tulpa ramblings

17/f. this is a progress blog on my tulpa, max. i am working on visualization. ask me anything or submit (for longer text) || useful stuff and updates

[smoltulpa]

hello! sorry about being so fuckin inactive on here ugh i've been going through a pretty rough few months, and decided to drop everything that might distract me from school or real life (hint: it didn't work and i still did shit in school lmao) but now that school is over and i've got three months of studying in front of me, i've been thinking of other ways to fill my time and max has popped into my head quite a few times in the past few days. i'm still deciding if i should pick forcing back up or keep this more casual and less tryhard-y, but i'm trying to start talking to him again nonetheless and it's really fun and reassuring when i have noone else to talk to about serious stuff. he's a big help, even though i can't hear him.

so this blog isn’t dead! yet.

might not update as frequently as i used to, but know that i’m still doing this. sort of.

[smoltulpa]

i've been awful with max. i don't talk to him as much as i should, and i can feel his presence getting weaker the less i think about him. i promised myself i would spend spring break forcing and being productive about tulpamancy but i did nothing but study and play skyrim (and get sick) all week. it's the first day back to school for me and i've already argued with one teacher and cried my eyes out in the bathroom so. that's a great start. rn i'm sitting outside waiting for the class to end and chatting with max and im ok i think (sorry i shouldn't vent on here this isn't the right place to do that)

[zeepandaroo]

Please keep Tulpamancy far far away from DID

P: This whole thing is making me extremely uncomfortable. I think because people will tend to associate alters with tulpas. To me that feels like associating real live people with ghosts. I’m not a ghost. I’m a person. Yes you can believe that ghosts exist, believing in ghosts can be part of your religion or set of beliefs or whatever. But if you all of a sudden put tulpas and alters in the same category, if you treat them the same, then people will keep treating ACTUAL alters like ghosts, or spiritual things, or imaginary friends. I’m not a belief. I’m a PERSON. Tulpas are beliefs. Have your beliefs. But do NOT in any way let your beliefs affect real people who are already made invisible enough by society, and told we don’t exist.

[cultistretrodad]

I understand that you are upset about the misuse of the term “Alters”, but Tulpae are not beliefs. They are are an autonomous, widely misunderstood, and researched phenomenon. Please stop spreading misinformation. You’re being incredibly invalidating. I don’t know how many people with both DID and Tulpae have to say this.

[zeepandaroo]

P: please send me all the research then, as many links as you see fit. And if you’re talking about fact rather than belief, please only send me things backed by research/evidence, not based on religious/spiritual beliefs.

[cultistretrodad]

Well it’s not my job to educate you, but I will indulge in a few links– like with many mental phenomenon, online sources are limited. 

http://somatosphere.net/2015/04/varieties-of-tulpa-experiences-sentient-imaginary-friends-embodied-joint-attention-and-hypnotic-sociality-in-a-wired-world.html

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B3XiHPL0XsoZc3RPWUxxa0ZNRVU/edit

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/tulpamancy-internet-subculture-892

I will remind that appealing to ignorance is not the way to take a stance. Doing so is the same as calling DID alters invalid due to the disputes in the scientific community due to lack of study.

The community itself is split between the psychological and metaphysical only on the level of what causes a tulpa to exist or essentially “be”, rather than whether or not they possess autonomous sentience. 

Just because some hail it as something religious does not make the phenomenon inherently a religious belief. By the religious, mental illness was once stated to be demons– that does not make a mental illness a religious belief. It’s simply an incorrect understanding of a real phenomenon. 

Some of the study regarding this phenomenon is actually progressive in understanding how the mind works, as well as treating other mental illness. 

More existence of sentience can be attributed to parallel processing [the tulpa processing information that the host actively is not, such as each counting or doing a math problem at the same time], and retrieval of subconscious memory. I do not have a collected study on hand for this, but it is widely reported, and I have experienced it myself.  

[smoltulpa]

progress????actually???

so. holy fuk. @a-minds-ramblings suggested to try sitting down while in a relaxed state and asking max simple yes or no questions. which is what i did. with white noise in the background and i had no clue what other people were talking about when they swore that white noise totally helps with auditory hallucinations but it actually happened and i heard max answering almost all my questions!!!! i even asked some slightly harder questions like ‘what’s your favorite color?’ and he replied with ‘blue’, and then i asked him if he said that because it’s easy to say, and he said yes i did this for about 20 minutes and got relaxed pretty fast but i had to stop because i noticed myself falling asleep and accidentally jolted myself awake/startled myself lmao anyway, i’m definitely going to do this every night before bed. it was really fun for the both of us

also, i scrapped the old wonderland completely because i felt it was too crammed and hard to visualize. we've decided that the new one isn't going to have any specific limits, like you can walk forever and make up any scenario, and the only constant thing is a small wood cabin in a mountainous area right next to a huge lake, which is essentially our 'base of operations'

[visionsofgray]

Imagine a bowl. Drop the bowl, it shatters. Which shard is the original? All of them, but they are separate. This is a better analogy of a personality breaking off. This is also an analogy for DID, not making a tulpa. Making a tulpa is like when you use one candle to light another. The original flame is still intact, and while the second came from the first, it’s its own flame.

Agent_Nycto of /r/Tulpas, in response to this post. (via visionsofgray)

This is a great analogy.

(via jayskyecrest)

[smoltulpa]

should i stop assuming sentience?

hello. here's another post about me trying to get my shit together i think there's something huge yet completely overlooked that is keeping me from hearing max. listen i know this sounds like i should really just force a lot more than i do but i feel like he's already capable of communicating, but my assuming he's always been sentient could be the barrier that doesn't make us hear each other??? because i'm always trying to nurse him into responding? every time we talk he's this close to replying in actual words but he never does then again, it could be the fact that i've gotten really used to parroting? i'm always concious of it but maybe i do it too much how do i actually stop parroting? i think i can't differentiate the actual responses from the fake ones

[smoltulpa]

LMAO we’re watching the x files and they’re talking about tulpas……..

[greysdawnb-deactivated20180104]

//GASP OF GREAT INTENSITY

NOW I NEED TO GET BACK INTO X FILES!

[smoltulpa]

that episode is actually pretty dumb, the so called ‘tulpa’ is some kind of mud monster(???) which goes around killing people and was created by some guy who goes to tibet a lot

but you should get back into x files. everyone should watch the x files.

[greysdawnb-deactivated20180104]

That’s a bit disappointing, but I’ll get around to watching it X3

I have some of the trading cards at home :D

Okay well

More than ‘some’… lol

[smoltulpa]

ohhh the trading cards are fuckin great, they have cool art

[pinkprogram]

They confuse tulpas with golems…

[smoltulpa]

yeah!!and its weird cause theres a golem episode too and it essentially had the same plot

[smoltulpa]

LMAO we’re watching the x files and they’re talking about tulpas……..

[greysdawnb-deactivated20180104]

//GASP OF GREAT INTENSITY

NOW I NEED TO GET BACK INTO X FILES!

[smoltulpa]

that episode is actually pretty dumb, the so called ‘tulpa’ is some kind of mud monster(???) which goes around killing people and was created by some guy who goes to tibet a lot

but you should get back into x files. everyone should watch the x files.

[greysdawnb-deactivated20180104]

That’s a bit disappointing, but I’ll get around to watching it X3

I have some of the trading cards at home :D

Okay well

More than ‘some’… lol

[smoltulpa]

ohhh the trading cards are fuckin great, they have cool art

[smoltulpa]

LMAO we’re watching the x files and they’re talking about tulpas……..

[greysdawnb-deactivated20180104]

//GASP OF GREAT INTENSITY

NOW I NEED TO GET BACK INTO X FILES!

[smoltulpa]

that episode is actually pretty dumb, the so called 'tulpa' is some kind of mud monster(???) which goes around killing people and was created by some guy who goes to tibet a lot

but you should get back into x files. everyone should watch the x files.

[smoltulpa]

LMAO we're watching the x files and they're talking about tulpas........

[smoltulpa]

update?

so i'm not sure what i should be working on with max, and he's not good at suggesting things at the moment so i kinda stopped forcing i talk to him at least once a day, and it feels a lot frendlier and 'real' each time but i still don't get responses from him. i've theorized that i can feel his emotions, but only when they're strong (like laughter or crying) but i'm not completely sure yet sometimes i really feel like i'm not working towards anything. like i do believe in tulpas and i do believe that every person i'm following is being completely truthful because they have no reason to lie about having one, but i feel like i'm never going to experience it myself you know i think i'm going to start visualizing a lot. my goal for this month is to be able to see max perfectly

[smoltulpa]

hi again

i feel like i’ve been so busy but it’s probably just an excuse my brain is making up to avoid work with max in reality, i’ve been watching way too much x files and not talking to him at all the only thing i’ve been doing is trying to make him lip sync to the music i listen to to get a feel for his voice BUT i’m going to be alone tonight so!!!!forcing!!i’m so excited, we have so much to talk about

EDIT: so i got max all caught up with the last few days and the conversation got a bit real while we were listening to music i feel like he’s uncomfortable about me saying this publicly so im just gonna say he acted in a way that i did not expect and it was really cute and i love him v much :^)

[smoltulpa]

guys

i’ve read that during the creation process a lot of people get headaches and that it’s normal, and my head’s been almost constantly pounding for like two weeks. do you think it has anything to do with max or is it too constant to be him? and if you did get headaches from your tulpas, how far into the creation process were you? how long did they last? i tried asking max if it was him and saw him making a ‘yes and no’ gesture with his hand but idk

[marchandmao-deactivated20160331]

I’ve been having some pretty constant headaches lately, too, but especially when I active force. Even when I’m not 100%, I usually credit it to Mao because the more faith/less doubt you put into a tulpa, the better (as I’m sure you know). I mean, what’s the worst that can happen– when he’s sentient, he can make fun of me for being wrong? I’ll take it, lol.  I’m not too terribly far into creation but far enough that Mao is getting fairly used to using head pressures to communicate. I’d just take the headaches as a good sign. Hope I helped at least a bit!

[smoltulpa]

i haven't actually sat down and talked to max in a while, but all these headaches make me think of him and it's super useful to get reminded to passive force haha

[smoltulpa]

guys

i’ve read that during the creation process a lot of people get headaches and that it’s normal, and my head’s been almost constantly pounding for like two weeks. do you think it has anything to do with max or is it too constant to be him? and if you did get headaches from your tulpas, how far into the creation process were you? how long did they last? i tried asking max if it was him and saw him making a ‘yes and no’ gesture with his hand but idk

[hika-in-wonderland]

I got headaches a lot when making hika!! but usually if they were him I could ask him to ease up a little and it would get slightly less. It happened a lot when I was trying to concentrate on something while he was also trying to do something, so I suspect it had to do with how the brain does that paying attention to multiple things at once. whether or not it’s him depends a lot on him and what else might be going on in your life, but maybe try using it as an opportunity to see if he can dampen the pain or something

[smoltulpa]

i've actually been doing this and it works!!thanks!

[a-minds-ramblings]

My personal journey on dealing with doubt

Lately in the tulpa community I noticed many posts dealing about doubt. I’ve talked about doubt in some older posts, but then I stopped talking about it. I wanted to write this and illustrate my journey in this mine field. (A very long and very personal post under the cut).

Keep reading

[smoltulpa]

guys

i've read that during the creation process a lot of people get headaches and that it's normal, and my head's been almost constantly pounding for like two weeks. do you think it has anything to do with max or is it too constant to be him? and if you did get headaches from your tulpas, how far into the creation process were you? how long did they last? i tried asking max if it was him and saw him making a 'yes and no' gesture with his hand but idk

[smoltulpa]

i had a bit of a falling back with max in the last few days sometimes i feel like i’m talking to myself and the realization that i’ve been doing this for two months now with no sentience kinda made me feel unmotivated but i went on the tulpa forum’s IRC and, as i asked around, i realized that noone can really help me because sentience is something that just. happens. there’s no real guides on it because it’s different for everyone and i guess i was looking for something more ‘official’ because i’m so used to following guidelines and that’s what’s stopping me from just relaxing i need to get my brain to understand that there’s no perfect step by step way to do this and all i can really do at this point is narrate like my life depends on it!!but it’s still hard to remember note to self: it’s ok if you feel like you’re not making progress sometimes bc you always underestimate yourself and you’re just making it up. you are making progress, you just haven’t realized it yet!! every word counts (and i /have/ gotten signs of sentience so i need to shut up about this)

[peerlessone]

Keep at it, and remember that it’s very possible that Max could already be sentient and trying to communicate, but hasn’t figured out exactly how to yet. Just keep listening, and if you feel that things are stagnating then try new things. Best of luck to the both of you.

[smoltulpa]

yeah i find that trying new things usually helps. thank you!!