Moving Forward Along The Road Less Traveled @slayingdragonsinmymind - Tumblr Blog

Come Thou Fount (part 3)

This is the third post in my overview series of how my faith has held, changed, and grown during my struggle through mental illness and the recovery process, and it has been by far the most difficult to write out. It’s one of those things where I know exactly how I feel and there is so much I’m feeling that I want to express, but words have failed me at every turn. So, this is my third night…

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Come Thou Fount (part 2)

PART 2 After my major mental crash in the fall of 2007 I spent the next few years almost completely housebound. Some examples of what I when through during that time time can be found in a series of my previous posts from 2014 starting with Exiting The Shadows. Continuing from my last post, there I was desperately trying to hold on to my faith as I struggled through failed attempts at therapy. …

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Come Thou Fount (part 1)

There are many terrible things about war. Too many, in fact, to list. Exposure to the incredible darkness of armed conflict scarred me to my core. However, there is one thing it did that helped me in the long run: the lens of war gives a very certain and stark contrast between the things that matter, and the things that do not. There are many things I have not talked about yet on this blog,…

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slayingdragonsinmymind

Fits and Starts

Recovery, at least for me, has never been a steady, constant journey on an upward trajectory away from rock bottom. Rather, it’s an uneven, messy, jumbled up trek punctuated by fits and starts. For quite a while now, I’ve settled for a stretch of that path to recovery that has been “good enough”. Good enough meant that I was able to get out and function somewhat normally in areas that were…

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Fits and Starts

Recovery, at least for me, has never been a steady, constant journey on an upward trajectory away from rock bottom. Rather, it’s an uneven, messy, jumbled up trek punctuated by fits and starts. For quite a while now, I’ve settled for a stretch of that path to recovery that has been “good enough”. Good enough meant that I was able to get out and function somewhat normally in areas that were…

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Winter Visitors A painting I did for an auction benefiting the Salvation Army.

At any moment, you have the power to say that this is not how my story is going to end. How Not To Do College. A blog post I wrote at the end of my last semester at North Iowa Area Community College.

The Dragon At 2 AM

I find myself awake at night quite often. Sometimes, it’s because I’m working on a piece of art and I just can’t bring myself to put it down. Sometimes I’m lost in a book, and I keep telling myself, “just one more chapter” Sometimes, like tonight, my thoughts are a hurricane, and I cannot calm or quiet them. These are the nights I struggle. The Dragon reigns in the hurricane. It roars my deepest…

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Into the Unknown

My last post was written on the tail of a personal victory: Finishing my associates degree. Filled with the joy of triumph and standing on the summit of the life mountain I had chosen to climb, I took some time to bask in the moment and revel in the view from the mountaintop. When I turned to consider the past, I could see clearly how just far I had come from the broken and desolate pits I had…

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What I want to address is that not only are these stigmas inaccurate, but they couldn't be farther from the truth. People who deal with mental illness have an incredible amount of strength, even though many times they don't see it.

#mental illness #strength

My thoughts exactly

imakesensejournal

“During exposure [therapy] patients initially become extremely upset. As they revisit the traumatic experience, they show sharp increases in their heart rate, blood pressure, and stress hormones. But if they manage to stay with the treatment and keep reliving their trauma, they slowly become less reactive and less prone to disintegrate when they recall the event. As a result, they get lower scores on their PTSD ratings. However, as far as we know, simply exposing someone to the old trauma does not integrate the memory into the overall context of their lives, and it rarely restores them to the level of joyful engagement with people and pursuits they had prior to the trauma.

“In contrast, EMDR, as well as the treatments discussed in subsequent chapters – internal family systems, yoga, neurofeedback, psychomotor therapy, and theater – focus not only on regulating the intense memories activated by trauma but also on restoring a sense of agency, engagement, and commitment through ownership of body and mind.”

– Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., The Body Keeps the Score

possibilityofliving

Do you know if this info was based on a study?

slayingdragonsinmymind

Would like to see some data on this....

I had an when experience that promoted a rather painful middle school memory, and it's been tearing me up a little inside, so I thought I'd write it out and launch it off into cyberspace via tumblr to see if that helps it sink back into the recesses of my mind where the memory belongs. So, we were nearing the end of the school year when I was in 8th grade, and the school had a thing where the class would vote on different categories for the students (ie-- class clown, most popular, most athletic, and prettiest). One of our teachers was sharing the ballots he had collected in the prior period with the class. He would say who got votes for which category and the class was getting a kick out if it, cause normally you would only hear the winners and no one knew who else got votes for things. He was reading one particular ballot and when he got to prettiest he said my first name,... And the class fell dead silent except for one boy who rather loudly breathed out, "What?" incredulously. The teacher then corrected the mistake by adding the last name, and a collective, "ohhhhh, right." Filled the room. The idea that someone could have voted for me for prettiest was so unbelievable to them, and it is the first time I realized how universally unattractive I was considered by my peers. I gave up on the idea of ever fitting societies idea of pretty a long time ago, but man that memory still stings. And that opinion of me seems to be holding strong to this day, based on the experience that promoted the memory (which I don't want to share). So, I'm feeling a little low today. Not exactly sure how to pick myself up from this one...

"According to his hypothesis, the words we use to describe what we see aren't just idle placeholders--they actually determine what we see."

Had a conversation with a friend the other day that has weighed heavy on me. It's been very recent that I began to share publicly that I have PTSD, and he had some questions for me. He served at ground zero after 9/11 and said he is having trouble with depression and PTSD symptoms, but is reluctant to seek help, because he doesn't want the label. I can certainly understand why, cause being labeled sucks. Any given human being is so much more complex and intricate than any diagnostic description could ever come close to capturing, but as soon as most people hear a psych disorder applied to someone, they can no longer see past the disorder to the actual person who just happens to be struggling through life with that disorder as an added weight to carry. Sad state of affairs....

#BraveNewWorld I want sin

#bravenewworld #Huxley

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