when it hurts so bad
Today the skies are appropriately grey in New York. For the first time ever, I shed tears for her. Not because I was ever a true Hillary supporter, nor was I ever fully convinced of her authenticity. But I shed a tear for her because for the first time, watching her concession speech, I genuinely felt her pain and agony. The disappointment of working your entire life towards something, only to be overtaken by some bird looking egomaniac with zero qualifications or experience.Ā
I imagine itās like the fighter who spent his entire life grinding at the gym, only to lose the hard earned UFC championship belt to the fat WWE wrestler whose never trained in his life. The devastation of knowing that at the end of it all, it was her experience - her impressive, meaty, vast resume - that the populous couldnāt get down with. That it wasnāt about who truly understood the intricacies of the craft, but more about who had the best shit talking game. When I think about it in this context, this election seems even more tragic.Ā
I cried a little for myself...and for my parents who sacrificed everything to bring me here so I could thrive in a country that valued creativity, honesty, hard work, integrity, tolerance. A place where a girl like me, daughter to a Chinese auto mechanic, could feel respected and empowered enough to rise above my circumstance. Both the woman and immigrant in me felt like I had just been punched in the gut. That the culmination of my hard work, as well as the blessings and opportunities Iāve experienced throughout my entire life as a Chinese American was one big joke. Because the reality is that there are millions of people in this country who felt like people like me were the reason why this country wasnāt great. And when it mattered most, they had the final say. That as a woman, I donāt deserve to have a say about my own body, and I should accept a manās derogatory slurs about my femininity as simple ālocker room talkā.Ā
Despite all the hurt, anxiety and confusion, I choose to remain optimistic. If Muay Thai has taught me anything, itās shown me the power of staying focused, level-headed and confident during challenging situations. That losing my cool, or becoming disillusioned in this critical time would actually be the dangerously ignorant, less courageous path. I remember that everything in this vast universe hinges on exchange of energies, and in my darkest hours when I didnāt have a clue, it was my good vibes that brought the light and showed me the way. More importantly, Iām reminded that Iām not alone in this ideology. Iāve had the incredible luck of transforming a barren desert into a populous, functioning town with 70,000 others who operate with the same kind of optimism as me. Iāve felt the kindness and warmth of both strangers and friends throughout my entire life in America, starting with Monique, the little black girl who held my hand through my first day of school, when I didnāt speak a lick of English, all because she knew I was scared and needed a friend. I remember that prior to meeting Monique, I too was afraid ofĀ āpeople like herā. Because they were allĀ ātroubleā andĀ āup to no goodā. And if I could be convinced otherwise as a 7 year old, so can everyone else in this country. In this world, for that matter.
At the end of the day, all we can do is be the living example. The sun and moon rise and fall unwaveringly; we too canāt lose ourselves in the face of opposition. It seems to me that staying true to our values - being positive, hopeful, loving - during these shaky times is actually an act of defiance.Ā
Trump says he will make America great again. But Iāve never believed that anyone can make me great. Only I can make myself great. Maybe heāll try to get in my way, maybe he wonāt. Regardless, I will find a way. We will find a way. We always have, and we always will.
