5000 Ft.

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Seek not for riches, but for wisdom, and behold, the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto you..D+C 11:7

I just want to say thank you to those who participate in these homework assignments--having feedback is a great growing medium =).

Today I am combining classes. Usually, I share something something I learned from the assigned class only. This week, however, they could not be separated. At the same time we were studying 3rd Nephi 23-30, we were learning linear equations with fractions and percents. I generally have no problem in the one class, enjoy it thoroughly, and do not seem to struggle. In the other, I do not always enjoy it when I don’t understand it, and struggle every day. Already they are the perfect expression of the Law of Opposition (goes right along with equations). But I am starting to think that there are more similarities than I thought at first. I will try to explain.

In math, I have this issue: I learn the new material on the easy baby problems. Then I forget. Then I do some more problems, and feel fairly confident. Then they give me a problem that looks totally unfamiliar to me. I know it contains all the elements I was just working on, but I am confused, because everything is arranged in a different order. I recognize this, but still don’t know where to start. This presents an opportunity to go over previous material, find a similar, familiar example, and go from there. Sound familiar? Today though, seemed extra hard. I had prayed, read my scriptures, and read my scriptures again. Yet there I sat, staring at these new looking problems; I wanted to cry (and for reals almost did). But I felt like if I cried about it, I would be giving up, and that felt worse. I had to get out of mit lille omrade. It’s a rainy day and I still have a messy cold, so a walk in the mountains wasn’t an option. I went instead outside to my work shed, and looked for pantaloons. I went back to a familiar place where I know how to succeed.

I know, it’s probably so obvious. I am just forgetting where to start. Or, I know where to start, but can’t seem to remember the second step. How often is this happening with the principles of the Gospel? I think we learn these seemingly unnecessary math problems so that we can recognize value and truth, in new and unfamiliar situations. Sometimes it may be so that we can discern truth in a confusing world. Maybe it will help us to recognize opportunities of another sort. I think I will learn more of this principle as I go, but I can’t see much more than this yet. What do you think? 

I realized while writing this what I am missing, and why I am struggling. I should have asked for an extra portion of faith. And since I am learning how to solve problems, will include here that I am going upstairs as soon as I finish this assignment to pray again, and I WILL ask for faith. I WILL ask for whatsoever spiritual gifts I stand in need of: Faith, and hope. Love (I need so much love!) But faith, and hope, and patience....oh...and long-suffering--I’l pray that I will be better at that too.

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B+ and Proud!

It’s snowing a little here on the mountain. Went to my cousins baby shower, and watched a 4-D ultra sound video. Here we are, sitting on furniture in a modern home, central heating, playing games and giving boxes of diapers...then the thought came to me,”I wonder how Eve felt before she gave birth?” I mean, talk about a mystery. She only had Adam. What did they know? How much did their ministering angels share with them? I can imagine that the birth process was a total shock and surprise. How did she handle that? What an amazing woman.

This made a contribution to the notion that we have more responsibility than any other generation for knowing the gospel. We have access (at least where I live) to untold amounts of valuable information. Adam and Eve didn’t have scriptures--they WERE scriptures. We HAVE scripture, modern revelation, the gift of the Holy Ghost, temples, the power of the Priesthood. I just don’t see any excuses cutting it. When Maddox was baptized, then received the Holy Ghost, it was a powerful moment to realize Who was in our midst for that to happen. When we do less than utilize the sacred and powerful gifts we have received, we are choosing ignorance. 

Seriously all day yesterday, last night, and all morning, I was doing math. Homework, studying, or testing. I have a B+ in this class, and I am so pleased. I have worked so hard for it, and it’s a reminder that I don’t know everything yet. When I get something wrong, I work it out until I get it understood. I feel good about that. There are times when I am tempted to use the answer key instead of work it out. Whenever that happens, a squinchy-hearted empty feeling accompanies it. I can’t abide it. And I’m pretty slow. That’s o.k. I’m fast with other things. 

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A Brilliant Light

Tonight, a friend of mine was baptized. He is a wonderful young man of 8, and his name is Maddox. He was baptized by his father. I’m writing like a robot, but am in truth seriously emotional about it. I’ve watched his family go through a painful divorce (I say painful because people are numb to that truth--divorce is heart-wrenching), and it’s still a lot of work! But I am proud of them all for their own reasons, and my heart is very soft towards them.

The weather has been irradic, and I think that’s why everyone is sick. Like Indian Summer all winter, and now that March is here, it wants to snow and freeze.  I’m not sure if this isn’t a message to be prepared for anything. I’ve been sick all week, and I hope I’m getting better now, because it took me ALL day and night to get caught up with my math homework; sick-Me does math in slo-mo.

So after the baptism, we walk outside to come home, and see the stunning night sky--right where the mountains come together in the east, a bed of jagged clouds filling the horizon. And Just above them, a brilliant blue-white moon. So I mean, besides the Holy Priesthood, besides the Holy Ghost, it was like seeing Heavenly Fathers contribution to the gala. He took care of the setting, the decorations, the lights, and the love.

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Something totally awesome

My patriarchal blessing says that I will come to know how He answers prayers. I was thinking of that today when I noticed that I had way more energy than I expected to. I am right in the middle of getting sick with a chest cold. Usually by this stage, I have no energy, I am cranky, and pretty much lifeless. But this morning, I prayed for energy, extra faith, and ease of movement. After 6 hours of work, I noticed that the crash I was waiting for hadn’t happened. I mean, I feel yucky, and my throat is killing me. But I have had energy sufficient for my needs, and I remembered my prayer...then I remembered my Patriarchal Blessing. I for sure know that prayers are heard and answered! As for the “how”...is so many various ways, and I’m going to write just a little about that.

The first way that comes to mind is actually during prayer. Sometimes, praying is like a formal request with the King. Other times, I feel like I am in the lab with Him. Whichever, as long as I am completely engaged, it is often during prayer that an answer is whispered to my heart. An idea...sometimes a visual....and then I know it is coming from the Holy Ghost because of the beautiful, powerful  peace that accompanies it. 

Other times, a prayer is answered through another person. Sometimes it’s a word, a phrase, a whole conversation. Or an act of service. Then there are the times that we are unaware of....we never know that a prayer for safety isn’t being answered by a cancelled appointment, traffic that makes you late, or anything else strange that wasn’t part of your plan. I am confident there will come a time when we will know every prayer that has been answered, and we will be astounded.

 Sometimes, we forget what we prayed for. Sometimes, prayers aren’t answered right away. I will say this: We may forget a prayer, but Heavenly Father never does.....and I am content with His time-line.

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Grammatica

One of the things I love about learning other languages are the differing ways they express a ......I don’t know...idea? thought? principle? (I am obviously still learning English). For example: I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Sounds pretty explanatory. The church of Jesus Christ...of these days that we are living in. Okay. Pretty clear. But in Espanol, it maybe explains it better:  Iglesia de Jesucristo de los Santos de los Últimos Días. Can you spot the difference? I love the description of our days! These aren’t just the latter days, these are the ULTIMATE days! Changes the way I look at things....I love it when that happens! 

I started out with a goal to learn some other languages, and I picked some that I felt were most relevant to my life. Languages that I would have a chance to speak are important, and languages that are part of my family history. The former because those are people around me, and important, and the latter because I want to be able to understand what I am reading when doing genealogy. Um....Esperanto was because I thought I was going to be able to have a secret language with a friend, but SHE BAILED! The real bones behind it all, though, is my desire to communicate. I know who God is...He’s our Father. And I know that Jesus is the Christ, The Creator of this world. I need to be able to share that.

mmmm.....Monday is chore day, and usually that also means cooking something delicious day. Red beans from the garden with garlic and young onions..... butternut squash with the same, and chicken. Speaking of chicken.....kylling Danish & Norwegian), poulet French), pollo Spanish), huhn (German), koko (Esperanto), kyckling (Swedish). It’s amazing how many of our words sound the same, even though they are spelled differently. Don’t be intimidated if you want to learn another language. You have all of the sounds in you, and because you are a child of God, you can learn anything.

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BORING!!

I have a pretty boring life. 

 A normal day for me is like this: Wake up, pray. Eat toast while I read scriptures. Study. Math, Book of Mormon, languages. Feed chickens and rabbits. Work on garden. Cook food. House chores. Work if a work day. Callings. Bed. Same exact thing tomorrow. I am pretty good at my routines. For the most part get everything done (except for house chores--always last on the list)...but not this week.

I am behind on everything, and it’s all the fault of a distraction--a blanket I am making. I was really stressed out because of extra assignments, and an exam coming up. I wasn’t feeling my normal engagement with my studies, and that contributed to the stress. I usually work on this blanket in the mornings. However, I got excited about the new colors coming up, and told myself that because I was so stressed, it would be a good idea to stitch a couple rows, for soothing purposes. I should have recognized the trap. But I love colors, and I walked right into it.

Ultimately, this goes back to the pressure thing. I gave into the blanket song, didn’t study when I could have, and tanked the exam. If I had buckled down, invested my time where I needed it, I wouldn’t be thinking of the test I have to retake next week. So my weak solution to stress has actually cost me more in energy than if I had just been wiser in the moment. I just got distracted by doing something....not studying or working or “have to”. Now I feel a little like a jerk because it is so obvious now. The blanket is a prototype anyway. 

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Pressure

I’m tired, and it’s dang cold tonight. I tanked my first exam. I’m not surprised. Didn’t have a normal week, and wasn’t able to study the way I obviously needed. I have been feeling so crummy about that! But now I just want to study, have my mandatory tutoring session, and take it again. I like the material, I just didn’t know it so well. For the last two weeks I have had this pressure cooker feeling in my chest, and that’s got me thinking. What is it about pressure that I’m missing? Pressure......causes wonderful things to happen under the ground. Coal, diamonds, gem stones.....I didn’t handle pressure this week so well. Not horrible, but not great either. 

A typical response to pressure is to give way, get out of the way, give in, give up. And I think I did that a little bit. Seeing the results that technique produces, I’m not so happy. SO I was thinking that when those feelings of pressure start to build up, maybe the opposite of my natural response it needed. Maybe I need to dig in, and hold tight. Fortify; strengthen my chi. Not sure....but maybe....push back a little. 

I keep thinking.....,” What if Heavenly Father was making a little diamond on me (or in me), so I could shine a little brighter, and I blew it?!” That may be. But one thing I know about our Father, as soon as He see’s we’re ready, He’ll give us another go at it. I hope I’m ready next time, because I so badly want the blessings He has for me. They are so much better than the ones I choose for myself.

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Whever I.....

Whenever I can’t think of what to pray about, I go back to some basics that help me focus. And today, or should I say, this week, I haven’t been able to think of anything to write about, so I think I’ll go back to some basics. I’ll write a little about my Mom’s parents. Or rather, some of my memories of them.

The first time I cooked a meal was for them: Hazel and Herman. Cornish game hens. They smelled so good in her apartment kitchen, and she was so encouraging. Whenever I spent the night, I wore a pair of Grandpa’s pajama’s. He liked watching channel 2 (Southern California CBS), and they loved old band music. I would sleep in their bed with them, next to grandma, and ask her about her life as a girl, back on the farm in North Dakota. I don’t seem to remember asking grandpa what his childhood was like, but he always had black licorice, which I still love to this day. 

I do remember if Grandpa had a beer at a wedding, he would dance with a pretty woman and accidentally get a little frisky. I remember watching my grandparents dance, and being so happy together. He called her “Mommy”, and she called him “Daddy”, but in the sweetest way,hey have 6 beautiful children.

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So it turns out I am terrible at writing consistently. Even this, I am doing because I had to make another SMART goal, and I feel pretty crummy about that. I love the Lord. I love His gospel, and I love to serve. I like to think of myself an obedient disciple...but not so much when it comes to this--record keeping. Even this took me 2 days to write, because I have been avoiding. I figured it out though, why I hesitate to write. I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.

I know that writing is supposed to have some kind of artistic exemption, whereas like, because it’s art, no one is allowed to be hurt if something I say makes them uncomfortable. But I don’t believe that, and I truly never want to hurt anyone. And that holds me back.

I’ve thought of writing under a pen name. I still might do that. I already have it picked out...but of course, I won’t be telling anyone what it is.

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First Final of many to Come

I just finished my first final in 25 years.  There will be somewhere around high 30′s to 40′s left before I finish, so I hesitate to celebrate too wildly tonight! I just want to remember to mark the beginning.  I want to remember this, because I will start long, hard goals in the future; goals that seem insurmountable. Goals that scare me. But hey, you can’t finish something that you don’t start! And even though I am in the beginning, I really am so happy to be here. 

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Homework! That I May Not Shrink

 Entitled...that’s the telestial banner of Millennials!  Isn’t it? When I first got this assignment, I told myself I was doing it out of obedience, not because I needed it. And that’s really what I thought until I started getting into the content.  The painting above is of a man I have never met (in this world anyway), but whom I love, very much. His name is Neal Ash Maxwell, and he was an apostle of the Lord. He was the first apostle I ever became familiar with, and he has helped me greatly to understand the physics of the gospel, The Savior, and my own divine identity. He passed away in 2004.  In his place, David Allen Bednar became the 12th apostle. It just so happens that this man also has a special place in my heart. Kinda one of my hero’s. He’s read the Book of Mormon over 400 times. Yes, 400! I read some of their talks tonight when studying the subject of entitlement. The reason I have included them here, is because when you get near to such humility, and meekness, the parts of you that don’t shine kind of stand out. Maybe I’m not part of the “entitled generation”, but I am guilty of it all the same. Maybe I don’t want the world to hand me my life without working, but maybe my entitlement issues are on a different level--maybe I have been guilty of thinking that because I don’t feel ready, or capable of something, I don’t have to rise to it. Maybe I sometime think that my timing is more important than the Lord’s. Maybe I think that I have enough challenges on my plate, and maybe a type of complacency becomes my companion. I may not have an aversion to work, I may not want everything handed to me for free, but we all get the Entitlement Challenge.  In Applying The Atoning Blood of Christ, Neal A. Maxwell said,”Mortality presents us with numerous opportunities to become more Christ-like. First, by coping successfully with those of life’s challenges which are common to mankind. In addition, there are customized trials such as, experiencing illness, aloneness, persecution, betrayal, irony, poverty, false-witness, unreciprocated love, etc.” I think a key for us to know if we are feeling entitled is if we are looking to the world to help us to cope, rather than looking to the Lord and the principles He has taught us. Elder Maxwell goes on to say,”...as we endure our lesser trials and tribulations, we too, can plead with the Father just as Jesus did, that we might not shrink, meaning to retreat, or recoil. Not shrinking is more important than surviving.” Not shrinking is more important than surviving.  Does that mean when we are feeling entitled, we are actually shrinking away from an opportunity? I believe it does. And I believe this assignment helped me to see the Lord showing me a weakness that I can work on making into a strength.  And not to leave him out, here’s a quote that illustrates why it is so easy to love this guy. ”Meaningful morning prayer is an important element in the spiritual creation of each day--and precedes the temporal creation, or the actual execution of the day.” ~ David A. Bednar

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Homework! Aminadi, and Amulek

This one is called Share It! from my religion class. Unlike Teach a Friend, this assignment involves me sharing an insight from our reading assignment for the week. I would love to hear your thoughts about it.

Alma 10:2,3   is so awesome. In truth, I don’t know enough of my stud ancestors to be able to introduce myself like that. Also, WHO IS AMINADI?? And what story are we missing about God writing on a wall, and Aminadi interpreting it?? *sigh* If you’ve read my blog, you might be able to figure out, I got a thing for a man like that. The super cool thing about this scripture -- the missing story.  It’s a reminder that we only have a portion of their history --But Amulek, and the people he was addressing, they knew the story. We’ll have to wait a little longer for that one.

Earlier in Alma 8:27, is a scripture that I really love, though it seems like it doesn’t say much. “ Alma tarried many days with Amulek”.  Knowing what will happen in Amulek’s city, to him and his family, this seems even more special. Can you imagine what it would be like to have the prophet tarry with you ? The conversations, the meals, the walks, the games with kids, maybe. Like the part in the movie where all the good stuff happens before the big battle: You discover how wonderful all the characters are. Relationships are formed and strengthened. Beautiful things happen. Light is golden, music is beautiful; identities  reinforced. 

Of course, the hard stuff happens (Alma 8-14). Long story short, they leave to preach, and are thrown in jail. It gets really bad.  People are martyred. Some believers are able to flee....are his wife and children with them? It doesn’t say. The ones that remain are burned at the stake along with their writings. Amulek is brought out of jail with Alma, and forced to watch. They walk out after the building collapses on their oppressors, “....and when they (the people) saw Alma and Amulek coming forth out of the prison, and the walls thereof had fallen to the earth, they were struck with great fear, and fled from the presence of Alma and Amulek even as a goat fleeth with her young from two lions...” Hard not to see this in slow motion with a huge explosion behind them (there was probably no explosion--lot’s of dust and debris though). Amulek’s pain isn’t over. The entire city is destroyed--every person in it, including his father and kindred. The story ends with Alma taking Amulek with him to Zarahemla, to his home, to administer to him in his tribulations, and strengthen him in the Lord. Besides this being a type of things to come (Moroni), it’s a story of incredible dimensions. Faith, trials, restoration, rejection, miracles. I love Amulek. My heart connects to him, hurts for him--even though this happened roughly 2,098 years ago. I often wonder how that is possible--how we can connect to someone who lived so long ago. I think it’s because  he lives, just on the other side of the veil.

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Homework!

This is a homework assignment I have weekly called, “Teach A Friend”. I am supposed to share something that I have learned during the week, and I have chosen to share this here. Please feel free to comment!

Have you done a SMART goal? Have you ever thought of doing a SMART goal in regards to strengthening a family relationship? You can do that you know. Use something that works good in the world for your family. In so many families, we give all our best away, and fail to do the most important thing first--serve at home. I know I am guilty of that sometimes. This week, we have to set 2 SMART goals to assist in improving a family relationship. BTW, SMART means Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time Bound. The hard thing about this for me, was that I cannot measure what another persons response will be! I can, control my actions, and that’s it. So I decided that my goals will be to demonstrate my love for these people. My goal is to show them in ways that they can measure, that I love and care for them. I can do this by calling them, writing to them, (they are far away, so I can’t spend time with them), making something special and sending it to them. I can also do things they can’t see, like pray for them, and fast for them.

It is my hope that they will genuinely feel loved and cared for, and that they will know how much they matter. Is there someone in your family that you would like to be closer to, but are unsure how to go about strengthening your relationship? From experience, I would recommend starting with prayer. You will get little ideas that if you act on, will be exactly what your relationship needs. Whatever you do, don’t focus on what you want from them. Focus on what YOU can do, and then do it. You will find your actions will work to strengthen the bond between you. Even if they aren’t ready to act yet, that strength will be there for them when they are.

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Last Day Diligence Challenge! Little bits of happy

I am sick today. I have a fever and a headache to the point where I am just nauseous. I got up to finish this weeks homework,and fell asleep as soon as I was done reading scriptures. I slept for 3 hours (I NEVER do that). I felt like I was going to fall over if I even moved my head, and I was laying down on the couch! But I had something important to do. I made a goal to plant today. I hauled my but out and worked for about 2 hours. I planted kale, broccoli, 2 spinach’s and a lettuce, in my cold frame. So I think I was diligent today, and I think this diligence exercise has been good for me, because in the past, I would have kept watching documentaries, and waited until Monday. 

It doesn’t look like much, but it’s a humble start. The is hay sticking out because it’s acting as insulation. The box is bigger than the frame, but it should do the trick. I was thinking that the Savior got His start in a humble abode too. Did you know a seed has enough energy to get 3 starts? Sometimes the weather changes after they have been activated, and they go dormant until the next time the conditions are right. They have enough in them to do this 3 times. Do idea’s come with their own energy, like a seed? Only it’s our diligence that acts as the sunlight? 

These girls are so happy right now, and I am amazed at how happy that makes me.

  This is Tippy. She got her name because she used to sleep up in the canoes. She’s molting, and follows me around because my husband spoiled her with graham crackers. She always escapes the yard, and I find her out front with the dogs. If you she catches you watching when she’s looking to escape--she hurry’s up to pretend she was just looking for food. 

Little things like that make me happy. Getting a few seeds in the ground, that makes me happy. 

The crazy thing, and yes I mean crazy, is.....on days when I am gone, I think they (the chickens) actually miss me. The rabbits just look at me like,”Dang she’s back”.  *sigh*  Don’t worry. There’s no danger of me typing letters and sending packages to people anytime soon. And anyways, I already tried growing a beard.

Oh, and here’s Gilbert, a hilarious tiny chicken.

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Diligence Challenge Day 12

Today was supposed to be a homework day. Well, first it was supposed to be a temple day. Started out good, reading assignment outside by the fire. I ended up building a cold-frame, which I am really happy about, because it means I can plant! It’s not cosmetically finished, but it will work, and that’s all those little seeds need to get started. They actually don’t care if their growing space looks like a magazine, or a junkyard. They only care that the environment is right. I built with reclaimed/recycled wood again, and noticed two things:

 1. It is very hard to make straight lines when working with warped wood. If you don’t have a plainer, and basically re-cut the wood, you’re stuck with the shape. You can twist and fudge here-a-little-there-a-little, but no matter what you do, without cutting, you can’t make a true square. You can, however, make it look half-way decent, and make it functional. Is that what it is like for the Savior? When we aren’t willing to fully give ourselves over to the carpenter, go through the plainer, the best we can get is functional, but still warpy?

 2. Knowing how to use a power tool is a long way off from being good at it. Like the principle of recognition. Let me say firstly how grateful I am for recognition! RE-cognition. Get it?  Cognition is "the mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience, and the senses". So to re-cognate would be to RE-aquire something that we already had, or know. Seriously we would all be lost without it! But recognition is not understanding it is only a rudimentum--it’s the start of something greater! Unfortunately, we often experience recognition and stop there, wrongly thinking we have everything we need. Usually, like learning to be proficient with power tools, we need to spend time with whatever we just recognized, to make sure we understand what it is we are seeing, using, or feeling. 

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Diligence Challenge Day 11 Dreams, Dreams, and A Backwards World

I usually get up at 5 a.m. I pretty much have the same routine. Let the dogs out, go to the bathroom, let the dogs in, hit my knee’s and pray. Start the burner, cook the h2o, make my herbal tea, cook my toast--don’t burn it--the toaster is dying. Read my scriptures. Study whatever is on the list. If I break routine, I don’t get the big rocks in the jar. Last night I was up all night, and broke routine this morning. Thursday is a school night, and a long day. I went back to sleep. A bad idea. I dream strange dreams in the morning. I had one of the weird ones today. Then when I got up, no chance to pray, hit the road running. No chance to read, I was driving. I dream a lot. I mean A LOT. I hate these kind of dreams.

Tonight in class, Theone shared a dream she had about her recently deceased mother. I won’t get into it, but she said she woke up from a dead sleep and heard her mother speaking to her. Or, heard her mother speak to her in the dream, and woke up from a dead sleep. As soon as her head hit the pillow to go back to sleep, it happened again. I had a similar experience, in which I was told to pray for someone I love. It’s like the moment you are awoken (3:30 a.m.) you hear the voice/get the impression. I even did the same thing--head hit the pillow to go back to sleep and BAM, heard the same thing. So I prayed. Later, I found out, that at exactly when I was awoken, they were leaving the house to go to the airport. I don’t know why, or why me. I like these kinds of dreams.

I always live in a backwards world. I have dyslexia, and like to think of it as a super-power. It allows me a different view of the world that can sometimes be an advantage.  But some things in the world are backwards in a bad way. Most specifically in my state. A person who shed innocent blood was flippantly excused by a self-blinded jury.  We are living in the last dispensation of time, and we knew what would happen here. This lovely woman is in peace, she is with angels and her family, on the other side of the veil. The real trial is what her family on this side of the veil will go through, because of this man. Grief, anger, rage, sorrow, despair; feeling betrayed by their government. Will they ever be able to forgive? If they know, or find the Savior, yes. But just because we knew the way things would be, doesn’t make them less painful to see, and bear. My heart goes with them tonight. 

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