Truth

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Truth
What Do I Owe?
I spend an awful lot of time thinking about what my Dominant is to me. He is my strength, my comfort, and my friend. The list goes on and on. I think he would say I was meticulous when it came to vetting. I wanted to know that he was not only willing, but wanting, to be all the things I needed him to be for me. But what about the things I’m supposed to be for him?
You’ll hear time and again here on Tumblr, about all of the thing you should expect your Dom to be for you. The ways he needs to step up that are non-negotiable. There have been a few posts lately by people I admire that have gotten me to thinking about the role that I play for my Dominant. Where does my responsibility lie, beyond being cute, and perfecting that whimpering beg he loves so much?
I owe honesty. If I expect honesty in return, it’s my responsibly to present the real me from day one. Truth, truth, and more truth. There’s tact and then there’s dishonesty. If I pretend to be someone, or something, I am not, to win affection, that makes me a liar.
I owe clarity. I need to define my limits, goals, and expectations carefully and honestly. It would be unfair of me, and unkind, to wait until we’ve negotiated our relationship before defining my limits. This requires honesty, not only with him, but with myself.
I owe obedience. There is a difference between a negotiated level of brattiness in a relationship and disobedience. In the same way I expect him to provide structure I need to respond with obedience.
I owe presence. I need to be present for him just as he is for me. It’s unfair to ask for his time, attention, and effort if I am not willing to respond in kind. This includes an honest assessment of what I have to offer.
I owe affection. I can not expect that which I am unwilling to give. It would be wrong of me to enter into a relationship while waiting for the next best thing to come along. Plenty of people can thrive in a D/s relationship not based in loving affection, but that sort of relationship is not for me.
I owe respect. He’s earned it. When we first met I owed him fuck-all. But my submission to him is evidence that he has earned my trust and respect. Given that he has done nothing to betray that trust, and in recognition of all the thing I love about him, and the effort he puts into our relationship, I owe him respect in return.
I owe deference. I can not expect someone to lead if I am not willing to follow. I must allow him opportunity to take the lead by deferring to him. Obeying only when it’s demanded of me is not enough.
I’m sure as I continue to meditate on my share of the responsibility my understanding will expand and shift, but it’s been a very humbling journey thus far. A sharp reminder that in a relationship the yolk of responsibility is a burden meant to be shared.
Late night fantasy
I want to be sexually humiliated. I want to be craving sex, to the point that I am begging for it, to the point where I tell you I will do it however you want. I will strip completely naked and you will tell me to get in position to fuck reverse cowgirl, but then you pull me up so that my pussy is right in front of your face, and tell me to rub it until it’s wet enough while I suck your dick. I’ll kneel there getting wet from my fingers and getting wetter from the dick in my mouth as you relax and eye my pussy until it’s dripping. Once it’s wet enough you will reposition me so that I’m laying on my back and you’ll slide your dick all the way inside me. Then you’ll look into my eyes and the bliss that I feel at that moment and pull yourself out and tell me to open my mouth. I’ll be disappointed but comply, then instead of putting it in my mouth you will rub your cock, sloppy wet from my pussy juice and saliva, all over my face before putting it into my mouth. You’ll wait until I’ve gotten it nice and wet again, and rub a finger down my pussy to make sure it’s nice and wet. I’ll tremble a little at being touched, and you’ll tell me to flip over so you can fuck my doggy style. When I do, you’ll slide your wet dick into my ass despite my objections and fuck me while you mock me for how wet my pussy is. Telling me how embarrassing this must be as you fuck me. Letting me know how much of a dirty slut I am to have a pussy this wet. Then make me beg for you to switch to my gushing wet hole, but still cumming deep in my ass and pushing me to the side and going to sleep because you’re done with me now.
Damn I don’t remember writing this but 👅
Devotional Training: Beg.
I want…
Louder for those in the back!
This.
Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared. Being brave means you are scared, really scared, badly scared, and you do the right thing anyway.
Neil Gaiman (via minuty)
Changes of my body through Orgasm Denial
A month ago, I started this denial road of no return, and since then, there are a lot of tiny interesting physical changes happening….
First, all that fucking nudity. I’m never completely naked. I don’t mind and is not shy on showing skin but the one piece of clothes that I usally have is underware. It’s as like a mental civilization reminder for me. Until now. I was doing a task and it required to be completely naked, at least at home. It shows that good girls not only do not cum but also are always ready. Clothes are for other worthy people. So off everything goes. And somehow I can’t make myself to put them back on unless absolutely nessesary…now, after a month of nothing, when I have to go outside, I’m so much more aware of the materials touching my nipples, pussy and clit. I feel so guilty having underware on….
Second, all that fuck pussy juice. I can get really wet when I’m aroused. But I can’t get aroused that easy. Usually, if my libido is not high, there have to be very long foreplay or I need to watch porn for a long while. Now, few touches, some grabbing, licking, sucking and I can glide throught the fucking universe. My man is loving it, thinking he has finally triggered something. Well, between you and me, ssshhh.
Third, always fucking HORNY. Like my libido, unless my cycle is high, I’m not a horny person. Maybe few days in a month max would I fell the need to make myself cum. After the second week into denial, my clit is not mine anymore, it’s on it’s own and does what ever it feels like. Today, I was picking up dishes when I realised after a few seconds I’m humping the table corner. I needed to seriouly grab for the door to avoid humping the bed corner… I’m horny and everything can trigger it. And I don’t know if I like this or hate this feeling anymore. I’m just horny and confused and I have to use every fiber in my body to focus on daily tasks…
Fourth, all the fucking words. I can read. Now I wish I couldn’t. (No, I take it back. I love reading…) Everything related to the world of denial can make my clit throb. ‘On edge, edging, riding, moan, rubbing, toothpaste, deny, no, please, task, sir, yes….’ Just to list a few. And my clit just throbbed as I was typing these in.
Fifth, all the fucking confusion. I’m confused, my body is confused. I’m horny. Horny for being touched, horny for being abandoned. I want to edge my self constantly to be on the tipping point to get the high. Then I realized, no touching makes my even hornier and mentally fucked and on the edge of tipping over. I don’t know if I should touch myself or not anymore. I’m just horny-stupefied and in denial confusion for a week now and it’s not getting clear. I find myself the other day before getting to bed with my hand hovering my pussy. I’m aroused and wet already without touching and forcing my self to not touch my clit almost made my cum right there and then….
I’m wet from just writing this. And my clit has been throbbing since I’m wrote about the ‘fourth…’. My heart rate is higer and I’m blushing….
I don’t think I can turn back or stop this game anymore, and it’s not a game anymore either…
This
Remember, it is a marathon and NOT a fucking sprint!
It’s almost now been a year
Since I gave up control of my orgasms, to Daddy. Usually he has me in long periods of denial, with the odd day of letting me cum, sometimes multiple times. I never know when he’ll let me cum, and I love it that way, love when he tells me “no”, I love that he decides, that he owns my body, my orgasms. The past few days, though, he’s been making me edge. I beg to cum and he his reply is “no, but you may touch”. (How can a needy, wet girl pass up touching her clit?) So, almost every night for the last week or so, I’ve been touching, bringing myself closer and closer to that point of no return. Last night, was the first night in almost a year that I almost came without permission; I stopped myself just in the knick of time, but I hate the thought that I may of gone against Daddy’s wishes. Control is a funny thing; before Daddy took control, I would orgasm almost daily, multiple times and now, I hate the thought of not having explicit permission, from him.