pink & blue

[hallucin8]

moment of silence for all the missed opportunities and plans u canceled bc of anxiety

[sntgrges]

omegc

      eyes were now wide open ,  studying his features  as he spoke ,  even the way he went about the most simple question made her question everything about him .  she saw him as a puzzle  &  was definitely eager to put together the pieces  one by one  so as to understand him on some level .  ❛  it obviously doesn’t bother me ,  why would it  ?  ❜  the girl responded ,  UNABLE TO HOLD BACK  her laughter .  it looked like he really did care about her opinion  &  that was quite rare ,  there’s no doubt that she very much enjoyed it .  ❛  i just think you’d like good in literally anything .  i mean if you’ve got it ,  then  why not flaunt it?  ❜  she added in a more teasing manner as her fingers slowly traveled their way up to play with his hair .  complimenting others  was her tune ,  she basically flirted with any good looking person that walked into the bar ,  but the comments she was now making were more genuine than ever .  the purpuse was to make him feel good about himself ,  confident even .  ❛  i like your hair .  ❜  the blonde mused ,  fingers tangling their way through his locks .  her eyes were constantly shifting to every part of him ,  TAKING IT ALL IN&  she could not see a single thing to dislike ;  surprisingly enough .

yeah, why would it? why did he even ask that? “stupid,” muttered teddy, somewhere in the background of what was happening, causing the boy to --- for a split second --- furrow his brow, before he quickly noticed his own reaction and smiled towards alex. but it just kept coming, the tightness in his stomach --- was this what people called butterflies?

next, her fingers were playing with his hair and jesse found himself tilting his head into her palm. i like your hair, she’d mused and jesse noticed her eyes were drinking him in, this time. it was odd being on the other end --- or either end, actually. but he had to give it his own go.

“i like... your...---”

suddenly, his own face appeared behind alex’s shoulder, a smug smirk on his face, causing the boy to jump, a sudden, “teddy” leaving his lips. no --- no, that’s not what he meant. collecting his thoughts, the boy glanced at where his muse had been and where he now, was not anymore. “not teddy, sorry,” jesse fumbled, his cheeks turning a shade of pink as he tried to collect his thoughts. “sorry, i meant... i like your... you---i like you,” he tried to save, a hopeful look on his face as he hoped for the moment to pass by easily.

[sntgrges]

omegc

      the sudden touch  she felt on her wrist caught her by surprise ,  but then again he was definitely not the most predictable of people ,  that’s what she liked most about him .  without allowing him to let go ,  she made herself comfortable on the couch once again ,  now sat  a little closer to him .  ❛  i’d really like that .  ❜  the girl replied in a collected tone ,  feeling slightly  more at ease .  she hadn’t yet realized that every single time they’d encountered one another so far involved alcohol ,  some sober time with this strange man was an offer she could not pass up on .  for a moment she  SEEMED TO BE  a bit lost in thought  &  it was then when she noticed something she’d chosen to ignore before ,  but wouldn’t let it slip that easily .  ❛  so tell me ,  why are you always  dressed in the same clothes  ?  ❜  she queried while intertwining her fingers with his as a puzzled look spread across her features .  ❛  i mean ,  it’s definitely a statement ,  but it’s too hot to wear such thing .  i’m wearing this  &  still can’t stand it .  ❜  she added ,  pointing out the sleeveless sapphire dress she had been wearing for what now felt like many hours .  while awaiting his response ,  she laid her feet on top of his as her eyes were still glued to their hands clutched in one another ;  it was a way of convincing herself  THAT THIS WAS REAL  seeing as her mind couldn’t quite process exactly what had happened in the last few hours .

it was a relief to say the least when alex had agreed to the idea; it wasn’t often that jesse rarely liked to do something with someone, so to be rejected in favour of getting pissed would’ve been a real kick to the balls. this was better than he expected. 

although the moment of her appearing to be in thought seemed long and as though it would never end, when it finally did end, the boy was surprised at her question. it wasn’t something he thought anyone would notice or care about, but then he realised... why did he always wear the same clothes? looking down at the hoodie he’d been wearing all night, the boy blinked. he had about four of these, four pairs of black jeans and a couple of plain shirts. he did have blue jeans somewhere, but he couldn’t remember why he owned them or... why he’d bought them. maybe someone else bought them for him.

looking back up at alex, he offered a weak smile. “i blend in,” was his small answer. “and i don’t think i’d suit anything too loud,” he continued, his free hand nipping at the string of his hoodie, playing with the end. “does it bother you?” he asked, curiously. it was interesting that she’d asked such a thing, but he’d never taken anyone’s opinion of him into consideration... until now.

[sntgrges]

amelia-everton

Jesse’s expressions were normally hard to read which made hanging out with him all the more entertaining. Amelia would stare at him when he wasn’t looking and make some wild guesses about what was on his mind, how he was feeling etc. This time his body betrayed him, Amelia manage to get a reaction out of him and she caught a glimpse of his eyes fluttering closed in almost exasperation. The blonde had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from bursting into laughter. Ah, Jess. Amelia, however, wasn’t the only joyful being around. Kneeling down, she scrunched up her nose and scratched the dog under his ear. “Who’s your new friend?”

There could be many things he was referring to, however it Amelia understood right away. It was the main talk of the island. Bars, beaches, beauty salons, even the hospital. One couldn’t escape it, her, Pandora– perks of living on an island. “Yes,” she drew in a deep, dramatic breath. “What have you heard?” At first Amelia had done her best to ignore it all, however the constant mentioning was starting to grate on her nerves. Especially since she had her own problems. “I ran into Andy the other day.”

watching as amelia knelt to greet the dog, jesse smiled a little. “peanut,” he answered, watching as the dog’s tailed wagged vigorously at the new attention. “pretty bright thing, considering he’s just had his balls off,” he added, his eyebrows raising to point towards the bandage around the dog’s forearm, where a cannula dangled from; he’d been on fluids to keep him pain-free and comfortable before jesse had brought him out for a bit of sunshine.

but then the conversation changed, and amelia’s question had jesse thinking hard. he’d heard probably what everyone else had heard, but had people interpreted it differently? some people seemed so normal compared to how he felt, how he must’ve come across on the outside...--- well, actually, wasn’t that how it always was? but before he could answer, the blonde admitted to something else. something worthy of the topic changing, perhaps. 

looking up at the girl, the boy looked confused. he knew about andy and he wasn’t one to judge, but between himself and teddy, he didn’t like what he’d heard. “are you gunna tell me what happened?” jesse asked, genuinely intrigued.

[sntgrges]

omegc

      his words were only met with  a pair of furrowed  eyebrows  &  a couple of narrowed eyes .  bad for her ,  bad ;  she liked it that way anyway .  if he were just another guy like the rest of the lot ,  she wouldn’t have even bothered to spend her  much too valuable time  with him .  the thing was though ,  he was different ,  maybe bad ,  but the damage had already been done  &  there was  NOT A CHANCE  in the world she’d back down now .  the height difference was no longer a problem ,  which is why she easily wrapped her fingers around his neck ,  bringing him just a little closer .  ❛  perhaps i  will be bad for you .  ❜  the blonde replied ,  the cheeky smile standing still across her lips .  she didn’t receive this as a warning ,  in fact ,  it only made her  even more interested  in what exactly was so wicked about him .  ❛  but i really don’t give a fuck at this point ,  so consider this as me consciously choosing  not to stay away  from you .  ❜  she added ,  while playing with her hair nervously .  it was true that she attempted to sound  &  seem as confident as possible ,  but there was something about him that made her feel very much on edge ;  she couldn’t think  QUITE CLEARLY  &  her mind was constantly clouded by his presence .  he was intimidating in the most coy form she’d ever witnessed ,  it was certainly new  for her  &  she was known for her experimental nature ;  he ,  however ,  was one of the most addictive test subjects she’d ever had the pleasure of encountering .  ❛  would you like something to drink  ?  ❜  the girl offered ,   the tone of her voice  innocent enough as she proceeded to rest her chin on his shoulder once again with a hand now wrapped around his .  affection was not uncommon for a person like her ,  but with an almost complete stranger ,  that was a first .  

there was a playful, tell-tale smile on jesse’s face as he noticed alex’s demeanor change; perhaps i will be bad for you. it was always a possibility --- not as bad as teddy, but perhaps just a whole other challenge on top of. but he’d give it a good go, especially if alex was to continue touching him like she was; hands either around his or around the back of his neck. wanted.

to hear that someone wanted to stick around was very peculiar and, sure, you could say they hadn’t spent enough time together for her to really know him but it was still an amazing thing and jesse would cling to it; attention, affection, something better than sitting in a shitty apartment talking to himself all night. 

but before he had the chance to reply, his hand was being held and his shoulder had a nice weight to it. did he want a drink? sure, the two had a laugh the last couple of times they’d had drinks together, but was it wrong for jesse to want to spend time with alex sober?

“no,” he finally answered, grabbing her wrist as she was perhaps about to stand up. silence for a few seconds, and then he continued, looking almost confused. “i don’t want a drink,” jesse confirmed, a subtle shake to his head. “i wanna just... stay here for a bit, you know? sober with you,” he added, a tiny, soft laugh leaving his mouth towards the end, realising how stupid he might’ve sounded. “if... i mean, if that’s somethin’ you wanna do.”

[metaparadoxology]

Visit Original Link

[sntgrges]

noro --- brand new

why won’t anyone just close their eyes? could it hurt them to rest for a while? 

[sntgrges]

omegc

      her forehead was barely resting against his own due to the  apparent height difference ,  but she didn’t mind that either .  she had this irresistible urge to hold him close to her ,  couldn’t quite put her finger on it just yet ,  but those were thoughts for another day .  his suggestion triggered a genuine grin to spread across her lips .  ❛  i’d like that ,  a lot .  ❜  she murmured ,  before grabbing his wrist  &  walking towards the door ,  key in hand .  the only reason why she  LET GO OFF HIM  completely was to unlock the very gate of her humble abode .  with swift movements ,  she shut it behind him clumsily  ,  before turning on one switch .  the lighting was  certainly not ideal ,  but she spent most of her days outside anyway ,  didn’t want to feel all too alone .  a set of empty  &  filled up bottles of a broad variety laid on the kitchen counter  &  a pile of bills to be paid was  scattered on the carpet  of her self proclaimed living room consisting of a small wooden table partnered with an old sofa they used to have at home .  IT WASN’T FANCY ,  but she certainly wasn’t ashamed of it ;  every bit of this place was assembled by herself , cozy enough for her taste .  she was messy  &  that was simply a fact ,  but there was  not a care in the world  for all of it ,  her attention was now on him .  with no further hesitation ,  she snatched his hand once again  &  pulled him over to the couch .  god forbid  someone sees the state of her bedroom ,  at least the area they were in was tidy enough .  after making herself comfortable ,  the blonde laid her eyes on the man she barely knew ,  yet seemed to be  SO INTRIGUED BY .  hunkered down  &  close to him ,  she let out a tiresome sigh .  seeing him sat there only made her more drawn to him ,  it was definitely not the liquor’s work .  she approached him ,  before  eagerly planting  a soft kiss on his lips ,  for whom she was already hungry for .  ❛  sorry ,  couldn’t quite       hold back there .  ❜  the girl chuckled ,  tucking a strand  of hair behind her ear .

jesse could almost hear teddy laugh out of amazement as the girl agreed to a night together, his wrist being tugged on to lead him towards her front door. it was quick, the movements of alex, especially in comparison to his. he was slow, drinking in the entrance of her home, the warm lights that were on, even as she fumbled around to close and lock the door behind him. it was nice. it was a home.

compared to jesse’s mattress on an old, wooden double frame in a dingy studio apartment, alex’s was... homely. it was warm, it had been lived in; jesse’s had been lived in, sure, but he only sat on the couch to sniff a line of cocaine in the morning; he only sat at his dining table to have screaming matches with teddy. it wasn’t a home, it was temporary. and even though he’d lived there for a while now, it had always been temporary. 

before too long, he was being pulled towards the couch, where he offered a shy smile as he sat himself down beside her. the living room, he found his eyes scanning briefly, was also homely: soft rug on the floor, furniture was soft and comfortable. he was loving this, but he was trying his hardest to soak up their surroundings; he didn’t have surroundings like this, normally.

and then, their lips were pressed together again and jesse wasn’t looking at anything; eyes shut for the duration and his hands fell to curl his fingers around her dainty knees, his eyes only opening as she began to speak --- not as the kiss ended. and he smiled again, drinking her in. “i reckon i’ll be bad for you,” he confessed, his voice as raspy as usual. but he couldn’t help the softest of smiles; almost sad as he came to the realisation. but it didn’t stop him from wanting to try... he just thought she ought to know.

[sntgrges]

amelia-everton

Luckily, the veterinary practice was on a great location with one heck of a view; one simply had no other choice but to stop and enjoy it. So Amelia did, casually leaning against the olive tree nearby, breathing it all in. Of course she refused to look at the building behind, she was in a relatively good mood and any reminder of her beloved Nora would only bring her down. Perhaps Jesse had already sensed her presence and simply said nothing. Often, the two of them were alone together, so. However, the woman heard him speak and his words clearly weren’t directed at her, yet she stepped out of the tree’s shadow with raised eyebrow nonetheless. “You certainly told them,” she teased, no judgement in her voice. Amelia found it amusing, if anything. It wasn’t the first time she’d caught him talking to himself, but strangely enough she didn’t question it either. “You look like hell, by the way.” Amelia patted his cheek a little harder, walking past him in order to find a more secluded place to get down to business.

feeling a sense of electricity as he heard a familiar voice, it caused a spark to have jesse show just a small jump. scared? never, but he couldn’t understand how she did that sometimes; plenty of times had she been around and tip-toed upon him while he was conversing with himself. it was almost embarrassing, but a something told jesse that amelia wasn’t too fussed. 

funny, the very few people jesse had in his life, never did seem bothered by how odd he was. he liked that... maybe that’s why he kept them around.

you look like hell, by the way. 

closing his eyes like an annoyed younger sibling as his cheek was tapped, the boy squinted at the retreating figure of amelia. he knew where she was going, which meant he was right: she did have gear on her. standing up, the dog at the end of the lead followed obediently as he followed the older girl around the back of the practice.

“you heard about that thing?” he finally asked, breaking the silence on his end as he stared at the back of her head, taking another drag of his cigarette. pandora, was that thing. whatever the hell that was.

[themarsresolution]

Visit Original Link

[sntgrges]

girls just want to have fun --- the maine

the phone rings in the middle of the night; my father yells, “what you gonna do with your life?” oh, daddy, dear, you’re still number one, but girls just wanna have fun.

[fitoraemusic]

Visit Original Link

[sntgrges]

heartbeat --- childish gambino

she ain’t a killer but she’d fuckin’ blow your head off.

[sntgrges]

amelia.

sat on the wall around the car park of the veterinary practice he worked at, jesse took a deep inhale of the cigarette in one hand, while his other hand held the end of the lead of a dog; tricolour, big eyes and adorable as hell, but miserable due to having his balls off.

“i’d be miserable without my balls, too,” teddy mused, stood up and looking bored as the tip of his scuffed shoe kicked a stone. 

squinting at the sun, but in his head it was blocked by his own muse, jesse stared at teddy. “would you shut up?” he asked aloud; something he didn’t do too often, but if he felt like no one was around, sometimes it was nice to have someone to talk to... even if it was himself.

he was due to meet amelia within the next ten minutes while on his hour lunch break and with everything going on with pandora, jesse only thought right to make arrangements with the blonde --- just to see how she was and, maybe, see if she had any bags of gear to hand.

[sntgrges]

omegc

      the sudden warmth  she felt at the touch of his lips against her own startled her as her eyelids shut instantly .  it was certainly unexpected ,  but very much anticipated .  she had contemplated in her mind whether she should  go in for the kill  or not ,  but simply didn’t know if he was ready for such a thing ;  for all she knew he could have simply found her annoying during the night they’d spent together ,  maybe she had been picking up the  WRONG SIGNALS       but he kissed her ,  he made that move consciously ,  neither of the two had been intoxicated enough to be so irrational .  the blonde eagerly reciprocated the kiss ,  one hand standing still hovering his cheek as the other  traveled its way  to wrap around his neck .  the feeling of relief was overwhelming  &  only then did she realize that it’s all she needed for tonight .  WHILE STILL HOLDING HIM ,  the girl pulled away only the slightest bit to catch her breath as her eyes gazed into his .  she didn’t know if there was any need for words or if whatever she did next would scare him away ;  this one ,  she wanted to keep close ,  at least for now .  ❛  that was nice .  ❜  the girl spoke softly ,  hazel orbs making their way from his eyes to his lips ,  lingering .  she inhaled deeply ,  the tip of her nose barely grazing his .  all she wanted to do was brush her lips against his once more ,  it was all she could think about as she felt her heartbeat picking up the pace ,  but when it came to actually  closing the distance  of an inch they had apart ,  she hesitated ;  the doubts yet again flooding her mind .

feeling a warm, small hand wrap around his neck, jesse only relaxed even more into the feeling of pure ecstasy --- and not the drug, this time. the kiss felt deep, the boy tilting his chin to extend it, but only until alex began to pull away. pull away was barely a reasonable way to put it, actually; their mouths were not even an inch away, and he couldn’t help but feel hesitant, too, noticing that she was the same. he knew what ‘hesitant’ felt like.

that was nice.

the smallest of smiles tugged on his lips and as their lips lingered, skin catching on each other’s as their lips touched so briefly and he treasured it so much. she didn’t mind, he couldn’t believe it. maybe she would, when she finds out about teddy... if she found out about teddy.

“do... do you want me to stay?” jesse finally asked, voice as hoarse as usual as his eyes looked up to meet hers.

[sntgrges]

i feel a bit sick guys so i’m just gunna find something to eat and then do starters and replies!

[jesyanne]

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[sntgrges]

fallingforyou --- the 1975

i’m caught on your coat again. you said, “oh, no, it’s fine,” i read between the lines and touched your leg again... again. 

[sntgrges]

no readmore as per, like this if you want a starter when i get home from work!

[sntgrges]

lazyhqs.

   jesse’s words didn’t seem confident at all. typically, she would question him, his meaning and why he seemed almost so.. distant to what she said and the question he had asked. this time, she couldn’t muster the courage, her own worries nagging at the back of her mind. nonetheless, she was just thankful that she could talk to jesse about this and her worries. she didn’t have to worry about his judgement. he would be the last person she would every expect to judge her. and if he did.. well, she would accept it and handle it then. no need to wonder on something that hasn’t happened yet.

happened yet. she pondered over the possibly of the yet for a second, mulling over her own response in her head, taking a sip of her own drink, even after hearing his. she gave another nod of her head, looking to him finally; the faintest of smiles ghosting over her lips. “i mean.. worse comes to worst, i’m no longer hyerin, and you’re not longer jesse, right?” she said, almost jokingly in hopes to lighten the mood, she couldn’t think too hard on this. it was only the first twenty-four hours, if even. and, she wouldn’t let her own worries bring teddy down anymore, either. “you ever hear that saying ‘cowgirls don’t cry’? i heard someone from Texas - or Tenseness, i’m not so sure as i get the two mixed up, once say that, and it was.. strange. but i suppose it makes sense in a way.” she let out a little chuckle at her own words, knowing it must sound strange coming from her mouth. 

i mean... worse comes to worst, i’m no longer hyerin, and you’re no longer jesse.

the rest of what hyerin said wasn’t taken in at all by jesse. he stared at the top of his coffee and just... thought. no longer jesse? it wouldn’t be as bad as hyerin perhaps thought; escape, maybe, and find somewhere new to live. he’d leave his job at the veterinary clinic, talking to animals in their kennels and picking up dog shit when they went on walks between surgeries and find a new job, he’d be free and maybe --- just maybe --- he could find a drug-free life, without teddy.

but then he remembered: jesse couldn’t be stolen. he had no life --- not on the internet, anyway. he had no car, he had no accounts online; no one could find him even if they tried their hardest. he wasn’t on facebook or twitter or instagram and he wondered: how would someone steal his identity, really? they’d have to be incredibly smart.

snap back to reality and jesse was blinking, looking up at the girl. “sorry,” he apologised, his voice small and hoarse. “i wasn’t... listening,” jesse admitted, taking another sip of his coffee. cooler now. licking his lips, he swallowed. “i spaced out for a second, there. what were you sayin’?”

[sntgrges]

omegc

      while the two were walking she was thinking ,  processing the whole night  in her head ,  trying to make sense of it .  she did not care about anyone she’d met only a few days ago ,  but this one had certainly made  quite an impression  on her ,  which is why she wouldn’t let him get off so easily ;  she had been irrational before  &  this time the damage she’d done  NEEDED TO BE FIXED ,  pushing people away couldn’t keep her unharmed forever .  no ,  she did not pay much attention to his words ,  if it were something important she would have detected it anyway .  after taking a few ,  heavy steps  towards him ,  she paused once the tip of her toes touched his shoes ;  the heels had been removed for obvious reasons ,  one can not defend themselves  against a bomb  when in heels .  the girl raised her two hands so far as to cup his face  &  drop his gaze to her height .  ❛  listen ,  i can see that you are different .  ❜  she begun to talk softly ,  eyes staring deeply into his big eyes .  ❛  scratch different ,  you’re weird .  ❜  the blonde added ,  her tone more adamant this time .  without allowing him to speak ,  she furrowed her eyebrows ,  STILL CONTEMPLATING  on what was the right thing to say at this very moment .  ❛       but i don’t mind weird ,  just wanted to let you know .  ❜  she added with a quick nod ,  yet another one of her  weak smiles  climbing up her lips .

the moods were constantly changing and jesse might’ve been getting fed up, but this was nothing new. his mood was constantly changing with himself, so he could understand someone else’s fluctuating quite a lot with him and... well, just the way he was. so he wasn’t too surprised when alex moved closer, seeming to have lost her anger somewhere, but he was surprised as his face was cupped. was she to kiss him?

no. but just as good.

scratch different, you’re weird. she noticed, and then--- but i don’t mind weird.

exhaling shakily, jesse spent a few seconds basking in the warmth of her little hands. he was so absolutely absorbed in whatever was happening that teddy’s taunts weren’t hurting him anymore. not at this moment, anyway.

“don’t even think about it,” he heard teddy hiss. but did he listen? not this time.

after a brief pause, jesse’s lips parted and he slowly tilted his chin towards alex’s and the relief as he pressed their lips together; unlike anything he’d felt before now. better than cocaine, better than a blunt, better than any drug or alcoholic drink he’d tasted. she liked him --- for now, anyway --- and that filled jesse with so much confidence, even if it was only for tonight while it was fresh in his mind. she didn’t mind.