šš¾š š°šš“ š¾šš š¾šµ šš¾šš š³š“šæšš· . . .
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@slaughterhome
šš¾š š°šš“ š¾šš š¾šµ šš¾šš š³š“šæšš· . . .
ššššššš šš šš ššššš šššĀ Ā āĀ Ā į“É¢į“Ā ( į“į“Źį“ į“ɓᓠ)
ššššš ššššš
āĀ Ā theyāll leave when iām finished.Ā Ā ā
ā Ā i gave you my life. Ā ā
ā Ā iām crazy, iām off the meds. Ā ā
ā Ā iām better off dead, they said. Ā ā
ā Ā if iām a painter, iād be a depressionist. Ā ā
ā Ā iām dying inside. Ā ā
ā Ā iām selling tickets to my downfall. Ā ā
šššš šššš
ā Ā get me out of my head. Ā ā
ā Ā i just need to go out, ācause i can sleep when iām dead. Ā ā
ā Ā same time and same place. Ā ā
ā Ā thereās a lot that i want to say. Ā ā
ā Ā hello. goodbye. Ā ā
ā Ā thereās a lot that i want to say, but thatās for another day. Ā ā
ššššš š ššš
āĀ Ā iām still young, wasting my youth. Ā ā
ā Ā iāll grow up next summer. Ā ā
ā Ā iām back on that girl i quit. Ā ā
ā Ā i should have lost her number. Ā ā
āĀ Ā iām overcompensating for heartbreak. Ā ā
ā Ā i gotta act like iām happy. Ā ā
āĀ Ā i donāt ask names. Ā ā
ā Ā iād go blind for her touch. Ā ā
šššššš ššššššššš
āĀ Ā youāre the best i ever had. Ā ā
ā Ā i couldnāt hear anything you said. Ā ā
ā Ā what the fuck?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt do fake love, but iāll take some from you tonight. Ā ā
ā Ā i canāt stay forever. Ā ā
āĀ Ā i donāt expect you to understand. Ā ā
ā Ā am i just making a mess?Ā Ā ā
āĀ Ā iām ready to die holding your hand.Ā Ā ā
ā Ā i canāt hide how i feel about youĀ Ā ā
ā Ā iād give everything up.Ā Ā ā
āĀ Ā be mine, baby.Ā Ā ā
š ššššš šš ššš
ā Ā you want me to forget you? okay, forget me, too. Ā ā
ā Ā i bet you do. Ā ā
ā Ā i left before you woke. Ā ā
āĀ Ā i donāt feel right seeing you sober. Ā ā
ā Ā i wonāt wait on you. Ā ā
ā Ā iāve wasted so much time waiting for your phone calls every night. Ā ā
āĀ Ā weād both be better off alone. Ā ā
ā Ā you left before i woke up. Ā ā
āĀ Ā why donāt i ever see you sober?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā why you do the things that make me hate you?Ā Ā ā
šššššš
āĀ Ā how are we so opposite?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā this donāt feel right without you. Ā ā
ā Ā even when the room is full, iād trade it all for you. Ā ā
ā Ā iām lonely without you. Ā ā
ā Ā i wish you had more time left. Ā ā
ā Ā i hate this. Ā ā
ššššš
ā Ā who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā at least make it look good when youāre lying to me. Ā ā
ā Ā iām trying to find inner peace. Ā ā
āĀ Ā go ahead and criticize. Ā ā
ššššššš šš šš ššššš šššĀ Ā āĀ Ā į“É¢į“Ā ( į“į“Źį“ į“ɓᓠ)
ššššš ššššš
āĀ Ā theyāll leave when iām finished.Ā Ā ā
ā Ā i gave you my life. Ā ā
ā Ā iām crazy, iām off the meds. Ā ā
ā Ā iām better off dead, they said. Ā ā
ā Ā if iām a painter, iād be a depressionist. Ā ā
ā Ā iām dying inside. Ā ā
ā Ā iām selling tickets to my downfall. Ā ā
šššš šššš
ā Ā get me out of my head. Ā ā
ā Ā i just need to go out, ācause i can sleep when iām dead. Ā ā
ā Ā same time and same place. Ā ā
ā Ā thereās a lot that i want to say. Ā ā
ā Ā hello. goodbye. Ā ā
ā Ā thereās a lot that i want to say, but thatās for another day. Ā ā
ššššš š ššš
āĀ Ā iām still young, wasting my youth. Ā ā
ā Ā iāll grow up next summer. Ā ā
ā Ā iām back on that girl i quit. Ā ā
ā Ā i should have lost her number. Ā ā
āĀ Ā iām overcompensating for heartbreak. Ā ā
ā Ā i gotta act like iām happy. Ā ā
āĀ Ā i donāt ask names. Ā ā
ā Ā iād go blind for her touch. Ā ā
šššššš ššššššššš
āĀ Ā youāre the best i ever had. Ā ā
ā Ā i couldnāt hear anything you said. Ā ā
ā Ā what the fuck?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā i donāt do fake love, but iāll take some from you tonight. Ā ā
ā Ā i canāt stay forever. Ā ā
āĀ Ā i donāt expect you to understand. Ā ā
ā Ā am i just making a mess?Ā Ā ā
āĀ Ā iām ready to die holding your hand.Ā Ā ā
ā Ā i canāt hide how i feel about youĀ Ā ā
ā Ā iād give everything up.Ā Ā ā
āĀ Ā be mine, baby.Ā Ā ā
š ššššš šš ššš
ā Ā you want me to forget you? okay, forget me, too. Ā ā
ā Ā i bet you do. Ā ā
ā Ā i left before you woke. Ā ā
āĀ Ā i donāt feel right seeing you sober. Ā ā
ā Ā i wonāt wait on you. Ā ā
ā Ā iāve wasted so much time waiting for your phone calls every night. Ā ā
āĀ Ā weād both be better off alone. Ā ā
ā Ā you left before i woke up. Ā ā
āĀ Ā why donāt i ever see you sober?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā why you do the things that make me hate you?Ā Ā ā
šššššš
āĀ Ā how are we so opposite?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā this donāt feel right without you. Ā ā
ā Ā even when the room is full, iād trade it all for you. Ā ā
ā Ā iām lonely without you. Ā ā
ā Ā i wish you had more time left. Ā ā
ā Ā i hate this. Ā ā
ššššš
ā Ā who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?Ā Ā ā
ā Ā at least make it look good when youāre lying to me. Ā ā
ā Ā iām trying to find inner peace. Ā ā
āĀ Ā go ahead and criticize. Ā ā
decaidĀ·.
šš¾š»š š“š Ā šŗš½š¾š Ā šš¾š»š š“š Ā .Ā KinshipĀ inĀ thisĀ wreckageĀ amongĀ theĀ starsĀ isĀ lethalĀ .Ā BygoneĀ erasĀ heĀ hasĀ longĀ sinceĀ kissedĀ goodbyeĀ withĀ wretchedĀ mawĀ .Ā YouthfulĀ eyesĀ longĀ goneĀ ,Ā nowĀ aĀ vacancyĀ thatĀ wracksĀ theĀ mindĀ withĀ questionsĀ .Ā HeĀ receivesĀ noĀ properĀ answerĀ .Ā HereĀ ,Ā achillesĀ onĀ hisĀ throneĀ sentencesĀ himselfĀ toĀ deathĀ :Ā theĀ deathĀ ofĀ tenĀ thousandĀ bladesĀ .Ā TheĀ threatĀ ofĀ lossĀ isĀ mightierĀ thanĀ anyĀ horrorĀ .Ā HeĀ poorlyĀ digestsĀ hisĀ wordsĀ ,Ā allĀ thunderousĀ acheĀ andĀ whisperingĀ woeĀ thatĀ accumulatesĀ inĀ theĀ lungĀ .Ā InfectiousĀ ,Ā cancerousĀ .Ā AĀ scourgeĀ āĀ theĀ ghostĀ theyĀ cannotĀ escapeĀ fromĀ .Ā Ā HeĀ wantsĀ toĀ offerĀ comfortĀ butĀ theĀ weightĀ ofĀ thisĀ roomĀ andĀ theĀ peopleĀ flutteringĀ aboutĀ itĀ isĀ tooĀ greatĀ .Ā AlwaysĀ theĀ dirtyĀ secretĀ .Ā (Ā Q : DOĀ YOUĀ GETĀ TIREDĀ .Ā *ofĀ ?Ā HIDINGĀ .Ā )
(Ā AĀ :Ā ItāsĀ allĀ IĀ knowĀ .Ā )
HeĀ hatesĀ theĀ silenceĀ thatĀ hangsĀ afterwardĀ .Ā LikeĀ anĀ emptyĀ sarcophagusĀ .Ā AĀ tombĀ ,Ā waitingĀ toĀ beĀ filledĀ withĀ twistedĀ limbsĀ .Ā Ā
Ā ā DidĀ youĀ visitĀ hisĀ graveĀ ?Ā WeĀ canĀ . ā
š. Ā Ā šššš Ā Ā ššš Ā Ā ššš Ā Ā šššš Ā Ā ššš Ā Ā ? Ā Ā š°. Ā Ā the Ā Ā last Ā Ā battle Ā Ā will Ā Ā be Ā Ā fought Ā Ā in Ā Ā the Ā Ā trench Ā Ā of Ā Ā your Ā Ā own Ā Ā making, Ā Ā / Ā Ā deep Ā Ā in Ā Ā the Ā Ā bowels Ā Ā of Ā Ā ratsā Ā Ā alley, Ā Ā amongst Ā Ā burnished Ā Ā bones Ā Ā & Ā Ā ššššššš Ā Ā ššš ššš. Ā Ā there, Ā Ā / Ā Ā the Ā Ā cavalcade Ā Ā of Ā Ā specters Ā Ā storm Ā Ā the Ā Ā haunting Ā Ā grounds Ā Ā of Ā Ā this Ā Ā fleshāāā-a Ā Ā greenhouse Ā Ā for Ā Ā brambled Ā Ā creed. Ā Ā [they Ā Ā whisper: Ā Ā your Ā Ā fault. Ā Ā they Ā Ā rasp: Ā Ā it Ā Ā should Ā Ā have Ā Ā been Ā Ā you, Ā Ā & Ā Ā your Ā Ā ears Ā Ā thrum Ā Ā with Ā Ā the Ā Ā vetust Ā Ā echoes Ā Ā of Ā Ā their Ā Ā tĶhĶrĶeĶnĶoĶdĶeĶs.] Ā Ā now: Ā Ā amongst Ā Ā the Ā Ā pile Ā Ā of Ā Ā the Ā Ā dead Ā Ā / Ā Ā growing, Ā Ā their Ā Ā names Ā Ā metastasizing Ā Ā & Ā Ā bleaching Ā Ā your Ā Ā halcyonāā-lies Ā Ā a Ā Ā heap Ā Ā of Ā Ā broken Ā Ā names, Ā Ā that Ā Ā broad Ā Ā -Ā Ā Ā shouldered Ā Ā burden. Ā Ā ā. Ā Ā . Ā Ā . Ā Ā no.ā
quiet. Ā Ā the Ā Ā word Ā Ā is Ā Ā ground Ā Ā out Ā Ā of Ā Ā him, Ā Ā venomous Ā Ā ends Ā Ā ever Ā Ā hissing, Ā Ā that Ā Ā vestigeĀ Ā of Ā Ā scorned, Ā Ā ruddied Ā Ā halation. Ā Ā eden Ā Ā is Ā Ā within Ā Ā him, Ā Ā still, Ā Ā / Ā Ā her Ā Ā weeds Ā Ā sticking Ā Ā out Ā Ā from Ā Ā the Ā Ā boneyardās Ā Ā earth, Ā Ā triumph Ā Ā over Ā Ā algor. Ā Ā an Ā Ā expanse Ā Ā stretches Ā Ā between Ā Ā the Ā Ā two Ā Ā of Ā Ā them, Ā Ā bifurcated Ā Ā into Ā Ā two: Ā Ā ruin Ā Ā & Ā Ā saviordom. Ā Ā āH$   WOULDNļ¼ļ¼“   W4N3 Ā Ā ļ¼ļ¼„   3Oļ¼ā Ā Ā ļ¹š±šš Ā Ā šš·š°šāš Ā Ā š½š“š š“š Ā Ā ššš¾šæšæš“š³ Ā Ā šš¾š.ļ¹Ā Ā
A journey across the ice is actually something that can be so personal,
The Left Hand of Darkness, Ursula K. Le Guin (text on white)Ā //The Terror, āTerror Camp Clearā (images)Ā //Ā Frankenstein, Mary Shelley (text on beige)
ā.Ā Ā Ā Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā .Ā Ā Ā Ā š½š¾Ā Ā š¾š½š“.Ā Ā iĀ Ā gaveĀ Ā itĀ Ā myself.Ā Ā thatāsĀ Ā whyĀ Ā heĀ Ā died.āĀ Ā itĀ Ā isĀ Ā damning,Ā Ā /Ā Ā theirĀ Ā sinsĀ Ā observedĀ Ā passivelyĀ Ā byĀ Ā theĀ Ā moonāsĀ Ā sarcolineĀ Ā š¤š°šÆš§š¦š“š“šŖš°šÆš¢š:Ā Ā tarpit,Ā Ā theĀ Ā midnightsĀ Ā garlandedĀ Ā byĀ Ā acheĀ Ā &Ā Ā bruise.Ā Ā theirĀ Ā eyesĀ Ā meet,Ā Ā ashesĀ Ā toĀ Ā ashesāāātheĀ Ā writĀ Ā ofĀ Ā saccharin,Ā Ā thisĀ Ā haloĀ Ā garrotesĀ Ā viciouslyĀ Ā aroundĀ Ā hisĀ Ā neckĀ Ā /Ā Ā likeĀ Ā theĀ Ā mawĀ Ā ofĀ Ā abysm.Ā Ā still,Ā Ā /Ā Ā ancientĀ Ā sweetnessĀ Ā lingersĀ Ā aroundĀ Ā serriformĀ Ā corners,Ā Ā theĀ Ā relicĀ Ā ofĀ Ā lostĀ Ā youthĀ Ā gleamingĀ Ā āponĀ Ā saniousĀ Ā skullĀ Ā &Ā Ā damsonĀ Ā lids.Ā Ā [itĀ Ā isĀ Ā hisĀ Ā eyes,Ā Ā pearlizedĀ Ā intoĀ Ā ringsĀ Ā atĀ Ā theĀ Ā centerĀ Ā ofĀ Ā theĀ Ā sea,Ā Ā /Ā Ā &Ā Ā betweenĀ Ā eachĀ Ā cavityĀ Ā &Ā Ā batteredĀ Ā lashĀ Ā liesĀ Ā aĀ Ā sliverĀ Ā ofĀ Ā gold;Ā Ā aĀ Ā paradisiacalĀ Ā š¦šØš®šš”š©š¢ššš,Ā Ā abortedĀ Ā byĀ Ā theĀ Ā greatĀ Ā palmĀ Ā ofĀ Ā god.]Ā Ā godĀ Ā wearsĀ Ā aĀ Ā toothlessĀ Ā simperĀ Ā &Ā Ā milkwhiteĀ Ā eyes,Ā Ā sulphurĀ Ā allĀ Ā theĀ Ā wayĀ Ā throughāāā&Ā Ā itĀ Ā isĀ Ā barrenĀ Ā badlands,Ā Ā fromĀ Ā stemĀ Ā toĀ Ā stern.Ā Ā itĀ Ā shouldĀ Ā haveĀ Ā beenĀ Ā me,Ā Ā &Ā Ā iĀ Ā amĀ Ā aĀ Ā shadowĀ Ā ofĀ Ā [i]:Ā Ā barathrumāsĀ Ā jewel,Ā Ā theĀ Ā rosiedĀ Ā faceĀ Ā ofĀ Ā youthĀ Ā cyanoseĀ Ā &Ā Ā wailing,Ā Ā wailing,Ā Ā itsĀ Ā hymnĀ Ā theĀ Ā spitĀ Ā ofĀ Ā šØšš”š«šĀ Ā betweenĀ Ā pews.Ā Ā Ā Ā
fromĀ Ā oneĀ Ā wolfĀ Ā toĀ Ā another,Ā Ā gnarledĀ Ā byĀ Ā emarcidĀ Ā pastures:Ā Ā āššššš šš ššš šššššššš.āĀ Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ERASING ,  ᓰᓱᓮᓬˢᓵᓺᓳ Ā :Ā Ā š Ā šššš Ā šš Ā šš Ā ššš Ā šššš Ā ššš !
semiĀ -Ā selectiveĀ ,Ā indiĀ .Ā LEONĀ KENNEDYĀ .Ā savedĀ byĀ DRAGULAĀ !
a couple of integral points re: my portrayal (apologies for shitty mobile formatting):
chris was orphaned twice; once when his biological parents were killed (in front of him, no less) due to their involvement in (attempting to) dismantle early umbrellaās influence in guatemala; secondly, after being adopted by the redfields.
chrisā parents were also within a long line of plagas carriers; to wit, he has antibodies against la plaga & though this does not make him invincible, of course, it does provide a decent shield against most derivative viruses (& he will become infected w/ la plaga at some pointāāmore on that later.)
his disillusionment w/ the BSAA derives initially from development & deployment of the railgun featured in vendetta. chris was most likely one of the most outspoken critics of it due to its potential for catastrophic damage.
šš·š“Ā Ā šš·šøšš“Ā Ā šæššøš½š²š“ššĀ Ā šæšš¾š¼šæšš.
these are taken from the starz show with the same title, triggers may be present, proceed with caution, feel free to adjust any you that you deem necessary.
promises are always made, and they are always broken. always.
all my life i have been good. i have been biddable.
you have the look of our mother/father. that doesnāt please you?
i loved her/him/them very much, but i didnāt always like her/him/them.
i hated her/his/their ambition. what it did to us. nothing else mattered but power.
i wonder how you walk in a straight line, your wits are so dismally few.
all this time, i thought you were the petite fleur tremblante.
thereās a symmetry to it, donāt you think?
she/he killed the rightful queen/king, and put me on the throne.
how do you sleep? how are you not bowed down with shame?
how do you not howl with the grief of what you have done?
was this always your plan?
when have i ever had a plan?
i will not be commanded by him/her/them.
his/her/their power, ten times greater in the ballads they sing.
i have never joined you for the hunt or any other blood sport, and i will not start with this.
men are weak, swayed by beauty. women must be stronger.
i am tired of being a trembling flower and hoping it might make them feel their conscience.
but we are women, and we do what we must do.
do you love him/her/them?
what do you see? an innocent?
but he is here to kill your kin and rob [optioanl:place] of what was never his!
if you will not do it for your king/queen, then do it for me!
arenāt you happy about the betrothal?
a betrothal means a marriage, and this marriage means war.
how can i be happy about that?
you cannot be surprised that she/he/they would say that.
it is not simply that she says it. she believes it in her heart.
iāve never loved anyone else.
but thisā¦did i love you without ever knowing who you truly were?
but there is fear in your eyes.
how will you explain all that blood on your hands?
it is not murder if it is godās will.
i have no power anymore. i have these four walls and your [optional:family] and that is all.
can you say you have never felt that?
you may disbelieve it if you choose, but you are all i have now.
have a care. heās/sheās/their just a child!
in twilight years, might we not venture to cherish something for ourselves?
how can i prove that i am with you except to ask you not to die?
i kept my promise and now you will keep yours.
what have they done to us? we are their creatures.
i feel as if Iāve aged a thousand years.
do you feel any different?
he spent his life in brothels and cowsheds. what would he know of politics?
i think they like the war between them.
guard your heart, my [optional:name]. the child is not your own. he/she belongs to the throne.
what does he/she/they do to inspire such loyalty?
i have no love of war, but i do not like your king/queen.
i donāt think i should like to be queen/king, the clothes are all too ugly.
everywhere i look around me, nobles conspire against me.
they smile into my face and then behind me draw their knives.
if only we could work together, we could be a king/queen for [optional:place].
you make it look so easy. you know just what to do to make them love you.
you reap what you sow, [optional:name].
you rule with fear, and you will only get dissent and hatred in return.
iād rather choose the side iām afraid of.
your moves are far too obvious.
blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.
unless you plan to hold me down, i shall do it anyway.
we must learn to change, or die.
your smile is almost convincing.
does it bring you the joy you hoped it would?
and that is want you want for me, even now?
itās intended as a show of strength.
i will walk through my sorrow and i will smile through my pain.
canāt you kill them both? put a sickness on them so they die in awful pain?
i know my curses, but perhaps theyāre just wishful thinking.
perhaps i just take good luck and call it magic.
my powers cannot be very strong if we find ourselves as we are now.
all i have wanted, all my life, is to marry a man/woman for love.
iām sick to death of being cooped up here.
perhaps she knows a chaperone is pointless in your case.
a royal wedding is a business agreement.
i thought we would have longer.
i want to stay and fight.
this is yours now, [optional:name]. your kingdom. your throne.
burn them. and ban the snow from falling. i will have nothing white in [optional:place].
i have dreamed of this my entire life.
so this is how he treats the woman/man he expects to make his queen/king.
perhaps the worst is yet to come.
no one must know what has passed between the two of you.
who wouldāve thought, to find us here like this?
we are [optional:surname], [optional:name]. we do not quake in fear.
with you, he/she/they joins the houses.
you knew you would marry whichever one of them won.
it is divine to suffer.
we never planned much after the battle.
you should show more loyalty to your [optional:familyrelation].
we continue to be at odds with another and i regret it.
you will be the peace that ends the war.
who gave the order?
hidden and patient. that will be my motto.
my life is gone in any case.
youāre not afraid? i approach you with a dagger and you do not even flinch.
i thought this was to win their hearts, not threaten them with bloodshed.
there is none to come against you now.
you grant them greater power if you fear them.
i will not have them thinking iām afraid.
will you at least write to me while youāre gone?
i hope this trip will give us time to know one another, again.
Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (Paul Schrader, 1985).