ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ @snakeholed-blog - Tumblr Blog

@behindaccents wants an audience with the queen of hell (for QUEEN B, Blair Waldorf)

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚄𝙿𝙿𝙴𝚁 𝙴𝙰𝚂𝚃 𝚂𝙸𝙳𝙴 was not a place April had ever intended on visiting. The smell of GUCCI and PRADA was enough to make her nauseous, and the residents had their noses so high in the air, April could see every last BAT in their caves. Any time she mentioned being from Pawnee, Indiana, their looks of disgust rivaled her own...but 𝙻𝙴𝚂𝙻𝙸𝙴 𝙺𝙽𝙾𝙿𝙴 needed them. April wanted to mess with the harpies of the UES more than almost anything, but wanting Leslie becoming Indiana’s governor outweighed pretty much everything else. She would make time for fun later.

𝚃𝚘𝚘 𝚋𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊 𝙳𝚁𝙰𝙶. April would have thought, with all that money and power, that they’d at least have been able to throw a decent party. What a YAWN. At least there were cocktails. If she had to listen to one more middle-aged white dude drone on and on about mutual funds and the stock market, she was going to do something drastic.

When her fake laugh had worn out, April approached a couture-clad brunette who looked closer to her in age than anyone else in the room. For all April knew, she was probably just as stuck-up as the rest, but at least PRE-HISTORIC BEASTS hadn’t roamed the earth when she was born. "𝙸𝚏 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝚂𝙾𝙾𝙽, 𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚍𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚞𝚙." These trust fund babies probably had ZERO sense of humor, but either way, it would be entertaining.

#i am rewatching GG right now so i chose blair #but i am open to interacting with other muses of yours as well!#just let me know #we can do all the things #behindaccents

【ＣＯＭＥ　＆　ＧＥＴ　ＩＴ】

& 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗 ( 𝙰 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁 ) 𝚂𝙼𝙰𝚂𝙷 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝, 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚜 ( 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚎 )

#ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾

Give April an arch-nemesis sort of dynamic where our characters scream at each other and prank each other and constantly profess their undying HATRED for each other but deep down they enjoy it and WILL NEVER ADMIT IT but they kind of like each other on a weird level PLEASE I BEG YOU

#ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾#mobile post

badassbctch‌:

SOME CALLS WERE MADE … and someone wanted to intern with someone at the fbi. of course, most the people she was working had said that they were to busy or didn’t want to take someone else on or have a shadow. ( other then jerry, but he only did office work and willa knew that would bore the girl to death. ) willa had offered they shadow her, and at first they weren’t so sure about that. after all, willa could get a little wild. amazing at her job, all around kick ass, but sometimes risked herself a bit more that people liked.

but, friendly wise, she was the best of the bunch.

“ you must be april. ” she said with a bit of a laugh. “ some days are more dull then others, i will say that the fbi isn’t like the movies. not non stop action. ” the tall woman gave her a bit of a smile, “ but sometimes it feels like it is, and we often crave the boring times. ” it was a dangerous job after all, people got hurt and died. “ lucky for you though, you won’t be working in this part of the fbi if you are shadowing me. this is more coms. paperwork, phone calls. this is who the agents call to look people up. you’ll be coming with me. ”

“ unless of course, you prefer this floor? ”

A BROW QUIRKS … obviously teasing the girl a bit. if she wanted more action, following her was the best bet. “ here if your ID, so you can walk the building without being bothered. wear that on your shirt. ” she handed the badge over. “ i’m agent ali, you can call me willa. follow me. ” she mentioned to her, walking out of the coms center and down the hall. “ i work as an agent for the fbi, traveling around the u.s. searching and bring down serial killers. you can at a very exciting time, we are very close to catching a active serial killer in the area. ”

“𝙽𝚘 𝚠𝚊𝚢, 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎.” Paperwork was definitely NOT April’s jam. Usually, when she got paperwork in Pawnee, she scrapped most of it and pretended it had never gotten to her desk. Blaming the PLEBEIANS was so much more fun than doing boring paperwork & taking responsibility for her (lack of) actions.

April had to suppress a grin when Willa told her what she did and where they’d be working. 𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝙲𝚃𝚄𝙰𝙻 𝚂𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙻 𝙺𝙸𝙻𝙻𝙴𝚁 𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴. Andy was going to be SO jealous! She knew she’d probably need to fib a bit at first, or he’d hop on the next plane out there and INSIST on working with her. "𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚜 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒? 𝙿𝚘𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚗? 𝚂𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐? 𝙼𝚞𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗?" April loved that she was now in a place where her line of questioning was actually RELEVANT instead of just morbid and creepy.

#badassbctch

mercyburned‌:

delivering anywhere was always a hit or miss about what sort of ridiculous situation he’d run into. there were the okay ones, like the nice older couple who tipped him with a massive jar of pistachios ( coincidentally, his favorite ) when they realized they didn’t have cash, or the college kids, barely older than himself, who gave him a couple beers. then there were jackasses who couldn’t be bothered to say thank-you, or who told him to get a real job. offices were usually fine, but you could never know until you got there.

kyle held back a sigh. he hadn’t even gotten stuck behind a geriatric in a corolla this time. but then one of the men in the office was handing him a recorder - which he hadn’t even picked one up since sophomore year of high school. he looked back at the woman. ❛ what, like a snake in a cartoon? ❜ all he wanted was to get his tip and her signature and leave, but apparently, that wasn’t going to happen.

"𝙽𝚘, 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙼 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝙳𝙴𝚂𝙺." Honestly. There was no time for such ignorance! The worms were starting to get impatient, and some had managed to wriggle their way onto the floor and escape. It was fine, Leslie would have a nice surprise later. 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚜, 𝚞𝚗𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜, 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚜. Even April herself could admit that she’d be so much BETTER if she were a dog - a black Siberian husky, to be precise.

"𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛? 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙺 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙷𝚘𝚝 𝙲𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚜 𝙱𝚞𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝙴𝙰𝚃 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚖." (No they wouldn’t. Probably.)

#mercyburned

𝒶𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓁 𝓇𝑜𝒷𝑒𝓇𝓉𝒶 𝓁𝓊𝒹𝑔𝒶𝓉𝑒 ; 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓉𝒾𝒸

#𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚛 𝚍𝚘𝚖𝚎 { 𝚊𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚌 }

@mercyburned wants some shenanigans (for Kyle)

"𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙴𝚁 𝙷𝙰𝚂 𝚃𝙾 𝙱𝚄𝚈 𝚄𝚂 𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙿𝙸𝚉𝚉𝙰!" April decreed. This was her favorite kind of contest - the kind in which she was not participating. No matter the outcome, she won. Andy had gotten the idea (of course) for all the guys to participate in a 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚖 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 when he saw all the worms in the courtyard during lunch. It had been raining, but also Chris’s compost pile was really starting to decay and the worms LOVED it. April had no idea what he’d put in there and she would never ask, lest she risk a 20 minute lecture about the 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐. She’d already sat through about FIVE too many of those. She couldn’t survive another.

Unsurprisingly, Jerry had no luck with his worm. Tom was WEIRDLY good at it, for which she’d make fun of him later, and Andy had kind of given up and was now just playing with a bunch of worms at once. "𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚄𝙻𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙰𝚃𝙴 𝙻𝙾𝚂𝙴𝚁 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝙹𝙴𝚁𝚁𝚈," April decided. Donna nodded in agreement. "𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚒𝚣𝚣𝚊! 𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝙹𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚢, 𝙸 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚗𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍." Jerry stopped looking for his wallet and looked at her. “What?” April paid him no mind and grabbed the phone to place the order. FIVE LARGE PIZZAS, plus garlic knots, cinnamon breadsticks, and three 2-liter sodas. April and Andy needed lunch for the week, and since Jerry had bombed SO HARD with his worm charming, he owed it to them. (She’d do something nice for him later and not tell anyone it was her.)

"𝙾𝙷 𝙼𝚈 𝙶𝙾𝙳, 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐?" It had only been about 25 minutes, which was actually faster than usual for that pizza place, but still. No sense NOT messing with the guy. "𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚊 𝚝𝚒𝚙, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏. 𝙹𝙴𝚁𝚁𝚈! 𝙶𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚖 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜." There was no business, to speak of (except MONKEY business, of course). April just really wanted to see if she could get this pizza guy to do her bidding. "𝙷𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚍𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚘𝚢, 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚖!"

#mercyburned

@firstcfhername wants to regret agreeing to write with me here

𝙰𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙻 𝙳𝙸𝙳𝙽'𝚃 𝙲𝙰𝚁𝙴 𝙰𝙱𝙾𝚄𝚃 𝙼𝙰𝙽𝚈 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶𝚂. Or people. Or most people, in fact. To her, most people were selfish, stupid, annoying, or some combination of ALL those things. Leslie Knope, however, was the exact opposite of everything April detested about the human race. Leslie was 𝙰𝚆𝙴𝚂𝙾𝙼𝙴 (to dumb it down, for the dummies who didn’t understand words like STELLAR, FORMIDABLE, PROFOUND, SELFLESS, BRILLIANT, or EXTRAORDINARY). That was why, even though April HATED talking to people about things, when Leslie asked April to help with her campaign for governor, April had agreed. 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚛 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 (𝚘𝚛 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎), 𝙱𝚄𝚃 𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙳𝙸𝙳 𝙱𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙴𝚅𝙴 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙴𝚂𝙻𝙸𝙴 𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙰 𝙺𝙽𝙾𝙿𝙴.

The trouble with the whole thing was that now April was obligated to put on a smile and meet a lot of people she didn’t want to talk to. It wouldn’t have been worth it if it was for anyone but Leslie. During Leslie’s campaign for City Council, April had picked up a lot of her responsibilities, and she’d learned to harness 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙿𝙾𝚆𝙴𝚁 𝙾𝙵 𝙺𝙽𝙾𝙿𝙴 (or so Andy called it). At first, she’d tried to BE Leslie, which was IMPOSSIBLE. Leslie was CRAZY (crazy talented and hardworking, that is), no one could be her, and April could NOT handle smiling that much without taking a 3-hour nap afterward. 𝚂𝙼𝙸𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙸𝚂 𝙴𝚇𝙷𝙰𝚄𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙱𝚄𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂. Instead, she’d learned to channel the type of energy Leslie had but put her OWN spin on it. Leslie didn’t want an exact copy of herself, after all, she wanted APRIL ROBERTA LUDGATE-DWYER, and that was exactly who she would get.

"𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎?" she demanded of Brock (an intern). Having interns to torment was one of her FAVORITE parts of this job. They spooked so easily. “I’m--working on the--” he sputtered, all too slowly. "𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚗𝚘 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚜𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚜!" (It wasn’t, obviously, but no one ever knew when to take her seriously so it was surprising how many wild lies she got away with.) "𝙶𝚘, 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏!" She shooed him away, reveling in his confused expression. He’d be back, and when he returned, he’d find his work station overrun with toy frogs (the sticky kind that clung to walls when you threw them). Andy had seen them on the internet, so naturally they’d ordered 5,000 of them.

When April finished stuffing frogs in all the drawers and scattering them across the desk, she turned around to see she was no longer alone. "𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎!" If this lady ruined her prank, there would be HELL to pay!

#firstcfhername

【ｓｔａｒｔｅｒ　ｃａｌｌ　！】

𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚜 - 𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 & 𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚘𝚝, 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚟𝚒𝚊 𝚝𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚛 𝙸𝙼

#ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾

snakeholed-blog

𝙿𝙻𝙾𝚃 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙼𝙴, 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙲𝙾𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙳𝚂

#ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾

splattermemes-deactivated202007

halloween sentence starters

Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

at a party

“I love the decorations.”

“There are so many sexy kitties in here.”

“Am I the only one in costume?”

“I’m not sure if this room is full of strangers or if I just can’t recognize anyone because of the costumes.”

“Do I hear ‘Monster Mash’ playing?”

“Come on, let’s dance. Even the skeletons are doing it.”

“Did someone spike the punch?”

“I hate costume parties…”

at a haunted house

“This stuff’s for babies.”

“AAAAAHHHHH!”

“Hey, can we…go home? Not that I’m scared.”

“BOO!”

“Wait, are you actually scared?”

“FuCK NO–”

“That makeup is so realistic.”

“I paid $40 so I better die.”

alone

“You should hang out with me later. I’m gonna marathon a bunch of movies.”

“[text] Hey, it’s me. I heard banging noises and I’m terrified. Please save me.”

“Halloween?? With friends?? What friends?”

“[text] I just heard some weird noises. [text] No I’m being serious. [text] I need you ri”

“I’m probably just going to stay up all night so the ghosts don’t kill me.”

“I’ll just be chilling with the monsters under my bed.”

“Maybe I’ll summon a demon so I have someone to hang out with.”

“Do ghosts like Netflix?”

with kids

“Don’t eat all your candy at once!”

“Aw~ I love your costume.”

“And who are you?”

“Look, man. You can’t give toothbrushes to kids on Halloween.”

“Trick or treat!”

“Let me check those before you eat them.”

“UGH, why am I stuck with a bunch of babies?”

“I wish it was socially acceptable for me to trick or treat on my own, but it’s not, so.”

with friends

“We should egg his/her/their house.”

“Help me with my costume!”

“TIME TO GET SPOOKY.”

“Are you just going to wear a T-shirt that says ‘costume’ on it?”

“Should we be drinking this much?”

“The ouija board says you’re a little shit.”

“Let’s tell ghost stories.”

“Time to join the skeleton war, bitches.”

as a flirt

“You look so hot in that.”

“After being freaks, are we gonna get freaky?”

“[jumps into __’s arms out of fear]”

“Your outfit is scary…take it off.”

“I came in here expecting a trick, but you’re a real treat.”

“If I was in a scary movie, I’d want to be trapped with you.”

“You–uh–spooked…my heart.”

“I’d let you haunt me all night long.”

misc.

“Let’s carve a pumpkin!”

“I’d be a witch in another life.”

“I wonder if I still have that ouija board…”

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

“What costume are you wearing?”

“Let’s pull a prank.”

“I hate Halloween.”

“Can you tell me why you have an actual skeleton in your closet?”

Most humans: omg that clown from IT was so freaky!

April: yo pennywise, you wanna hang or what?

#ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾

starter for @badassbctch

' 𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 ' 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚘 𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚑𝚎. Unfortunately for April, it was also necessary. She didn’t want to be an assistant in the Pawnee Parks Department her whole life, even though she was OBVIOUSLY the worst/best at it and no one would ever be worse/better than her. It was great to be able to earn a paycheck by 𝚂𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙾𝙵𝙵...but her apathy had its limits, too. Sometimes she thought she wanted more, or at least to TRY doing more. She knew she was more than capable, but she would have to find something that made her care. It would not be an easy feat - 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚢 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚕𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚝𝚜, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚜𝚎𝚊 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚊.

In the spirit of 𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙲𝙰𝙻𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙶 and temporarily morphing into a totally lame and cliche adult human being, April used her cunning and resourcefulness for good (this time). Through her contacts in Washington DC (and a little help from Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt), she was accepted for an internship with the FBI. Andy was 𝚂𝚄𝙿𝙴𝚁 𝙹𝙴𝙰𝙻𝙾𝚄𝚂, but also the most amazing and supportive husband ever. She promised him she’d honor Burt Macklin - and, if she ever got the opportunity, have a badge made for him with Macklin’s name on it.

Her first day began in a far more 𝙱𝙾𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶 manner than she’d anticipated. This was the FBI, but so far it felt eerily similar to Pawnee City Hall. There was even a man with peppermint latte who looked like he could have been a distant cousin of Jerry. Maybe Ron was right, 𝚖𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚛𝚢, 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚕. Maybe she’d made a mistake thinking this had anything to do with her ‘destiny,’ or whatever.

𝙾𝙺𝙰𝚈 𝙰𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙻, 𝙶𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝙸𝚃 𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽 𝙵𝙸𝙵𝚃𝙴𝙴𝙽 𝙼𝙸𝙽𝚄𝚃𝙴𝚂. Pesky conscience. Always butting in where it wasn’t wanted. She supposed she could give it an actual chance...maybe it was just a slow day. Just when she was about to call it a wash and book a flight home (she found out the peppermint latte guy’s name was ACTUALLY Jerry, talk about a 𝚖𝚊𝚓𝚘𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚐 ), her new supervisor finally tracked her down. “Is it always this DULL around here? Because if so, I have a plane to catch.”

#badassbctch

𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚘𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝙸𝙳𝙸𝙾𝚃𝚂. Pawnee, at least, seems to be full of them, and thus she vastly prefers the company of animals to that of (most) humans. She has also often wondered how she could possibly belong to her 𝚂𝚄𝙽𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙴-𝙰𝙽𝙳-𝚁𝙰𝙸𝙽𝙱𝙾𝚆𝚂 parents. The only thing she can conclusively state is that they somehow actually ARE her biological parents (she had a secret DNA test done). As for how they managed to create April and her sister Heather, who are more 𝚁𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚂𝚃𝙾𝚁𝙼𝚂-𝙰𝙽𝙳-𝙽𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙼𝙰𝚁𝙴𝚂...she still has no clue. She loves them, of course, but also refuses to publicly acknowledge that they’re her parents. Or that she even has parents. She tells people she was hatched, or created from the rib of 𝙻𝚒𝚣𝚣𝚒𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚗, or born in the 1800′s and stayed alive by eating the flesh of innocents. 𝙱𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚋𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢’𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝.

#𝚒'𝚖 𝟺𝟽/𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚕 { 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗 }#𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚑𝚘𝚕 { 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 }

So which of you are going to plot with me & which of you am I sacrificing to the underworld? In other words, PLOTTING CALL!

#ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾#mobile post

No one:

No one at all:

Not a single soul:

April: *covers herself in fake blood and zombie makeup and wanders around creepily warning people about the dangers of drinking pumpkin spice lattes*

#ᶠˡᵉᵉᵗʷᵒᵒᵈ ᵐᵃᶜ ˢᵉˣ ᵖᵃⁿᵗˢ ⁽ ᵒᵒᶜ ⁾

𝙰𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙻 𝙻𝚄𝙳𝙶𝙰𝚃𝙴: 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚗, 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚜.

" 𝙸𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚂𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑, 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚕 𝚄𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙳. "

#𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 { 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚖𝚘 }#self promo;

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