life&politics

a place to put loosely organized thoughts

[sneakneezy]

Adulting

Student loans for dayz.  Fuck me that’s gonna take a minute to pay off.

Rent.  FUCK me that’s expensive.

Work.  Reports.  Due diligence.  Manager meetings.  Office politics.  Deadlines and projects for dayz.  Fuck me that’s a lot to keep track of.

Lists.  Lots of lists.  About everything in my life.  Fuck me that’s a lot to keep track of.  

Obsessing about my finances.

Making an overly complicated budget spreadsheet.

Obsessing about my finances using said overly complicated budget spreadsheet.  

Trying to make my savings plan as aggressive as possible while still giving me room to have fun.  Automatic bimonthly transfers to savings are the truth.  The money’s already gone to savings before I’m even tempted to use it. 

Pressures from family.  Now you’re becoming a leader instead of “one of the kids.”  

Obsessing about my career, my shortcomings, and what I can do to get around them.

Obsessing about myself, my shortcomings, and what I can do to get around them.

Planning for the future.   Figuring out an aggressive plan to attack my student loan balances.  Save up for a down payment on a house?  Asset allocation for my retirement portfolio?  Let’s see if we can make it work.  More overly-complicated spreadsheets.  

Did I mention lists?

Hitting up bars with aggressive people not-so-secretly drowning in pools of insecurity.  

Realizing that a $100+ night at the bars, multiple times per month, isn’t conducive to my long-term financial health.  Or my liver, for that matter.  

Cutting said bar trips to near zero after two years of this bullshit, half because that $100 spent is a complete waste of money, and half because I’m genuinely not having a good time at ANY of these outings.  

Finance can be a fake-ass place sometimes, man.  

Dealing with personalities.  Lots of “friendships” are transactional in west LA, so there’s a fun layer of bullshit to waste your time wading through.  Perfect if all you care about is posting rehearsed selfies and looking like you’re having fun.  See above.

Maintaining the genuine friendships.  You soon realize who your “day-ones” are.  How utterly relaxed and easygoing you are around them.  The lack of pressure to do anything.  The real homies.  Keep them close.

Giving less of a fuck about what others think.  I didn’t think it was humanly possible for me to do so given my overactive mind, but it’s happening, and it feels fuckin ‘great.  

Gaining weight.  My metabolism has slowed down significantly since I graduated from college, and I need to make personal fitness a priority.  No more 6 hour dance practices or daily 1 mile maintain-my-sanity lap swims at Sunset Rec keeping me slim.  My eating habits nowadays are way better than they used to be, but the cheat days are too plentiful and cardio days too few in between. 

I need a good gym, with olympic weights, within walking distance from me.  That way I won’t have ANY excuse to not workout.  I’ll figure it out eventually.

Getting comfortable with yourself and who you are.  Learning to accept yourself for all your strengths and weaknesses.  Genuinely becoming confident in yourself.  This eluded me for the first four years of this decade (read:  college).  I think I just needed to be independent, financially speaking, and completely on my own.  Feels good to be comfortable.  Hope the momentum keeps building.

TLDR:  it’s fucking overwhelming sometimes, but I'm slowly getting the hang of it

[sneakneezy]

May 2017 - March 2018

Spent the entirety of that period studying for what’s known as the CAIA designation.

The culmination of the studying manifested itself as two 5-hour exams, one in September and the second in March, covering a combined 2,200+ pages of extremely dense textbook material on the batshit insane world that is alternative investments.  The material wasn’t particularly hard, it was just a ton of information that you had to process, especially for just two exams.

My average week worked as follows:

Weekdays:  work 8-5 or 8-6 (I work at a firm where the CAIA material is extremely relevant), then study from 6-8 or 6-9, depending on how drained I felt after leaving work.  I would study after work on 3 out of 5 weekdays on average.  I’d leave for work at 7:30am and then return home at 9-9:30pm.  

Weekends:  study from 10am-4pm (with a break for lunch) or 2pm-7pm (dinner afterwards), ideally on both days.  

Hell week(s):  study from 6pm-9pm after work on weekdays; 9am-6pm on weekends, both Saturday and Sunday.  Drink way too much coffee and green tea in the process.

Rinse and repeat for every month in that time period except October and the latter half of September.    

That shit was a motherfucking slog.. but worth it.  The background knowledge provided by the charter is pretty damn helpful at work, especially when you’re dealing with less well understood investment strategies (I’m looking at you, structured credit). 

More importantly, however, it gave me a completely new perspective on how the world works, in the sense that I’m starting to understand the extent to which capital markets drive, well, everything.  It’s incredibly dry stuff to the casual observer, but absolutely fascinating if you’re a nerd like me and are genuinely interested in seeing how economies around the world operate, particularly at the ground level.  

Did the CAIA suddenly make me a literal god of finance?  Hell-to-the-fuck no.  But it gave me a lot of really good questions to ask, and a solid toolkit for me to use in answering them myself.  The time spent studying (read: hating myself) is a long-term bet that I think will pay off handsomely.  

The cost?  I’ve become too serious and robotic for my tastes.  A year of all work, no fun will do that to you.  Gotta re-human-ize myself over time.  

Most companies need access to $$ in order to grow, and the way in which these companies access $$ can get INSANELY complicated.  Like you have no idea...

[sneakneezy]

Finance

Something I’ve noticed about my time in finance is the amount of people that just... fake it.  You know that whole “fake it ‘till you make it” motto?  Like that whole thing where you’re supposed to fake it at the beginning if your career but drop it as you become competent at what you do?  I’ve come across people that LIVE it in full sincerity, years into their careers.

Forget to do something?  Let me come up with a smooth long-winded explanation that basically says “actually I meant to do it but I wanted to run something by you before moving on.”

Made an error?  Deflect.  If you can’t, then downplay it.  “It wasn’t that bad.”  If you can’t downplay, weasel around with words until technically you’re not wrong.  Worse comes to worse, take over the conversation and don’t give the other person an opportunity to respond.  Change the topic and talk over your coworker at all costs. 

Make yourself busier than you seem.  Over-inflate your accomplishments.  Curry favor with your coworkers by metaphorically sucking their dicks with “yes men” conversation.  Somehow have EVERYTHING in common with them.  

I mean, these tactics are all cards in the deck of real life, so you’re forced to play them from time to time depending on how good (or bad) your hand is.  But ALL the time?  Every single day?  C’mon now, buddy.  

These guys are at least somewhat smart, but they’re also smooth talkers.  Politicians in a sense.  They rely on their talking moreso than their intellect.  They found success not through objective competence, but through manipulating everyone’s opinion of them.  It’s a house of cards that could crash horribly if you poke it hard enough.  

When it comes to success, and ignoring luck altogether, usually it comes down to 70% competence and 30% convincing others of your worth.  Keeps you honest, and more importantly keeps bullshit politics out of the workplace.  Everyone earns their keep, fair and square.  The “talkers”, however,  are 90% of the latter.  

Then there are the full-blown narcissists.  They can NEVER be wrong.  Ever.  Annoying as all hell to deal with.  Almost always 100% toxic.  Can be manageable if you’re willing to bite the bullet and work around their personality.  

Then there are the people who are borderline sociopathic.  Lots of them in finance.  Dangerous.  High social IQ.  Good at reading people.  They know how to push the right buttons and pull the right strings.  They like to manipulate with subtlety, so you have to be on your guard all the time.  They also go for big power plays in social situations.  It’s all about being the alpha dog to them (whatever that means), and making sure you submit to them, at least subconsciously.  If you’re insecure about yourself or are simply introverted, you’ll get dominated easily.  As someone on the quiet side, it took me a gooood while to wise up to it.  Keep your cards close to your chest.  Make sure they’re unaware that you’re aware of their agenda.  Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.  Use their tricks against them if need be, but somehow also stay honest with yourself and your value system while dealing with them.  You’re gonna fuck up and misjudge... a lot.  You end up mentally exhausted if you spend more than a few minutes with them.  Easy enough, amirite?

The vast majority of guys in finance are your normal everyday people, though.  Just be a dude, and you’ll get along with 80% of people you come across with, whether it be a lowly analyst or a high-rolling CEO.  If you do that and you’re good at your job, then plenty of opportunities will come your way, and you’ll have genuine friendships as an added bonus.  Everyone just wants to go home at the end of the day.

[sneakneezy]

Updates

I’ve been away from tumblr for 3 years.  No real reason for the hiatus, tbh.  Tumblr just dropped off my radar.

What’s happened since?

Lots of shit.  

Career’s chugging along.  Getting solid exposure to the alternative investment (hedge fund) world thru work.  Meeting a few industry heavyweights here and there.  Learning ALOT.  Mind blowing and humbling stuff.  

Self-revaluation.  Took my value system, broke it down, and built it back up again.  Took stock of the positive and negative influences in my life.  Did what I could to push the negative out.  Still working on the remainder.  What matters is that I’m no longer afraid to be decisive when it comes to cutting things out of my life.

Control.  Organization.  Got a legit handle on my life, finances, career trajectory, and sense of self.  I’m starting to give significantly less of a fuck to frivolous shit.  Zeroing in on what matters, and becoming increasingly methodical on how I go about things.  Financial literacy (and discipline) has skyrocketed these past few years, largely thanks to work.  “Adulting” has some real momentum to it.  Things are looking bright.  Hope it keeps up.

Could be spending more time being human though.  I’m engrossed in work, often to the point where I’m too mentally drained to actually want to go out with friends after work or on weekends.  Need to just bite the bullet, summon the energy, and make this more of a priority.  

It’s a struggle, though.  But a good one.  Constant discomfort, constant growth.  

[durianquotes]

How can those who live in the light of day possibly comprehend the depths of night?

The quote inscribed on Nietzsche’s gravestone (via durianquotes)

[sneakneezy]

*pissed off woman who happens to be divorced goes off about preserving the sanctity of marriage* Cognitive dissonance, man.  Frustrates me to no end.   Stop cherry-picking the book of Leviticus.  If you’re gonna take the literal interpretation, then start following the rest of the book.  I bet you wouldn’t last a day. Also, the Bible itself has no legal basis in U.S. lawmaking.  Nearly 2000+ years of religious exploitation and warmongering is the reason why. Stop pretending that it does.  

[sneakneezy]

You don’t have a right to not be offended.

That’s life.  Things will offend you.  Things will make you angry.  Things will challenge ideas and ideologies you closely identify with.  

But that’s life.

Don’t take it too seriously.  Laugh at yourself sometimes.  Make crude jokes--be human.  

There’s a time and place for being 1000% politically correct--but there is also a time and place to be edgy, callous, coarse, and essentially ignorant.  

If we focus on the former all the fucking time, we’ll end up being a bunch of hyper-conservative pricks looking for every opportunity to get angry.   And what if they genuinely mean what they say?

If you care enough about this person or about this issue, bring it up.  Have a conversation about it.  

If you don’t, then no problem.  Just move on.  It’s not worth your time getting dragged into petty shit.

[sneakneezy]

The daily commute.

Every single day. Every single fucking day. I see someone pull some insanely stupid shit just to shave off a few precious seconds from their commute home. I get into a near-accident because some dumbass wants to last-second cut in front of me JUST as I'm making an unprotected left turn. In other words, he makes a wideass left turn inches in front of me starting from some lane to the right of me. Do you not realize that, had I accellerated just a little harder, I would have plowed into your careless ass as you jumped multiple lanes to cut in front of me?! To the lady who (going the opposite direction as me) began to make a left turn JUST as I enter the intersection, only to half-assedly correct yourself and block my way through.. What the fuck were you thinking?! The light had JUST turned green. I was entering the intersection at full speed. I swear, drivers in this part of LA can't seem to understand the concept of consequence..

[sneakneezy]

two months until race day. first half-marathon, ever. first olympics, ever?!  what?! i’ve more-or-less grown up around special needs people, and the sheer love, passion, and optimism they have towards life is nothing short of inspiring.  y’all know what i’m talking about.  to be able to show support and run alongside these people (at an olympiad, of all places), is just, well, that’s the kind of stuff that happens once in a lifetime.

but really though, i don’t think words can describe how excited i am for this. the race is all about inclusivity:  anyone can register, and you’d be running alongside the competitors themselves.  you race together, struggle together, and finish together--regardless of your differences. 

[gifson-net]

[sneakneezy]

“You’re in a really good spot in your life right now bro, I’m surprised you’re not looking to date people!” Yeah, it’s weird, right? I’m just not ready.  “What about round two of-”

You really want that to happen, do ya? *troll smile*

Long story short, we’re a pair of mismatched puzzle pieces.  No hard feelings, no animosity, no drama.  It just wouldn’t work.  I don’t see it as worth another shot, and I’m pretty sure we’re both on the same page about that.

“But-” Trust me on that one.  The only thing that would change things is if something insanely serendipitous happened.  Then again, that kinda stuff has a way of find its way into my life, so you may get your wish in the end.

“Damn it, haha.  Alright, fine..”

I’m just focused on myself, bro.  Don’t worry about me.  

[sneakneezy]

Anxiety is a bitch, yo.

[solarexalt]

[imsoshive]

[sneakneezy]

sikh drop, bro

[sneakneezy]

Don't judge a government primarily by it's ability to govern. Judge it first by its ability to resist corruption. Then by its ability to peacefully transfer power. And then, finally, by its ability to govern. If you take care of the first two, the third is practically automatic.

[sneakneezy]

Two eleven-hour workdays in a row, and probably a third one coming up tomorrow. Safe to say my mind is overcrowded as fuck with information. That said, it pays to work across the street from this... definitely helps ease the mind. The cold ocean breeze is nice, too. On a side note, how in the fuck do ibankers do it?! Even my long days are shorter than their average workdays..

[sneakneezy]

You know,

I need a mentor. Through a combination of a number of very complicated reasons, I've pretty much had to figure out life on my own. Lots of trial and error. Sometimes things go smoothly. I figure things out quickly, adapt, and move on to the next challenge. Sometimes it gets a little more painful than expected. I've become quite the capable guy as a result, but there are plenty of rough edges that need to be smoothed out. If someone could just show me the ropes every now and then, I'd be forever grateful.