A Comment on Femininity and Feminism
Ever since I was a young girl, I’ve considered myself to be a very classic model of the “girly girl”; my favourite toys were Barbies, I loved clothes and jewelry and still do, I loved ballet, and all things pink, I happily let my mom put bows in my hair, and I truly loved all the things traditionally considered to be feminine.
As I grew older, around 11-13 years old, this talk of feminism began to become popular and mainstream. I did not really know the name of it at the time but it was everywhere, in the media, in movies, in books. People were telling girls to be strong, and tough, and to embrace their intelligence and strength...which is absolutely wonderful, except when this movement is given a face, an attitude, or a particular dress code.
I wrongly learned that I need to be tough and angry and sarcastic in order to look smart or powerful. I learned that I should not wear pink because that was too “girly” and not powerful. And that is exactly what I did, I adopted this tough cutthroat personality because I was smart and needed everyone to know that I was, I was confident and strong and wanted everyone to see and believe it too. I shunned all things that were traditionally feminine, even though that wasn’t really representative of me. So for the first 3-4 years of my early adolescence, I struggled with wanting to embrace my femininity and so-called “girly” things but also wanting to look strong and smart.
As I am nearing the end of my “teen” years now, I can proudly say that I love to wear makeup, I wear very “feminine” clothes, I love the colour pink, I am kind and I like to laugh, my voice is soft and relatively high-pitched, I am strong, I am incredibly intelligent, I am highly rational and wise, and I am a feminist. A couple years ago, the idea of all these qualities sitting side by side would’ve seemed absurd to me. And that’s the result of the misinformed who falsely shout feminism when they are not feminists at all, who attach particular aesthetics to feminism, who condone ideas of toxic masculinity, and paint the so-called “feminine” woman to be weak or ditzy, those who shame women for embracing their femininity and calling themselves feminists. And I know this is all true because I have experienced it! I have been in countless situations where people have assumed me to be ditzy, dumb, or weak just because of my generally soft-spoken feminine exterior, and are then surprised to find out how intelligent, and ambitious I really am after speaking with me.
The truth is, femininity used to be seen as a sign of weakness, it was considered to be the anti-masculine and since masculinity was seen as strength, by nature, femininity was weakness, stupidity, or aloofness. What we need to change now is to understand the true meaning of “feminine” and “masculine”; to abolish these wrong associations between someone’s intelligence and their exterior appearance. Feminism does not have a particular face, it is not anger, or sarcasm, or short hair, or bare faces; feminism is a mindset that all self-respecting, logical, and progressive people believe in, whether they call it that or not. I think what so many people don't understand is that a woman can wear dresses, makeup, and high heels, with long hair, be a stay-at-home mom, or cook for her family and adopt all these traditionally female associated roles and still be a feminist so long as this lifestyle was her choice. Feminism is about choice, its about men and women receiving equal opportunity, and having the choice to build their own lifestyle.
I eventually learned this lesson from the most important person in my life, my mom, who is truly a superhero in my eyes. She is exactly what I aspire to be, she is educated, career-minded, and ambitious, she works hard, and she loves her kids and her husband, and she wears her hair long and styles it everyday, wears makeup, and loves clothes and shoes and bags. She is the most beautiful, fashionable, powerful, and intelligent woman I know. And here’s the thing, my parents have been feminists for years, yet when it was first given a name, they didn't call themselves feminists because feminism is often expressed so incorrectly in the media and its disgusting that something so sensible and logical can so easily be turned into everything it is not.
A feminist does not hate men. A feminist is a man. A feminist is a woman. A feminist is non-binary. A feminist wears their hair long. A feminist wears their hair short. A feminist wears dresses. A feminist wears pants. A feminist wears makeup. A feminist never wears makeup. A feminist goes to work. A feminist is a stay-at-home parent...you get the idea.
But most importantly, a feminist never judges others by the way they look, a feminist never puts down another person because of their appearance, a feminist never associates someone’s worth and intelligence to their looks.