my love

a second blog to share some poems for myself

[skininsidemybones]

I can’t escape you even in the corners of my mind

I miss you more and more every turn of the moon -

the bad days are fading and blurring out of focus, and I stop and think

were you really bad? was it ever you? could it really have been me like you said it was?

I want you back and far away at the same time, two halves of the past fighting and clawing it’s way back into the present

[skininsidemybones]

my love for you hurts like a toothache

too sweet, too much,

but also never enough

I really don’t know how to even comprehend that I was gifted with such pure love that my brain wants to sabotage it all

too sweet, it says. too much.

never enough.

[skininsidemybones]

not only are you the love of my life

you’re also my best friend

and i can’t express how much that means to me

[skininsidemybones]

every part of me loves you as you are and who you’ll become

[skininsidemybones]

my heart breaks for itself and i haven’t even lost you (yet)

[skininsidemybones]

i miss you

not for how i see you now, but how i know i won’t see you later

[skininsidemybones]

im selfish for you

every part of me wants you so so close to me

but you’re icarus

instead of the sun, it’s your beautiful future

that i do nothing but impede on

it’s the knowing of a temporary love

that makes this evermore painful and bittersweet

[skininsidemybones]

i can’t find a song that reminds me of you

your very essence is too intangible to put into words

even now i struggle to explain the feeling of otherworldly joy you bring to my life

so how can another’s words explain you?

[skininsidemybones]

hope is a deadly beauty of a creature

she shows you the upmost joys of life, but never stays long enough for you to get a glimpse of her true nature

[skininsidemybones]

i crank the heat in my car as high as it can go

and the radio at maximum volume

not for the warmth

or for the music

but to drown my own thoughts in my head that are somehow louder than anything else

[skininsidemybones]

my stasis is overwhelming

i cannot do anything but watch myself make the same mistakes

over and over

as i know no other path then the ones i’ve walked before

[skininsidemybones]

8:26 am

the rocks in my chest hurt more that usual today

you spoon fed me them one by one

until my body had no more space for anything

but your tumbled stones and empty words

[skininsidemybones]

my sunken bones glossed over by the merciless air

every part of me exposed to the harsh world, pleading for silence in the crashing commotion

i gasp every breath, my lungs rattling with every inhale

realization hits that this overwhelming permutation is the quietest it will ever be for me

i grin -

it hurts

[skininsidemybones]

i want to paint you

soft brushstrokes of color

a gentle ache of fondness could never capture you within a page

for you’re a whirlwind of art in my mind

the earnest smiles and radiating joy that you give off are slowly seeping into my skin

and i realize i can’t paint you -

you’ve already painted me

[skininsidemybones]

the fast pace of living is for once a new excitement

[skininsidemybones]

there is not a word that can describe the yearning i crave of a new life

it’s sickly sweet agony smiling sadly down upon my sky

my very soul trembles, hanging by a thread

[skininsidemybones]

the starlights surrounding me are here

whispered into my very skin, pure comfort in tangible forms

warming the air with their gentle sighs

and fragile souls