Mar's Space !!

Where I empty my chest

[sleepy-love-bites]

somehow having a hard conversation with you has made me fall deeper in love with you.

i didnt realize i was so scared about these trivial things, after talking it out, i feel so much more secure and loved.

thank you for being so nice to me

[sleepy-love-bites]

i feel like nobody knew you like i did. but also, i know nothing about you.

[sleepy-love-bites]

"ill show you my bruises" (Water Running by Delaney Bailey) is going right under "water down what i call being grateful" (We'll Never Have Sex by Leith Ross) on my list of song quotes that make me tear open my chest

[sleepy-love-bites]

adding "and I'm sorry I don't want to take off my clothes" (you were mine by Esha Tewari) to the list

[sleepy-love-bites]

trauma is so weird because things from years ago, things that i don't remember, still haunt me.

my body reacts to things before my mind does, i still feel certain things even if i logically know that i shouldn't.

[sleepy-love-bites]

its as if my love for you pours out through my hands when i give you a massage.

[sleepy-love-bites]

grief and trauma is so fucking weird. I can't stop thinking about what happened, and how many things id change to keep you safe. but also

i think about it all, and feel a sense of nostalgia. sure, it was bad, but you were there. you were alive still.

i miss it

[sleepy-love-bites]

i dont know why now i feel this way. why i, a 21 year old college student, is feeling this way.

i desperately need someone to believe me. to listen to everything that happened to me, and believe me.

nobody doubts me when i talk about my past, but people didnt believe me when it was my present. the mar who still lives in that moment, in me, needs that validation like its air.

[sleepy-love-bites]

ive been fighting for so long, it feels like every minor issue has to be a war.

im tired of fighting enemies that don't exist, facing battles that don't need to be fought.

[sleepy-love-bites]

if youre gonna haunt me, can you at least commit to the bit and be dead :/

[sleepy-love-bites]

my bed is full. i've got you next to me, and the cat at our feet.

my bed is full, and my heart is fuller.

this is peace.

[sleepy-love-bites]

i need to wash your words off my skin and your touch from my memory.

[sleepy-love-bites]

I'll spend the rest of my life bringing you nyquil when your throat hurts if you'll let me

[sleepy-love-bites]

you see a beauty in me that I didn't know existed, the more you tell me about it, the more I see it.

thank you for showing me the beauty that i didnt think existed

[sleepy-love-bites]

youve left me scared.

i'm scared others will hurt me the way you did. even after everything ive been through, its the pain you caused me that has left me the most hesitant.

i hope you feel guilty. i hope it eats at you every night.

and i hope nobody else hurts me the way you did.

[sleepy-love-bites]

I had always said that I lost my mother before she had passed.

that the version of her that loved me and wanted the best for me died before I started middle school.

but now that you've been gone for so long, i know now that she was still alive. You never stopped loving me and you never stopped wanting what was best for me.

You saved my life, unknowingly. I desperately wish I could have done the same for you.

[sleepy-love-bites]

thinking about souls.

I love the concept that we have something More than just our bodies, something that makes us Us.

I want to hold your soul in my hands, i want to keep it safe and maybe even give the booboos on it some kisses, just like you do for me.

[sleepy-love-bites]

you steal the blankets and pillows and you steal my spot whenever i leave the bed.

yet i sleep better with you next to me.