i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second
anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and iām doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that heās got a new tool for helping people recognize when theyāre using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk
and iām like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because iām a linguistic learner and whenever paulās like here i have a tool for you to use itās pretty much always an article or a book or something
paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around.Ā i stare.
i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.
he happily informs me that thatās really up to me, isnāt it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?
and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how iām having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like iāve forgone getting groceries for the past week and thatās so stupid, what a stupid issue, iām an idiot, how could iā
a foam dart hits me in the leg.
i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.
i say, slowly, itāsā not a stupid issue, iām not stupid, but itās frustrating me and i donāt want it to be a problem iām having.
no dart this time. okay. sweet.
so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldnāt you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and heās very smug about itĀ
anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear whatās all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.
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