freddie has — had a cat, toe nail was her name and she was her best friend. she was proud of it too; toe nail accompanied freddie to school trips, was her emergency contact and had her very own checkbook with yummy fish cartoons in the back of each page. it was a special yet strange bond like they shared one pea-sized brain, like freddie could speak in cat language or perhaps it was toe nail who spoke to freddie when they were left alone. “oh it’s just like toe!” she said after watching andy’s toys coming alive for the first time, spooking her older brother, followed by a “weirdo.” comment. but all good things must come to an end — a late night argument with mrs. golding, in reality it was no different than their usual stuff, but freddie thought she had enough, proceeding to pack her custom made l.v trunk with all the pointless shit she could get her hands on, just to leave her cornerstone behind, toe nail. eighteen days later she crawled back to the familiarity of her golden cage, partially expecting a welcoming parade from her one and only. nothing. toe nail ignored her for as long as she physically could and when freddie tried to grab her, which happened on several occassions until freddie could no longer handle the pain, toe nail would scream and shriek and meow and scratch like all seven of her lives depended on it, leaving freddie alone with the ugly truth: the bond she cherished so much was broken beyond repair. it’s been over two years since she last saw her cat, now happily living with mathilda, rubbing salt into her wound. the slight touch of arms, the toothy smiles, the nonchalant giggles; they take her back, and she doesn’t scream or shriek or meow or scratch like toe nail once did, but stares at her friend with an empty smile. vindictive and stupid, freddie called toe nail for jumping ship, but now she understands why, her heart, cracked open and bruised and mouldy, sits in front of her friend’s shoes; stupid and vindictive she feels. “no one can leave?” freddie snorts, shoulder moving only an inch to be free from the other’s contact. “gonna have to pass on that, sounds like a fucking nightmare. but you should do it,” arms folded across her chest, she begins to walk in the opposite direction, almost hoping her friend would take the hint and just leave before the soul of toe nail possesses her and she indeed starts biting and scratching and saying things she may regret later. “maybe for your next spot? could be fun.”
it was a strange thing to be confronted with the consequences of her actions. when she left, things ceased to exist. irving was put on pause, no one moving a muscle in the weeks that she was gone. coming back was like hitting the play button. no one would miss her. no one would acknowledge that she was gone. instead, they would embrace her warmly, tearing up even. as freddie moved away, antonia tilted her head to the side, perplexed by the action, confused why she wasn’t happier to see her. they were best friends. they were best friends. what was a few weeks of silence? it wasn’t a secret that she moved around frequently. there was no reason for freddie to be upset that she did exactly what she said. still, when freddie pulled away, she took anotnia’s heart with her. with a simple gesture, she felt the cavern in her chest grow. took it as conformation that, while she could be adored, she wouldn’t be loved. if the one person she trusted couldn’t accept her for who she was, no one could. the thought rattled around her head, nothing else there to clear that thought away. at her words, antonia realized she had said the wrong thing. she hadn’t thought about it. she never thought about anything she said. it seemed the problems were piling on. the list of mistakes growing, and she only saw it as a conformation bias. reasons why she shouldn’t get attached. reasons why she shouldn’t stay somewhere more than a few months. reasons why she should never come back. “it’s a great idea, but you’re just too blinded to see it. i always thought you were a genius, but even i can be wrong i suppose.” she filled her words with a haughty air, staring smugly at freddie through squinted eyes, arms crossing over her chest, a contrast from the large, open gestures she was usually performing around the other girl. “yeah, sure, why not. me and my new friends will go do it. i’m sure ida would love to riot with me. she actually already has pitchforks in her garage. she was showing them to me last week. even let me borrow one to key her neighbor’s car.” the words were shouted, strained amusement flowing through them as her eyes were glued to the retreating form of her former friend. she should have turned around too, but some part of her was desperate to a get a rise out of freddie.
andulkaphoto
blakekathryn
vaporwave
titsay
yousharknotpass
