Slightly Better Paint Names

Just sarcastically renaming paint colors for fun. Like a normal person...

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name: Savoury Beige

-idk why but this immediately triggers my fight or flight response

-has beige ever been savoury?

New Name: Gruel

-Same vibe but less threatening

-Add some textured drywall for a realistic look

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name: Oxygen White

-That's obviously not white

-Oxygen isn't white in any form. It basically exists in every color except white. This is a crime against science.

New Name: Scandium

-If only there were elements that are an awkward grey/green color... oh wait, there are a shit ton

-Scandium is an underrated element

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Urban Sunrise):

-Yes, such a lovely grey sunrise

New Name (Smog?):

-Was smog the word you were looking for Valspar?

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Careless Whisper):

-George Micheal has entered the chat with his lawyer

New Name (Negligent Murmur)

-Fixed it. you're welcome Valspar

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Taupe Tease):

-Taupe, the sexiest color

-That's not even what taupe looks like?!

New Name (Light Silver Grey Alpaca):

-Never too late to start learning the 22 official alpaca colors

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Pasha Brown):

-Ah yes, I totally remember that Pashas were basically the knights and nobility of the Ottoman Empire and I totally didn't have to google it

- I love my paint color names with a side of obscure history lesson

New Name (I Don't Like Sand):

-An iconic quote from a knight of a very different kind

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Unpredictable Hue):

-Well if they managed to create of paint chip then it is predictable...

New Name (Underwhelming Potato):

-It looks like a very predictable, underwhelming potato

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Mocha Accent):

-All I can picture is a cup of mocha whispering to me spookductively (spooky yet oddly seductive) in an Italian accent

New Name (Type B Soil: Silty Clay Loam):

-OSHA compliant

-Educational because you never know when you'll have to build a skyscraper

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Beta Fish):

- β Fish

-Did they mean Betta Fish?

New Name (Alpha Fish):

- α fish

- An equally non existent yet far superior fish

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Soda Pop):

-I have never in my life seen a carbonated beverage that color of sickly green

-Have the paint namers at Behr seen soda before?! Are they just assigning random words to random colors?! Are they aliens?! I need answers!!

New Name (Sad Celery):

-Looks like celery

-Is sad because it will only ever be used as an accent color in an unloved farmhouse style kitchen

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Polished Pearl):

-Feels weirdly sexual

New Name (Nude Ghost):

-Still weirdly sexual but spooky

[slightlybetterpaintnames]

Old Name (Splendor Gold):

- Pretentious

-Splendor is a weird way to describe a shiny rock

New Name (Confused Kumquat):

-Relatable

-Looks like a kumquat

-Kumquat is just a fun word