Incorrect DnD Quotes

From a group of friends: pollehn, mayallthebaconburn, serialsharkgay, and muddbunnie

[smootpoot]

Tari: Wait, he's trying to lure me into a false sense of security!

Tari: Well, joke's on him, I've never been secure in my life, and I'm not about to start now!

[smootpoot]

Renolynn: Y'all still beat your meat? Lol

Garreth: What do you beat?

Renolynn: Evildoers

[smootpoot]

Ruby: Orange juice is the superior beverage because it makes your tongue feel like you ate a bunch of ants which reminds me of my childhood when I would put ants in my mouth and eat them except this time it tastes good too.

Graham: Hey Ruby, I think you’re probably allergic to citrus?

Ruby: Is...this not what OJ is supposed to make your tongue feel like?

Renolynn: Did you know that if your mouth itches when you eat kiwis, it's not from hairs left over on the fruit after you peel it? I didn’t until, like, two years ago!

Tari: Numb lips are not part of the intended experience of peanut butter, apparently...

Graham: Y'ALL

Garreth: Are we just gonna ignore the part where Ruby says she ate ants?

[smootpoot]

Graham: I'm going to need you to swear..

Garreth: F--

Graham: I'm going to need you to promise

[smootpoot]

Renolynn: I sure showed them, huh?

Renolynn: Did you see how uncomfortable they got when I started crying?

[smootpoot]

Theren: Hey, Garreth, would you help me with this zipper?

Garreth: Of course!

Theren:

Theren: UP, Garreth.

Garreth: Right, okay

[smootpoot]

Tari: Did you have to stab him??

Ruby: You weren't there, you didn't hear what he said to me.

Tari: What did he say?

Ruby: "What are you going to do, stab me?"

Tari:

Theren: No, that's fair.

[smootpoot]

Ruby: Could you guys at least try to see from my perspective?

Theren: *crouches down*

Garreth: *kneels down*

Renolynn: *sits on the ground*

Ruby: I hate all of you

[smootpoot]

Garreth, about Ruby: She's always blaming me for stuff!

Theren: Like what?

Garreth: Making fun of her height.

Theren: Did you?

Garreth: Yeah

[smootpoot]

Tari: Come on, okay? You're beautiful. There's nothing you should be insecure about.

Theren: That was way too emotionally supportive and I need you to lock that crap down.

[smootpoot]

Graham: May I bother you for a moment?

Garreth: You always bother me, but go on.

[smootpoot]

Graham: You always see the worst in people.

Garreth: Yeah, because people are the worst.

[smootpoot]

Garreth: Let's all have a drink to celebrate!

Ruby: Garreth, I'm underage.

Garreth: Oh. Right. Here's a silly straw.

[smootpoot]

Theren: It's okay to ask for help.

Tari: You're not a burden.

Carnelian: Murder is okay.

Renolynn: Your feelings matter.

[smootpoot]

Carnelian: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

Theren: It's called arson and those people are witnesses.

[smootpoot]

Garreth: Dang, you're violent...

Ruby: Yeah, but I'm short, so it's adorable.

[smootpoot]

Theren, to Tari: People like you. You're nice. You say "excuse me". You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.