a monstrous medley

doodles scraps and works in progress

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24.01.18 head v heart

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hint for art block: stop staring at a white page and draw yourself a box, fill the box with feelings, draw another box, fill that box with thoughts, repeat until you run out of feelings to draw.

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days 12-21. see them each day over on my Instagram smo_ari

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days 8-11 bc i forgot to double post them over here from my insta

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day 9: tentacly

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day 8: a thing

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well i guess it's done, day 7

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day 6: inviting i guess

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day 5 drawtober: um

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drawtober day 4: hmm

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drawtober day 3: eh

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drawtober 2017 day 2 : meh?

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drawtober 2017 day 1: meh

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so me and Huo here have been slowly battling set backs on my days off and today i finally strung him together. amongst other problems, he needs some touch up on the paint, and i have to fix his arms where the milliput cracked whilst being drilled, and to fill a hole where the first neck eyelet snapped off leaving half screwed into the head... 

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well hey look at that more things i need to finish •• i just feel like i'm floundering?? like i'm not good enough, like my ideas aren't valid, like my skills are not wanted. new blades was interesting and i feel like i wasn't given a chance to even prove myself. like i've somehow shot myself in the foot but i can't see the gun. and i'm not sure i'll even get a retail job, let alone any actual model work, all my confidence is gone because the tutors decided i wasn't worth a chance. i feel like giving up. i have ideas i guess but they are misty and far off and even when i do things that work out they are ignored and do nothing but cost me money and time for no reward. i can hate the tutors for being unhelpful and rude and cruel but in the end it's my fault, for tricking people into thinking i'm any good at anything.

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dis/order

super nervous about uploading more personal art but here we are. this might turn into a 3 part series.

digitally painted after a traditional sketch

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handed in my final uni project, unfortunately was a bit rushed to hand in and forgot to get nice photos. there is a video 'tour' that focuses on some of the details that i will post later but for now i shall let my aching hands rest. inspired by Ian McQue's wonderful boat concepts, cyberpunk, janky old tugs and a bit of pod racers for good measure.