we are never getting back together - chapter four
masterlist series masterlist tag list eddie
eddie munson x ex wife! reader, steve harrington x reader
summary:
eddie’s life is falling apart. It feels like just when he thinks he might be able to pull himself out of this—things get worse. so much worse. you and the kids are the only thing he can cling onto to hold himself together.
warnings:
big time angst, drinking, drunk driving, drug mention (weed), pregnancy
word count: 13.2k
a/n:
the first thing I wanna say here is: trust the process! i love you guys so much and I am so excited for this chapter. it’s a big one. i can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
Eddie had been drinking. A lot.
You could tell the moment you saw him, even though he was sober now. It was in the bags beneath his eyes, the defeated way he carried himself, the band tee he wore that was more wrinkled than usual, as if he had grabbed it from the top of the hamper and threw it on at the last second. His curls were wild, reminding you of when you’d first met, before you showed him how to take care of them.
The girls jumped out of the back of your car with their bags as you climbed out, eyes lingering on him with your brows furrowed in concern. He did seem to light up at the sight of them, smiling as they threw themselves at him in a group hug.
“Hey, my girls,” he said, even his voice raspy. He kissed the top of Caroline’s head, holding his daughters close like it had been much longer than a week since he’d seen them.
“Miss Amanda said I did exeptially well at the recital,” Janie said proudly, a wide smile on her face.
“Exceptionally,” Caroline corrected with a roll of her eyes.
Janie shot her sister a look before turning back to Eddie. “She said I was the best in the whole class!”
“She did not say that,” Caroline muttered.
Eddie laughed softly, the interaction with his girls lighting him up in a way it looked like he hadn’t felt in a minute. “Well, you were.” he said, brushing his hand through her hair. “I was so proud of you, baby girl. You were amazing up there.”
“I’m gonna be a real ballerina,” Janie declared proudly, nodding her head. “Mama says I’m serious and that’s how real ballerinas are.”
“She’s right,” Eddie said, leaning back against the side of his truck. “You even got your first bouquet. That’s how you know you’ve made it.” He gives you a look over their heads. You knew you’d be hearing about that at some point.
“The beautifulest bouquet!” Janie exclaimed, bouncing in place. “Mama helped me put them in water and now they’re in my room!”
“And we went to Enzo’s,” Missy contributed, her gap-toothed grin brightening her face. “I ate some steak.”
Eddie’s eyes widened. “You went to Enzo’s?” He looked at you again.
“Yes!” Missy yelled. “Steve took us. He had reserations and everything!”
“Reservations,” Caroline mumbled.
“Wow,” Eddie said, his voice deadpan. “That’s…nice.”
Silence settled over the group like a physical weight even the kids were aware of. Caroline looked over at you, making you school your expression into something neutral and less irritated.
“Okay, girls, get your bags in the truck. Your dad probably wants to get out of here,” you said, leaning against your own car with an ankle crossed over the other, your arms across your chest. Eddie’s gaze lingered on you as the kids did as you said, climbing into the backseat and shutting the door, cutting out the sound of their bickering entirely.
The silence was even heavier now. You could feel Eddie looking at you as much as you could see him, his eyes big and dark and so deep you used to get lost in them. You held the sleeves of your sweater tighter around you, blaming it on the November chill.
His expression was unreadable, which was unfamiliar to you. But then his lips turned into that lopsided smile. “You look good.”
You sighed, even though his words stuck with you in a way you didn’t like. “Eddie, have you been drinking?” you asked like you couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Like…a lot?”
His face fell immediately. He said your name in that pained way that always made your heart ache, running a hand through his already disheveled curls. “It’s not…I mean, yeah, but—“
“Today?”
“No!” Eddie said. “Jesus, no.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m not…I’m fine. You don’t have to be worried about the girls, or anything.”
You frowned, because you didn’t know if that gave you much confidence. “You sure?” you asked, a little softer this time. “If you need me to keep them this weekend, I’m sure they’d understand—“
Eddie was already shaking his head. “No, definitely not. I’ve…I need this.” There was a heavy pause—then he laughed softly, more bitter than anything.
“I’m going crazy in that house.” The words came out quiet, like a confession. “I just…I need to spend time with my kids. I need to feel fucking normal.”
His words hit you like a punch to the stomach. You’d noticed that Eddie seemed to be having a hard time lately, but you didn’t realize it was this bad.
“Eddie…” you said his name so gently you thought you saw him flinch. “I don’t—“ you paused. Because what could you say in this situation? You were his ex wife, it’s not like you were in the position to offer too much comfort. “I meant it when I said you can talk to me, if you need to. And if you need to talk to someone, there’s nothing wrong with that either—“
Eddie laughed again, running his hand over his mouth. “You think I’m losing it.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yeah, well.” Eddie finally pushed off the side of his truck. “I’m okay. I swear. You don’t have to worry about me.”
You bit at the side of your lip as you watched him. Maybe he was fine for now, but you couldn’t help the creeping anxiety over knowing you wouldn’t see him again for another two weeks after picking up the girls. And when had you ever been anything less than excited to not have to see Eddie for a while?
“Okay,” you said finally. “Um…call me, if you need to.”
Eddie nodded once. “Will do.” He lingered awkwardly for a second before he finally walked around, getting into the driver’s seat.
In the safety of your own car, you let out a shaky breath, hands tight on the steering wheel. You sat there for a minute after Eddie left, thinking so fast it was making your head spin.
You were worried.
And you didn’t understand why you cared so much all of a sudden.
Eddie’s weekend with the kids went by way faster than he would’ve liked.
He spent the days he had cherishing every second possible with his girls, taking them to the arcade, out roller skating, and having movie marathons at the house. Stacy joined them for some of the movies, but for the most part, it felt like an escape to Eddie.
Sunday evening coming around was like a slap to the face. He wasn’t ready to go back to his life alone with Stacy, and those couple days never felt like enough time with his kids.
It had only been two and a half years since the breakup, after all. Since he was living in a house with you and the kids, together. Since he came home to a house with so much noise and laughter and love every day. And sure, he had enjoyed the bachelor lifestyle for a while, bringing girls over and smoking weed in the house and coming home to relax with a beer, unbothered, after work—but it wore off fast.
And then came the regret.
He figured it was normal, at first. It was normal to miss the woman you’d spent over a decade with, right? But it was more than that. It was a deep ache in his bones, a yearning in his chest. He found he thought of you constantly. He’d come home ready to tell you about his day, just to be hit with the utter silence, the suffocating loneliness.
Stacy had been his attempt at something normal, something stable after you. And it had been a mistake. He’d liked her at first, of course he had. She was beautiful, and she was fun, at least in the beginning. As much as he enjoyed spending time with her, her company making the weekdays alone feel less like a personal hell, he knew deep down that she never made him feel the way you did. No one had ever come close.
Eddie thought about that a lot lately, but especially now, as the girls gathered their things to go back home. He watched them bustle around the house, between their rooms and the living room, bickering with each other. There was a comfort to the chaos, one like he hadn’t found anywhere else, one that he missed desperately.
It hit him all at once. Something he knew, deep down, that he had known for a while, but now it was there, unignorable, like a total and complete truth that couldn’t be denied anymore even if he wanted to.
He loved you. He was in love with you, and had never stopped, not for a single second. He was a complete and utter idiot for ruining things with you, for trying to distract himself from the way he felt about you with other women, and he couldn’t blame you if you never forgave him for it. But fuck, he couldn’t live with himself anymore if he didn’t at least try. What if you felt the same, somewhere inside?
The girls rushing back into the hallway snapped him from his thoughts, the three of them packed with their bags over their shoulders. The reminder that his time with them was over settled heavily over his chest again, but he forced a smile, picking up his truck keys from the hall table.
“Ready to go?” he asked, twirling them around his finger. “You know Mom hates when we’re late.”
“Ready,” Missy confirmed. “But, um, I can’t find my Barbie. The one with the makeover?”
Eddie knew exactly what doll she was referring to, because it nearly gave him nightmares. Missy had taken scissors to the doll’s blonde hair ages ago, leaving it ragged and sticking in all directions, and marker to the face for makeup, the smile reminding him more of the Joker at this point. He cringed at the thought of the thing being somewhere hidden in his house for him to inevitably find in the middle of the night.
“We’ll find her,” he promised. “She always turns up, doesn’t she?”
Missy smiled a little bigger. “Yeah. She always finds me.”
The wording of that gave Eddie an uncomfortable chill, but then Caroline and Janie were bickering again on their way out the front door, Missy trailing behind, and Eddie followed. Caroline helped lift Missy into the truck, the girls getting themselves in their seats in the back while Eddie climbed into the front.
Eddie started the engine with a loud rumble, the radio blasting at the volume he’d left it at. He turned it down, bouncing between a few of his favorite stations to see if anything interesting was playing.
“Can we listen to Sad But True?” Janie pleaded from the backseat. When Eddie looked into the rear view mirror, he saw Caroline and Missy nodding in agreement.
A crooked smile touched his lips, pride swelling in his chest. “Yeah?”
“Yes!” Missy exclaimed. “I like that one. I like when you sing it.”
Eddie laughed, reaching for his large collection of CDs he kept in a thick organizer between the seats. He easily picked out the self-titled Metallica album, putting it in the player and skipping to the second track.
Eddie pulled out of the driveway as the song began, head banging with the opening riff, his curls bouncing wildly as the girls laughed behind him, doing the same. Yeah, they were Munsons, alright.
All three girls sang along with him, knowing every word. “I’m your dream, mind astray, I’m your eyes while you’re away, I’m your pain while you repay. You know it’s sad but true!”
Eddie hadn’t felt so light and happy in what felt like ages. And the thought of getting to see you again had him feeling even more on top of the world, knowing that he had finally accepted that he still loves you, and that he wanted you to know. Everything felt right in a way he had been craving.
They listened to more of the album as he drove. He held a cigarette out the window, trying to keep the smoke away from the backseat. His fingers tapped against the steering wheel with the songs, smiling to himself as he listened to the girls sing along.
His smile faltered when he pulled into the old parking lot and saw another car there—but it wasn’t yours. It wasn’t hard to figure out who else would be here in a fancy, brand new BMW, the paint shining, not a single scratch on it.
Eddie’s eyes narrowed as he killed the engine, watching Steve step out of the driver’s seat, still somehow looking every bit the rich asshole even in jeans and a polo on his day off. But then you walked around from the other side, a soft smile on your face that made his stomach flip, your own jeans hugging your curves in all his favorite places.
He swallowed hard, then busied himself with getting out of the car and helping his daughters with their bags. He walked around to open the door on Janie’s side, helping her down first before Missy latched onto Eddie’s bicep, forcing him to flex his muscles as he held the 40-something pounds of her, the six-year-old bending her legs beneath her like hanging from a tree branch.
His arm trembled slightly at the weight of it, and he laughed as her sneakers finally touched the ground. “Don’t know how much longer I can do that, princess. You guys are outgrowing me.”
“Steve can do it!” Missy exclaimed, bouncing on her toes before she ran over to Steve. He let out a huff of air as she practically launched herself at him, then chuckled as she latched onto his arm the way she’d always done to Eddie. He flexed his bicep, holding her weight steadily like it was nothing as she dangled her feet.
“He can hold both of us!” Janie said, immediately proving her point as she grabbed onto his other arm. He struggled a little more on her side, but he held them both, and it took every ounce of restraint in Eddie’s body to not roll his eyes hard.
“Okay, girls, that’s enough,” you laughed as lightheartedly as possible, sensing the tension radiating off of Eddie in waves. You smiled a little awkwardly as you took the girls’ bags from him, the soft brush of your fingers against his enough to distract him from how bad he fucking hated Steve Harrington. His eyes met yours for a brief moment that felt a lot longer to him, and then you were gone, putting the bags in Steve’s trunk.
You walked back around to where Janie and Missy were animatedly telling Steve all about the prizes they’d won at the arcade, how Eddie showed them all his tricks for skee ball, and his absurd talent for getting the prize he’s after from claw machines nearly every single time. You couldn’t help a smile at their bragging, remembering how Eddie had snagged you the cutest bat plushie on your first date that lived in the center of your bed for years.
“Did Caroline tell you about next month?” you asked him, leaning against the car door.
Eddie furrowed his brows, looking at his oldest daughter. “No?”
“I forgot,” Caroline said sheepishly. She looked up at her dad. “I have a choir concert…like a big one, for Christmas.” She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “The 12th, before Christmas break.”
“Okay,” Eddie said, mentally noting it down. “You know I wouldn’t miss it, baby.”
“But you have to dress nice,” she added quickly. “Everyone has to dress up really nice, and you guys can not embarrass me—“
“Because Nathan is gonna be there!” Janie said, making kissing noises at her older sister.
Caroline turned bright red, pushing Janie in the shoulder. “Shut up!”
Eddie held up a hand. “Wait. Who is Nathan?”
Caroline covered her face with her hands.
“Nathan is her boooyfriend!” Missy giggled.
“He is not my boyfriend!”
“Yeah, but you wish he was!” Janie laughed. “‘Dear diary, today Nathan sat beside me at lunch. He gave me half his chocolate chip cookie—‘“
Caroline let out an angry groan, dropping her hands and looking at her middle sister with fire in her big brown eyes. “I told you to stop reading my diary! How did you even find it again?”
“Please,” Janie said. “Like you make it hard. ‘Nathan kissed me after practice today—‘“
“He kissed you?” Eddie said, his mind still struggling to wrap around the conversation. “You’re kissing boys?”
“Oh my god,” Caroline groaned, burying her face in her hands again.
“Yes!” Janie giggled. “And she—“
“Janie, that’s enough,” you said, fingers on your temples as you felt a headache coming on. Steve lingered awkwardly off to the side, trying to hide his amusement. “Give your sister a break.”
“She has a boyfriend?” Eddie asked you, the look on his face nothing short of horrified.
“Everyone get in the car,” you said. “We’ve got to get dinner started before bedtime.”
The girls listened, Missy giggling as Caroline and Janie kept up their quiet fighting. Steve pressed a soft kiss to your head before getting back in the driver’s seat, giving you and Eddie as much privacy as he could.
“Why am I just now hearing about this?” Eddie asked, his rings catching in the light of the sunset where his fingers trailed through his hair. “A boyfriend? Already?”
“They aren’t really…I mean, they’re 11, you know?” you smiled softly. “They just went on their first little date last week to see a movie. I dropped her off and picked her up, met the kid’s parents.”
Eddie rubbed a hand over his stubble. “I don’t like the idea of some little creep—“
“Eddie!” you scolded, even through a soft laugh. “He’s a good kid.”
“Not good enough for my kid,” he muttered.
“You don’t know anything about him,” you laughed. “And you’re gonna feel that way about anyone she dates for the rest of her life. I know you.”
He smiled softly, because he knew you were right. “You don’t think she’s too young?”
“It’s nothing crazy serious,” you shrugged. “She’s in middle school now, Eddie. She’s growing up.”
“I just…” he said, anxiously scratching at his short facial hair. “I don’t want her to grow up too fast. I don’t want…”
“Don’t want her to end up pregnant in high school like me?” you asked.
Eddie flinched slightly. “I didn’t…” He rubbed his hand over his mouth again, the idea itself making him feel sick. “I mean, yeah.”
“She’s not us, Eddie.” You said softly. “She knows how hard that is. She’s a smart girl. She’s got dreams and ambition and two parents who love her more than anything and can tell her firsthand all about that.” You smiled again. “And I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. It’s a first little crush, nothing crazy.”
He sighed. “I know. I know all that. I just…thought I had more time here. Before she grew up on me.”
You softened. “Yeah. It happens before you know it.”
Eddie nodded, because he knew that more than anyone. “Well, I’ll be at the concert. And I want to meet this boy.”
“Talk to Care about that,” you laughed. You pushed off the side of the car. “I’m gonna get these guys home, get dinner started.” You paused, remembering how rough he’d looked just two days ago, now knowing he’d be without the kids for two weeks. “…Take care of yourself, Eddie.”
He nodded again, clearly distracted. “Yeah. I will. You…you too.”
Eddie watched you leave before he bothered to move himself, getting back into his truck. He’d wanted to say something so badly when he saw you, but Steve’s presence ruined everything he’d been hoping for. Steve was making things complicated, and it was becoming more and more clear to him that he was running out of time before things with Steve really did become too serious.
He knew what he needed to do. He needed to end things with Stacy, tonight. Whether you agreed to try again with him or not, it was the first step, and the right thing to do. Maybe it would show you how serious he was.
He didn’t think he could live with himself if he let you slip by again.
You felt exhausted walking back into the apartment behind the girls, Steve trailing behind you with everyone’s belongings stacked in his arms. He dumped them on the couch at your instruction.
“Girls, please put your stuff away!” you called as they headed off to their bedrooms. “Tonight! I don’t want this stuff in the living room for a week.”
“We will!” Caroline called back right before the bang of her bedroom door nearly slamming shut. Off to find a new place to hide her diary, you were sure.
You walked into the kitchen, turning the oven on before bending over to grab the meat you’d been thawing for dinner. You jumped when you felt Steve’s large palm slap against your ass, laughing when you stood up straight again.
“Really?” you teased, moving to the counter to start prepping. “You’re such a perv.”
You smiled as you felt his hands slide up to rest on your hips, his body pressing in behind you. “Can’t help it,” he mumbled into your ear. “Look too damn good in those jeans.”
His touch sent a chill across your skin, your body melting back into his while you mixed together the ingredients for the meatloaf. “You didn’t get enough all weekend, Harrington? You’re insatiable.”
Steve chuckled quietly against your neck, where he was placing soft kisses against every bit of bare skin he could reach. His hands moved around to your front, fingertips grazing just beneath your shirt. “I don’t think I could ever get enough of you.”
You let out a sharp exhale. “You can’t do this to me when we’re not alone…”
Steve hummed, sucking lightly on the skin between your neck and shoulder. “They’ll be asleep in a few hours…”
The laugh that escaped your lips was breathless and distracted. Steve had your heart beating fast, that feeling between your thighs again that you really wish you could let him take care of right now. “That’s true, I guess…” You pulled away from him long enough to put the meatloaf in a baking dish, sliding it into the oven and setting the timer. “You really want to stay another night?”
Steve shrugged as he leaned against the counter watching you, a comfortable grin on his face. “Why not? I like being with you. Beats sitting at home alone…where I’d be thinking about you, anyway.”
You looked at Steve, the affection you felt for him swelling in your chest. “I think you’ve got it bad, Stevie.”
“For you?” he smiled, soft and boyish and handsome. “Yeah, I do.”
You walked up to him, arms sliding around his neck while his hands happily rested on your waist again, pulling you close. There was just something about the way his large hands felt when he held you…
Soft lips met yours in a kiss both gentle and passionate, the kind that had your heartbeat thudding against the surface of Steve’s own chest. He smiled into the kiss, his thumbs rubbing soft circles on your hips.
He pressed you back against the counter, and you moaned softly into his mouth. His hands slid around to grip your ass for just a moment before he grabbed your thighs, lifting you to sit on the counter. You pulled away from the kiss long enough to gasp as a measuring cup was knocked over into the sink, laughing softly even as Steve connected his lips back to yours.
“Steve—“ you said, trying to get a word out between the frantic way he was kissing you. “Dinner—the kids—“
Steve groaned, his hands tightening where they held your sides. “Just a little make out session,” he pleaded, lips trailing down your jaw to your neck. “Nothing wrong with that.”
You moaned quietly again when you felt his tongue against your pulse point, your fingers digging into his thick biceps. “I can’t think when you’re…”
“Don’t need to think,” he answered quickly, his voice low and husky. “Just feel.”
And you could feel—everything. Your racing pulse, your head spinning, the heat in your veins. His hot breath against your skin, his searing kisses, his hands, greedy and searching—the hard bulge pressing against you that you allowed yourself to grind against just once, earning a ragged moan from Steve that sounded like it was torn straight from his lungs.
It took everything in you to place your hands on his chest, lightly pushing him away. When he looked up at you, you nearly pulled him right back in. His hair was disheveled, cheeks flushed, eyes dark and lips wet and kiss swollen. He looked absolutely sinful.
“Steve…” you said, breathing ragged, pupils dilated as you tried to calm yourself. “I—fuck—“
Steve smirked, moving in again, before you placed your hand in the center of his chest. “What?” he asked, actually pouting.
You laughed breathlessly. “We can’t…not right now. Later, okay?”
That was enough to please him. Steve placed one more soft kiss to your lips, making your head spin once again even with that brief contact. He held your hips and helped you jump down off the counter, just as Missy rushed in, her sock feet sliding against the kitchen floor linoleum.
She froze, before a mischievous smile crossed her features. “What are you dooooing?” she asked, drawing out the last word.
You smoothed your hair down, your cheeks hot. “Cooking dinner!”
She grinned even bigger. “Suuure.”
Steve leaned against the counter, watching you with a smile. You couldn’t look at him, not now. “Go tell your sisters to wash up for dinner, okay?”
“Okay!” Missy said, sliding her feet around on the floor like she was ice skating. “Can I have a cookie?”
“After dinner,” you said, knowing she knew that would be the answer. “Go get your sisters!”
Missy ran off with a giggle, and you let out a breath. You turned back to Steve.
“You’re gonna get me into trouble, you know that?”
Monday after work, Eddie pulled into the darkened driveway, stress clinging to him like the oil stains marking his skin. He sat outside in his truck for a while before he could make his legs move, to carry himself into his house. His own fucking house.
When he finally did move, it was sluggish, as if Steve Harrington had taken off with all the joy in his life. He supposed he had. He sighed as he pushed the front door open, hoping to get a shower then sit down with a beer and think about how he could still fix things.
“You’re home!”
Her voice was far more excited than Eddie felt the situation deserved. He forced something like a smile onto his face as he looked at her. “Yeah. Got held up with that old Ford.”
Stacy walked over to him, grabbing his hand. Eddie looked down at it, furrowing his brows as he looked back up at her. It was…unusually affectionate.
“I wanted to talk to you,” she said, looking like she could barely contain the smile on her face. Something about it was unnerving to him, settling a deep uneasiness in the pit of his stomach.
“…About what?” Eddie asked, looking around; even meeting her eyes felt uncomfortable.
She laughed softly, squeezing his hand. “Come on, sit down with me on the bed.”
That really sent alarm bells ringing in his head. But still he let her drag him down the hall, knowing deep in his body that he was walking towards the end.
She sat first, and Eddie lingered stupidly for a second, like maybe if he didn’t sit down, she wouldn’t say what she was about to say, and everything might be alright. When she tugged lightly on his hand, he finally sat down, body moving on autopilot.
“So…” she said, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear before grasping his hand again. “I have some news.”
He swallowed down the urge to vomit. “Yeah? What…kind of news?”
Her smile grew. “Eddie…I’m pregnant.”
Eddie froze. He had never wanted more in his life to be sucked into a hole in the ground and never seen again. His face paled, his hand trembling in hers. Her smile only faltered when she noticed that he actually looked a little sick.
“Eddie?” she said, a little quieter this time. “Can you say something?”
“I…” Eddie stuttered, trying to gather a single thought besides run. “…Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure,” she said quickly, offended at the thought. “Why would you ask that?”
“Isn’t that a normal first thing to ask?” Eddie said, pulling his hand from her grip and running it through his hair instead, facing forward and leaning on his knees. He thought back to when you had told him you were pregnant for the first time. He hadn’t felt this horrified even then, at nineteen years old in the drama room of Hawkins High.
“Yes, I’m sure,” she snapped again. “I took, like, three tests. All positive.”
“Can I see them?” he asked, looking over at her—which only made him feel worse. When she just stared at him blankly, he raised his eyebrows. “…You kept the tests, right?”
“I mean, no, I didn’t keep the tests,” she laughed. “That’s kind of gross, right?”
Eddie looked at her in disbelief. Sure, he guessed, but all he could think about was how every positive pregnancy test you’d ever taken sat in that box in his closet, even though they were long faded.
Eddie slumped forward with his arms on his knees again. He felt like his entire world was crumbling, and suddenly it felt hard to breathe. “…Jesus, Stace.”
It was like she couldn’t read him at all, or at least was pretending not to. “I was thinking we could get the girls this week and tell them over dinner—“
“Are you crazy?” Eddie said. “No, we’re not telling them right now. Fuck.”
She rested her hand on his shoulder, and he instinctively flinched. She pulled her hand back. “Are you not happy?”
“Of course I’m not happy!” he snapped, standing suddenly. She startled, which made him feel a little bad, but he was too angry to care too much. “Stacy, what the fuck?”
“What do you mean?” she asked, curling in on herself in a way that made her look small.
“What do I—“ Eddie scoffed, throwing his arms up before running them both through his hair, the curls now frizzy and standing in all directions. “How about the fact that you knew I didn’t want more kids, at all, ever, and you essentially trapped me into this?”
Her lips parted, but she didn’t say anything. Tears welled in her eyes, and Eddie groaned, loud, burying his face in his hands.
“I cannot fucking believe you,” he muttered. He began to pace, panic coursing through his veins in a way he had never felt. This could not be happening. He was going to leave her. He was going to tell you he loved you. He was going to have his family back together.
“Well it’s your baby,” she said through tears. “Just as much your baby as Caroline, Janie, and Missy.”
Hearing the names of his daughters dragged into this felt like a slap to the face. It made anger flare within him, hot and consuming. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?” she asked. He felt like she was playing stupid, and it only pissed him off more.
“You know what you’re doing,” he said, his voice quiet and dangerous. “Don’t fucking talk about my daughters.”
Stacy’s eyes widened. “Eddie—“
He shook his head, like he was trying to erase his own memory. “I can’t do this right now.” He headed for the bedroom door, stopping just short of the entryway. He paused—then walked out, closing the door hard behind him.
He didn’t see Stacy again for the rest of the night.
A loud knocking at the door startled you from your sleep, waking abruptly. Your eyes were wide as you regained consciousness, looking over at the clock and seeing it was three in the morning. Jesus, who the hell—
You stood from the bed, pulling a pair of sweatpants on, the oversized tee you wore to sleep hanging loosely on your frame. Your hand instinctively reached for the baseball bat you kept just in case, holding it as you cautiously walked down the hall to the living room, where someone was still knocking on the front door. It was a miracle the girls hadn’t woken up. The thought of them made your hand tighten around the bat, absolutely prepared to beat the shit out of someone if it came to it.
Because who the fuck knocks on the door like this in the middle of the night?
You peered through the peep hole in the door, but couldn’t make much out. It was dark and raining hard. It was a wonder anyone made it here in this weather at all—the thought filling your stomach with an even more sickening dread.
Another loud knock, right in front of your face this time, startled you. You squeezed the bat so hard with one hand your knuckles turned white, the other slowly reaching for the doorknob. You turned that lock, pulling the door open only as far as the chain lock would allow, peeking through the opening.
The bat nearly fell from your grasp. “What—“
You closed the door again, sitting the bat against the wall and unlocking the chain before opening it completely. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
It felt like you were dreaming as you took in the sight before you—your ex husband, soaking wet and miserable, swaying on his feet on your front porch. His hair hung limp and dripping around his face and shoulders. His clothes were clinging to his body, the muscle of his biceps, the softness of his belly. He didn’t even have a jacket.
Eddie looked like he was seeing land for the first time after a year at sea. He said your name, a rush of relief. “Had to…had to see you.”
The whiskey on his breath was lethal. You screwed your nose up in disgust. “How drunk are you?”
He shrugged. It was as if he didn’t even notice the pouring rain, despite the way his body shivered. “Had a few.”
He’d had a lot more than a few, you could tell by simply looking at him. His eyes were red, and with the rainwater falling down his face, you couldn’t tell if it was just from the alcohol or if he’d been crying.
“How did you even get here?” you asked, looking back over your shoulder to make sure the rest of the house was still quiet before returning your attention to Eddie.
Eddie flung an uncoordinated arm in the direction of his truck, parked crooked and taking up two entire spaces in the apartment complex parking lot. Your eyes widened.
“You drove yourself here?” you asked, angry and panicked. “Are you fucking insane? You’re wasted—“
“Had to see you,” he said again, like it was that simple. Like he hadn’t just gotten behind the wheel of his big ass truck and drove the twenty minutes to your house completely hammered. As if he couldn’t have ruined multiple lives tonight.
“Unbelievable,” you muttered, opening the door wider and gesturing him inside. “Come on, you fucking idiot. You’re not driving back home, that’s for sure.”
Eddie stumbled inside like a stray dog being offered a place to sleep for the night. He immediately began dripping puddles onto your floor, his boots tracking mud in.
“Wait,” you said, closing and locking the front door. You sighed, crouching down and untying his boots. He held onto the back of the couch for support as he lifted each foot, letting you remove his shoes, still nearly falling flat on his ass.
When you stood, you just looked at him. What were you supposed to do with him?
Eddie stood there for a second, just swaying, looking around the apartment. He’d never properly been inside your place before. He looked around at the photos hanging on the walls and sitting on the various surfaces, all notably missing his presence. There was even a photo of you and Steve now, looking cuddly and happy.
He choked out a sob, his knees buckling.
You moved forward automatically, arms reaching out in an attempt to catch him. You weren’t able to hold his full weight, but you at least softened the fall a little, kneeling on the floor next to him. Eddie was in a heap, his long limbs seeming to fold beneath him, and you froze when he leaned forward, burying his face in your chest, shaking cries muffled in the soft cotton of your t-shirt.
You hesitated for just a second before you held him back, arms tentatively wrapping around him. Your right hand slowly moved up to rest on the back of his head, fingers gently brushing through his hair the way that always soothed him. He clung onto you in return, holding on like he was scared to let you move an inch, like you’d leave him and he’d never touch you again.
“Hey…” you whispered. You could feel his tears soaking through your shirt, his body shaking hard with the effort of his despair. It made your chest feel like it was cracking open. “Hey, shh, it’s okay. I’m here, it’s okay.”
He moaned against you, a sickening kind of sound, hopeless and pained. You flinched, holding him tighter. “Eddie, please…you’re alright, everything’s okay.”
“Nothing—“ he finally gasped out through his cries, not lifting his head or loosening his grip on your shirt. “Nothing is okay. I fuckin’—I love you.”
Your breath hitched sharply. Your eyes fell closed, unable to take how miserable the man before you looked, how completely tortured he was. It was killing you. “Eddie…you’re just drunk.”
“Y’don’t understand,” he said, speaking as if every word was painful but necessary. “I love…I love you, I never stopped loving you. You’re the only one, the only…the only thing that makes me feel…whole. You’re everything, you’re, fuckin’…the stars in the sky, the words on the page, the…the fuckin’ reason the sun rises and sets and the world turns and…”
A tear fell from your eye and down your cheek as you held him, taking in his words. Suddenly your chest felt tight, your hands trembling where they rested on his back over his drenched t-shirt.
“An’ now I can never have you,” he continued, his voice dropping lower, the pain lacing each word even more evident than before. “I can never have you back, because you love Steve, and now Stacy is…is having my fuckin’ kid, jesus fuck—“
You drew in a gasp at his admission, the knowledge settling over you heavily. You felt it in your chest, like your heart itself ached with the words. But then Eddie was abruptly pulling away from you, heaving over the floor.
“Wait wait wait!” you said, scrambling to your feet and running to get the trash can, mom instincts taking over in an effort to keep from cleaning puke off your floors.
You put the trash can down just in time to guide his head over it as he got sick, relieved that you’d at least managed to avoid that disaster. You held his hair back, gently rubbing between his shoulder blades as he retched into the bag, his arms braced on the sides.
When it finally stopped, he roughly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, laying his forehead on his arms with a groan. You kept rubbing his back, seeing his breathing steady.
“…You done?” you asked softly. All Eddie could offer in return was a grunt and a nod. You looked at him with furrowed brows, fingers combing through his hair for a second before you stood up.
“Let’s get you out of here,” you said quietly. “I don’t want the girls to wake up and find you here like this.”
Eddie nodded again, weakly holding out an arm. You grabbed onto him, grunting as you did most of the work getting him back on his feet. You couldn’t help but look at him with pity—he looked like hell. Still soaking wet, eyes swollen and red, vomit on his chin and clinging to the front of his Iron Maiden shirt.
You glanced at the clock on the microwave—nearly 3:30am. You sighed, slinging his arm over your shoulders and wrapping yours around his back.
“We gotta get you cleaned up, Ed…” you said, carrying him down the hall to your bedroom, then into the attached bathroom. You sat him on the closed toilet, where he slumped weakly.
You watched him for a second before leaving him there to clean up the mess in the trash can. When you came back, he was eyeing the razor Steve had left here.
You turned the water on, letting it heat up while you pulled his shirt off. Eddie let you, lifting his arms to help you remove it. Something inside you twisted at the sight of the tattoos hidden beneath his shirt, the ones you hadn’t seen in so long.
Pulling him to stand, you unbuttoned his jeans. He watched you, too drunk to really process it, but knowing he liked it. Not just because you were beautiful and he loved you and you were undressing him, but the feeling of you taking care of him like you used to. The way you made him feel loved like no one else had, even know, with him wasted and you not happy.
“You’re so pretty,” he slurred.
His jeans slid down his legs with some difficulty, the wet denim clinging to his skin. He put his hands on your shoulders to anchor himself as you removed his socks and jeans, tossing the wet clothes in a pile against the wall.
You looked up to find him looking right back at you. His chest rose and fell with his heavy breaths. You were seeing more of his body than you had in years, now down to nothing but his boxer briefs. He was half hard, but you ignored that. It was a wonder he could get hard at all this drunk.
“I’m gonna take these off, okay?” you said. “So we can get you in the shower. Is that okay?”
Eddie nodded quickly. “Yeah. ‘s okay.”
Shaking your head, you moved to the waist of his boxers. You hesitated for a second before just going for it, pulling the material down his body, leaving him completely naked.
It wasn’t the obvious that had your heart stuttering in your chest. It was the ink on his hip, hitting you as a memory you hadn’t allowed yourself to think about in ages.
Your fingers brushed over the tattoo. Your initials. You remembered when he’d come home with that, when Caroline was only a year old. He’d been so proud—you had been shocked.
“Isn’t that, like, the kiss of death for relationships?” you’d asked, laughing as you looked at the intricate ink up close.
“Not for us,” Eddie had declared confidently. “More like…we’ll always find our way to each other. You’re a part of me now, baby, couldn’t cut it off if I tried.”
His words rang in your ears now. You traced the letters, making Eddie shiver beneath your touch. He let out a breath, something like a moan but not quite.
“Always think about you,” he said, his voice low. “All the time, y’know, but especially…’specially when I see that tattoo. I touch it and I think about how you touched it, how you’d kiss it before you went down on me…”
You pulled back as if you’d been burned.
Eddie was looking at you, the heat in his gaze making you lightheaded. Or was that the steam from the shower?
You stood up, needing to put some distance between you. You turned away from him, running your hands through your hair, pulling slightly. Get it together. Get it the fuck together.
When your thoughts finally calmed and you turned back around, Eddie was still standing there, waiting. You sighed and held onto his arm. “Come on. In the shower.”
He obeyed, walking forward unsteadily. You moved the curtain aside and helped him step in. You reached for the soap, hesitating. Steve’s stuff was here, but you thought that might make him feel worse. You grabbed your own body wash instead, lathering up a clean wash cloth from beneath the sink and starting to scrub his body.
He let you, pliant and moving at your instruction. He still looked so fucking sad, so completely broken, but something had put some more life in him, at least.
Once he was clean, you helped him out. You dried him with the towel, gentle and caring in a way that made his body ache with love for you. You gave him a t-shirt and a pair of sweats—those were Steve’s, but all you could do was hope he didn’t notice. He didn’t seem to, looking content to let you dress him.
You weren’t sure what to do with him after that. The sofa wasn’t really an option, because you didn’t want one of the girls getting up in the night and finding their dad passed out drunk on the couch. That really only left your bed.
Eddie let you lead him there, where he easily flopped down before you could even move the sheets for him. You had to yank them from beneath his body, covering him. He cuddled into the warmth. “Smells like you,” he mumbled, eyes closed.
You stood there, wondering if you should sleep on the floor or something. Finally, you let out a sigh and moved to the other side, climbing in bed with him after turning the lamp off, leaving the room in darkness.
It seemed like maybe he was already asleep at first. But then you felt his hand on your waist, soft and tentative—before he moved over, wrapping his arms around you tightly, burying his face against your neck from behind.
You froze. “Eddie, you can’t—“
“Please,” he pleaded against your skin, his voice quiet and broken but clearer than it had sounded all night. “Please let me hold you. Just for one night. Please.”
You didn’t know what to say. But you didn’t push him away, couldn’t bring yourself to, just laying there, stiff and conflicted. His quiet snores filled your ears before you could think too hard about it, his breathing evened out against your back. So you let him stay.
He was already gone when you woke the next morning. You could have believed you’d dreamed the whole thing—if not for the wrinkled sheets next to you, the lingering scent that was so undeniably Eddie.
Your hand rested where he’d been, still warm.
December 14, 1985
The dress you’d been able to find on short notice at the thrift store was beautiful. The second you saw it, you felt that it must have been placed there just for you. It fit you perfectly, couldn’t have taken any alterations if you’d tried. A beautiful off white color with lace accents and an elegant skirt that trailed to the floor, it was one of the most beautiful dresses you’d ever seen.
Your hand was held tightly in Eddie’s as you walked into the courthouse, the other clutching your small bouquet. Wayne trailed behind the two of you, dressed up as much as Wayne ever got, hands in the pockets of his best jeans. Your parents stayed together, looking like they were going to a funeral. You could feel the disapproval radiating off of them.
“You feelin’ alright?” Eddie asked, leaning closer to you. His hair was neat, the sleeves of his black button up pushed high on his forearms. His free hand was in the pocket of his nicest jeans, the knees only slightly frayed.
You shrugged, feeling suddenly very young in the seriousness of the place. You clutched his hand tighter. “I’m alright,” you said softly. “…It’s a little scary, huh?”
Eddie grinned. “Terrifying.”
You smiled, leaning into him. “Are you scared? Of being tied down to me forever and ever, til death do us part, amen?”
He laughed, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “No. Not really. I love you and I definitely will for the rest of my life, piece of paper and my last name or not.”
“You really mean that?” you asked. It was hard to believe someone could love you the way Eddie loved you. It seemed impossible, but you could never even doubt him, because he made it so obvious.
“Of course I do,” he said easily. “Spending the rest of my life with you is the least scary part of all this.” He smirked, taking your hand and guiding you to spin in a circle as you laughed. “And you do look beautiful in a wedding dress, Mrs. Munson.”
“You clean up nice yourself,” you said, letting him pull your body into his, his hand resting possessively on your waist.
He smirked down at you, one hand still holding yours. “You think we still get a first dance?”
You scrunched your nose up. “Here?”
Eddie looked around. “Why not? It’s fancy.”
“Could you imagine my parents and Wayne having to stand there and watch us dance?” you asked, giggling. Eddie laughed along with you.
“We could always do one alone,” he offered, shrugging. His smile was crooked and sweet now. “Just somethin’ to think about.”
“Where?” you asked. “Your bedroom or mine?”
“Or…” he said, eyes shifting around like he had a secret. “We could do it in the very fancy hotel room I booked for us tonight. For like a…honeymoon, kinda.”
Your eyes widened. “You got us a room?”
He shrugged again, smiling softly. His hands moved around your waist. “Yeah. It’s not really fancy, though. I mean it’s not some cheap motel either, I wouldn’t take you there. It’s got a pool we can hang out in and it’s like a suite or something, but—“
You shut him up by pressing your lips to his. He melted into it like second nature, A hand coming up to cup your cheek.
“I love you,” he said against your lips, a lovedrunk smile on his face.
“I love you too,” you said back. You had never been more sure of anything in your life.
When they called your names, you and Eddie stood together, your families following behind you. You locked eyes with him, finding comfort there. You felt a little silly, but with him, your nerves faded away.
“Eddie, you’re my best friend,” you read from the folded paper in your hands. “You were my only friend, for a minute there. That’s the thing about you—you always felt like home. You’ve always been my home. I think you’re a part of me, a piece that cannot be separated because it will never fit properly anywhere else.” You glanced up at him, his own glassy eyes making you look back down before you started crying yourself. “I don’t know if I believe in soulmates, or fated loves, but whatever you want to call it, you’re mine. I love you.”
Your words settled there, Eddie looking at you with pure adoration. He reached into his pocket, pulling out his own crumpled paper.
He said your name, low and sure. He smirked up at you before he looked down at his written vows. “When I saw you for the first time, I thought to myself, ‘That’s the most beautiful girl you’re ever gonna see in your life’. I didn’t know beauty could be like that. Like the sun, like all the light in the room comes from you. I want to wake up and see that every day of my life. I wanna hear you laugh and play you music and raise a kid with you. Because you’re everything, you’ve always been everything.” He put the paper back in his pocket. “‘I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.’”
You exchanged your rings—simple gold bands, yours with a small diamond. Eddie kissed you with tears streaming down your cheeks, your hands at the back of his neck. He kept it respectful—your dad was right there, after all—but there was something different about that kiss. It felt like there was something fundamentally different now. Bound, but not necessarily by the paper you had both scrawled your signatures on, unable to wipe the smiles off your faces.
Eddie carried you into that hotel room bridal style—he insisted it was the only way. You couldn’t stop laughing as he opened the door, lifting you with dramatic flourish and carrying you into the room. The door fell shut behind you as Eddie sat you down in the middle of the space, brushing your hair back.
“You are so hot, Mrs. Munson,” he said. He couldn’t get enough of hearing the title, feeling it on his tongue. “I love this dress, but I kinda wanna see it on the floor, too.”
You smirked, walking into his embrace. “I thought we were gonna be dancing?”
His grin grew wider. “I brought our song.”
You raised your eyebrows. “Our song?”
“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, reaching for his bag. He pulled out a cassette, putting it in the stereo. Fast forwarding to the fourth track, he hit play, the opening notes of Thank You by Led Zeppelin beginning to fill the room.
A smile spread across your lips, but you still looked at him confused. “This is our song?”
“This song was playing that night we were in my room making out after Hellfire, you know?” he explained quickly, hands moving wildly. “When you pulled back you said, ‘I love this song,’ and I said, ‘I think I’m in love with you’, like a total loser.”
You laughed, letting him pull you in by your waist. His arms wrapped around you, holding you close as he slowly began to sway with you to the music. “And I said, ‘I think I’m in love with you, too’.”
“Actually,” Eddie said, his feet moving slowly in time with yours, “you said, ‘Huh?’”
You buried your face in his shoulder, hiding your laughter. “I didn’t think I heard you right at first!”
“Oh you heard me right, baby,” he said. His hands rested at your lower back, holding you close as he danced with you. You breathed in the scent of him, felt the beating of his heart though his chest, something you wanted to remember for the rest of your life.
“I think we’re gonna make a pretty cool kid,” Eddie said randomly, his head laying atop yours. You had closed your eyes, listening to the music in the warmth of Eddie’s embrace. “I’m kinda excited.”
You smiled dreamily, head resting against him. “You think we got this?”
“Hell yeah I think we got this,” he said easily. “You know nothing scares me.”
Your hands press against his back. “I feel like I can do it if you’re with me.” You paused. “I was worried you wouldn’t want to be…that you wouldn’t want this.”
His hand stroked through the back of your hair. “I’m never gonna leave you. I’m always gonna be here, always gonna love you. You never have to question that, baby. You’ll never get rid of me.”
Your heart felt full, like it could burst out of your chest. You let Eddie hold you, quietly singing the words as he rested his head on yours, dancing with you in the quiet December evening. Something like coming home.
If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you
If mountains crumble to the sea
There will still be you and me
November 1997
The air smelled like acetone and nail polish, strong and unpleasant, but coming here weekly meant Stacy was used to it. She relaxed back in the leather chair, her feet in the tub of hot water. The set of nails she’d had done first were dry now, long and painted a stunning red color.
“So…you’re really having his baby,” her best friend, Becca, said, sitting to her right. “A baby…with Eddie.”
Stacy nodded, a soft smile on her face as if she couldn’t even hear the skepticism in her friend’s voice. “Yep…finally a little Munson of my own.” Her voice was dreamy, already imagining the future with Eddie she’d longed for since the beginning.
Silence stretched for a moment. Finally Ashley spoke up from Stacy’s left side.
“Was he…happy?” she asked, knowing she already knew the answer to that question.
Stacy frowned. “I mean, no, not really, but—but he’ll come around, you know? He just doesn’t know he wants this yet. But it’s happening, you know, so he’ll have to get on board with the idea.”
Becca and Ashley exchanged a look. “Stace…” Becca said cautiously, worried about her friend’s reaction. “…Are you really sure this is a good idea?”
“It’s already happening, isn’t it?” Stacy snapped defensively. She couldn’t help it. Every time someone questioned this baby, or Eddie, it just made her angry. She loved Eddie, and she wanted this family with him more than anything.
“I guess,” Becca said awkwardly. “But—come on, Stace, we’ve talked about this. Eddie isn’t…”
Stacy looked over at her, her expression cold and defensive. “Eddie isn’t what?”
Becca sighed, the burden of a topic she’d been over countless times and could never get her friend to listen to settling onto her like a weight on her shoulders. “Eddie’s not…I don’t know, girl. I don’t think he’s…all in. I don’t think he’s serious about you.”
Stacy stiffened, her defenses rising harshly. “That’s not true.”
Becca and Ashley both looked at her with pity. They loved their friend dearly—the three of them had been best friends since fifth grade—but they could never get Stacy to see what they saw in Eddie. They had watched this relationship turn her into someone they barely recognized, the strong, independent woman they’d once known and loved now reduced to a girl who felt like she needed a man’s love to survive, who would do anything just to make Eddie Munson stay with her.
“Stacy, I think it is,” Ashley contributed. “And I think he’s been trying to tell you that for a long time.”
Stacy’s skin heated, anger and shame and embarrassment coursing through her at once. “You don’t know anything about Eddie. He loves me. It’s all that…that bitch of an ex wife, who won’t leave him alone—“
The girls froze. They certainly weren’t your biggest fans either, having been listening to Stacy bitch about you for the better part of the last year, but they knew it definitely wasn’t all on you.
“She’s gonna be around forever, you know, Stace,” Becca said gently. “That’s what comes with dating a guy with kids. The mom is always gonna be there in a big way.”
“And they’re never actually over her, either,” Ashley muttered, speaking from personal experience.
“It’s different,” Stacy said firmly, trying to convince herself as much as her friends. “He’s not…in love with her. She’s just always in the way.”
Even Stacy knew deep down that what she was saying wasn’t true.
Becca and Ashley exchanged another look, knowing even without ever seeing the two of you together that Eddie Munson was completely and utterly hung up on his ex wife. There wasn’t a single doubt in their minds that Stacy was and always had been nothing more than a placeholder for a woman she could never live up to.
They sat in silence as they got their pedicures. There was a creeping feeling Stacy could feel in her spine, something unignorable that she was trying her best to not acknowledge. Because she knew Eddie loved her. Eddie loves her, and he’s going to love this baby. Right?
Her hand pressed softly to her flat stomach. Because if Eddie was in love with his ex, and didn’t love her—well, she’d just have to make him.
You had thought of Eddie a lot since that night. That was an understatement, really—he plagued you. He hadn’t called, hadn’t said a word to you at all, much less about what happened. You couldn’t help but worry, though, anxious about what you’d see when you dropped the girls off next. Would he be okay? Would he be worse? Had what happened really happened at all?
On top of it all, guilt ate at you, deep and ravenous. Sure nothing inappropriate had happened, but you’d undressed him, you’d let Eddie sleep in your bed, let him hold you to sleep. It felt like a betrayal, and you didn’t know how to even begin to explain what had happened to Steve.
And a part of you felt like you owed it to Eddie not to. You’d seen him at his lowest, the only one who had. He’d come to you because he trusted you.
Because he loved you.
You kept pouring over the words he’d said to you, running through your head like a broken record. You supposed it wasn’t actually the biggest surprise to hear that Eddie still had feelings for you, but you had no idea it was this bad.
And, god, the thing about Stacy? She was actually pregnant?
You didn’t know why the thought made you so sick. A lot of things had been making you sick recently, stress catching up to you from a million different directions. But the idea of Eddie having a baby with another woman…something about it made your chest ache. It felt real. It felt final.
Steve was great, he always was. He was around more than ever, and you didn’t mind. You needed the distraction, you liked the help with the girls. The girls loved him, you loved him. He was amazing. He spent the night a couple times a week, his own apartment feeling cold and empty compared to the warmth he felt with you and your family. One he was starting to feel really, really sure he wanted to be a real part of.
Bustling around the kitchen with the girls underfoot and Steve leaning against the counter, asking how he can help, began to feel second nature. You weren’t sure when Steve turned into a fixture in the house that belonged there rather than a guest. Maybe it was when he’d started leaving some of his things here. Maybe it was when the girls started asking him for help with things, or when they began talking about him like they just assumed he’d be there, too. Either way, Steve Harrington had integrated himself into the lives of these four girls he had grown to love deeply.
“I have a Christmas party at work next month, on the 19th,” Steve said Sunday evening. He’d spent the night Saturday and lingered all day today, too, helping you do the household’s laundry and clean the apartment while the girls handled their own rooms. He sipped a beer while he watched you stir the spaghetti sauce on the stove.
“Oh yeah?” you said, a little distracted from the sounds of Caroline and Janie at the kitchen table. Caroline was trying to help her little sister with her math homework, but Janie was goofing off, and they were getting annoyed with each other.
“Yeah,” Steve said, smiling softly. “And I was thinking you might wanna go with me? It’s Eddie’s weekend, and it’ll be after you drop the girls off, so…”
“You want me to meet everyone?” you asked, smiling back at him. The idea was a little terrifying, but it made you feel warm at the thought that Steve wanted to introduce you to more of the people in his life. “Is your dad gonna be there?”
Steve winced a little. “Yeah. He’ll be there. He, uh…wants to meet you. All of you, really, but I figured we could…start here.”
“Wow,” you said, turning back to the pot on the stove. “I mean, yeah. I’d love to go with you. What do I wear?”
Steve hummed, putting his beer down on the counter and walking over to you. The older two girls were distracted by the homework, Missy in the living room loudly singing along to The Little Mermaid. Steve wrapped his arms around your waist, his nose pressed against your neck.
“That red dress in your closet would be nice,” he said, his voice a low purr against your skin. “I can’t wait to show you off. Can’t wait to let everyone in the office know I’ve got the hottest girl in Hawkins.”
You laughed. “I don’t know that I’m—“
“I do,” Steve said quickly. “You’re a fucking bombshell. Like, oh my god levels of hot.”
Your cheeks heated, both embarrassed yet flattered, because whether you believed that or not, it was clear Steve really did. “Says the King of Hawkins.”
“Hey, I’m not seventeen anymore,” he grinned. “None of that shit matters. What does matter is my insanely hot girlfriend, who everyone’s gonna see me with—“
You lightly slapped his arm with an oven mitt, making him laugh. “Just a piece of meat to you, huh?”
“The most delicious, expensive steak on the menu. The one only rich people can buy.” He kissed your cheek as you rolled your eyes.
“You’re so lame,” you said, turning the stove off. “Don’t know how everyone ever thought you were so cool.”
“Me either,” he smiled. “I think it’ll be a fun night, though. I mean, usually these parties are lame, but you’re gonna be there this time, so it will be much less lame.”
You carried the pot over to the sink, draining the pasta. “Maybe we can sneak in vodka in a flask, like prom.” You glanced over at Caroline and Janie, making sure they hadn’t heard that.
Steve chuckled. “There will be alcohol, believe me.” He watched you finish up dinner, looking at you in that way he always did—like he couldn’t get enough of you, couldn’t believe you were his. “If it blows, though, we can always leave early. It’s no pressure. And I know you always tend to have pretty bad cramps around that time of the month, so if you’re not feeling it, we can go home whenever.”
It was sweet, the things Steve noticed about you. The details he remembered, things he filed away in his brain so he could be the best boyfriend he could be. It meant a lot to him, making you happy.
But then his words actually settled into your brain. He was right—you did usually get your period in the middle of the month, like clockwork. But it was the 16th now, and you hadn’t seen a single sign of it. You’d been so preoccupied with Eddie you hadn’t even noticed.
You were late.
The revelation nearly made you drop the food. Your skin felt ice cold, your head suddenly swimming, making your hands tremble as you started making plates.
“Hey, you okay?” Steve asked, brows furrowed in concern, moving closer and lowering his voice. “You look really pale all of a sudden.”
“I’m fine,” you said quickly, even though you felt anything but. “Just really hungry. I think I need to sit down and eat.”
Steve nodded slowly, not sure if he believed you. “Here, you go sit down. I’ll make plates for you and the girls.”
You felt a million miles away as you ate dinner with your family. The girls didn’t notice anything abnormal, and Steve was too distracted by the way they talked his ear off to press you too much.
Could you be pregnant? You were on birth control, but it wasn’t impossible it had failed. You also might not be pregnant, of course, this could all be nothing, but after three pregnancies, you felt like you just…knew. The ache in your breasts you hadn’t even noticed was telling you a story you’d heard before.
You watched Steve laugh with Caroline, a smile on the moody preteen’s face you hadn’t seen in a while. The girls loved Steve. You loved Steve. Steve loved all of you.
Was this a bad thing?
You tried to imagine how Steve would react. Sure, he had joked before about being okay with it if it happened, he’d talked openly about how badly he wanted kids, but you hadn’t even been together for that long. And it wasn’t like this was just having a baby—Steve would be signing up for going from being childless to essentially a father of four.
Four.
Four kids.
And this one would have a different father. Not Eddie, not a little Munson…a little Harrington instead.
That night, after Steve helped you clean up the kitchen, washing the dishes side by side while the girls got ready for bed, you were relieved for once that he was going back to his own apartment. He kissed you softly by the door, like it pained him to leave.
“I love you,” he said quietly against your lips after kissing you for the fifth time. “So much. Fuck, I hate having to say goodbye to you.”
Your smile was bittersweet as you kissed him again. “I know. Me too. But I love you, and I’ll see you for dinner tomorrow, right?”
“Of course,” he grinned. “Would never miss out on anything you’re cooking. That sausage and potatoes thing you make…” He closed his eyes, groaning.
You laughed. “Good. That’s what I was planning for tomorrow.”
He smiled bigger. “Oh, I’ll be here.” He glanced over your shoulder at the sound of something falling, followed by Caroline yelling. He looked so fond of the chaos of your life. “Okay, I guess I better go for real.” He kissed you one last time, soft and lingering.
“Bye, Stevie,” you said as he pulled away. “I love you.”
“Love you more,” he quipped back as he finally walked out the door, spinning around to look at you every few steps. You laughed—it really was amazing the way he made you feel, like you were just two kids again. It felt silly and beautiful at the same time.
With Steve gone, your fears crept back in again. You couldn’t take the uncertainty of it. One way or the other, you had to know, and you had to know now.
You asked Caroline to watch her sisters while you ran down the road to the corner store. The drive felt much longer than the two minutes it was in reality. The pregnancy test you bought was fifty pounds in your hand, the drive home feeling like it took twice as long.
The apartment was quiet when you got back. You quietly crept down the hall, peeking into the girls’ rooms. Missy and Janie were already asleep. Caroline sat in her bed, propped against her pillows with the lamp on, reading A Wrinkle in Time.
“Goodnight, baby,” you’d said to her quietly, the girl before you looking so much older than the small, wiggling newborn version of her you kept picturing in your head.
“Night, mom,” she called back. She looked up from her book long enough to smile softly at you as you gently closed her bedroom door.
In the privacy of your own bathroom, you tore the small box open. You read the instructions, even though you knew what you were doing. It had been six years, but the mechanics were the same, at least.
You took the test, your hand shaking as you put the cap back on and sat it on the counter. You made yourself leave the room, opting to pace the bedroom instead with a five minute timer set on your watch.
The soft beeping felt like a jolt back to reality. You turned the timer off, rubbing your hands over your face and taking a deep breath. You could do this, right? You’d been here before.
Your feet padded softly through the bedroom and into the attached bathroom, that stick laying on the counter like a ticking time bomb. You stopped, eyeing the plastic device that might be about to change everything about your life. You were terrified. It felt like the first time all over again.
Finally you made yourself step forward that final bit. You reached out and snatched the test off the counter like it was hot. One more deep breath, and then you turned it over in your hand, looking down at the results.
Two lines.
The air in your lungs rushed out of your body in a single sharp exhale, the force of the revelation like a physical punch. You gripped onto the edge of the counter for support, the room starting to spin much in the same way it had for Eddie last week.
It made sense. A lot of things suddenly made sense. Why you’d been so much more emotional, crying over everything. Why you’d felt so easily irritated, especially at work. The bras and jeans that didn’t fasten quite right this past week suddenly made a sickening amount of sense.
How didn’t you see it? You should’ve seen this coming a mile away.
You walked back out into the bedroom on instinct, sitting on the edge of the bed. A photo of you and Steve stared at you from your bedside table, something you’d put there since the Eddie incident. You stared back, looking into Steve’s hazel eyes and wide smile, frozen in time. You imagined him holding a tiny baby, freckled skin and perfect hair, all Harrington.
And you thought about Eddie. What this was going to do to him when he found out. Why did you even care? He was having his own kid with someone else. Someone who wasn’t you.
You rested your hand on your stomach. The idea of there being a baby inside always felt abstract at first, but especially now. It didn’t feel real. None of it did. It felt both like you were back all those years ago, but also like you were taking a blind step off a cliff with no idea where or how you’d land.
A free fall into a future that felt more unsure than ever.
September 1986
“That’s all Munson, huh?”
You looked over at Eddie. He had the small newborn held in his hands as he sat on his bed, presenting her to you like his prized possession. She wore the tiniest Hellfire shirt you’d ever seen. Her dark brown hair swooped in tiny curls already, her eyes big and brown and still a little unfocused.
“Oh, for sure,” you said. “I grew her and did all the hard work pushing her out, but she looks just like you. Don’t really get how that’s fair.”
Eddie laughed, looking down at Caroline as he cradled her on his arm, her small head resting perfectly in the palm of his hand. She was awake, looking around the messy bedroom you now shared with her father. Her bassinet was in the corner, never far. “Sorry, babe. Told you the Munson genes were strong.”
Eddie looked at that baby like she hung the moon and stars herself. It only made you love him more. He’d taken to being a father like he was born for it, easier than playing his favorite songs with his eyes closed, easier than the little fantasy stories that would pour from his pen and become his campaigns. Loving her was so, so easy.
She puckered her lips, her tongue poking out. Eddie laughed, adoration shining in his eyes. “Think she’s hungry, babe?”
“When is she not?” you smiled, taking the wiggling baby from his arms. Her limbs still worked in uncoordinated, jerky movements, like she was getting used to herself as much as the two of you were. You lowered the straps of your tank top, pulling one side down to bring the baby to your breast. She latched easily, her eyes closing, making soft hums of contentment as she ate.
“Like I said,” Eddie grinned. “A Munson. Loves to eat, and loves boobs.”
You snorted. “Being a father has made you so mature, Eds.”
He moved up on the bed to lay next to you, leaning back on the pillows. He watched Caroline eat, his hand reaching out to trace a finger down the soft roundness of her cheek. “I love you,” he said, gentle and quiet. You weren’t really sure who he was talking to at first. “Like I didn’t know I could love anyone this much. Both of you. Love you so much it kinda scares the shit outta me.”
You smiled, exhausted but happier than you’d ever felt. Caroline continued to nurse, oblivious to how completely treasured she was by both of her parents. “Shouldn’t be scary,” you said softly. “You’ve got us, don’t you?”
“Better be keeping you both forever,” he said. Eddie pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “Couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.”
You held up your hand carefully, ring shining even in the dim light of the cramped bedroom, the sun descending over Forest Hills Trailer Park. “Think you’re locked in.”
He took your hand, kissing the ring with a certain reverence. “You look so good wearing my ring and my last name,” he said with a smirk. “It’s our souls that are intertwined, though. Can’t fake that. Can’t get rid of it, either.”
You carefully adjusted Caroline, smiling down at her because you were worried if you looked at Eddie right now, you might cry. The postpartum hormones were kicking your ass. “That’s poetic, babe.”
“Yeah, well,” he tucked his arms behind his head. “I’m a pretty poetic guy.”
After Caroline fell asleep, Eddie took her from your arms. He always held her like a priceless artifact. His friends had joked that Eddie wouldn’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby, but he’d proven everyone wrong. He paid attention to every bit of instruction given to him like there’d be a written exam, and he remembered it all, too. He was an expert diaper changer, knew exactly how to put the onesies on, and was often better at rocking her to sleep than you were.
He held his daughter for a minute, bouncing her softly even though she was already asleep. You’d turned over the second Eddie had taken her, drifting off into your own badly needed rest—but sometimes he just couldn’t bring himself to put her down.
He held her, humming the familiar melody of Maybe. You’d had Janis Joplin records spinning for the past few months, even since before the birth. It reminded Eddie of his own mother. Caroline reacted to music like it was a part of her. Maybe it was, maybe she’d been born with it like he always felt he had. It made him proud.
Maybe
Oh, if I could pray, and I try, dear
You might come back home, home to me
Maybe
Whoa, if I could ever hold your little hand
Oh you might understand
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe
as always, comments and reblogs are so appreciated!
tag list (join here)
@bellalillyrose @kellsck @alyisdead @foreveranexpatsposts @avobabe87 @fallout-girl219 @rincallistis @comeonatmebruh @brianna-merlim @melaninjhs @badasspizzalover @micheledawn1975 @cheesesandwichsanto @sadiea20 @emxxblog @flightyspores @lissssaarae @mdurdenpitt @spider-starry @catherinnn @strangerthing93 @strangerlove365 @vinecstasy @momentomoribitch @katsfandomcorner @alwayssnivellus @amesjahhh @girlwiththerubyslippers @genesis-laced0ut @esposadomd @fandom-princess-forevermore @ralseiplushiesassy @nngkay @peterparkernotfound @fanofgunsnroses @person-005 @emilyshortcake @chaoticevilbakugo @kravitzwhore @emsoftie @linolapi68 @w00psshy @vicky066 @minecherrybaddie @semiarchives @lilymurphy03 @littlemissholy @samslvrgirl @babyela9 @meetmeatyourworst
