we got here at 7 1/2 –

Pleasant evening – It rather reminded me of days of yore when we used to meet at Redhouse, but Isabel was then as thin as she is now the contrary, and time and circumstance have wrought their share of change in us both – Sat down to tea at 8 – A supper tray for I[sabella] N[orcliffe] at 10, and we retired at 10 50/60 –

Rainy morning – cleared up about 1, and afterwards a fine day – Very fine evening – E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [no dots, signifying no discharge]. Absolutely none perceptible on my linen. I put a dram of purified zinc last night into a wine bottle full of cold water, shook it well and used a syringe full. About an hour after having first used one syringe full of cold water I felt a little smarting after the zinc and this morning put about a third more water into the syringe and fancied it strong enough. Can this have done good so soon? I have every reason to think there would have been a good deal of discharge without it. What a pity Tib’s being here prevented my using it tonight –

Letter this morning from I[sabella] N[orcliffe] (Langton) forwarded from Shibden – The post and she came together, and I read her letter while the rest were talking to her – Mrs. N– [Norcliffe] has asked Miss Beckett at the festival – She, Miss B– [Beckett], is unfortunately a martyr to rheumatism, and may therefore not be able to come – I am not to sleep with Tib, but be thro Mrs. N[orcliffe]’s room. She would rather have me than any of them. I said how sorry I was, but I shall not fret much. Tib and Bell Dalton are to be together –

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Thurs. 4

12

12

Dressed and at the union-cross coach office at 12 3/4 – Fine night there had been rain recently, walked up and down the courtyard just 3/4 hour and then the mail came and we were off at 1 35/60 – 3 gents and myself inside –

At Leeds at 4 1/4, off from there at 4 1/2, at Tadcaster at 6 1/4, and got out at the Duffins’ at 7 1/4 – An intelligent Scotchman was of our party as far as Bradford – Maclean of Coll accounted rich – A man of 2 thousand a year would be accounted very rich there – Property in the Hebrides doubled in consequence of the steam-packets – They go from Glasgow to Oben (about 10 miles from Tobermory) in 24 hours –

Tobermory and Oben neat little towns, places of considerable trade in those parts – Mull famous for its cattle – Steam packets – Advertised to take parties to Staffa and the Giant’s causeway – Perhaps they go about every 3 weeks – If you do not see a Glasgow paper, may write to some of the Innkeepers to inquire when they start – The George’s hotel, Georges square, kept by Mr. Hutton accounted the most stylish Inn in Glasgow –

Steam packets from Belfast to Liverpool – The Innkeepers in Edinburgh Glasgow or Perth will furnish you with horses and carriages for a town of the Highlands – Each horse charged 12 /. [shillings] a day which includes the horse’s keep, turnpikes, and all expenses, even the hire and expense of the postboy sent to each pair of horses – It makes no difference whether you have their own carriage or not – You still at the rate of 12 /. [shillings] a day for each –

Nothing can exceed the drive from Dunkeld to Perth – The duke of Athol, all the Scotch pronounce it Othol, ruining himself – His estates cannot come round in his lifetime – £35000 a year, but he has only £5,000 allowed – His brother Lord John would be no better – Going to marry a very pretty girl, a merchant’s daughter in Glasgow, but gave her £10,000 to be off, and has married a lady of good fortune, whose fortune has helped to pay this sum – Lord John has only about £500 a year allowed from the estate – Building a large steam packet at Liverpool to convey live cattle from Ireland –

Sorry to lose this Scotchman – Might have picked up a good deal of information from him – The other 2 gents and I seemed to have slept all the way from Bradford to Leeds, and from there to York I was not sorry to have the mail all to myself –

Called at Miss M– [Marsh]’s, she was not up – Went to inquire after the Belcombe’s had my hair cut and dressed by Parsons at his own house, stopt at Miss M– [Marsh]’s in returning, and got to the D– [Duffin]’s to breakfast at 8 50/60 – Talked till 11 1/2 –

At 12 Miss M– [Marsh] and I went over the bridge – Called at the B– [Belcombe]’s – Only Colonel and Mrs. Milne left in the house – Met them coming up to call on me – Mrs. M– [Milne] went with us shopping – Went to Miss Gledhill’s – Miss Milner gone – Miss G– [Gledhill] smelling very strongly of rum, and apparently tipsy – Went therefore to Miss Naylor – Miss M– [Marsh] and I called and sat a little while with Mrs. Stainforth – Just skimmed over there Mr. wrought[?]m’s sermon preached before the judges the last assizes – Very learned, – On the righteous judgement of God –

Left Miss M– [Marsh] at her own door, and came in at 2 3/4 – Mr. and Miss D– [Duffin] out – Called and sat a little while with Mrs. Yorke – Read aloud a little of the York paper just before dinner – Had a nap afterwards – Tea at 6 – Walked from 6 50/60 to 8 – To Acomb – To the Percival’s – Did not absolutely go into the house, but to the door, and they all came out to us –

Very fine day and very fine evening – Between 8 and 10, while Mr. D– [Duffin] and Miss M– [Marsh] played ecarté to Miss D– [Duffin] worked. I wrote all the above of today, and the journal of yesterday –

To prevent a candle’s wanting snuffing, break it at the bottom, and incline it so that the tallow shall not run, but the snuff being at a certain height out of the flame, of course crumbles away without giving you any trouble – Often practised by the students at the Dublin – As told me by Miss Maria Duffin –

To prevent moth-worms from eating clothes, put camphor among them – Being well scented with camphor will also, say Mr. and Miss D– [Duffin], prevent your being bit by bugs –

They have just mentioned that most extraordinary property possessed by the trout-fish of destroying worms – Discovered accidentally by a fisherman who having caught a single trout, had thrown it in into his basket of worms that he had got for baits – On awaking in the morning he was astonished to find an insufferably pestilential smell in his room occasioned by the putrefaction of the trout and the worms – The man is said to have reasoned on this, and having a child much afflicted with worms, consulted a medical man whether he might safely apply a trout to the stomach of his child – The medical man declaring that it could do no harm, the experiment was accordingly tried – A fresh trout was found on the child’s stomach when it was put to bed, and in the morning this trout was found quite putrid – The worms were therefore supposed to be killed, and on the immediate exhibition of aperient medicine (a dose of salts) the worms were voided – 

Is this worm-destroying property peculiar to the trout-fish, or at all common to it with other fish? In what can this property reside? That this property however, is really possessed by the troutfish is surely fact: it has been tried here (in York) by more than one – Mrs. Wynyard (wife of the present rector of St. Martin’s, Micklegate) 1st heard of it at Kipling Lord Tyronnel’s – She wrapt a trout in thin muslin, and bound on the stench of 1 of her little girls on going to bed, and found another in like many on the stomach of 1 of her little boys – The girl being much afflicted with worms, the boy quite healthy – From the former the trout was removed in the morning so putrid that Mrs. W– [Wynyard] took it off herself not liking to set any servant such a piece of work to do – From the latter (the boy) the trout was taken quite sweet, merely dried by the heat of the child’s body – On giving the little girl a dose of Epsom salts, the dead worms were voided –

While at Dr. B– [Belcombe]’s this morning, Mrs. Milne sending a small parcel to Scarbro’, I wrote a few lines to M– [Mariana] to say that, if I heard nothing from her to the contrary, I should be off for Scarbro’ by Sunday night’s mail –

Very fine day. E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying discharge]

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Wed. 3

5 3/4

9

A minute or 2 in the stable – Off at 7 to meet Miss P– [Pickford] met her about 1/2 way up the old bank – Turned back together made several shoppings went to Lowe’s, Suter’s, the White lion, etc. returned and walked along the new road as far as Pump, then sauntered up and down the terras at home and came in to breakfast at 9 – From 10 to 11 1/2 finished packing, and sent off my trunks to the white lion –

At 11 25/60 took Miss P– [Pickford] in the gig (George rode Hotspur) drove her to H–x [Halifax], up and down to 1 place or other, and then drove her back again and set down (to walk home) at the top of our lane where we parted, and I got out at Shibden at 1 –

We again talked over our conversation of Monday. Understood each other quite well and parted, mutually declaring our sorrow. That she has a great regard for and high opinion of me is evident enough and really I like her company and esteem herself. We seemed inclined as we have generally done to remain together to the last minute –

Dressed and set of again (taking George with me in the gig) to H–x [Halifax], drove to Lowe’s for my new great coat (which he had lined with silk under the collar and sponged) to Miss Kitson’s, and got to Northgate at 1 55/60 ready to be off in the mail – No place for me – Sent for my trunks, then got into the gig, and called at the Saltmarshes’ –

At dinner did not see them – Then called at the Stansfield Rawsons and sat 1/2 hour with Mrs. R– [Rawson] and Catherine – Got back to Shibden before 4 – Sat talking to my uncle and aunt my father and Marian came to tea, and returned at 8 – I followed – Ordered about my place in the new mail at the union cross – Got to Northgate at 8 40/60, and in bed (to be called at 12) at 9 –

A slight drizzling now and then in the course of the morning, and rain for 1/2 hour about 7, but pretty fine day on the whole – E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying discharge] –

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Tues 2.

6 5/60

12

In the stable a few minutes – Settled my accounts – Wrote out the note to Miss P[ickford] done yesterday afternoon – Letter from M– [Mariana] Scarbro’, to say her father and mother were to stay till Monday and begging me not to set off till that day, as till then there was not 1/2 a bed to spare for me –

Went down to breakfast at 9 3/4 – After breakfast wrote a few lines to Mr. Duffin to say I hoped to be in York by tomorrow night’s mail, and should be happy to stay with them till Sunday –

At 11 10/60 drove my aunt to Northgate (George rode Hotspur) set her down there and drove to Savile hill and sat 1/2 hour with Miss P– [Pickford]. Took her back Samouelle’s Entomology, and saw her read the enclosed note – We talked over yesterday's conversation. I told her her manner about offering the book etc. etc.,perhaps never see me again, let Miss Th[relfall]’s name rest forever, had annoyed me. We talked ourselves quite right. She is evidently fond of me. Feels towards me high opinion, and as I made her own regard and I was satisfied, she has written to say she will advice no more and was very low, but said I had had done her good –

Drove Miss P– [Pickford] down to Pearson the watchmakers in Southgate and drove her back again – She will meet me in Horton Street at 7 in the morning to walk – Took up my aunt at Northgate drove her to Lowe’s the tayl tailor  – My new great coat from Radford’s (27 Piccadilly) came this morning – Merely wrapped in paper which was rubbed thro’ in one place – A mercy the coat had not suffered – Bad cloth – The inside under the collar not lined – Not at all well done, tho’ the cut looks fashionable enough – Only 1 real cape and 1 false one – Left the coat with Lowe to be lined with silk, determined never to trouble Radford or any such advertising, cheap person again –

Got home at 1 1/2 – Having met Mrs. Saltmarshe on her way here in the Northgate, this excused my calling on her as I intended – She called at Northgate and saw my aunt there – In the afternoon packing and dawdling over 1 thing or other – My father and Marian called in the evening –

Came upstairs at 7 50/60 – Dawdling again over 1 thing or other till 9 40/60 – Went downstairs at 10 10/60 and came up again (to bed) at 10 50/60 – and wrote all the above of today –

2 or 3 short heavy showers Before Breakfast a little gentle rain while we were out – Pretty fine in the afternoon and evening Barometer 1/4 degree above changeable Fahrenheit 56º at 10/60 p.m. – E [three dots, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying little discharge] –

[skgway]

1823 Sep., Mon. 1

5 55/60

10 55/60

1/4 hour in the stable – Above an hour looking over my different volumes of extracts and Thomson’s chemistry for the method of fumigating # the far stable vide extracts volume C. Purifying rooms and Thomsons volume 2 vide Muriatic acid –

At 8 1/4 set off to meet Miss Pickford and came up with her in Horton street sauntered along the new road as far as Pump, and came in to breakfast at 9 1/2 –

At 11 20/60 George rode Caradoc and led Hotspur to H–x [Halifax], and I walked with Miss P– [Pickford] parted with her, and mounted at Savile hill at 12 10/60 – I had chiefly talked off the worst of what I said on Saturday and, on questioning her very closely, whether she thought I ever had a friend on the same terms as Miss Threlfall. She said no, she did not think I ever had. That she seems persuaded. I never had any criminal connection with any of them. 

She appeared wanting to fight off this herself. Said I thought worse of her than she deserved, carried her meaning too far. But this I denied and maintained, and she could not be off. But said very oddly, when I talked of a marriage of souls and hinted at bodies too, mentioning connections of les esprits, ames et corps, that it was all esprit on her side. Insinuating that it was le corps on Miss Threlfall’s part only. 

I looked surprise[d]. ‘Then,’ said I, there is only one alternative. Do you know it?’ ‘No’ ‘Of course.’ I did not say I in my mind thought of her using a phallus to her friend. She was sure I thought worse of her, etc. 

Her niece Elizabeth had asked if she did not like me very much, and if I should not be sorry when she went. ‘Oh,’ she told the child, ‘Miss Lister will care nothing about it. She would not be sorry. Why should she if I died tomorrow?’ I protested against this, said I could not be so heartless. Sentiment between us would be absurd, but I felt towards her the same regard one gentleman friend would feel for another. She seemed not displeased.

Speaking of what they said of me, one lady who pretended to know me well, somehow I could not help suspecting Mrs. Waterhouse, it was melancholy that I had so little sense of religion. Pic thought quite the contrary. Has a high opinion of me in all things. Thinks me most consistent with myself, most refined in sentiment, etc. etc. Did not believe my nonsense last night. Asked if she could have forgiven me had it all been true. She did not know. I said she would forgive me anything. Said she, ‘perhaps I should.’ 

Before she left here, shewed the letters between Mrs Bunt and Misses Bunn and read her some of the most particular passages of Miss Vallance’s letter – She thought it too sentimental yet owned afterwards she might like her. Speaking of ladies, said I esteemed π [Mariana] above all the rest because she had never said or done what I disapproved –

I had only just ridden once round the moor, when Miss P– [Pickford] appeared and joined me at 12 35/60 – She walked by my side till 1 10/60 when I dismounted and sent George back with the horses, and we walked about to Skircoat green thence into the Salterhebble road – Along the moor again to the bottom of the old bank, then to Suter’s, then parted at the bottom of the old bank at 3 10/60 –

She had had a letter from Miss Threlfall to pay interest money. Listened to my advice and at last gave me a promise she ever would advance another six pence on any plea whatever, except what she was bound for. Talked a great deal of Miss Threlfall. It seems she has deceived Pic in money matters, and in cordial matters too. Pic suspects she has not been constant. Said I, ‘I hate to say anything against the ladies but, according as we say in Yorkshire old rotem, they're all alike. 

Said she always seemed to me more like Pic’s mistress than anything else. She did not deny this. Said she lost herself sadly. Pic was wrong to have her name so connected with Miss Threlfall’s. At last said that if anything ever happened between Pic and me it would be on account of Miss Th[relfall]. It would not do for me to have my name put with theirs. There was no fear of my appearing a tellal[l], I should be ashame[d] of Miss Th[relfall]. In fact, Pic thought I might be ashamed of them both and bade me only tell her at once and not let her down easily.

Asked if she would be sorry. Yes, but she would never shew it. What would she never relent? She would never put herself in my way again nor would she let her sorrow ever appear to anyone. ‘What if I wrote a handsome letter?’ She could not write letters, but yes, she must write an answer of some sort. Owned I had thought worse of her than she deserved, but said I had changed my opinion and now thought she had never had any attachment but to Miss Th[relfall] and had been more constant than she deserve[d]. She seemed to confirm this. Owned she had despised and disliked Miss Th[relfall] at some times and would have been off but could not desert one who had no other friend, and hung upon her, and was kept up in respectability by her entirely.

Pic thinks me the most consistent person with myself she ever saw, but I had said several things as if I did not think her so much so. She said I did not know the warmth of friendship she was capable of. Meaning sheer friendship. Wanted me to take Samouell’s entomol[og]y but I would not and she seemed vexed. I said she had bungled the offer. She was the oddest person I ever knew. I would do what she wished, keep it, and let hear from me in two years from this time or send it back. ‘Send it back,’ said she, ‘leave in passing tomorrow.’

Something passed that I referred to Miss Th[relfall]. ‘Oh,’ said she, ‘let her name rest forever.’ I made no remark of this. Pic had told me before I did not know what an odd compound she, Pic, was. Speaking of the barefaced things I said to her, and of forgiveness she did not think I deserved. ‘Well,’ said I, ‘but I always get it too’ which she assented. ‘When,’ said I, ‘shall I see you again?’ ‘Perhaps never,’ she quickly answered –

Altogether the last half hour did not please me and I parted from her sensible of her abruptness, her want of gentleness or tenderness of feeling, and acknowledging to myself that I wished I had not staid so long with her. Yet I stood in the old bank watching the last of her as she turned up Horton street. Watching, I scarce knew why, as if I had not felt towards her as if I thought her so gentlemanlike. As I had said I stood watching her long, the people might stare at me –

It has before struck me she likes me more than I might expect. It is very odd, but if I tried would it be possible to make her melt at all? She was unusually inclined to take my advice about Miss Th[relfall] and the Doubles’s. Surely these things might make me think she likes me, tending towards particularly –

Got home at 3 40/60, having sauntered along musing all the way – Fumigated the stable 4 oz muriatic acid poured up 12 oz of common salt, in a pot placed on a pan of coals – Sauntered about with my aunt and came in at 4 3/5 – Till six writing a note that might perhaps go with Samouell E[ntomology] tomorrow. Wanted a Latin quotation looking over – Looking over Virgil’s eclogues above 1/2 hour –

In the evening from 8 to 9 20/60 (downstairs) wrote the whole of the journal of today – Tolerably fine day, but a little drizzling damp before breakfast, and afterwards about noon – Speaking anonymously of Miss V[allance], said my manners had deceived her and I was sorry Pic did not wonder. She herself had deceived people in the same way, much to her surprise, and had been very sorry about it –

Barometer 1 1/2 degree above changeable Fahrenheit 59 1/2º at 9 50/60 p.m. at which hour came up to bed –

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Sun. 31

5 50/60

12 25/60

In the stable for a few minutes or 1/4 hour at 5 55/60 at 7 1/4 rode Hotspur round the moor (George rode Percy while John walked out Caradoc), he carried me very well got back at 8 3/4 – The smell of the paint so bad, disagrees so with the horses (all this and not at all the journey that has affected Caradoc) had them brought back into the near stable – Caradoc seemed to get up his spirits directly –

We all went to church – Mr. Franks preached 39 minutes (good sermon but too long) from Luke xv. 7. “there is joy in heaven over 1 sinner that repenteth” etc. made applicable to the occasion of collecting for the national schools – His majesty’s letter desiring church collections to be made throughout the kingdom was made read last Sunday –

Meant to have sent to inquire after Mrs. Wilcock but this not being quite convenient, waited for Miss P– [Pickford] as she came out of church, made inquiries myself sent my message – Walked with her to the gate at Savile Hill, and got home at 2, just before it began to rain and continued near an hour – Much heated with walking back (up the old bank) dressed, and, taking a nap, found I had slept from 2 1/2 to 4 –

My aunt and I read the evening service and I read aloud sermon 51 volume 2 my uncles collection – In the evening talked to my uncle and aunt – Led to mention the road to the house. My uncle seemed to attend. Perhaps it will be put off till spring and may be of my planning after all –

Very fine morning before breakfast and fine day with the exception of the shower (vide line 2) – Barometer 2 3/4 degrees above changeable Fahrenheit 60º at 9 p.m. Wrote the whole of this of today during supper –

Went downstairs at 10 5/60, and came up again to bed at 11 10/60 – My uncle gave me ten sovereigns and my aunt three and seventeen pounds in notes. Sat calculating my cash in hand, which I find forty six pounds fifteen shillings and seven pence farthing –

E [three dots, treating venereal complaint] O [no dots, signifying no discharge] Looking over my accounts till 11 40/60 –

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Sat. 30

6 5/60

12

1/2 hour in the stable wrote a few lines on 1/2 sheet of paper (which William took to the Post Office before breakfast) to “Mrs. Cook, Straw-hat maker, Coney street York” to desire her to have black chip in readiness to make me a hat in a day if possible – I should be in York on Wednesday or Thursday – Wrote a couple of little notes for William to take to Butter’s, and Whiteley the hatter’s and wrote the last 7 lines of the last page and the first 19 of this –

Went down to breakfast at 9 40/60 – At 10 3/4 drove my aunt to Whitwell place – Caradoc in the gig – George rode Hotspur the 1st time except perhaps once or twice when taking him to be shod, since I returned from York 22nd May last –

Mrs. Veitch came to the door – we did not get out of the gig, but staid just 5 minutes and got home at 12 55/60 – Hotspur a good deal heated – Ditto Caradoc after he got into the stable – He was rather “starved”, George said, this morning – and rather off his meat, at least his hay – Ate very little of his corn after coming in, and no hay – Ordered him a mash – All the hay to be taken out of his rack, to have non tonight – Nothing but bran mashes, and in case it should be wanted desired Suter to make a ball (to be sent this evening to Northgate) of 5 drams Barbados aloes, 4 drops sauntered with my aunt to Godley –

A long while in the stable and did not come in (upstairs) till 2 1/4 – From then till 4 1/2, looking out my clothes, what wanted mending etc. etc. for my journey to Scarbro’ & York – At 4 50/60 went into the stable for 5 minutes then walked (down the new bank) to H–x [Halifax], was to meet Miss P– [Pickford] at Whitley’s at 4 3/4 by the old church –

10 minutes too late, and met her in Northgate – She turned back with me to go to several shops – We then walked leisurely and got here at 6 1/4 – She had walked to King X [cross] to meet me yesterday but must have been 1/2 hour too late – 

Asked what Mr. Simmons said etc. etc. – Wished much to see his prescription. Had thought much about me. I would not shew it her or tell what he had said. She asked me with more apparent anxiety or curiosity than usual. She would understand the whole thing I laughed and said –

3/4 hour at dinner and upstairs getting M– [Mariana]’s I[sabella] N[orcliffe]’s and my own pictures which I shewed her – She thought M– [Mariana] (tho’ a vilely done sketch) very like a cousin of hers, Mrs. William Lumley – I[sabella] N[orcliffe]’s miniature by Millet beautifully done – Mrs. Taylor’s sketch of me, like a person afraid of speaking – Too foolish looking could not bear it – Not at all characteristic.

Shewed her Stephs prescription of two years ago cubebs etc. Passing off for Mr. Simmons’s. She said it was an odd one. In walking home with her laughed and talked nineteen to the dozen. Would make her tell what she thought and screwed it out by piece meal. 

She said could that be Mr. Simmons’s? It would do no good. At last I made her own mercury was the only thing. My whole manner convinced her I was in the venereal. Said Mr. S[immons] wanted me to go to Manchester for a fortnight or three weeks. Could not yet tell whether after getting better I might have any relapse or not. Owned that was his prescription I had consulted four or five (alluding to Mac, Steph, Doctors B and Simmons). 

I said I had had four letters on my return, one I could not understand, meaning Miss V[allance]’s. I was vapourish about it and not well today (I had indeed a little bowel complaint just after dinner). She said she knew something was the matter, whatever it was I looked ill. 

She seems at home about the venereal disease. I tried to find out if she had had a touch of it, she said nothing to contradict or yet exactly to own it. I was rat[t]ling on, asked if she knew what Lady Sick was. Said I could tell her something for which she would box my ears. She wanted me sadly to say it. I declined for the present (I meant I might sometime pretend I had gulled her all I had said was a joke). 

‘Is this,’ said she, ‘your philos[o]phy? Does your conscience ever smite you?’ perhaps alluding to my having before so strongly denied the thing. ‘No,’ said I, ‘it does not. But I mean to amend at five and thirty and retire with credit. I shall have a good fling before then, four years, and in the meantime shall make my avenae communes, my wild oats common. I shall dimiciliate them.’

She laughed. Did not mention her name, but hinted Miss V[allance]’s sneaking kindness for me. I had met her on a visit, she had been much attached. I thought and persuaded she could never love again. She disagreed with me, said I was right in general but there were exceptions to all rules and she was one. She was ill one night had spasms. Was bad to hold, in all sorts of contortions. I sat up with her and should never forget spasms.

Pic laughed. Said one of my friends said if I had not my talent I should be abominable. Pic thought I should not find fault with others. She had before told me of her putting on regimentals and flirting with the lady under the assumed name of name of Captain Cowper. It did not seem that the lady ever found it out, but thought the captain the most agreeable of men. 

Just before we parted, ‘Now,’ said I, ‘do you like the philosophy or the vivication? Do you think me less agreeable?’ ‘No,’ was the answer. ‘Do you think me more so?’ ‘Yes, I do.’ She will breakfast here on Monday, for I talk of going by that night's mail –

Miss P– [Pickford] staid till 7 50/60, I walked to Savile green with her returned up the old bank in 20 minutes and got home at 8 50/60 – Very much heated – The evening very hot and close – Got curled immediately then sat down and wrote etc. 

During supper wrote the whole of this journal so far of today, and went downstairs at 10 10/60, & came up again to bed at 11 8/60, at which hour Barometer 1 1/2 degree above changeable Fahrenheit 60º – Fine day – Rather likely for rain in the morning but it kept off – E [three dots, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying little discharge] –

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Fri. 29

6

10 55/60

Very comfortable bed, and slept well till 5 20/60, at which time it was raining heavily downstairs and in the stable at 7 1/4 everything ready, but it rained so much (began at 3 1/2 they said and was incessant till after 9) I determined to stay breakfast, and set off at 9 or 10 – 

Took upMog’s edition of Patterson’s roads published London 1822. Saw Shibden hall inserted according to the letter I wrote mentioning its situation – Then took up volume 1 Miss Benger’s life of Mary Queen of Scots and read the first 50 pages. 

Sat down to breakfast (boiled milk and hot rolls) at 8 1/2 – It just then occurred to me that the last time I was in this room (the ground floor parlour on the left entering the Bridgewater) was with M– [Mariana] on the night of the 9th of March 1816. 

A host of reflections crowded on me – I felt the tear starting and my heart grow sick. ‘How foolish,’ said I, then sank into the thought that my knowing her had perhaps been the ruin of my health and happiness. She has not the heart to suit me. Perhaps I should not be happy with [her], yet almost foolish, [w/c]ould not be so without. I had almost said, ‘Oh, that I had not a heart,’ but God be merciful to me a sinner, and enable me to fix it. Here alone true joys are to be found. 

How very little π [Mariana] guesses what passes within me. I do not blame her. Heaven has not given her that sweet sensibilit soul of the soul after which my spirit panteth, likes the hart after the water brook and than which nothing less can satisfy a romantic and the enthusiastic mind like mine. To π [Mariana], if I shewed myself more openly I should be an enigma. She could not understand. We have not much fellowship in feeling, yet am I attached to her. Alas, I see more and more plainly, too deeply for my own happiness. 

Were I to tell her the effect of this three step business, she could not comprehend it. She would think it perhaps unforgivingness of temper rather than that wound at heart which festers unseen. It has taught me that tho she loves me, it is without that beautiful romance of sentiment that all my soul desires. But mine are not affections to be returned in this world. Oh that I could turn them with virtuous enthusiasm to that being who gave them. 

O Mary, Mary! You have enticed me with the glimpse of happiness and my heart has pursued the ignis fatuus till retreat is impossible or vain – But no more –

Left Manchester at 9 25/60 (the roads very heavy with the rain) and stopt at the Wellington Inn, Rochdale, at 11 35/60 – Fair the 1st 7 miles but rained the last 4 (of the 11 Manchester to Rochdale) – Went into the stable for a minute or 2, then sat down and mused and wrote all the above of today which took me till 12 3/4 (Shibden). Took a little nap – Had ordered George to let us be off in 2 hours but he was out, and 25 minutes beyond his time, and we were not off till 2 –

From 2 55/60 to 3 1/2 walked, and made George lead Caradoc, from the mound and while rails across the valley (perhaps 1/2 mile on this side of Littlebro’) to the Inn at the top of Blackstone edge – Stopt there 5 minutes and gave Caradoc some oatmeal and water – Then pursued our journey, and got home in 3 3/4 hours at 5 3/4, i.e. just before it struck 6 by the kitchen clock –

It rained pretty smartly all the time we were at Rochdale till about the last 1/2 hour when it cleared up and we had no rain afterwards – A fine evening too – My father and Marian called after tea and staid about an hour –

Told my uncle and aunt Mr. Simmons thought he could cure me, but could answer for it better if I was in Manchester under his own eye for 2 or 3 weeks – My aunt wanted me to give up going to Scarbro’ and York, and go to Manchester immediately – This I, of course, decline, saying I may perhaps be able to do without going to M– [Mariana] at all –

Barometer at changeable or rather above Fahrenheit 57º at 9 p.m. at which hour came up to bed – Put by my things etc. and wrote the last 9 lines of today – 4 letters waited my arrival –

Nothing can be better done than the new road from Littlebro’ to the top of Blackstone edge – From the very foot of the hill to about 100 yards from the Inn at the top are 15 white-painted black-capped stone posts as guides, I suppose, when the road is covered with snow – They were 149 strides apart (supposing them to be as as they look, at equal distances) perhaps these 149 strides might be about 100 yards or not much more –

It was at the 14th stone that I met M– [Mariana] last Tuesday week – This struck me forcibly – I had been thinking of the thing before – Indeed not a day scarcely an hour has passed since it happened, without its occuring to me in 1 shape or other – Oh! that I could forget it altogether – But I know and feel this cannot be – My memory is too obstinate for me –

3 of the letters came yesterday from M– [Mariana] (York); from Miss Vallance (Sittingbourne) and from Radford the Tailor (“ 27 Piccadilly removed from 188 Fleet street London”) the other letter (from Radford acknowledging the receipt of the draft) came this morning –

M– [Mariana]’s letter (2 1/4 pages hurried) written the very day (Wednesday) my letter to her would get to Scarbro’, on which day she seems to have been setting off for that place, having waited to take her father and mother within the carriage Eliza and Lou on the box and the 2 little Whites and her and Watson her servants in a hack chaise – Mrs. B– [Belcombe] seized with Cholera morbus on Sunday “which alarmed us much for a few hours, but it soon subsided”.... “however she is quite well” – Dr. B– [Belcombe] 

“in very low spirits about himself and I really think there is much cause even now to feel alarmed about him – His mind seems to have suffered, and when there is anything to be done he seems quite bewildered” –

M – [Mariana] not quite so well as she was – The moorgame arrived safe on Sunday – Dr. B– [Belcombe] appeared pleased with the attention – M– [Mariana] was to have written on Tuesday “but Bell came over and nothing could be done” –

3 pages crossed and the ends from Miss V– [Vallance] I must write to her very soon – She says my last is dated 14 February –

“Does your remembrance of your confiding friend ever cross your mind? Has her fate ceased to interest? Is her form forgotten? Her faults and sorrows faded from from your heart?” …. 

I must write – She is still in a very bad state of health – Gives a high character of her brother William’s bride – vide the latter 1/2 the crossing of page 2 and the former 1/2 of page 1 vide page 2 

“Memory often carried me to Langton – and recalls our wandering to Birdsall, the wold etc. etc. ...... those steps so well remembered, so fondly recorded in my bosom”.... 

Flll [full] well i remember my style of conversations. Does she too? Is it not evident she will listen again and grant all I ask as before? – At page 3

 “I hope to see Langton at no very distant time and I hope most earnestly to see you there” –

Surely the crossing above referred intelli[gi]bly marks her preference towards me and might warrant my taking gently any liberties I chose. She says, or strongly insinuates, that she and I think and feel more in unison than I suppose. Surely this is no cold water on anything that has passed between us – I have always maintained a lady cannot love sufficiently a second time. It is respecting this she owns my opinion, “founded on a knowledge of human nature in general” but consider herself an exception –

Radford’s 1st letter is to acknowledge the receipt of my 1st…. 

“as our business is conducted solely on the principle of ready money we cannot send goods to strangers in the country without 1st receiving a remittance to amount of ordered goods” … 

Strangers is in the original, strange ladies in the country – Referred to their “order book” and found my measure etc. etc. I could not help laughing –

The 2nd letter a respectful acknowledgment of the draft – The coat to be sent by “the York coach that leaves the Golden and Saturday morning at six” that I am expected to have it early on Sunday morning –

vide line 23 the last page the weather, what kept me up so long etc. – E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying little discharge] A lit[t]le not much –

[sideways in margin] Rochdale

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Thurs. 28

5 3/4

11 1/4

Did not hurry myself got my breakfast in comfort, took George in the gig, and set off to Rochdale at 7 40/60 – Walked all the way to H–x [Halifax]. 

A little drizzling rain so thick a mist on the top of Blackstone edge (got out of it in about 20 minutes) could scarce see 2 or 3 yards before us – A smartish shower for 3 or 4 minutes at Littlebro’, – The descent upon which place from Blackstone edge is fine scenery – Cleared up as we came within a couple of miles of Rochdale, and pretty fine when we stopped at the Wellington Inn at 11 10/60 –

Just 3 1/2 hours in coming – 17 miles from Shibden i.e. about 5 miles an hour – I had to let Caradoc feel the rein and whip a little in Rochdale streets to get him forward – Surely he cannot be tired – I drove him very gently to the top of Blackstone edge – Just 2 1/2 hours in getting to the Inn at the top – Walked and made George walk (1/4 hour) from the turnpike (about 8 miles from Rochdale) to the top of the hill –

“It has been remarked by the celebrated Haller, that we are deaf while we are yawning The same act of drowsiness that stretches open our mouths, closes our ears” volume 1 34/356 

“The Friend: a series of Essays, in 3 volumes to aid in the formation of fixed principles in politics, morals and religion with literary amusements interspersed By S. T. Coleridge, Esquire a new edition” …. London 1818 

“Avolent quantum volent paleæ levis fidei quocunque afflatu tentamonium! eo purior massa frumenti in horrea domini reponetur. Tertullian. Let if fly away, all that chaff of light faith that can fly off at any breath of temptation; the cleaner will the true grain be stored up in the granary of the Lord" 97/356 

“a good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life” Milton’s speech for the library of unlicensed printing 108/356 

Napoleon’s “close imitation of Charlemagne was sufficiently evident by his assumption of the Iron Crown of Italy, by his imperial coronation with the presence and authority of the Holy Father; by his imperial robe embroidered with bees in order to mark him xxxx as a successor of Pepin, and even by his ostentatious revocation of Charlemagne’s grants to the Bishop of Rome” 136/356….. 

“unless above himself he can erect himself, how poor a thing is man!” Daniel 166/356 

“who has not, a thousand times, seen it snow upon water? who has not seen it with a new feeling, since he has read Burn’s comparison of sensual pleasure, to snow that falls upon a river, a moment white – then gone for ever!” 184/356

“Our bodies had their morning, have their noon, And shall not better – the next change is night; But their far larger guest, t’ whom sun and moon are sparks and short-liv’d, claims another right – The noble soul by age grows bustier, her appetite and her digestion mend; we must not starve nor hope to pamper with women’s milk and pap unto the end. Provide you manlier diet! Donne.” 179/356 

All the above of today written at the Wellington Inn Rochdale. Shut up my book at 15/60 having written about an hour, and thought but a few minutes – (Manghester) ordered the gig – George gone out, and not returned – Near dead he return of 1/2 hour – Asked him the reason of this when I had ordered him to be ready in 2 hours – his “watch was wrong” – bade him not do so again, and drove off from Rochdale at 2 40/60 – 

Got into Manchester – Stopt at the Bridgewater arms at 3 50/60 i.e. 11 miles in 2 10/60 hours – A hilly stage – Caradoc came better than before, and was less heated – He is unaccustomed to busy streets I was obliged here also (Manchester) to give him the whip once or twice –

Mrs. Lacy did, or I fancied she did, look a little surprised at my walking in alone. The gig could not get to the door for a carriage and four but she was very civil. Yet I have a very small room on the third floor and the bar parlour –

Ordered dinner at 6 – Washed and made myself comfortable – It was 4 40/60 before I set off to Mr. Simmons George St., having previously written a note to leave if he was not at home – It was 5 55/60 when I left him that I must have been a full hour with him – A plain-appearing, plain-mannered man – I told him the same story I had told Doctor Simpson save that my friend had been thrown from a curricle, not horseback. Enlarged on my suspicions but he said supposing it was originally a gonorrhoea that must be new worn out and it was a gleet or leucorrhea that now remained.

The discharge of whites if virulent or any other mucous disch[arge], if ditto, might be infectious. When I told him the immense exercise I had taken in Craven he agreed the complaint could not be weakness but something rather inflammator[y]. Perhaps astringents would not answer. As yet advised my taking capivior copaiba balsam but it would affect my breath and urine and this would not do till I returned from Scarbro etc. Thought I had better take lodgings here for three weeks. He could then do better for me. Said [I] would put myself entirely under his care and would not consult Doctor S[impson] anymore. I shewed him his presc[r]iption but said I had not tried it. 

He knows the literary people here. Dalton would give me lecture in chemistry if I liked this. I said would make me not begrudge my time. He talked of organic disease. I was anxious to know that the complaint did not go beyond the vagaina. He hoped not. Asked if I had had many children from the impulse of the moment, I said ‘Lord, bless you, no. I never was married but my life was of too much consequence to my family for me to hesitate to do anything likely to be of service.’ 

He then proposed an examination. A [I] said I should not think it right to refuse to submit. Unbuttoned my drawer and he put his finger up. Then lay on my left side on the sopha and he put his finger high up and pressed. Desperately, said I, once or twice, ‘that hurts exceedingly’ However, he said there was no organic disease and very little discharge. Bade me not make myself uneasy and not think much of it. In fact, he did not then seem to think me very bad. I told him I had only just washed –

He thought my tongue furry and that a little gentle opening medicine would do me good. Might take warm sea water but not bathe – He thought proper diet and care would set me right. I might be subject to slight returns, but should know how to keep them off. Should lie with my hips supported so that the syringe being withdrawn, the contents should remain half hour. A sponge saturated with the injection being applied to keep all in. 

I might take olibanum at Scarbro. This would not affect my breath nor render me liable to anything disagreeable. His prescription for me is different from π [Mariana]’s lotion of chamomile, hemlock, and purified sulphate of zinc and olibanum. To take inwardly. The handling hurt me and I felt it quarter or half hour afterwards, but otherwise I did not mind it much. These things are chiefly in idea, for strictly speaking there is no real indelicacy in submitting to a thing of this kind when so necessary –

Dinner not ready till 6 40/60 then sat down to boiled salmon, mutton chops, boiled potatoes, plum tart, a pint of very tolerable port and biscuits – Enjoyed my dinner and afterwards wrote the last 8 lines of the last page and all this so far –

For the weather vide the beginning of this journal of today – Beautifully fine all the way from Rochdale here, and very fine evening – I feel rather warm – (‘Tis now 8 20/60 p.m.) – Then wrote out the draft of the index to this volume from 25 to 29 this month, and copied wrote out the index into this volume from 15 to 21 this month which took me till 10 5/60 – 

Came upstairs at 10 1/4 having paid my bill, determining to be off before breakfast at 7 in the morning. E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [two dots, signifying middling discharge] Several drops, thickish and yellowish –

[sideways in margin] Manchester Rochdale

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Wed. 27

6 1/4

12 10/60

An hour in the stable and about – Read a few pages of volume 1 Rousseau that I had read before, and at 8 1/2 sauntered along the new road and met Miss Pickford 1/2 way down the old bank – We walked along the new road almost to Hipperholme lane ends, and got back here to breakfast at 9 50/60 –

Dearden the joiner, from West parade H–x [Halifax], came to take measure for the entrance gates and Miss P– [Pickford] and we all went to order about them – Shewed her and bade her read over (which she did) a few of the most particular pages of volume 1 Rousseau – 

At 11 1/2 George rode Caradoc and led Hotspur, and Miss P– [Pickford] and I walked on before to H–x [Halifax] – Went thro’ the town to Lowe the Taylor’s about my pelisse-sleeves mending – Thence sent George an errand and to meet us at Savile-hill while I mounted, but soon dismounted finding I could not talk comfortably, and led Hotspur and walked with Miss P– [Pickford] the people staring at us –

Sauntered about a little in Bull-close lane, Miss P– [Pickford] shewing me a letter of Miss Catherine Renouard’s chiefly in good French – Relative to Miss Threlfall, who seems to have behaved very scurvily to her and by this means much annoyed Pic. I think Miss Threlfall is not worth much. She has just sent to Pic to pay money for her within five pounds of all the income she knows she has now to receive. 

Pic has advanced absolutely half her fortune for her. Once redeemed her small Lancashire property and Miss Threlfall went and mortgaged it against. Pic has security of the West India property but does not think it would be enough to pay her. Cannot persuade her to arrest the lady. She will pay this further sum. Has three houses to keep and has had long her brothers and Miss Threlfall and her own jointly with Miss Alexander. She used to be of extravagant habits but now her personal expenses are next to nothing. She is left so bare –

Had I not heard so much of Miss Catherine Renouard’s cleverness, I should not have certainly guessed it from the style and manner of her writing – But should have given her credit for a good deal of heart –

Mounted Hotspur at Savile hill at 12 40/60, and went on the moor – Rode round – Hotspur not quite so steady as before – But when I had got about 1/2 round made a furious start, took me by surprise, and threw me – I was on the ground and had got up again before I quite knew what I was about – He behaved very well did not attempt to run away and I instantly remounted –

Not hurt, but a little shaken and feeling the inside of my left knee and my right hip-bone on which I had fallen very sore –

Soon after, met Mr. Christopher Saltmarshe – Rode 1/2 round the moor with him – Laughed and told him of my fall – His groom was riding a pretty bay 4 year old mare for Mrs. Saltmarshe – Returned thro’ the town and got home at 1 55/60 – Had the horses put into the far stable for the 1st time since the alteration’s being finished – The plaster white washed it etc. yesterday –

At 3 1/4 set off to walk to H–x [Halifax], but returned after I had got a little way, and sent Cordingley – She took to the post (it was then 4 p.m.) my letter, forgotten this morning, to Marienne Dalton (Croft-Rectory Darlington) vide last night –

From 4 1/2 to six, writing to Miss Maclean. Only wrote one and a half page – Having determined to go to Manchester tomorrow in the gave the necessary orders as soon as soon as I returned from riding –

During dinner told my aunt about my complaint, that I thought it venereal. She guessed I had got it at the Duffins then at Croft. This I denied, but did [not] say how or where I got it, tho I said I knew very well. My aunt took it all quite well. Luckily thinks the complaint very easily taken by going to the necessary, drinking out of the same glass, etc. etc. and it is lucky enough she does think so.

I am just going to tell my uncle. I told Pic I was going to Manchester. She asked what for. I would not tell at first, but did afterwards, smiling about having sprained my back in such a way that Pic might have smoked it. She had been as knowing as I am. She has not read all Juvenal, perhaps only the sixth satyr, nor Ma[r]tial, nor Petronious. Said there were few classical works of this sort that I had not read –

In the evening my father and Marian called and staid till 8 – Afterwards (sitting with my uncle and aunt) wrote all the above of today, and had just done it at 8 55/60 – Hottish, dampish, muggy day – But quite fair –

Just before I set off to Halifax turned back my uncle gave me five sovereigns to go [to] Manchester with and seems satisfied at my going. My aunt had fancied there was some impostume forming on my back or that I was scrofulous or some such dire concern. Venereal had occurred to her from my manner, but she durst not name it for fear if she was wrong. I should laugh and never let her hear the last of it –

Wrote the rough draft of from 21 to 25 this month – Came upstairs at 9 50/60 – At which hour Barometer 2 degrees above changeable Fahrenheit 57 1/2º. E [three dots, treating venereal complaint] O [no dots, signifying no discharge] – No discharge today – Curling my hair, or rather having it curled. Getting my things ready and doing one thing or other –

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Tues. 26

6

11 40/60

3/4 hour in the stable and about the plaster (William Eaden) came to whitewash the new stable – Wrote the rough draft of this day-week and last Wednesday – It made me low and thoughtful – “Hæret lateri lethalis arundo” – “J'emportais avec moi le trait qui au ‘avoir blessé’” vide Leontine de Blondheim volume two page twenty and two – [loose translation: (Latin) the fatal arrow sticks in her side – (French) I take with me the trait that must have hurt]

Went down to breakfast at 9 – Wrote a note to Miss Pickford (for my aunt) to ask her to dine here at 4 tomorrow – At 9 50/60 drove my aunt to Northgate – Waited a few minutes and took up Marian – En passant, left my note to Miss P– [Pickford] at Savile hill, then drove Marian to call at Pyenest (the 2 Miss Walkers of Crownest calling then) at Mill-house, Kebroyde, and Haughend, and which staid respectfully 20/60, 25/60, 40/60, and 3/4  hour –

Mrs. W[illiam] H[enry] Rawson thought I was going to collect my subscriptions (vide the last time but 1 I called there) – Told her they would never be called for – I had only asked Mrs.

John P– [Priestley] after herself (not mentioning the result of the asking) had grown tired of the thing, given my uncle and aunt’s name for 1 copy each and my own for 2, and said I could not do more – I had no claim upon my neighbours in such a case –

Mrs. Waterhouse and Mrs. Empson to dine today at Mill-house, Mrs. W[illiam] Henry] R[awson] expecting them every minute that I was not sorry to be off – We should have called at Thorpe, but met Mrs. John P– [Priestley] by the way, and made our speech – Mrs. P– [Priestley], of Kebroyed, very low about her son Edward – I had forgotten whether Mrs. Henry P– [Priestley] knew of the misunderstanding between Mrs. Empson and me or not – No! – I merely said I did not think myself to blame but that Mrs. E– [Empson] had told me more of her mind than I liked – I thought it ought to be apologized for and recalled, and this latter not being done, it was about a year since we had quite cut and I knew nothing about her now –

In returning called at Savile hill for Miss P– [Pickford]’s answer to my note – She cannot dine here tomorrow but will come to breakfast – Be here at 9 and must be at home again a little after 11 – Afterwards just saw and spoke to her in the street – Set Marian down at Northgate and got home at 3 –

Came upstairs almost immediately and wrote all the above of today, which I had just done at 3 50/60 – As we went just into the post-office my letter, written last night to M– [Mariana] “Dr. Belcombe’s, Scarborough” –

From 4 to 6 wrote 3 pages and the ends (the 1st page pretty small and close) to Marienne Dalton, dated this afternoon, to go tomorrow – ……

 “I shall see you at the festival, – Be glad, be more than glad – But some feelings are so subdued they scarce appear at all; and amid the louder sounds of kindness that crowded upon your ear, the “still small voice" of my gladness, may be inaudible, and lost –

I have a melancholy presentiment, that you will think me cold – You do not know me (perhaps few do); you are unaccustomed to my manner, and the contrast between those you love and me, will be so strong, I shall forgive you if you are misled – None but a chemist knows what latent heat there is in ice….. 

I shall seem to you to have forgotten myself to stone – Remember what I have written; and, when those thoughts that I forebode occur to you, remember I have warned you they are untrue – Give my love to your mother – Perhaps she understands me best – She, too, has violence, if depth and large dimensions of feeling may be designated by that name – But time has softened down the surface – and she and I may shew “the torrent’s smoothness ere it dash below” …….. 

Came upstairs at 8 55/60, and wrote the last 9 lines – Fine morning, a few drops of rain between one and two, but I had only just got home before there came a heavy shower, and it turned out a rainy afternoon and evening. Barometer 1 1/2 degrees above changeable Fahrenheit 55º at 8 55/60 p.m. –

Talked this evening to my uncle and aunt of going to Manchester and consult Mr. Simmons – they both of them seem to approve and wish it – My aunt proposed my going in the gig on Thursday.

She seems as if she knew more about my complaint. Asked if she had spoken to Cordingley but she would not tell me. Fancy she may know of my linen being stained but cant make out. Never spoke before in this way of my being not well to my uncle. Said it was now two years since I began. He did not seem strange to it and says he will give me five napoleons, that is sovereigns, to go with my aunt.

Thinks I must owe π [Mariana] a great deal. I fight off. How little my aunt guesses the truth and that I would not be obliged to π [Mariana] in money matters on any account if I could help it, which thank god I have done hitherto –

Writing the last 17 lines took me till 9 25/60 – Went down at 10 and came upstairs again at 10 50/60 – E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying little discharge] Did not wash before din[n]er, writing to Marianne Dalton prevented me –

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Mon. 25

5 50/60

12 10/60

A cross last night soon after getting into bed. I had felt a little that way inclined in the afternoon when reading Rousseau but kept it off. I don't know that it was altogether Rousseau that me feel so, it might have been the same if I had not been reading him –

In the stable and about an hour – Then read from page 36 to 48 volume 1 Rousseau § – Looking what petticoats I should want mending etc. Went downstairs to breakfast at 9 35/60 –

Came up again at 10 3/4 – Wrote the last 10 lines – At 11 1/4 drove my aunt to H–x [Halifax], made some shoppings – Called and stopt a moment at Mr. Wiglesworth’s door to ask him to dine with us on Wednesday – (going from home – could not come) –

Went to the bank, got a draft on Jones, Loyd, and Company for £5.5. payable on demand, to send Radford – Mr. Stansfield Rawson gave his mother the plan of her approach gate, and it was made by a man of the name of Dearden in the West parade – Drove my aunt there to speak to the man about making our gates (Charles Howarth is so long in doing things), and then drove my aunt as far as King and, got home, only just in time before a very heavy shower, at 1 25/60 –

Settling my accounts – Wrote the following to Mr. Redford 

“Sir – On recollecting that I am a perfect stranger to you, it occurs to me that you may reasonably hesitate to execute my order of Saturday last – I have therefore enclosed you a draft on Messieurs Jones, Loyd, and company for £5.5.0 payable on demand – I forgot to desire that there might be a pocket on each side of the coat – 

I wish it to be sent off on Friday; as I am going from home 2 or 3 days earlier than I expected – Have the goodness to write immediately by the post, to acknowledge the receipts of the draft, and to influence me by what coach you will send the coat –

I am, Sir, your honourable servant AL [Anne Lister]” –

At 3 1/4 (it rained a little all the way there and back) down the old bank to the post-office – Put in, and paid double postage for, my letter to Mr. Radford (188 Fleet Street London) called at Whitley’s about Mrs. Norcliffe’s prints, etc. – Called at the S– [Saltmarshes?] (4 by our clock 3 3/4 by the church) they were just sat down to dinner and I came away leaving a message of compliments and inquiries – Perhaps Mrs. Empson was there – She is now staying at Wellhead –

Walked very leisurely back up the old bank and got home at 4 25/60 – Merely came upstairs to get ready for dinner. In the stable 1/4 hour – Hotspur will not stay quietly in the hall-croft, will wander about the other fields among the fog – He has done it this last day or 2, and we are obliged to take him up – He must stay up from tonight, otherwise I meant him to have run out in the daytime till my return home after the September musical festival at York –

In the evening did nothing – Came up to bed at 8 1/2 – i.e. to get ready for bed, and wrote to M– [Mariana]. Wrote all but the 1st 4 lines of today – Barometer at changeable Fahrenheit 58º at 9 p.m. a couple of hours gentle rain before breakfast, and from 10 to 11, and heavy from 1 1/2 to 2 1/2, and gentle from 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 – Fair in the evening and pretty fine, but foggy and autumnal and I have felt vapourish all the day –

I have just written so far at 9 25/60 – From 9 35/60 to 11, wrote 2 1/4 widish pages to M– [Mariana]. So long about it, because musing how to express myself – Labouring with the feeling of constraint – After all, if she knew me (but she does not) the style of my letter would be enough –

After saying I shall write to Lou about our traveling to Scarbro’ together, 

“Perhaps any mode you think good enough for your sister, you may think good enough for me – I am not sorry that reflection rather dissatisfied you with your manner of welcoming me when we 1st met on Tuesday – Whatever I might say, or forbear to say, I find it quite impossible to feel convinced at heart, that it was either such a proof of affection as I should have thought to give, or wished to receive – Perhaps it was a more legitimate proof that you had no fear of startling the regard of your friend – ……

 ‘Tis bed-time, Mary; and I am not in a humour for writing volumes – good night! – I need not bid you be sure of my regard – You are entirely confident that I am always faithfully and affectionately yours AL– [Anne Lister]”

The above is 12/35 (lines) of my whole letter, or 12/36 (lines) including the line of date – i.e. 1/3rd – The length of my epistle cannot be fatiguing –

In spite of all I have written in my journals of Tuesday and Wednesday I have not unburdened my heart enough – I am still vapourish, still sick of thought – and π [Mariana] has not the way I see to lull me into sweet forgetfulness. Should we be happy together? I dare not doubt it. Can I believe it? –

Wrote the last 12 lines, and ‘tis now 11 1/2 – I could sit up and muse and write all night – I feel irresolute to go to bed – E [three dots, treating venereal complaint] O [one dot, signifying little discharge]. A ver[y] little. Not in drops, but more like the continued yellow mark of urine –

[in bottom margin] § Found the ribband between pages 44-5, that I must have read in spirit, I know I did read as far as then before –