His eyes caught yours across room. He should've been listening. This was an important meeting. But he just couldn't help himself. Those moments when he caught your gaze mid-meeting, when he bumped into you in the bureau. It sent that one part of his mind feral. That one part that he'd been trying to bury for two years. Ken Kaneki. He knew you. Haise didn't. To Haise you were just another co-worker. A casual chat in a break room, a wave in the corridor. But deep down he felt you were meant to be more.
But to acknowledge that meant losing Haise. To rid himself of this uncanny longing, he'd have to lose all he's built up for two years. The Quinx squad. Arima. Mado. All of them. He'd have to give it all up for a feeling. He couldn't do it. So for now he'd just watch from afar. Love you from a distance while that one part of him screamed for the familiar safety you brought.
Shuu had never really grown accustomed to this new, simpler life. It wasn't as if he'd been stripped of everything, the man still had a silk shirt on his back, in fact, he'd given up his riches willingly, he knew what was coming. His family fortune went to repairing Tokyo and his obsession with Kaneki had fizzled out into friendship. Yet the thing that stung the most to abandon was his diet of glorious human flesh. He was the Gourmet after all.
Instead, when he joined the TSC he had pledged not to eat anyone, taking up a diet of those synthetic foods that had been developed. Bland blocks of RC cells. Certainly not the kind of feast one would imagine a Tsukiyama being served, but he bore down and ate it up. After all, the world was still eat or get eaten, only now the options were a nutrient slab or the jaws of a society that was still poised and ready to kill a ghoul who stepped out of line. So, for the sake of his life and maintaining his friendships, he accepted those faux foods, perhaps lacking his usual gusto but still accepted them when Matsumae brought them out on a worn silver platter nonetheless.
Besides, it wasn't like this is all he would have forever. Nishio and Nishinino had already begun to research ways of making human food more appealing to a ghoul's palate, though Shuu wasn't particularly fond of this either, it was still better than nothing.
Shuu was sure he could get by, he had managed to suppress his hunger for Kaneki, he could do it with the rest of humanity. It would be so easy to ignore that sweet decadent scent of skin stretched over lean muscle, which in turn was marinated in tangy blood. So very easy to forget those thick rich flavours and forgo his luxuries. That's what he told himself anyway. It was what he believed too until his gaze caught that new secretary one bleak morning.
She had started work on a dull day, the kind where the grey clouds seemed to weigh down on you and made everything as stiflingly boring as their colour. Shuu had been heading into the office early for a meeting with all the division heads in the TSC to discuss further measures on how to tackle those dragon creatures. Yet, before he had even stepped into the building, a faint perfume hit him, his heightened sense of smell picking up on even the slightest change to the bureau's usual trampled and stuffy odor. This aroma was new and homey and warm and would've made his mouth water back in the day. Not now though. He was different now. He had changed.
He pushed through, steps confident as he strolled inside, violet eyes brushing over the source of such a delightful smell.
A human. A young woman he'd never seen once in his life sat behind a cluttered desk, tending to the phone, the cable twined around a finger. She must've been the new secretary Marude had mentioned in passing. He hadn't expected her to be so enchanting.
Something in his stomach twisted, hunger, perhaps, but he didn't give it much thought as he made his way past, that honeyed smile plastered on his face as he fought the urge to properly introduce himself. That meeting was important, he couldn't stall, regardless of his desire to. She offered a polite one in return as she spoke in hushed tones to whoever lucky person was at the end of that phoneline.
The meeting was the last thing on his mind as he made faint hums and vague comments throughout the tiresome affair. His mind was more occupied by trying to dissect and memorize the tantalising taste that lingered in the back of his throat. It wasn't sharp like that of a child full of restless adrenaline from playing. It wasn't delicate and rich like that of a pensioner on various medications. No, it was soft and almost flowery, tinged with a sweetness that came from someone who probably indulged in cakes or chocolate more than they should. There was a mellow edge to it too, probably gained from a more relaxed lifestyle. Shuu found himself fascinated by the complexity he could divulge from just a waft of the woman. What would a deeper breath of her reveal? Would her skin share such notes? What would she taste like?
Such thoughts were banished with a firm closing of his folder as the meeting drew to an end. Banjou, who had been sitting next to him, mumbled some question to Shuu, probably asking if he was feeling alright, to which he gave his usual enthusiastic nod and an āOf course, good friendā before filing out with everyone else. He needed to get to that smell again. It was just curiosity. To see if he had remembered it correctly. That was all.
His steps slowed purposefully as he went past the reception desk on the way to his office. She was still there, no longer on the phone but clacking away at her keyboard, squinting at the screen with her head tilted so that the expanse of her neck where those pretty, vital veins sat was on clear display to him. It didn't help quell whatever was stirring in his gut, in fact, it probably made everything worse as he took a deep breath in. Yes, he had gotten it mostly right, but the fresh fragrance had him reeling, pace faltering briefly before he forced composure. As much as he longed to linger, his duties would mount and so would her suspicion. And so, with heavy self restraint, he walked on to his office, parting with that heavenly human.
Throughout the day he attempted to distract his mind with work, filling out reports, filing said reports, whatever he could do to keep his hands and mind busy. Eventually, he managed to grow engrossed in his menial tasks.
Before he had even realised the sun had begun to go down, ducking behind the new Tokyo skyline, surrendering like a coward as night pushed it aside. Packing up his briefcase swiftly and taking the stairs back down to the lobby, his mind traitorously drifted back to the source of the aroma that had ensnared its attention all day. Would she still be there? What time did she get off? Would it be too forward to ask to accompany her home just so he could bathe his senses in her a little while longer? Where did she live? Did her room smell as good as she did?
His spiralling was brought to a halt when he found the front desk empty. She must have gone home early. Or he had been too lost in work. Either way, he wasn't getting anymore of that delightful scent tonight.
Trying to mask his defeat, he rang his maid, Matsumae, to pick him up. After the usual brief exchange, he left the towering bureau, eyes skimming over the empty street in vain. She truly had disappeared for the night and he didn't even know the illusive woman's name.
An indescribable itch had started inside him. A pull of sorts. One he hadn't felt in years. It wasn't exactly hunger, no, those bland bricks could fill him physically. But his appetite for flavour, to have something rich rove over his tongue and palate, that kind of hunger had reignited. And it was fierce after being dormant for so long. Despite his attempts to mask and push away his urges, he was still a ghoul at heart and stomach. He could never really change.
That fact seemed to prove true while he was at the dining table with his father, discussing the ongoings of funding the few repairs Tokyo had left and how the TSC planned to tackle the fiendish creatures that plagued their home. What would normally go down without much complaint during these pleasant conversations now felt like wet cardboard in his throat, plugging the hole in his stomach flimsily. At times his knife and fork would pause as images of a succulent thigh, a plush chunk of meat sitting before him filled his mind. Hers. The idea would've been humorous to him, Shuu Tsukiyama reduced to a mutt who daydreamt of womanly steaks, but the severity of his need quickly overcame any comedy. He needed to get a hold of himself and quieten this pathetic yearning for some unknown administrator.
However, even after dinner, buried under silky sheets and dressed in something even softer and more expensive, he was riddled with pitiful delusions and questions. Why now, after so long, had his urges surfaced again? Would they dampen down shortly? He hoped the latter would come to fruition. Living with obsession was thrilling, yet exhausting. Besides, he was a gentleman now, he persistently told himself. What would Kaneki and the others think if they knew about how lost he became at a mere whiff of some common secretary?
The week wore on and he was convinced he could control himself but the way his thoughts were swamped with her and the deep desperate sniff he took each morning as he stepped foot into the bureau seemed to contradict him. Nevertheless, he stayed later in his office each night, as if to prove to himself he was above his nature.
In the weeks that followed, he would find he was not.
This is cross posted on AO3 under the same user!
Anyways hope you enjoyed part 1!! Part 2 will be coming! (it just gets worse from here) :3
Someone I know IRL found me on AO3 so im posting my old fic here!! (I might post a rework of the idea on AO3 under the same name as here!) Im new to tumblr and fanfic writing so pls bear with me :3 hope you enjoy!!
Haise Sasaki x Fem!Reader
Cold Turkey
It had been a great dinner, lovely even. Haise was a surprisingly good cook for a ghoul, the potatoes smooth, turkey crispy, serving the kind of meal that made you all sleepy after. The company had been great too, crazy stories of ghoul attacks shared around the table, followed by sweet laughter. For a moment you could almost forget that everyone around that table was eating with a ghoul - the very things they sought to eradicate. Laughing with him, nudging him, accepting gifts and his cooking with a smile while his own plate sat empty, a Christmas mug filled with black coffee placed nearby. It was almost nauseating how they acted around him.
One slip up would be all it took, one mistake and Haise Sasaki would be a dead man for good. Everyone at that table all knew, even Haise. Yet, that never seemed to weigh on his appearance, grinning as he chipped into conversations, listening in awe to investigator Arima's story about how he took out a ghoul with an umbrella.
You hadn't been able to drag your eyes from him all night. That every present sense of deja vu was crippling in the cosy atmosphere. That same feeling you had back in that apartment with Banjo and Hinami. And him. It was comforting but now had twisted into something sore in your gut. Haise wasn't him. Never, no matter how hard you tried.
No matter how many times you fucked him over the few years since you two had met.
He was always too careful, too reserved. Beyond regular awkwardness. He had approached you whilst tidying dinner, placing a hand on the small of your back. Breath brushed your ear as he mumbled something about not needing to tidy, that he could do it, you should go enjoy yourself and sit with the others, you deserved it after all those reports you had filed yesterday. When you continued to idly scrub the plates steady hands found your hips and dragged you away from the dishes, turning you to face him. He reached up, his thumb stroking your cheek, warming greys on yours. After a quick glance to the others he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. It was a fleeting touch, like most things were with him, never anything enough to truly familiarise yourself with his affection, but just enough to keep you addicted.
Kisses were peppered gingerly down your neck, his hands moving from you to turn off the tap and pass you a teatowel. Then he began to drag you away towards his room, checking over his shoulder.
The living room was mostly empty by now, save the other Quinx members who were chatting quietly and fussing over the gifts they'd received from Haise. Everyone had returned home at various points throughout the night.
After nudging the door shut, his lips found yours again while he started to undress you shyly, dull eyes stealing quick glances as he peeled off your shirt and trousers. He had led you further into the room as his tongue swiped at the seam of your mouth, pushing you back into his bed. You soaked in the scent of fresh cotton and his light cologne as he crawled on top, still fully dressed.
The two of you kissed for a while, still careful, like waves lapping a dam, never letting too much intimacy spill over.
Nevertheless, it felt so right, your lips against those familiar ones again. Cosy hands eventually fumbled with your bra before little pecks were littered over your chest. Haise paused when he reached the valley of your breasts, lips skimming your heart. The silence lingered as he let out a few breaths against your skin, slowly lifting his gaze to yours. You murmured a curse, a pang of familiarity washing over you. The feeling stuck out like a rock in the haze of calm between the two of you.
A silent recognition passed between you, an agreement. This probably meant more than the both of you would ever admit. His hands had found their way to your hips again at some point, thumbs teasing your underwear down with each brush.
āCan Iā¦?ā the words got stuck in his throat, his face flushing. You nodded, not daring to break the lull that reminiscence had piled onto you. His fingers edged down your panties, mouth working down in a line from the banging in your chest. Kisses dipped lower and so too did your underwear, being eventually tossed aside with the rest of your clothes. His nose nuzzled your navel before a hesitant peck was placed just above your clit. God, he was gentle, so maddeningly similar to before you could've cried if he hadn't given a kitten lick to your soaked pussy.
A soft, strangled, groan left him, the muscles in his shoulders tensing as he held your thighs apart. He blew out a shaky breath, the sudden warm rush making you squirm. The tentative licks rapidly changed into an almost desperate lapping, his tongue collecting your arousal over and over. You had to stifle whimpers, his name and swears leaving your lips in a breathy whine. He responded with a hum and a few clumsy kisses that left your head spinning.
āFuck, you taste so good.ā he shuddered, dragging you closer, nose squashing you clit as he practically slurped up slick. The man was relentless, more gruff sounds leaving his throat. His pace left you shivering and writhing, thighs starting to spasm and clamp down around his head before you came with a loud groan, hips bucking against his face. The action earned a pleased whine from him, his tongue slipping and pushing into you, letting you clench around it as your eyes rolled back.
Yet, even when you had gone limp in his arms, he kept going, suckling on your clit until you could feel tears pricking your eyes. Your hips jerked wildly, as if to shake him off, but he refused with a whimper.
āPlease, not yetā¦ Just a little more.ā He begged, moaning as his chest heaved. Haise smothered himself in your cunt, one hand leaving you to palm himself through his dress trousers. That fluttering need was building again, a series of pathetic sounds slipping out your mouth before it grew unbearable. A harsh shudder wracked your body as his mouth sealed over you.
Still, despite the trembling in you fading to something more tolerable, he wouldn't let up, scarcely stopping for breath. Hums and groans slipped his throat as his hips shifted against his hand.
āNnhā¦ So sweetā¦ā he breathed, head bobbing up and down while his tongue traced sticky circles on your sensitive flesh, forcing another whine out your mouth. It took your hand pulling on his hair to get him to break away, head raising as he panted. He looked like a man possessed, pale locks clinging to his forehead, cheeks rosy. That usually reserved nature was gone, an unreadable yet slightly pathetic look on his face.
āAre you OK?ā you questioned quietly, voice a little hoarse and rough, the hand in his hair sliding down to caress his cheek.
In return he gave a slow nod, huffing hot breaths onto your sensitive pussy.
āYeahā¦ Iām OKā¦ā He sounded so far away, so lost, eyes wandering slowly down your naked body as his brow furrowed. He leaned down again, as if to resume his actions before he paused. Stony greys flitted back up to yours, staring harder this time.
Shit. The once stable walls of that dam seemed to collapse at that moment, something heavy flooding the room. A minute crawled by in silence.
āHaise?ā
He pulled away slowly, clearing his throat as a hand relinquished its death grip on your hip, wiping his mouth on the back of it.. āSorry, I donāt know what came over meā¦ Iām fine, I promise,ā he mumbled, his fingers brushing his chin as he spoke, smearing the remnants of your cum.
The two of you simmered in that wobbly feeling before Haise eventually stood up and blew out a deep breath. You were left on the bed, body twitching and lethargic.
āDo youā¦ Want to stay the night?ā he asked slowly, eyes flitting up to yours. God, he looked so desperate. That was all Kenās clinginess there, not a trace of Haiseās usual flimsy commitment.
āYeahā¦ Sure.ā you murmured, āI donāt think I can walk anyways.ā A slight chuckle left you.
He laughed softly too, gaze lingering just too long before he turned away to strip off his clothes, setting them neatly on his desk chair.
Soon, he had crawled under the sheets beside you, tentatively slipping an arm around your waist and pulling you back until you were nestled close. It was so easy for his legs to tangle with yours, falling into the same old places.
For now, the waves had settled into something more resembling their old rhythm but you knew that by morning that dam would be rebuilt and the two of you would go back to coworkers. Just coworkers.
Your alarm stirred you from the light sleep you had slipped into. The sound rang out into the silent room from somewhere on the floor, hiding in the pile of your discarded clothes. Being careful not to disturb Haise, who was clinging to you like a child with a toy, you managed to escape his embrace, quickly thumbing your phone to turn the stupid thing off.
For a brief second you stood bare, admiring the snoozing investigator, who had now shifted into a ball under the sheets, his snowy hair tousled, breaths soft and steady. He looked so peaceful. It was hard to believe that he had nightmares like Urie claimed.
You had to drag your eyes from him, gaze landing on the mess of garments at your feet. With a heavy sigh, you started to pull on your clothes, mind sluggish with thoughts of last night, of the party, of crawling back beside him and staying. The latter idea was quickly pushed aside. You couldn't. That's not how things were between you two.
Once you were dressed, you hesitated, eyes drifting back to Haise as he made an unintelligible mumble in his sleep. You found yourself at his bedside, leaning over him with one hand braced on the pillow, kissing his cheek. Then, you were out of that room, walking briskly down the halls of the Chateau, praying the other Quinx members were all in bed asleep at such an early hour. After grabbing your coat from the rack on the way past and easing the front door open as quietly as possible, you were met with the icy morning air. Just as you were about to get out you noticed a small red package sitting on the doorstep, decorated with a green ribbon and a bow. Squinting you could make out the name on the tag
To Haise Sasaki
The lack of a sender made you curious, but the chill was beginning to get to you, so you stepped over the parcel, shutting the door behind you. You'd have to ask Haise about it later, for now you just made your way back to your apartment and busied yourself with chores for the rest of the day.
The following Monday when dropping off some reports to the Chateau, Haise told you about the mask and the book he'd received, neither having senders, questioning you on whether you knew who they were from. Once you shook your head the conversation became more casual as it moved on to work, reports and the like, however he kept giving you strange looks, as if you were a puzzle to be solved. Eventually you had to excuse yourself with a mumble about returning Arima's books for him, which he thanked you for extensively.
Those grey eyes held yours as you walked out until the door shut.
Just like that the dam was back up, but maybe just a bit flimsier this time, the waves ready to turn at any moment again.
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