Soccertes (As in Socrates): A Soccer Podcast

When you stare deep into soccer's fifth tier ... sometimes soccer's fifth tier stares back. A passionate look at the stranger sides of soccer. (function(i,s,o,g,r,a,m){i['GoogleAnalyticsObject']=r;i[r]=i[r]||function(){ (i[r].q=i[r].q||[]).push(arguments)},i[r].l=1*new Date();a=s.createElement(o), m=s.getElementsByTagName(o)[0];a.async=1;a.src=g;m.parentNode.insertBefore(a,m) })(window,document,'script','//www.google-analytics.com/analytics.js','ga'); ga('create', 'UA-7220453-7', 'auto'); ga('send', 'pageview');

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Soccertes #61: This is the end

Itunes / Stitcher

Well, this is it. We've come to the very end. 61 episodes ago we came together to make a silly soccer podcast and today we finish with a silly soccer podcast. 

This week we talk to Quinn Beswick and hope to answer the deepest, most important soccer questions that scientists and scholars have not been able to answer. Follow him @LikeTheEskimo.

Then Zlatan Ibrahimovic about his new clothing line. Which is more than it seems. 

Phil Annets of FA Cup Factfile then comes on to fill us in on the new rule changes and if he's found a better non-league burger than the one at Barwell. Follow him @FACupFactFile.

And we wrap it all up with a look back at our EPL predictions at the start of the year with Patrick and William from the Challengers Podcast. Follow them @ChallengersPod. 

Thanks so much for everyone who ever tuned in, told people about us, came on the podcast, or chose not to send use hate mail. We appreciate it. 

Finally, this podcast might be over, but there will be a spinoff over at SubstitutesBench.Tumblr.Com. There will be more on that to come soon

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Itunes / Stitcher

Sorry for the delay, but we're back with our penultimate episode! And it's one that is well worth your time.

Now that the English season is over and Leicester have been crowned champs, Claudio Rainieri returns to tell us about his pizza-eating ways. Then, Dakota Gardner comes on to quiz us on two truths and a lie with English football teams. With ACUTAL REAL LIFE ENGLAND NATIVE Simon Benham joining in for the game, just who will win the game? 

Follow Dakota at @DakotaGardner and MLB.com’s Cut4, and follow Simon @Si_Benham.  

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Soccertes #59 Thank god for Hilary Stonefrost and the Football League; with Dan Murphy and Gregg Klayman

Itunes / Stitcher

It’s our second to last promotion and relegation episode! And this time we’re looking at the top of League One and the bottom of Championship. Which means it’s time to chat with Dan Murphy of SB Nation’s Lion of Vienna Suite to talk about Bolton’s depressing season. But, upshot! There’s hope in the future! 

Then later, we talk about the beauty of lower league football with one American who is trying to make it to all 92 Football League grounds. That would be Gregg Klayman and you can see some of his soccer exploits on Instagram at @OverLandAndOcean. 

2′ - Rimbles and rambles! We talk a strange Hannover “deal,” which players would do well in Shakespearean roles, Juan Mata gets Soccertes sainthood. 

23′  - Dan comes on and ranks Zack Clough on our chart of Cloughs.

41′ - What soccer story from this year should be turned into a movie? 

43′ - Gregg joins in! Where was his favorite ground? 

Thanks to everyone for tuning in and we’ll see you next week! 

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Soccertes #58: Yeovil Town needs a 7-11; with Michael Bromfield

Greg and Mike are back from an unplanned break to debate Leicester City’s amazing season, talk about the Northampton Town and Crewe Alexandra at the top and bottom of League Two and League One, and then chat with businessman and Yeovil Town fan Michael Bromfield about the team and his hopes for the future. Read his work at NotesFromANomad.net and follow him @NotesFromANomad. 

8′ - Rimbles and Rambles! Leicester City: Are we spoiled? Plus, Emerson Hyndman scored his first goal, Marseille fans have an interesting cheer and there’s a Charlton Athletic protest song. 

32′ - Michael joins us! 

55′ - Northampton and Crewe Alex talk. 

Thanks for joining us and we’ll see you in a week! 

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Soccertes 57: Cheltenham and Cheese sandwich and a funeral for Dagenham; with Jon Palmer and Ned Keating

Itunes / Stitcher

Greg and Mike get back to the promotion relegation episodes, this time diving into the top of the National League and the bottom of League Two.  

And to help with that, Ned Keating of the Barking and Dagenham Post joins us to discuss the struggles that Dagenham have had in League Two, and if their funeral home sponsors were some kind of horrifying omen.  

Later, Jon Palmer, sports editor of the Gloucestershire Echo and Gloucester Citizen comes on to talk about the amazing record-setting season that Cheltenham Town are having and sells us on the fact that we should all move there.  

Here's the full rundown:

5' - After discussing our listening demographics, we jump into Rimbles and Rambles. Sporting wore fake jerseys, Charlton Athletic are a mess, and Macclesfield Town had the best highlight package possible.

22' - Ned Keating comes on!

39' - Jon Palmer joins in!

55' - MLS talk! Tim Howard is coming to the Rapids and we react to the MLS players poll from ESPNFC.

That's it! See you guys in a week.  

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Soccertes #56: We gave our hearts to Midlothian; with Richard Wilson

Itunes / Stitcher

With Greg nearly dying from anaphylactic shock and the flu, we're back! And we're finally getting around to doing our look at the Scottish Premiership. Before admitting to our (20th!) lifelong loves, Richard Wilson of TheFootballLife.co.uk comes on to talk the title chase, being a Celtic supporter, and what the league needs to do to grow and thrive.

Here's the rundown: 4' - Rimbles and rambles! PSG already wrapped up Ligue 1, Adi Yussuf has a very strange fine, and Max Kruse has a very large fine. In sadder news, a supporter died during Dortmund's game against Mainz, but the 81,000 fans in attendance gave one of the greatest tributes possible. 

Die #Südtribüne gedenkt dem Verstorbenen. #YNWA #BVBM05 pic.twitter.com/yaKkzB277k

— Ruhr Nachrichten BVB (@RNBVB) March 13, 2016

18' - Richard joins us! Let's dive deep into Scottish football! 

43' - Our Scottish lifelong loves! Mike takes Partick Thistle and Greg sides with Heart of Midlothian

@washingtonpost Count your blessings - it could be like Partick Thistle's mascot (soccer team in Scotland). pic.twitter.com/9aHv8BSU5o

— ChristineR (@ChristineRitc) March 3, 2016

50' - Quick MLS talk!

TAKE A BOW, @QuincyAmarikwa. #SJvPOR #SoccerSunday https://t.co/vaaGuLKuTj

— Major League Soccer (@MLS) March 14, 2016

That's it for this week. See you next week! 

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Soccertes #55: Strawberry Jelle Van Damme Ale; Costa Rica, MLS and Fantasy with Josie Becker

Itunes / Stitcher

Wow! 55!

Mike comes back from Costa Rica to talk about his travels and his first-hand experience seeing Liga play Saprissa in the Costa Rican Clasico.

The boys preview the upcoming MLS season, discuss Paris Saint-Germain's motivation, and of course, mourn the loss of Dan Gargan... to free agency. He's still alive.

Also Guiseley and Braintree got into it. 

Then they welcome on Josie Becker of MLSsoccer.com's Monday Morning Rewind. Josie helps the boys understand fantasy soccer and then delightfully rejects any attempt at a prediction. Find her on Twitter @JosieBeckerFC.

Also, they broke down their three favorite and least favorite kits. 

Greg’s Least Favorite: 

Mike’s Least Favorite: 

Greg’s Favorite:

Mike’s Favorite:

Stay tuned to the end of the episode for a special, albeit sad announcement, from Greg.

Follow us on Twitter @soccertespod. Email us at [email protected]. Find us online at www.soccertespodcast.com. Find Greg @GNussen. Find Mike @clairbearattack.

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Soccertes #54: Frank Lampard’s Autograph Looks Like A Penis; with guest Sean Steffen

Itunes / Stitcher

The boys are back and they complete an episode under an hour! What a miracle!

Most importantly, Mike and Greg speak with Leicester City's manager Claudio Ranieri.

They also talk about all the rimbles and rambles in the world of strange soccer, including Lampard's sexually suggestive autograph, the firing of Derby County's manager and the best Disney movies. 

Then they talk about their soccer Valentine's and how they'd like to show Jose Mourinho and Peter Crouch their undying love.

Finally the boys welcome on Sean Steffen, managing editor of SB Nation's LA Galaxy blog, which you can find at http://www.lagconfidential.com. Find him on Twitter @seansteffen

Find us on Twitter @soccertespod. Find Mike @clairbearattack. Find Greg @GNussen.

Rate. Review. Share. Subscribe.

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Soccertes #53: Cheer, cheer, here come the Fleet and Kidderminstering around; with Steve Tervet and Peter McKinney

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It's that time of the year again. As the calendar flips over to February, Greg and Mike are doing their promotion and relegation episodes, looking at the teams with an eye towards moving up, and those who are fearful of being thrown down.

This week: They're looking at the bottom of the National League and the top of the National League North and South. To help them, Steve Tervet comes on to talk Ebbsfleet United, the leaders of the National League South. Steve covers the team for KentOnline and the Gravesend Messenger. Follow him @stevetervet. 

Later, Peter McKinney, the sports editor for the Kidderminster Shuttle, comes on to talk the very rough season that the Harriers are having, currently 16 points adrift at the bottom of the table. Follow him @PeteMc78.

The full rundown:

4' - Rimbles

16 - Steve comes on to talk Ebbsfleet United, the team's name change from Gravesend and Northfleet, and how much fun Anthony Cook is.

>30' - Rambles

43' - Quick EPL talk. John Terry's on the way out and so is Pellegrini. Plus, MLS kits!

54' - Peter joins us to talk Kidderminster, the town's passionate fans and just where the nickname "Carpetmen" came from.

Follow us @SoccertesPod and check out our show notes at SoccertesPodcast.com. Follow Greg @GNussen and Mike @Clairbearattack. 

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Soccertes #52: Conspiracy Theories, Mourinho’s Letter & Barnet Bedlam with Simon Benham

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A thrilling episode! Mike and Greg welcome their FIRST live guest! Simon Benham, former Match Day Entertainment Manager of Barnet F.C., joins us in the studio to talk about his fondest memories of working on a League Two ground.

The boys also talk about Mourinho's six-page letter imploring Manchester United to hire him, the newest MLS kits, X-Files style conspiracy theories and which U.S. Presidential candidates match which EPL teams.

Here’s some of the visual things that we discussed. Like Robert Huth’s free kick: 

Sheffield Wednesday’s new badge: 

Total MLS has all the leaked kits. So check those out there. 

Find Simon Benham on Twitter @neversosi. Greg is @Gnussen. Mike is @clairbearattack. The show is @soccertespod. Email us at [email protected] and find us on Facebook and online at www.soccertespodast.com. Rate and Review!!!!!!!

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Soccertes #51: DJ Jazzi Barnum-Bobb and new EPL Logos; with Josef Miamjian

Itunes / Stitcher

We're finally back from our seemingly endless winter break! Back in the same room for the first time, the boys talk all the soccer happenings from around the world, including new possible logos for the EPL next season. Even better, they're joined by Josef Momjian, former Lebanese National Team striker and owner of Soccer Plus in Pasadena, CA. He's led an incredibly interesting life and we were lucky to chat.

The rundown: 

4' - The Revenant is terrible. We know we're a soccer podcast, but c'mon. Greg says it's good, but c'mon. 

9' - Okay, finally time for actual Rimbles and Rambles. Hellas Veronas haven't won yet, Carmethen Town have the coolest club shop in sports, the MLS Draft MLS'd the hell out of it, and there is a player named Jazzi Barnum-Bobb. 

23' - New EPL logo ideas and EPL news roundup. Plus, Jonjo Shelvey! 

40' - LA-focused MLS talk. LA Galaxy have huge shakeups and how to feel about LAFC. 

47' - Josef comes on to talk his career in Lebanon, his move to the US and Soccer Plus. 

67' - FA Cup chatter

73' - Random Roundup. Thanks to everyone for tuning in. Follow us @SoccertesPod, like us on Facebook and check out our show notes at SoccertesPodcast.com. Follow Greg @GNussen and Mike @Clairbearattack.

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Soccertes #49: All I Want for Christmas is Pardew, With Zack Goldman

Itunes / Stitcher

What a year! Mike and Greg cozy up to the fire and talk Christmas, ya dweebs! With the snow coming down in buckets in Los Angeles, the lads share their favorite brand new Christmas Carols and their dream Soccer-themed New Year's Eve party where Dan Gargan has multiple appearances.

Then, they bring back Zack Goldman (from across the pond!) to talk - what else - the best Christmas jumpers (sweaters) available for purchase. The word "bespoke" is featured at least three times. To listen to his interview, tune in at the 45th minute.

Some of the sweaters mentioned include: 

Follow Zack @thatdamnyank. Follow Mike @clairbearattack. Follow Greg @GNussen. Follow Soccertes @soccertespod. Follow us on Facebook, email us at [email protected] and check us out online at soccertespodcast.com

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Soccertes #48: MLS Cup overflows … and makes a giant mess everywhere; with William Conwell

Itunes / Stitcher

Greg and Mike get back together and say farewell to the MLS season following a bizarre and silly MLS Cup. But thanks to the FA Cup and lots of other soccer stuff, they still manage to put on a brave face and move forward.

Beyond talking about new MLS teams they wished existed and taking the Caleb Porter or Cole Porter quiz, they welcome Stumptown Footy’s editor, William Conwell, back to talk his experience attending the Cup and what the future of the Timbers looks like. Follow him @WilliamConwell

The run down:

08:00 - Rimbles and Rambles! Arsene Wenger’s love of Bob Marley, Marco Seiler’s great beard, Stevan Jovetic’s selflessness, and all the weirdness soccer has to offer.

21:00 - Our dream MLS expansion franchises

29:00 - Some notable free agents and re-draft candidates. Basically, a reason to talk about Justin Mapp.

31:30 - The MLS Cup sure was something, wasn’t it?

37:00 - A look back at our preseason predictions.

42:00 - William joins in to talk MLS Cup

58:30 - FA Cup madness!

1:05:00 - Cole Porter or Caleb Porter?

Follow Greg @GNussen, Mike @Clairbearattack and us @SoccertesPod.

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Soccertes #47: Dax McCarty is a Metro-Sexual with Pat Murphy and Jason Iapicco

Itunes / Stitcher

With the *Audi* MLS Cup on the horizon, Mike & Greg speak Pat Murphy of The Massive Report - the Columbus Crew SB Nation blog. Pat tells us all about how he's mourning the impending loss of the iconic gold shirt and what he expects out of the Boys from Ohio when they face the Timbers.

Then, the boys talk with Jason Iapicco of Once a Metro, the SB Nation Red Bulls blog writer and co-host of Red Bull Rant, a podcast. Jason tells us how he's coping with the Red Bulls loss in the playoffs by playing Fallout, and what he hopes the team will do moving forward (despite having won the Supporters' Shield.

The boys also talk about the MLS, the new Universidad de Chile kits, which EPL player would be the best James Bond and much, much more.

18:45 -  Interview with Pat Murphy about Columbus Crew SC

33:40 - Interview with Jason Iapicco about New York Red Bulls

Follow Pat Murphy @_pat_murphy_ and read his writing on www.massivereport.com Follow Jason Iapicco @doctastooge and read his writing on www.onceametro.com

Follow us @soccertespod and find our website at www.soccertespodcast.com and email us at [email protected].

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Soccertes #46: The Lamar Hunt for Red October with Josh Hakala of TheCup.Us

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Greg and Mike return from their Black Friday shopping to celebrate their one year anniversary! That’s right, the show made it to one full year. No one expected us to make it this far and now where they are? DEAD. (No, they’re all alive and well.)

And to celebrate, they’re looking at the world’s greatest cup competition: THE LAMAR HUNT US OPEN CUP! And to do it, they’re talking to Josh Hakala, the man behind TheCup.Us, the only source dedicated solely to the competition. They talk the struggles that the competition has getting an audience, the wrong assumption that MLS teams don’t take it seriously and the teams and games to follow if you’re looking to latch on to it. Follow Josh and his team’s work at TheCup.Us and follow them on Twitter at @USOpenCup.

7:25 - Rimbles and rambles! There’s a player named Zander Diamond, La Liga teams are wearing sponsors on their socks and Scotland has a new kit.

13:00 - It’s a surprise that we’re still here, so here are a few of our soccer surprises from this year! Leicester is on top of the table, Brighton and Hove Albion are making a push for the Premier League and Burton Albion are a shock near the top of League One! And more!

20:25 - Since it’s Thanksgiving, it’s our soccer thanks!

29:10 - Our Thanksgiving meal of soccer names!

32:00 - Josh joins us to talk US Open Cup!

52:30 - Our FA Cup bet begins! And we make our FA Cup picks!

Follows us on Twitter @SoccertesPod and like us on Facebook. Follow Greg @GNussen and Mike @Clairbearattack.

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Soccertes #45: Darlington Nagbe and the Quest for the Best English Burger; with Andrew Helms and Phil Annets

Itunes / Stitcher

Bet you thought that an international break would mean nothing to talk about on Soccertes! Well, you're wrong you dumb-bag!

After opening on the Rimbles and Rambles, they spotlight some of the best kits out there. From Belgium’s new away shirt to Portsmouth’s great vote-for-your-favorite campaign. 

However, none are better than AC Spezio’s special Je Suis Paris kits. 

Mike and Greg then welcome on Andrew Helms, senior editor of 8by8 magazine to talk about his recent article for the Guardian about Darlington Nagbe's call-up to the USMNT (read his article here). Then, they discuss #blazercon and the commercialization of the world's game in the U.S. Follow him @Andrew_Helms.

But they aren't done! The boys welcome back Phil Annets to talk about the FA Cup, which ground has the best burger in all of non-league English Football, and what fixtures to look forward to in the coming weeks. Up the Railwaymen! Follow him @FACupFactFile and read his work at FACupFactFile.Wordpress.com.

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Email us at [email protected]

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Soccertes #44: Norway or the Highway - Checking out the Tippeligaen with Brendan Husebo

Itunes / Stitcher

Greg and Mike are back to celebrate the MLS playoffs and the end of the Norwegian Tippeligaen! What a year! Rosenborg won again! Bob Bradley’s Staebek is going to Europe!

And to help with that, they welcome Brendan Husebo to break down the league, the stories and the fan community in Norway. Follow him @BrendanHusebo

07:00 - News and notes, rimbles and rambles! Darlington Nagbe has been called up to the USMNT, Paul Pogba’s new haircut, U.S. Open Cup changes their rules, and Northampton Town is in a heap of trouble. To go along with plenty of other goodness.

.@paulpogba à Clairefontaine avec les #bleus. #FRAALL pic.twitter.com/n0DPwdONdo

— Equipe de France (@equipedefrance) November 9, 2015

If you want to contribute to the Northampton Town cause, click here:

https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/ntfctrust

21:45: Our ideas for new European competitions!

29:50: MLS playoff talk! Dallas-Seattle was insane, Columbus-Montreal broke hearts, New York - DC was a thing and Vancouver-Portland also happened! Greg also won our MLS wager — which jersey did he pick?

42:20: Norwegian Tippeligaen time! What’s the league like? Who won? And what are our new lifelong loves? FIND OUT NOW

54:00 Brendan Husebo joins in!

Follow us @SoccertesPod, like us on Facebook, read our show notes and email us at [email protected]. Follow Greg @GNussen and Mike @clairbearattack.