Requests Closed! @sleeping-on-cracking-ice - Tumblr Blog

Hello! Most of your Niragi x readers are female and I was wondering if it would be possible to make the reader male for one? I’m not quite sure about how the story would go, but I do know the lack of Niragi x Male!Readers makes me go “aww” lol. Thank you 💞

okay so i kinda forgot this account existed for a while and i was going through my drafts and found this fic half finished so i thought i should finish it off

im sorry anon you probably aren’t too interested anymore since it’s been so long since your request, but here it is anyways

Foreign Feelings | Suguru Niragi

{AIB Masterlist}

Summary: The Beach to many people was seen as a beacon of hope; somewhere to be yourself; a place to begin a new life. But even with that there in his grasp, Niragi saw all of it and more in a certain boy. And ultimately, his own feelings frightened him.

Warning(s): language, violence, blood, (slight?) homophobia, cleaning wounds, sexual references, threatening, really really angsty, Niragi being a simp for Y/N

Word Count: 8.4k

*he / him / his is used for the reader

You didn’t think it would turn out this bad. The sheer abandonment you felt within yourself felt a bit too strong to be fair. You couldn’t have appeared that dead to the others in your team, could have you? You thought they may have had at least the decency to fit you in the backseat of the car to make sure you got back to The Beach safe, but apparently, even that was too unrealistic of a wish.

Very predictable, but even so, it was hard to believe that the members of The Beach would abandon one of their own so carelessly. The sight of the blinding car tail lights travelling further and further from your distorted vision created more disappointment than worry, or sadness even.

And now, you trudged slowly back to The Beach by yourself, limping along the rugged pathways and stepping blindly in the darkness. The short moment of unconsciousness you plummeted into earlier seemed to have held you under its waves for a long while, enough for the lights of neighbouring games to go out as the moon reached higher. You held no sense of direction, only travelling based on the familiar buildings you had caught a glimpse of on the way to the game earlier.

The blood that seeped into the fabric of your pants on your upper thigh created a mat of clinging limbs. The cotton that rubbed against your wound made your eyes squint and your voice crack in pain. Not believing taking your time in examining it would help, you pushed forward, looking forward to arriving back to the hellish Beach and finding some kind of medkit that would help with your injury.

Despite the situation in the moment and the warped eyesight that was creeping into your mind, you decided that the tranquillity of empty Tokyo was deemed worth the suffering pain. At least, for the first time in what seemed like forever, you had received peace.

As the garish sight of The Beach finally entered your view over the peaking tops of buildings, you stopped in your tracks and wiped the sweat forming in your palms on your dirtied shirt. It was ironically... a very gorgeous landmark. The lights that illuminated the trees and water miles out from the hotel brought at least some kind of light into the Borderland.

A beacon of hope, or so you wished to say it was. That’s what Hatter wanted, but you didn’t think it necessarily turned out that way.

It wasn’t his fault. Even in a selfish and unpredictable world that was the Borderlands, Hatter did what everyone else was doing; looking out for number one.

And if he saw The Beach as some sort of comfort, good for him. Everyone needs someone or something to keep them going. If they didn’t, what would be the point in staying alive longer?

You could ask yourself that every day. Even the few moments prior when you laid head down on the concrete, leg seeping blood and mind seeping sanity, you questioned really if it was worth standing up and walking back to The Beach. There wasn’t anything there that necessarily benefitted you. And even so, the rocks that dug into your back was the closest resemblance to a loving embrace that you had received in months.

“Fuck,” you breathed out. The hot air spilling from your mouth shifted into steam, clouding the air in front of you. “I wonder if they even notice I’m not there.”

It wouldn’t be a surprise, to you at least. But without your knowledge, a long black-haired man stood at the entrance of the lobby watching intensely for even the small glimpse of a late car driving into the car park through the glass doors. His foot tapped impatiently on the ground and his eyes darted through the night, having a sense of hope that you had perhaps survived and were making your way home.

You had no knowledge of this man’s strange growing affection. He certainly wasn’t the first thing on your mind when you slowly dragged your exhausted body along the path towards The Beach. But regardless, the idea of you being in his arms, safe and sound, breathing and well, would not escape his mind no matter how many times he attempted to shake it from his damaged and desperate head.

Your relationship wasn’t even that close. It was more of a rivalry than a relationship but even so, he did happen to have trouble getting on people’s good sides. Why did he think so highly of you and worry so much with such negative interactions you’ve had?

It’s only an appreciation, a longing for friendship, or perhaps a desire that’s prominent in a time of loneliness. That’s what he wished to believe, but he knew deep down, this obsession was much more than that.

He knew everything. It was plainly laid out in front of him, on a silver platter and gold forks. But the idea of love was something completely foreign to the second-in-command, especially with another man.

And Niragi wasn’t ready for that conversation yet.

_____________________

“How did you manage to scratch this up so bad?”

Ann’s motherly voice tsked at the poor condition your leg was in. You sat back in the chair you were perched upon, looking down at Ann who was examining your wound closely as you shrugged your shoulders in uncertainty.

“How should I know? Everything happened in a flash. Next thing I knew I was laying in the middle of the street with a puddle of blood around me.”

You caught a glimpse of Ann’s eyes rolling at your lack of recollection. In the way that she harshly manhandled your leg with next to no regard for your pain, you could easily point out her obvious annoyance.

You squinted at her behaviour, feeling guilty for coming to her at such early hours of the morning. With everyone returned from the games and turning back to their usual drunken behaviour out in the party area around the pool on the ground floor, you suspected that Ann wanted nothing more than to relax and do her own research on the corpses she had been brought back. Looking after a gash on a low-number’s leg was probably the last thing she wanted to do that morning.

“Alright. This may hurt, but we’re running low on numbing materials so I need you to deal with it,” she pressed as she brought a needle towards the wound. You nodded and lifted the collar of your shirt into your mouth so you could stop yourself from screaming if you had to.

The pain was unbearable. The sharp point of the needle weaved through your bloodied and sensitive skin harshly, leaving no room for a break from the burning sensation. Ann could tell you were holding back your complaints, knowing you well. She pressed her hand onto the wound slightly, applying pressure to soothe the burning.

“Almost done,” she muttered out with a concentrated expression on her face. You nodded with your eyes squeezed shut, not wanting to look at her work on your injury. It would do nothing but bring more strain upon your already throbbing headache.

Within a few more long minutes, you let out a heavy breath you weren’t even aware you were holding when Ann announced she was finished. She leant away from your wound and pressed a clean towel onto it, cleaning up any excess blood that had seeped past your skin while she stitched it up.

“Thanks, Ann. Sorry for being a pain,” you apologized as you examined your wound. She had done well like always. Your injury felt and appeared cleaner, and you no longer held the anxiety of access blood loss or infection.

She nodded with her usual stoic expression and picked up her tools before dumping them into the nearby sink. Your blood that remained on the materials mixed with the mess, looking almost like a crime scene.

“I can’t stop you from having your fun of course, but I suggest you get back to your room and rest that leg before your next game,” Ann spoke up as you dropped to the floor from your seat upon her medical table. “You wouldn’t want to not be able to run and have to participate in a spades game.”

You nodded at her words as she glanced towards you and gestured towards your leg. Upon landing on the ground and placing weight on it, searing pain shot up through your leg and into your entire torso. But, knowing Ann, you didn’t wish to annoy her with your complaints any longer, so you swallowed in the pained sob that attempted to force itself up to your sore throat.

“Okay,” you said whilst holding up a thumbs up.

No, it was not okay. You obviously didn’t expect the pain to leave completely, but you at least expected to be able to walk without obvious heavy limping.

You took towards the metal door to the lobby, using the wall as your leverage to hide your struggle from Ann. ‘It’s fine. I’ll just make my way to my room and rest for the night. Hopefully it isn’t too bad in the morning,’ you thought to yourself.

With your exhausted hand and numb arm muscles, you twisted the doorknob and pushed yourself through. You used the door to put your weight on as you scanned the lobby quickly. From your position, you could see the balcony Hatter stood up on to do his ‘encouraging’ speeches and some of the ground floors with its deserted and empty couches.

It was strange to see absolutely no one in the halls or lobby. Usually, there was the occasional dazed drunk, or a couple swapping spit, but this night seemed awfully tranquil.

You didn’t think much of it as you trudged through the centre of the lobby. Your footsteps echoed through the room, bouncing off walls and hitting your ears. But as you neared the staircase on the opposite side of the lobby from the medical room, you noticed your echoed movements turned much heavier and louder. It took you completely freezing to realise it wasn’t you making the noise.

“Oi!” a masculine voice yelled out, making you turn your head to see who was calling. Your eyes widened when you saw the familiar long-haired second-in-command. His confident stride remained the same that you had always seen it. His sniper was hung loosely over his right shoulder as he made his way towards you, face conveying an unreadable expression. He almost appeared... relieved?

“When did you sneak in? I didn’t see you come back with any of the other cars,” he asked as he continued approaching you.

Having not had a very friendly relationship with Niragi, you felt belittled by his presence alone. His aura caused a deep annoyance within you to surface without fail every time you saw him. It wasn’t particularly hatred or disgust that he brought you, but more frustration. He always seems to want your undivided attention somehow, and a lot of the time he would do stupid things just to get it. You somewhat found it pathetic, but you would never say it to his face as you knew his sensitive ego wouldn’t handle it.

“I... I uhh...” you stuttered out, not knowing what to say exactly. How could you explain him not seeing you? You walked right through the front doors of the hotel. Perhaps he had gotten sidetracked during the moment that you had arrived and happened to not see you enter.

“Huh? Lost your tongue L/N? Answer me!” Niragi came close to your figure and sprung his hand out to grip your upper bicep. His tough palm felt hot on your trembling skin and you felt the small stabs of pain from his fingernails digging into your flesh. You didn’t move but only breathed shallowly and nervously due to the now almost non-existent distance between you and Niragi’s faces.

His eyes locked onto yours and for a short second, you noticed how purely dark his were. You saw the clear reflection of your dazzled face in his irises and the long feminine eyelashes that decorated them. Paired with his sienna skin tone and the way his silver piercings stand out from it, you thought to yourself how much of a shame that a beautiful face was wasted on a bad personality.

“I was just leaving,” you said through a clenched, aching jaw. “How about you? What were you doing up so late?” you spat back in retaliation to his disrespect.

You weren’t ever too sure what label you would put on your and Niragi’s relationship. You were convinced that the only reason he picks on you is because of the first day when you were brought to The Beach, you spat in his face when he got a bit too close to your bruised and bloodied frame in which was tied in a chair in front of the executives. He couldn’t believe the audacity and froze for a short second before cracking the butt of his rifle across your cheekbone, only making you groan and roll your eyes in pain.

The smirk you gave him after copping the hit was one that haunted his head for days after the incident. The slight shine of white teeth behind the paint of crimson blood and the curl of your lips. It really didn’t take much of you just being your cocky and hot-headed self to make the air leave Niragi’s lungs. The sudden feeling embarrassed him, even more so than having the drip of your spit running along his eyelid and into his wide eyes.

Perhaps it was your lack of fear of him that drew him to you or the idea that he could perhaps have you as a potential ally, even if you didn’t get the best first impression of each other.

God, Niragi wishes it was something as simple as that. But the somersaults that his stomach does and the slight tremble in his hands that occur when he puts on his façade to intimidate you says otherwise. Why was it so different with you? Why did he feel so drawn to you?

He knew why, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it, especially in a place like The Beach with the reputation he has amongst the players there. No one particularly imagined him with another man considering the awful history he has with a lot of women in the hotel.

Snapping back to the present, he gripped your arm tighter again as he realised he had let loose slightly during his staring match with you.

“Brave of you to be so interested in my affairs,” Niragi snarled quietly. “I suggest you keep your worries about yourself.”

You turned so your body faced him fully and pulled his rough arm off yours by his wrist. He let go surprisingly easily. “Take your own advice, Niragi. Wouldn’t Aguni be waiting to get his dick sucked by you at this time of night?” You glanced at your wrist to mimic checking the time. “Why are you so concerned about me?” you teased with a slight smile toying on your lips.

The black-haired man stayed dead quiet while giving you a bored stare. “How many times have you made that same joke now? Twenty times? Thirty times? Come up with something else to piss me off with. I might get bored of torturing you otherwise,” Niragi smirked as he placed his rifle on the ground, leaning against his leg. He crossed his arms and stood tall.

“Oh so you do enjoy spending time with me?” you accentuated and leant towards the second-in-command. He frowned at your claim and shook his head in defiance. “Shut up. You’re looking for a quick bullet in your head with your attitude.”

“If you actually hated me as much as you claim to, that would have already happened.”

“Maybe that stupid attitude of yours is entertaining in a way.”

“I don’t see anyone else saying that.”

Niragi kept his gaze locked onto you, eyes impatient and dark with his long fingers tapping on the checked fabric of his crossed arms. You scanned his strained face in which was slightly dark due to the shadows of the lobby lights. Just before he sighed loudly and turned away from you to make his way back to the hallways on the bottom floor, you swore you saw slight drips of stress sweat on his temple.

“Just go to fucking bed. I can’t deal with this right now. It’s too late,” Niragi groaned as he walked away.

You opened your mouth in surprise at his confidence. “You’re the one that started it you prick!”

____________________________

Your leg had healed especially well over the next few days. The only pain that was left was the burning sensation you would have to endure when taking a hot shower, but other than that, all other inconveniences had cleared themselves up.

For those few days in which you could spend time by yourself due to earning yourself some visa days after the horrid game, you mainly stayed at the hotel and searched for some groups of people to stick with for the next few weeks or so. You were still relatively new to The Beach (you only arrived a few weeks ago) and you knew your last team was obviously not an option anymore, considering they left you for dead in the middle of Tokyo.

You had taken refuge with two mysterious people who seemed to keep out of the way of others, which honestly was your best bet. Being too involved with other groups usually led to more trouble than you were really hoping for.

The two individuals were called Chishiya and Kuina. They had been stationed at The Beach for a while and conveyed a great deal of kindness towards you, so you thought sticking with them for a while would perhaps bring some kind of benefit to you.

Although, they did manage to keep your guard up. With Chishiya’s playful yet sly smile and Kuina’s constant discussion of overthrowing Hatter and the militants, you were slightly unnerved by their actions. But they were the best you could do for that moment. If worst came to worst, you could always search for another team or person to take you in.

Niragi always seemed quite eager to have you close to him considering how often he randomly approached you and pushed you around. You were sure if you were to become truly that desperate for an alliance of some kind, you could depend on him for a short time.

Your few relaxing days didn’t last long. Without the need to hunt for food or for a safe place to sleep, you didn’t particularly have much else to do except get drunk or sleep in your hotel room. Chishiya and Kuina liked to sneak around often and cause some trouble. You weren’t entirely against doing so, but you’d rather keep yourself alive for as long as you could. And considering the strict punishments put against traitors, you didn’t become very involved in their affairs.

It came to the time to replenish your visa. You waited until your last night available so you had time to completely recover from your injury. You stood close to the centre of the lobby between Kuina and Chishiya as Hatter announced the groups and their locations for the night. Despite your numbers being quite drawn apart from one another and being placed in different groups, Chishiya insisted that you came with him and Kuina. You saw it as a benefit, seeing someone so happy to have you side with them.

“We have more of a chance to survive when there’s more of us,” Chishiya explained as the three of you strutted out the front hotel doors and towards the cars in the parking lot. “Not many people have a team of two or more when going to games together, so we’ll have the advantage.”

You nodded at his words and glanced towards Kuina to see her reaction. Only, she didn’t speak and kept her head low, staring at the concrete ground. Her dreadlocks hid her expression and you frowned at her quietness. Over the few days you had known her, you had gathered that she was a very chatty person. It was unusual, to see her so hesitant.

You shook it off and took it as she wasn’t feeling well, or that she was nervous. You smiled softly and reached a hand out to place it on her shoulder. Kuina turned her head towards you at your kind gesture.

“We’ll be fine. We’ve all done this many times before. What’s one more game?” you said, attempting to cheer her up.

Only she didn’t respond and only kept eye contact with you. Her eyes were sad almost, making you feel bad as you may have said something wrong.

As you moved towards the car, you opened the rusted door of the passenger seat and were about to clamber in before a tight hand gripped onto your upper arm suddenly.

“Hey! What’s your-” you were cut off when you made eye contact with none other than Niragi. He held an outraged expression, eyebrows furrowed and forehead stressed as he pulled on your arm to get you away from the car.

“This isn’t your group, and don’t act like you don’t know that,” he almost spat into your face. Without the obvious annoyance surging through your blood during the moment, you would have noticed the very close distance between you too. Your lips were only a few inches apart and Niragi’s leg was hooked behind yours to make sure you didn’t get into the car. But at that moment, it was anything but romantic.

“Fuck off Niragi. I’m going with them,” you rebutted assuredly as you ripped your arm from his painful grip. “You have a serious problem with grabbing people. Get it fixed.”

As you turned away to try and climb into the car, you expected him to eventually give up and mind his own business. Most of your interactions went like that on most days, but apparently, Niragi wasn’t having it that day.

The second-in-command reached down and gripped a ball of your shirt fabric into his fist before yanking you back out of the car towards him by your back. You choked briefly from the unexpected force but fell back easily before regaining your balance by holding the roof of the car and turning to face Niragi with a stunned expression.

“What the fuck is your issue?!” you complained loudly as you shoved him by his chest backwards.

Niragi kept his firm expression. “You’re coming with me. You’re with me tonight.”

He moved his grip from the back of your shirt to your collar, pulling harshly towards what you guessed was his group’s car while you groaned at his rough manhandling.

Kuina stepped out of the car and watched as you were dragged away, frown on her face as she chewed harder on her makeshift cigarette. She glanced to the other side of the car and saw Chishiya watching with a bored expression.

“What do you think that’s about?” she asked, trying to hear Chishiya’s insight. The blonde shook his head disapprovingly and pulled his hoodie over his hair before moving to climb back into the car seat.

“Niragi just has a small crush. Nothing too serious. But he did just take our test dummy,” Chishiya complained and ran a hand over his face tiredly. “It’s fine though. We’ll find someone else who doesn’t have a guard dog.”

Kuina nodded before climbing into the backseat with Chishiya. She wouldn’t admit it to him, but she was relieved Niragi dragged you away. Knowing Chishiya, he wouldn’t have hesitated to push you in front of a trap to see if it was deadly. He had admitted it to her himself, which was why she was quite anxious earlier.

Niragi didn’t quit his maltreatment until you were pushed into the back seat of the vehicle. He even dared to kick your legs into the car after shoving your torso in before slamming the door heavily on you.

“Fucking hell,” you sighed out and straightened yourself out. “Desperate much.”

The car held other militants, whom of which you did not recognize well. The only militant you were familiar with was Aguni, and he didn’t appear to be there.

“Drive,” you heard Niragi demand towards the driver as he climbed into the passenger seat. You watched as he tucked his rifle near his legs and leant back against the car seat before letting out a heavy sigh.

You didn’t know quite what to say after his random aggressive behaviour towards you. You thought it was best to stay quiet in the back seat of the car and wait for what kind of plan was ahead of you when you arrived at the game.

Who knows? Perhaps Niragi was going to use you as a shield, or a test dummy. But you couldn’t be so sure about that.

____________________________________

“Pairs?”

You stared down at the rules planted across the bright screen. With the darkness of the registration room dancing along the walls, the phone brought comfort with its blinding light, but only for a short while.

‘Travel in pairs to search for the items listed below on your mobiles. Teams who have failed to achieve their items and exit the building after 30 minutes will be trapped, and the bomb will be set off to eliminate them.’

‘Shopping List’ was the name of the game. It was set in a large shopping mall with the registration room being the elevator room at the bottom of the centre. To start the game, teams were to clamber into a separate elevator each and be taken to different floors in order to begin their scavenger hunt.

Without your knowledge, Niragi felt glad about the ‘pairs’ rule. He felt stupid, but the smirk that was painted across his face could not be helped.

‘Team No 1: Player 1000167 and Player 1000387. Takayama Shigeru and Honda Rika.’

A young militant man and woman glanced towards each other before nodding. They made their way towards an elevator and stood before it to wait for the game to start.

‘Team No 2: Player 1000089 and Player 1000432. Suguru Niragi and L/N Y/N.’

Just your luck. But if you were being honest, it could have been worse. At least you weren’t required to kill each other.

As you made your way towards Niragi and you stood near an elevator, the voice read out the two other teams that accompanied you to your game. Some came in a separate car, so you were not expecting to have so many people at the one game.

Once everyone was positioned, the elevator’s opened to reveal and small sign plastered onto the wall inside. 「スタート」: Start.

You glanced towards the man beside you. In all his glory, with his black glossy hair and slightly parted pink lips, he strutted forward into the elevator without even an eye movement in your direction.

When he noticed you hadn’t moved, he turned slowly and looked over his shoulder that wasn’t resting a rifle. “What’s wrong? Afraid I’ll hurt you?” he pushed your buttons, making you snap out of your daze.

“Shut the fuck up,” you groaned as you moved forward, shoving your shoulder into his aggressively in the process. “Go choke on a bullet.”

Niragi chuckled at your attempt at an insult. He felt in power. Usually, you were the one to make him flustered and unnerved, but obviously, that show he put on back at the hotel to get you with his team seemed to have thrown you off.

The elevator doors closed and you were met with silence within the small space. You kept your eyes forward, staring at your dead reflection in the metal of the elevator doors. Once or twice, you glanced at Niragi’s reflection. Your eyes scanned his body, his face, his movements. He shuffled around nervously a lot, you noticed.

You got so caught up in admiring Niragi that you didn’t notice how quick the minute went by, and soon enough the doors opened up to reveal a shopping mall floor. You guys had appeared to be taken to the top floor as the ceiling was very close and the railing was high.

As you both stepped out and scanned the area, the elevator doors closed and lights began to turn on throughout the shops along the floor. All the doors to the stores were closed, and you guessed the items you were searching for were amongst the very many products that were throughout the shopping centre.

“Fucking hell,” you heard Niragi breathe out as he looked up towards the ceiling. You followed his gaze and your eyes widened at the sight above you.

Directly above your figures, you caught sight of a giant pile of dynamite plastered to the ceiling. In the centre was a large digital clock that read ‘30:00′.

“We’ll be the first dead,” you announced as you glanced at Niragi. “Even if a quarter of that goes off, it’ll reach us, or at least the debris around us.”

He nodded and swallowed thickly before standing tall beginning to make his way past you to the first shop. “It’s best we check everywhere for those items in the phone. You never know what tricks they could play. They could put a clothing item in a grocery store for all we know.”

‘Game Start’

You flinched slightly as the large doors to all the shops began to snap open, making it possible to go inside.

“Alright, let’s go,” you said after taking a quick glance at the clock amongst the dynamite, now slowly ticking down towards zero.

____________________________________

With the small diamond ring in your palm and five minutes left on the clock, you let out a deep huff and fell back into the chair against the wall. You looked at your phone to see the final item crossed off, feeling a great weight lift from your body. Who knew shopping would be so stressful, even when you had a list.

‘Team No 2: Suguru Niragi and L/N Y/N... Game Clear’

“Now all we have to do is make our way back to the registration area,” Niragi spoke up as he watched you rest on your seat with his rifle slung over his shoulder. You nodded at his statement and closed your eyes in bliss. Another game is done, now you could relax at least for a few days.

“You seem awfully comfortable there,” Niragi spoke up, making you open your eyes only to see him standing right next to your resting form now. You jumped slightly at his close proximity and glanced up at him.

“Come on, we have to go. The game isn’t finished yet,” he insisted and kicked your leg slightly to get you to move. You groaned in annoyance and faced away from him in the chair, resting your head on the back.

“God, can I rest for five minutes. We’ve been running around on our feet for ages,” you complained.

Niragi rolled his eyes at your behaviour. “If you haven’t noticed, if you stay here for five minutes, this shop is going to end up at the bottom of the mall with us in it.”

Niragi squatted on his heels so he was at level with you. You made eye contact and saw his looking genuine for the first time. His sudden hard, black pits were gone and were replaced with these much more... puppy eyes almost. You didn’t know how else to interpret it.

You frowned and sat up straight while keeping eye contact with Niragi. “What’s going on?” you asked, scanning his body up and down.

“...huh?” Niragi responded with his eyebrows crooked in confusion. He stood up and stared down at you. “What’s wrong?”

His aura was wrong. Why did he seem so... off? He kept a soft expression on his face as he scanned your features. Furthermore, he had removed the tie in his hair, now allowing it to breathe and shape his face. He looked like a different person. Much more inviting.

“What? You have a staring problem?” he mumbled as he turned around and away from you. Without your knowledge, it was merely to hide the blood rushing to his face from watching your eyes run all over his body like they just had. He slightly smacked his face with his palms, mumbling to himself to cut it out.

You scoffed at him. “Never-mind. You’re back.”

The silence grew awkward between you too suddenly. You fiddled with the small ring in your hand, noticing how the jewel manages to catch the moonlight’s reflection, even through all the windows and the brightness of the lights. You swore you could see yourself in that diamond alone.

“Hey,” you spoke up as a random thought came to your mind about what happened earlier. Niragi glanced over his shoulder at you.

“What the fuck was with that whole act earlier?” you asked curiously. “What difference did me coming with you tonight make?”

Oh how badly Niragi wanted to say ‘You would be dead and I can’t have that.’ The number of times he’s fantasized about finally admitting his growing feelings for you, but he couldn’t. Not there.

Even so, he wasn’t even entirely sure if what he felt was love. For all he knew, he had never felt it.

“I needed more people. As simple as that,” Niragi answered in a monotone voice. He fiddled with the collar of his buttoned-up shirt nervously, which you managed to pick up on.

“You could have picked anyone,” you continued pressing as you realised your question made Niragi have a slight reaction. “I’m sure there would have been many other players who were willing to go-”

“You were the first person I saw alright? Just drop it.”

You fell silent at his sudden harsh tone. Not wanting to anger him further. He walked over to the corner of the room and took a seat on the marble floor, crossing his legs beneath him and laying his rifle on his lap. After a minute of silence, the tension in the room was too much for you to bare.

“Did you want me to stay with you?”

The question created an even stronger tension to rise as Niragi completely froze from fiddling with his rifle. He slowly brought his eyes to yours, a disgusted scowl on his face.

“What? No,” he snarled and went back to cleaning his weapon. “What kind of fucking stupid question is that?”

You tried to hide your smirk. His defensiveness, it was almost a certain yes.

Niragi felt his heartbeat in his hands. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing anymore, touching random parts of his rifle to make it seem like he wasn’t interested. He was thankful to himself for taking his hair out, as he now was able to hide his sweat and blush easier behind the black locks.

Although, he felt himself panic when he heard your footsteps approaching him. Heavy boots hitting the marble ground and echoing in his mind. He saw in the corner of his eye the toes of your shoes, making him almost forget to breathe. You were so close to him.

You squatted down to Niragi’s level on the ground and brought a soft hand to the top of his head, threading your fingers through the black glossy hair.

Niragi had frozen, eyes widened and muscles tensed, having no idea what to do. Does he lash out? Does he let it happen? Part of him wanted to punch you out, tackle you to the ground and beat you until you’re screaming for making him feel such a way. But the other part that he wasn’t so used to wished to push himself into your arms, tuck his face into your neck and breath deeply the natural scent of you that he so wished he could wake up to every morning.

He couldn’t decide, but soon enough you had brought a hand to his soft cheek and pushed it so he was looking up at your face. His black eyes were big, almost innocent even, staring up at you with such uncertainty and fear.

You chuckled at the dazzled expression of the militant before moving your hand on his head to his other cheek, cupping his face and bringing him closer to yours.

“It’s okay Niragi. You don’t have to hide anything from me,” you whispered in a comforting tone. With the lack of response from the second-in-command and only a blank stare, you took it as a sign of consent, allowing yourself to move forward to press your lips against his pouted ones.

Niragi’s lips felt soft and heated. You moved yours against his slowly, trying to be as gentle as you could. Even though he was such a scary and powerful man, at that moment, you felt like he could shatter like glass if you did one thing wrong.

He tasted like salt on your tongue, from gathered sweat and tears that fell down his face. He felt like home, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. He brought the same comfort that of the freshness of a deadly storm, the warmth of an unstoppable forest fire, the soft fur of an aggressive dog.

In such bad personalities, in such bad people, there is some good. In Niragi, it was hidden greatly below the layers of anger, trauma, frustration, egoism. And whether anyone else believed it was worth finding did not matter to you at that moment, because you had found that it was.

Only, that goodness within him didn’t show itself for long before retreating into the depths of darkness within him.

Your head snapped to the side as a searing pain painted itself along your temple. You felt your eye seep hot blood and your mouth seep groans. Slowly, you moved your eyes back to Niragi, only to see the barrel of his rifle held in front of your face, directly between your eyes. You froze, not knowing whether he would shoot or not.

“Fucking disgusting pervert,” he choked out as he wiped his mouth. He stood quickly with his weapon, refusing to make eye contact with you and rushed out of the store in the direction of the elevator. You watched as he stumbled slightly, almost tripping over his own feet multiple times.

When he was too far to see anymore, you fell back onto your butt and let out a frustrated groan while rubbing your face in stress. How could have you been so stupid?

As tears began to slowly escape your eyes, you heard a quiet *ding* of your game mobile going off.

‘Two minutes remaining.’

You felt your blood quicken and you struggled to stand up. With tears blurring your vision and body shaking in pain from the punch in the temple Niragi gave you, you quickly picked up the phone from the floor and made your way towards the elevator. You were sure Niragi would have been gone by the time you got there.

____________________________________

Niragi stumbled through the open doors of the elevator, hair tied back up but head held low. He lifted his gaze and locked eyes with Shigeru, one of the male militants he works with. Rika was leaning against the wall nearby.

“What happened to you? You look very flushed,” Shigeru asked, laughing tauntingly.

Niragi, of course, didn’t answer. He pushed past the snarky male and walked outside, completely dead to the calls Shigeru was emitting for him.

He needed some sleep. Maybe then he could wake up and everything would have sorted itself out.

“Come on,’ he called out to Shigeru and Rika. “Let’s go.”

Before walking out the doors of the shopping mall, Rika glanced back to the elevators. “What about the new guy?” she questioned, turning back to Niragi.

Niragi waved a hand over his shoulder in dismissal. “He offed himself. Got ahold of my rifle and gave himself a quick death,” he lied. While doing so, he quickly had to wipe a leftover tear as he opened the car door.

Rika shrugged her shoulders and made her way over to the car, excited to go back to the hotel and get some rest.

Niragi was excited too, not to get some rest, but to get as far away from you as possible.

Maybe he wasn’t cut out for love. Especially since his first reaction to his crush kissing him was to shove a gun into their face.

He thought he could do it somehow, but your affection back at him is what scared him off. Was it meant to feel that good? Is what he felt when you held his face like a flower and pressed your pillow-like lips against his love? He wouldn’t know for now, and nor does he think would ever know. Because he just fucked up the only chance he would ever have from being accepted by someone.

As someone who kills for validation, what would he know about love?

____________________________________

His boots were heavy on his feet as Niragi climbed the stairs to the ‘rats’ hotel room. That’s what he liked to call Chishiya, the blondie of The Beach who brings a lot of trouble for how short he is. He was like a rat in a way. Small, annoying, smart and scatters around your feet for scraps.

He needed to approach him about something he had overheard before leaving for the game.

Niragi arrived at Chishiya’s door and knocked on it relatively calmly. “Chishiya, open up,” he requested.

Although, his patience didn’t last long.

“Chishiya!” he yelled the second time, pounding his fist harder on the wood, making the doorframe shake. “Open the fucking door!”

His face felt hot and his hands were shaking in pure anger. Before climbing the many tiring flights of stairs to Chishiya’s room, Niragi had discarded his usual weapon at the militant’s headquarters. He knew if he had brought it, someone would have died.

“CHISHIYA!!” he screamed a final time, this time kicking the door in full force.

“What’s wrong?” he heard a voice call down the hall. Niragi snapped his gaze from the door to the calm voice, immediately seeing red from the sight of him.

Chishiya stood in all his glory, white hoodie with board shorts and flip-flops, a smug smile etched onto his face permanently.

“If you’re here to kill me, can we do it outside at least so I don’t leave a mess on the carpet,” Chishiya requests in a snarky tone. Niragi didn’t answer but only strode towards him in quick, long steps.

“Upset you didn’t get your little shield? Did you manage okay without him?” Niragi taunted as he walked closer. Chishiya began back pacing, trying to widen the gap between him and the taller militant.

“It’s a shame you stole him away. I was starting to really like him,” Chishiya pressed as he continued moving backwards. The blondie gripped the small makeshift knife in his hoodie pocket, being ready to use it if it became necessary.

“Like shit you were. You were going to kill him,” Niragi accused as he pointed a finger towards the blond.

Chishiya chuckled and placed a hand on his heart to act like he was offended by Niragi’s claim. “If it came to it, yes. But not right away! I really liked Y/N, but obviously not as much as you do.”

Niragi froze in his tracks at Chishiya’s words. “...you know about that?”

“Oh so it is true!” he confirmed and his eyes widened in surprise. “I was only going off what I had suspected, but you just told me straight up. I should have just asked you.”

Niragi clenched his fists in frustration at the taunting of Chishiya. Silence overcame them as they only watched each other, waiting for the other to do something.

Niragi was the first to move as he suddenly sprinted forward towards Chishiya. Chishiya saw it coming and moved quickly while slightly cursing in fear. He took off in the opposite direction down the hall to escape Niragi, but Niragi had longer legs and an obvious size advantage.

He caught up to the Cheshire quickly and gripped him by the hood of his hoodie, yanking him backwards and laying his first punch straight on his nose. Chishiya cried out in pain and dropped himself to the floor in an attempt to crawl away, but Niragi brought his heavy boot down onto his upper back to hold him down.

Chishiya groaned at the weight put on him, feeling his ribs slowly crushing in his chest and his lungs starting to suffocate.

Niragi didn’t want to kill Chishiya. Well... he did, but he knew he couldn’t.

He leant down close to the younger man and grabbed a fistful of his white hair before pulling his head back. Chishiya hissed and struggled further underneath his weight.

“If you ever fucking think about touching Y/N, or even going near him again... I won’t hesitate to bite your throat out myself,” Niragi threatened. The best part was, Chishiya believed him. In most cases, Niragi would be bluffing and would not go through with his threats, but something about this one made Chishiya feel uneasy.

“Okay... I’m sorry,” Chishiya begged underneath Niragi, still groaning in pain from the burning in his chest.

Niragi let go of Chishiya and watched him struggled to escape from beneath him like a rat before he disappeared down the hall and into his room.

____________________________________

It was a repeat of last time. Exactly the same. Only this time, the emotional pain hurt much worse.

There you were, dragging yourself into the ghostly Beach late once again. Injured, tired and having just had to walk all the way back yourself due to being abandoned.

You wanted to find Niragi, you really did, but it was not the time for it.

You trudged towards the steps to make your way to your room and have a well-needed rest. You thought you’d go see Ann some other time the next day as you weren’t exactly in the best mood to deal with her motherly behaviour.

The stairs were taller and bigger than usual as you slowly made your way up them. You saw a few familiar faces on the way, such as Usagi, whose kind heart offered you some help which you declined. You didn’t wish to trouble anyone any further.

Your door. The hotel door that you wished so badly to be the front door of your home. You put your bloodied hand on the doorknob and turned while closing your eyes. When you opened, you saw the bare nothingness of your hotel room, just as always.

Every single time. When will you ever open to find your room back at home? Your family happily welcoming you in with happy hugs and loving kisses? Or even your pet would be enough, and their unconditional love that soothed you every day.

It truly did not exist here, and that day out of all days proved it to you.

“At least my bed is comfy,” you sobbed slightly as you sat down on your duvet after having a quick shower. You wore a loose t-shirt and shorts made from soft material, wanting to be comfortable for bed. You would need it after the day you’ve had.

You laid your heavy head down, closing your eyes and breathing in the strong smell of dried blood and sweat that has cemented itself into your bed and your room. There was never really any time to do laundry around here.

It wasn’t comforting, no matter how much you wished or pretended it to be. Tears fell from your face as you ran your palm along the bedsheets, trying to find a warm hug beneath their cold exterior. A hug. That’s all you could ask for during that moment.

You must have fallen asleep much quicker than you expected, as you failed to hear the door to your hotel room creak open. You failed to hear the removal of boots, the patter of slight heavy feet and the stripping of clothing.

But you did notice the dip on the mattress when Niragi tucked himself in beside you, causing you to open your eyes. Hair untied, no buttoned-shirt, no blood staining his gorgeous skin and no rifle hanging on his shoulder. He was him, his very much real, domestic self. The self he keeps behind closed doors, or the self he keeps beneath his cold exterior.

“Niragi...” you breathed out, half asleep. You reached out to him, tears suddenly clouding your vision and making him appear blurred. The militant laced his fingers with yours and pulled your body into his, allowing himself to tuck his face into your neck to breathe in your natural and earthy smell, just how he had hoped it to be.

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. He didn’t realise he was crying until he opened his mouth to speak, but he didn’t care at that point.

“I promise you, I wanted to kiss back, I really did. I was just...” he trailed off, snaking his arms around your torso and bringing you closer into his bare, warm chest.

“Scared,” you finished for him. You pulled your face back to look at his, the gorgeous face that you have wanted to have pressed up against your own for so long. Despite the atrocities that leave it, nothing had ever been so beautiful to you.

Niragi blinked and broke eye contact nervously. He looked down towards your intertwined hands, fiddling with your fingers.

“I don’t know if I’ll figure this out,” he started, obviously struggling to find the right words. “And I’m scared you’ll run out of patience for me.”

You listened to his confession. “I don’t know if I’m gay, or bisexual or... pansexual? Is that what’s it called? I’m not sure-”

“Niragi.” He made eye contact with you and gave a weak smile. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care what you like or how you want to appear to the rest of the players, but right now, moments like these is what I truly care about.”

The second-in-command laughed nervously before tucking himself back into your neck. “Me too,” he choked out with a shaky breath.

“I love you Y/N, I really do,” he cried while wrapping his arms around you as tightly as he could. “I’m so sorry that I can’t show it properly. I’ll try and learn.”

You nodded against him and kissed the bruised skin of his shoulder. “I know you will. I love you too.”

Whether you wished for a happy ending with Niragi or not, it did not matter during that moment. For the warmth of his breath against your skin and the flesh of his lips against yours and the tickling feeling of his loose hair on your face was enough to make you forget about the morning, and the next day, and the next week for at least a little bit.

And that’s all you needed to love Niragi. Just little moments of bliss that make you return to your deluded mentality that you will both make it out of this world alive and together.

____________________________________

A/N: oh god i hope this was okay. i wrote like 3/4 of this in a time period from 10pm to 4:30am lmao

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