Sleepless and Thinking

[sleepless-and-thinking]

I imagined my whole life with him.

And he didn't even fight for me.

What kind of love is that?

I'm such a fool

[sleepless-and-thinking]

I feel like everything i have done, whether I've wanted to or not, has been so other people can be happy with me and stay.

And in the end, neither happen. What i do is never enough.

Via sleepless-and-thinking

[sleepless-and-thinking]

I don't know what to think anymore.

I just hurt everyone

To be honest, everyone would be better off without me

[sleepless-and-thinking]

I need to scream and cry

I can't do it here

Can I run away for just one night?

[sleepless-and-thinking]

Tonight's killed me.

My rock is leaving me

My love is fading away from me

And I'm left here alone.

And i can't even grieve properly in this house.

Via sleepless-and-thinking

[sleepless-and-thinking]

I told him to be open with me.

I just didn't expect to break with his plans with her.

[sleepless-and-thinking]

If i told you my secret, I'd just be judged. People won't relate.

Even i wouldn't have back then

[fairydrowning]

"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."

– George Orwell

[fairydrowning]

"All the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding."

– Franz Kafka

"If you love me, you don’t love me in a way I understand."

– Richard Siken

[sleepless-and-thinking]

I miss him

He doesn't miss me

[sleepless-and-thinking]

Ruckus around me, so harsh, so loud

My anger simmering; won't say it aloud.

If I snap, I shout, I'm as bad as the rest

I give up with them all, I'll hold it in my chest.

I see all, I hear all, yet refuse to speak

How can i be better, when everything is so bleak?

I see them wrong me, I watch them not care

I voice my hurt, get shot down, how is that fair?

I am not a person, I deserve no respect

I'll apologise first, even if I am correct.

I let in the numbness, alone in my room

Sitting in the dark, I let it fully consume.

Via sleepless-and-thinking

[sleepless-and-thinking]

We havent spoken in 3 days.

Why do I always have to be the one to break the silence?

[sleepless-and-thinking]

He disappointed me again, and this time i feel numb.

[sleepless-and-thinking]

His answer was yes. He still would've chosen her.

Obviously. He's in love with her and who the fuck am i?

Will i ever be enough for anyone? Im never anyones first choice. And they want me to fix my image of myself? Fucking laughable.

Via sleepless-and-thinking

[sleepless-and-thinking]

I got one of the answers to the questions i never wanted to ask him.

He would've still chosen her.

Via sleepless-and-thinking

[sleepless-and-thinking]

[sleepless-and-thinking]

Waking up and hearing his snores

His back towards me, my clothes on the floor.

Hand on his waist, I lay there listening

A grip on my heart, won't let it be crippling.

Numbers on the clock, changing too fast

Desperate to make these final hours last.

Kissing his head, his eyes start to flutter

He looks at my face; nervous, my heart stutters.

I wonder what he thinks, waking up to me

But he grabs me, spins me, and snuggles into me.

Feeling his breath on top of my head

A happiness so uncommon, a brief thought; "am I dead?"

via sleepess-and-thinking

[sleepless-and-thinking]

We're just friends, why can't my heart understand that?!