85 North It

Tiffany, SFHS 2012, UCB 2016. // brown & white, blue & gold. // clueless, crazy girl who wants to search for what she wants.

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一天的情侶

from 0 to 24 What would you do Who would you pick Would you want it to last forever with

maybe after someone comes to mind, then you’ll know

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How heartbreaking it must be to see someone so close to you begin to fall, to crack under the self-imposed pressure, to change masks from fake smiles to fake tears to fake resting faces, to grow older not gracefully but all at once. How heartbreaking it must be to not be able to stop it, to be banished from the main stage center field and even sidelines, to reach hands into nothingness, to be met with ice and deserts. How heartbreaking it must be for that person to be you.

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Scrolling through ig is like a lesson on how to market myself..

and I love it

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妳們美國不會這樣嗎？

Seeing so many happy cute and puppy love couples and age tested old people here is making me wonder... Listening to 野獸 say things like “8年沒有交女朋友了” or “8年只喜歡過5個女生，還都被被打槍“ 

it makes me want to follow up with ”me too, 單身兩年了” but oddly enough, I'm not sure what number to give for the second part. again, maybe I've fallen too hard for that quote about second love. maybe I'm just trying to cover something up (thx freud), who knows?

makes me wonder again...喜歡一個人到底是什麼感覺呢？兩年錢的我，真的有“喜歡”過嗎？ 

好。可。怕。 

"Experience curve doesn't apply to love"

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“為什麼妳可以這麼面無表情的唱這首歌?”

I was too busy singing along to the game’s lyrics to answer him back at the time but when 子瑞 asked that half hypothetically half curiously it reminded me of my own self-realization a few months ago.

When listening to those sad songs, singing along to those bittersweet melodies, there’s no story anymore. At least not personal. I used to dream of the day my 等很久的一個人 would pop out of the OST track, or when the tears that 周杰倫wanted to freeze would fall on my cheeks as miniature icicles. 

But nope, not anymore. That’s scary isn’t it? To become apathetic to what used to be a cure.

我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了

只是記憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢

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BGSW: sweat and tears

this morning was a wonderful morning (aside from waking up in the middle of the night to turn on the AC).

Dressed in my poofy Korean shorts I biked to school with minimal problems. I decided to get a waffle for breakfast because I haven’t had it in forever (and Jerry says that 水煎包 are really oily QQ) 

I got bit to death while waiting for my waffle though..it was maybe 15 minutes after and I was already swelling with itches. qq forgot to use my stickers today.....

and now I’m sitting in my un-ACed classroom relaxing haha so bougie

People are starting their summers now, Chase/Chenny/and more are already back in Taiwan, Ryan’s in Europe, Lazier is being a tourist in Taiwan too, my sister is graduating high school soon...

I have about five weeks left on this tropical island. I realized that I haven’t been taking full advantage of my time here whether it’s career wise or travel wise but while biking through the little road between ICLP and the walle house I realized that it’s okay. Because I’m so much happier here than I was at any given point of time last semester. 

Just like Ann said, there are a lot of different ways to define productivity. Whether I came here for soul searching, vacation, easy grade boost, or to live the dream, it has surely been a productive semester. It’s been a good break away from socializing, perfect example when I am now not socailly stressed to be eating alone LOL.

But before I go, there will be lots of sweat and lots of tears. Many more Instagrams and dehydrating adventures (to borrow aching’s vocab) too.

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I had a very good dream last night - life was like an indie film with its simple beauty that was flawed in its perfection.

Except I don’t remember what he looked like. He wasn’t too tall, had big eyes, was Asian but spoke English, and had a snapback.

The sun was shining so brightly into my room, forcing my eyes open to face the ever so painful hump day.

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BGtS: lucky 13

Today started out pretty meh with the rainy morning. I got my usual poor people breakfast and chilled at school. I was really tired for some reason during Exploring Taiwan but I was excited to get coffee with Sunny! I got a tiramisu latte which she later bought off me because she’s a coffee person :p

I got a bad lunch that was too spicy and took too long with the number tag 13...and of course Mos ran out of nuggets so I starved until dinner T_T

We even liked an India charity page on Facebook in the meantime~

She’s so sweet!!! She had to keep getting up to let people in and she was saying how she felt sorry, not that it was annoying or anything. And she even took my trash and was concerned when I was saying the food was too spicy for me <3 Such a nice girl. She had to go back to her dorm to get something so I just headed to class.

I worked on Leisure Economics until my battery ran out. Steph ditched to go study but she didn’t miss anything lolol. 

After class I came home for a bit to proofread and derp before biking to the library. I was in such a good mood while biking ^_^ I printed my stuff and although I forgot to press A4 on Word and somehow printed two copies of my paper, I left successful and had a delicious but not #1 chirashi. The atmosphere of the place was very nice to me, not nice like bougie...just nice like comfortable. It wasn’t hte cleanest, nor was it very busy during dinnertime. But I liked it.

I passed by an old foreigner who owned a dessert shop. I was going to get some but he had peanut which might have killed Bevon. I ran into him while biking back and we had a chat heading back.

The project went okay - those two were late as always but we did what we had to do. Bevon for some reason had some cheap wine so we enjoyed that too haha. I came back and chatted with BOT people until just now - wow so that’s the international life eh? Being able to talk to complete strangers for a good three hours as if we had met each other, well, not today!

I”m totally exhausted right now but I have to wake up to prepare this presentation tomorrow morning...all I can say is good thing I did it earlier and please don’t rain tomorrow!

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it’s the calm before the storm (literally, I think the typhoon is supposed to brush by us tomorrow) and here I am sitting at home in my owl pajamas reading about Social Groups and Consumer Behavior while listening to chiptunes and eating tofu.

why do people say exchange students don’t study again???

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do you ever just wonder if there’s someone who secretly thinks about you and wants to talk to you but doesn’t know how

[le0night]

Pascalle our ends are beginnings

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“On January 13, which was especially cold, I first met her, who laughed a lot She said she never spent a birthday with a boyfriend before She liked shoes and bags and that was so cute She said I looked sad from behind as she took a picture and smiled On the sunny first day of April, I made her cry for the first time After seeing her pretty eyes get puffy, I cried too"

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one day it will be okay for me to put “look through my old Instagram photos” as a hobby and have people like me for that

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LOL

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i’m there

this is a snippet from the various random, creepy, small talk, and actually serious conversations that fake bf and I have. This was from before this semester, before winter break, before finals, heck it was before I even knew if I was coming to NTU or not.

although fake bf has been very busy with his very busy life, I’ve kept this conversation (and many others) very close to my heart as I’ve been going through this so called “””recruiting””” process. Does it count as recruiting if I’m not landing many interviews? I mean we got the same track record right - 70+ drops and 5 interviews (ish). 

On the one hand, blah blah meta level chat about how it’s not just about the numbers or the reputation of your company or where you end up and what you do for this 3 month period in your life. Cue life lessons about finding yourself, being true to your passions, and understanding what it means to live. 

But on the other, it really sucks not knowing where I will be this summer. It’s a deviance, for sure - while oppas are scouting around for even better offers after already signing, here I am asking if I can put boss down as a reference. It’s virtually inevitable, being compared to people around me. Whether it’s aching, oppa, lazier, or even life science kids like hsieh-san and londa...in comparison do I even exist?

Discouraged; that’s a tricky feeling for sure. I think that for me, there are only two ways out. Either to be encouraged again by some reward or other means of positive enforcement or to just not care at all anymore. Unfortunately it seems like the second one has been more of use lately. 

...although that might not be a bad thing according to the 青梅竹馬

[coffee-crinkled-pages]

I turned off my phone Because I could not Handle the certainty That you were not Even trying to talk To me.

M.S.

(via c-collarbone)