depression
After knowing deep down I’ve had depression for 5 years, I was finally diagnosed yesterday. It turns out I also have anxiety too, which I hadn’t really considered but everything makes sense now. I was almost relieved when this happened. I was always different to my siblings, always shy and always just.. i suppose different deep down. I feel relieved knowing that there is something wrong with my mind, and that living life like this isn’t normal and I can change this. I knew that living life depressed and suicidal everyday wasn’t normal, and i’m glad i know that there is something I can do now. I was sick and tired of ruining every single relationship I had with people over the depression, pushing them away all the time, worrying where they were everyday and giving them grief and being a burden everyday. It’s true I am literally impossible to love and I know that, because why should anyone else love me if I don’t even love me? I’m on anti-depressants, and it’s only been 1 day but the doctor said they are likely to make me feel worse for a few weeks before any sign of improvement. I am 100% ready to change, although in my mind I can’t imagine life with happiness and I’m scared because that’s just how I’ve always been, sad.
