Hi everyone! Sorry it's been so long. I'm studying abroad in Germany and have been completely overwhelmed. Even the blog I have about my stay in Germany hasn't seen much action. (sydneybronte02.tumblr.com)
I just wanted to talk about something that's been on my mind lately. I could write it in my diary, but the fact that I know this way I have an audience, and that I have people who can give me feedback, thoughts, and their own stories is a little more motivating than a non-cooperative diary...
So I'm 9 months into my relationship (almost 10 actually) and I must say...
The first four months were swell. Nothing in the world mattered more, and nothing in the world made me happier. Starting at around month 6, it got a lot harder, and a lot less fun. I've learned a lot about how to be in a relationship, although if you asked me for advice, I could probably only tell you what NOT to do.
Don't mis-communicate. That seems to be the biggest problem we're facing. It's such a simple thing that can completely mess things up. And you'd think by now we would have learned how to do it, right?
"Hey, I want the night to myself." "Hey, I need some time off." "Hey, what do you want to do this evening?" "Hey, I want to eat this for dinner." "Hey, I was thinking that..." "Hey, I want to spend some more time with you." "Hey, you really hurt my feelings when you said that." "Hey, you look fat in that." "Hey, your breath stinks, please take a chewing gum." "Hey, I'm a little bit unhappy right now." "Hey, you've made me mad." "Hey, I'm not in the mood to have sex right now." "Hey..."
I think you get the gist.
That's how it should go. However, the majority of the time it goes a little more like this:
"Yea, you can sleep over if you want." "No, there's no problem, really." "It's okay." "I guess..." "It doesn't matter to me. What do you want?" "Only if you want to..." "I don't know, you tell me." "I asked you first." "No, really, it's okay." "Yea, that looks nice." "There's nothing wrong." "Yea, why not..."
I think you get the gist, again.
It's just the constant misunderstanding or lack of talking that affects us so much. Once this vicious cycle is started it just begins to spin faster and faster. It takes some balls and a subdued pride to finally stop it and just say what you want. But by that point it can be too late and you can be too annoyed to want to talk to each other. Or worse.
So that's the first difficulty. The next one comes with knowing how to separate your lives. Just because you're in love doesn't mean that your life has to become one. You can and most definitely should live your own individual lives. The problem is knowing when and where to draw the line. Don't draw it too far. Don't draw it too close. Don't draw it too late.
You have to need someone because you love them, not love them because you need them. It took me a while to realize what that meant. My first thought was that the concept of loving someone because you need them was ridiculous, but the more it was explained to me, the more I realized what it mean. If you love someone because you need them, then you love them solely for the fact that they complete you, they make you feel better about yourself. Thus you need them and consequently love them. On the other hand, when you need someone because you love them...Well, it's kind of self-explanatory that one, no?
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