SUNSETS & SILHOUTTE DREAMS @sleepless-symphony - Tumblr Blog

The Vault by Arnar Kristjansson

Blue dress, blue me

So today I am wearing my favorite blue dress. It is my favourite because it hides my body and falses an hourglass figure. It was my favorite because it is different and vibrant. But today I feel different. I haven't worn this dress in a few months, maybe even a year because uni only asks of you to wear pjs and tracksuits. And today I am anxious. I can feel eyes on the back of my legs. On my dress. I can hear voices saying its too bright. That I shouldnt have my legs out because I havent shaved in a few days and they are stubbly. That my arms are too fat. Quiet girls shouldnt dress brightly. Wear all black and hide away. Don't stand out- you are subjecting yourself to abuse. So in a frenzy I ran home to see if I had something else to wear- bearing ib mind that it is about 4gazillion degrees today, but muggy and cloudy and probably ready to rain. I began furrying frantically through my clothes and all I could hear was nasty remarks- dont wear that its baggy and if you lean over your boobs might come out. That is white- if it rains your nipples will show. That doesnt fit properly. Those trousers fall down. That shows your collarbones and your collarbones are offensive. There was once a time when I just put clothes on, added as much colour as possible, let my hair down and went. Today I spent hours trying to contour my face, even though I haven't got a clue what I am doing. All I can think is- Where is Katy? Cuz this sure as hell is not me. I wear pjs on the train and laugh at those who judge me. I wear green lipstick and forgot that its not a normal thing to do. (WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS NORMAL????) Its a scary moment when you realise you have lost yourself.

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