Sessions can be nerve wracking. First time sessions, even more so. Here's how I'd navigate a session with an extremely nervous or first time lee.
We'd meet in public first, go and get coffee, something casual. Spend some time just letting them relax in my general presence. I wouldn't try to tease or fluster them in this situation, just giving them time to warm up. At the venue, we'd start slow. Sit and watch a show, have a drink and a chat on the sofa. I'd also offer a cuddle, help them to relax into my touch without tickling, the aim is to build that trust, safety and familiarity. Then I'd bring up tickles and ask the following:
What sort of experiences of tickling have you had before?
Would you like to use restraints?
What would you like to wear? You choose if anything comes off.
Is there anything you're especially nervous about?
Do you have any questions or worries?
Do you like using tools. If yes, which ones would you like to try?
Do you want to tell me your tickle spots, or should I just try and find them?
What does aftercare look like to you?
And MOST IMPORTANTLY: What's your safeword?
I'd then offer some tickly cuddles there and then on the sofa. Let them see and feel how gentle I'm going to be, let them see and feel how they respond to the touch, and most importantly, let them experience their boundaries being respected.
At the start of the session:
Go slowly. I wouldn't want to dive in and overwhelm them. I'd get them stripped/lay down/restrained (if applicable) and comfy, whatever they'd decided to do. I'd remind them that they can safeword, change their mind about anything or ask for a break at any time. I may be in charge, but they are in control. Anything they don't want or like, I won't do. I'd lay beside them and stroke their hair or hold their hand with one hand to provide some grounding while very gently starting to tickle with the other hand. Smiling along with them, providing lots of encouragement and praise, reminding them that they're safe.
"Are you ready? Okay, let's give this cute tummy a little tickle to start with, hey? I've got you darling, here it comes. Oh, just a little tickle. That's it, sweetheart, it's okay. There's those pretty giggles, how does that feel? You're doing so well! That's a very ticklish tummy you've got there isn't it, does that feel okay? Yeah? Does it tickle too? Aww I thought it might, look at this squirming! You're doing so good for me!"
Many lees are nervous about their reactions. Praise them for their laughter, for their smiles, for any noises or sweet reactions they may have. Let them know you're enjoying tickling them!
Many lees are nervous about their body image. Build their confidence, compliment them, let them know how pretty they look giggling for you, how pretty their tickle spots are. Too much silence can allow a spiral, keep them in the moment with you so they can let go instead of getting stuck in their own head.
Some lees won't ask for a break because they'll be too busy giggling. Especially for a first timer, offer drinks and breaks frequently to keep them comfy.
Every lee you session with needs to have the best experience possible for them, and it is your job to make sure that happens.
So much praise and aftercare. They just did something crazy! Either they did it for the first time or they were really nervous about it, and they chose to have that experience with you. They gave you that trust. That is a huge honour. Act like it. Cuddle them, get them snacks and a drink, let them choose a show and make sure they come down with as much comfort, praise and reassurance as they need.
After some time, I'd ask them how they found the session. I'd ask if they were comfy, if there was anything they really liked, anything they disliked, what their favourite part was, and if anything surprised them. Give them a safe space to feed back honestly and stay open to their opinions. I'd then follow up with them in the coming days to make sure they're still okay.
And that's how I'd take care of a very nervous and/or first time lee.
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