having some more thoughts about postal 1
p1 dude is such an interesting character in my opinion because he's not a sympathetic character at all, yet at the same he... kinda is?
like, there's nothing that could justify what dude ultimately decided to do, at the end of the day he's still a spree killer, he's someone who voluntarily decided to go out and take other people's lives. however, there's still something bone-achingly tragic about someone who is so hurt and desperate that they feel like murder is the only option they have left (at least, to me there is).
of course that's not true, but to him it was, and subjective truths can be so much stronger than objective reality. it's the result of what i can only imagine must've been the perfect storm of trauma, the outcome of growing up in what was likely an abusive religious household, cut off from the rest of the world and any support networks he could've had. it's never stated anywhere in the game, nor is any real information given about dude's backstory at all (other than what's written in his diary/war journal), but it's hard to believe that dude grew up in a stable or healthy environment.
this isn't to say that dude's upbringing or mental state is the sole reason as to why he ended up snapping, but he couldn't have possibly been a healthy or well adjusted person even before the massacre. it isn't fair to treat p1 as though he's without autonomy or to refuse to hold him accountable for his (undoubtedly heinous) actions, but it'd also be doing a disservice to his character to not acknowledge the traumas that influence his motivations and worldview.
it's this pointed duality that is what defines p1 to me, the fact that he is multiple, often clashing, things at once. he's a cruel, sadistic bastard who hurts people as a means of exerting power and control over his life, yet he's also someone who's scared and suffering and lashing out in pain like a wounded animal. he's callous and uncaring towards the agony of others, but he's still concerned with doing the right thing and warning others of the "infection" despite everything else he's done. he's practically a shambling bundle of contradictions in a trench coat, and that's precisely what makes him so intriguing to me.
the funny part about all of this is that it probably wasn't even intentional on developer's part. the inconsistencies in dude's character almost definitely just because the people over at RWS didn't think too hard about all this, but in the process they accidentally made an incredibly interesting and oddly nuanced character.
i dunno, maybe i'm looking too deep into things, but those are just my thoughts.
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