
if i look back, i am lost
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Sade Olutola
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Janaina Medeiros
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Xuebing Du
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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@slaughterlmfao
me who knows 0 sign language vs the deafmute boy at work who starts speaking in sign language when he gets nervous or excited
no thrash metal girls in this city its always someones 14yo girlfriend who likes tiktok and makeup
something happend to me 2 months ago and i want to share the experience with someone
ive had dpdr since i was 6 (brain damage+trauma) and it never relented until recently. i was crying in my room and i felt horrible and i was listening to music i used to like in middle school to keep my spirits up and when i opened my eyes the world wasnt flat?? i looked at the stuff on my desk and it was all colorful and had shape and wasnt distorted and i freaked out HARD. i dont think ive ever cried so hard in my entire life and most importantly i felt relief and not anguish for the first time in forever
it lasted for around 2 or 3 days and i was cleaning the house and talking to people and going outside like i was fucking possessed and i often got urges to just sprint and feel the wind and my body and everything
i think the cause of this little window was the feeling of safety (resting safely in bed with headphones on) and a brutal kick of nostalgia that gave my brain a boost (tbh skillet was my lifeline in middle school) but im not sure
it gave me so much hope and will to live like honestly i wanna keep trying to feel conscious again no matter how much time and effort it takes me
what i want to say is hang in there guys. it gets better and its not forever and we all can crawl out of this little by little. keep trying and stay alive because the joy of what awaits us cant compare to the suffering we are in now
Im BACK yall!! been a while and im still burnt out but i wanted to come back to shitpost and motivate myself to draw more